EPOV:
God, I felt like crap. The pain meds were starting to wear off and the pain in my chest was flaring up. I opened my eyes. Bella was knocked out next to me, her forehead still against mine, her lips parted the tiniest bit. Tears rolled down her face and I sighed. Bella, I thought, exasperated, it wasn't your fault.
"It's not your fault," I whispered out loud. "Not your fault," I willed her to hear me, to believe me. "Bella, it's not your fault." I wiped the shining drops away, leaning closer to her.
Looking at her sleeping face, I was painfully aware of the fact that I loved her. I loved her with a passion and I couldn't have her. She didn't love me the way I loved her and I wasn't sure she was ready to love again anyway, not after what happened the last time. This close to her, I wanted to touch her lips with my own. The need, the want burned inside me, nearly propelling me forward before I stopped myself. Come on, Edward. Be what she needs. Do this for her.
I pulled my head back, sighing, and called for more pain meds. When the nurse came in, she gave me my shot and looked at Bella, asleep on the hospital bed with me.
She started to wake her, "Come on, sweet heart, it's time to move,"
"No, no, she's fine," I told her. Bella started moving, waking.
"Edward?" She murmured.
"Shh, it's okay Bella, go back to sleep." I touched her face, smoothing her tangled curls back from her ear. She settled down and I looked at the nurse. "Just leave her here," she nodded at me and left, closing the door softly behind her.
I looked down at my little porcelain princess. I truly would do anything for her. And if that meant distancing myself from her to protect her and to preserve our friendship, no matter how much it hurt me, then I would do it. Because I loved her.
BPOV:
Three months have past since Jacob came back and Edward was stabbed. Edward constantly told me the whole thing wasn't my fault, but he was wrong. He couldn't even be around me anymore, at least, not as much as he used to be. I would come over to his house for movie night or to sleep over with Alice and he would disappear into his room for hours at a time.
Sure, he would speak to me at school, we would talk and joke around and he would smile and laugh and I would feel like everything was back to normal, but then this sad look would come into his eyes and everything would change.
I missed my friend more than I thought was possible. A fierce aching in my chest had me curled up at night, trying to somehow alleviate the pain. Why did this hurt so much? It's not like I never saw him. I just…didn't see him as often. He didn't smile as often as he used to and I couldn't help but think that it was in some part, my fault…
"Hi, Bella," It was Mike Newton, punk extraordinaire.
"What's up, Newton?" I asked, not looking up from Wuthering Heights.
"Well, umm, I was wondering if you wanted to do something Friday night, I dunno, maybe a movie?" I was in the library before school, in my favorite corner. I don't know how Mike had found me, but there you go.
"Sorry Mike I'm going to see a movie that night."
"Well, I know, I just wondered if you wanted, maybe to go with me. On a date. To the movies." He said, almost as if I were Jessica. And let me just say that was a pretty bad insult.
"Um, yeah, I got that. The answer is no." Briefly, the idea of a date fluttered through my mind and appealed to me, only with a very different guy. A green-eyed bronze-haired one. Quickly, I shook the thought out of my head. Why had I thought that?
"Okay, fine, whatever," he turned away and left. I sighed with relief. Jerk.
EPOV:
Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. I needed her. It actually hurt physically to be away from her. It also hurt to be near her. I didn't know what to do.
"Knock-knock," Alice stood in my doorway, her short spiky black hair standing up all over her head.
"Go away, Alice," I moaned, holding a pillow over my face. I was sprawled out on my bed, being miserable.
"I can't, Eddie," she said, "You're upset and miserable. Don't deny it, we're twins and I can tell. What's wrong?" She came into my room and sat down on my bed. Normally I would have been cross with her for using my nickname, but today it didn't matter.
"Bella," I said, by way of answer.
She raised her eyebrows. "What's happened?"
"Me,"
"What do you mean 'you'?" She asked.
"I've done something," I said cryptically.
"No crap, idiot. Do you want to tell me what you did?"
"Not particularly." I replied, turning over so that I was on my stomach, my face still in the pillow.
"Come on, Edward. Maybe I can help," she waited for me to answer. I didn't. "Fine, then. Don't tell me." She stood up and went to the door. "Edward," she hesitated then continued. "She misses you. A lot."
BPOV:
Friday night found me at the movie theater buying a ticket for a movie I did not want to see. When I handed my ticket to the guy at the booth he looked over my jean and T-shirt clad figure in appreciation and winked at me.
"Enjoy the show," he said. I rolled my eyes and walked past him. I sat in the middle of the theater and sat back and to watch the show. Whoever had thought of creating a movie where the heroine fell in love with the zombie was seriously desperate for ideas. How the hell do you make out with a rotting corpse and not gag? How do you fall for someone who's smoothest line is 'uuuuugggghhhhh, bbbbbrrrraaaiiinnnssss'? Didn't make sense at all, but hey, wait, there is no 'but hey' for this. Oh, well.
While everyone else jumped at all the right moments and 'aaaww'ed and gasped, I sat with my cheek propped up on my arm and waited for the stupid thing to be over. Why had I come to the movies if I really didn't want to see anything? I felt like getting out of the house on my own. Edward was always "busy" apparently, and I wanted to prove to myself that I could have a good time by myself. So far, though, I was bored out of my mind and wondering why I had wasted my money.
Eventually when the movie became too ridiculous for me to handle, (she started dreaming about being married to her zombie lover), I got up and walked out. I went through one of the back exits of the theater and ended up in a dark alley. The place was lined with garbage and dumpsters, had graffiti on the walls, filled with a stench horrible enough to kill a hippo and blocked on one end by a grimy brick wall. The best part about it all? I wasn't alone. No, it wasn't enough that I was alone in a dangerous, dark alleyway with no weapons or nice quiet atmosphere so that people could hear me scream. No, there had to be about five guys around my age, blocking the entrance and leering at me threateningly.
One of them stepped forward and I recognized him as Mike Newton. "Hey, Bella,"
I held my head up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and out of my face. Thank God I was wearing something sensible and easy to run in. I tried to act unafraid and confident. "Hey, Newton, looks like I just can't seem to get rid of you. What, are you stalking me now?"
He sauntered towards me, a nasty grin forming on his face. "Bella, Bella, Bella. You'll learn to love me. But first you're going to beg. Beg the way you made me beg. And like you, I'm going to have some fun before all this is over. Only, it'll be a very different kind of fun, and, who knows, maybe you'll enjoy it." He winked at me in that disgusting way of his and the other four guys behind him laughed and moved forward. Suddenly, I was very afraid.
"Edward," I whispered before I remembered he wasn't with me. And then I was angry with myself. Being around Edward had softened me. I didn't need him to protect me, and I was fooling myself thinking I did. I was strong. I was independent. I possessed the fire, determination and will to survive. And more than that, I possessed the ability to kick ass.
All of a sudden, I was furious. I wanted to burn down buildings for kicks and whack these guys in the head with giant two-by-fours. I started to see red. How dare they come up to me? How dare they threaten me? How dare I whimper like an injured kitten lying helplessly in the middle of a road? I was not someone's prey and I would never be hunted as such. I was the predator here. I didn't need anyone. Not even Edward.
I bent my knees, lowering myself into a fighting stance. I flashed him a killer smile, feeling dangerous. "I really want you to try."
He looked stumped for a second, obviously expecting me to cower and be scared, before he pulled himself together. "This is going to be fun," He purred.
"Tell me about it," I growled, before launching myself at him while he was busy trying to respond. First rule of a fight: Catch your opponent off-guard. I drove my fist into his jaw, using my core-strength, rather than depending solely on my momentum. I heard a crack as the hit drove his head back before I crouched low and swept his legs out from under him with a roundhouse kick. Instant timber. I stood up to face the rest just as one guy dove towards me, off-balance. I simply stepped aside and let him barrel straight into the guy behind me. Three down, two to go. I kicked the next guy in the chin, snapping his head back, before using the momentum of that kick to spin me around, gathering more momentum, and kicked the other guy right in the sack. Hard. He went down with a cry, clutching his balls. Mike jumped at me from the ground, slashing at my face with something glinting silver. Surprised at the rashness of his move as I was, I was barely able to duck before it took out my eye. Unfortunately, the knife slashed my left cheek, creating a trail of red-hot burning along my cheek bone. I felt a single trail of blood roll down my face like a scarlet tear. I ignored it.
"Oh, man, Newton. Talk about screwed," I kicked at him, but he evaded me, and stabbed the knife towards me. "You know, you really need to work on your people skills. This is so not the way to get a girl to go out with you." I jabbed at his stomach, connecting, but also earning a shallow cut across my knuckles. While he was distracted by my jab to the ribs, I brought my other hand up and grabbed the wrist of the hand that was holding the knife. In one graceful movement, I had kicked his legs out from under him and had him at knifepoint on the ground. "You picked the wrong girl to fuck with this time, Mike." I growled, pushing the sharp edge into his throat. "What's to prevent me from slicing you up like a pack of smoked turkey in the deli aisle in Walmart? Only my conscience, and trust me, right now, the angel part of me is screaming at me to cut your ass up. Be lucky I'm not the same girl I used to be. Otherwise, you'd be the top story on the channel eleven news."
I took the knife and knocked him out with heavy hilt, before wiping my fingerprints off of it and dropping it onto his chest. I stood up, and walked out of the alleyway after smiling at the recuperating guys on the ground. My truck was stupidly parked some way from here, but that was okay; I could protect myself.
EPOV:
On Friday night, I sat at my piano, staring at the keys sadly. It had been a while since I'd last played and they were lightly covered in dust. Stretching my fingers out, I played a quick scale to warm up, before starting to compose the tune that had been playing itself over and over in my head for weeks. It started out delicate, high and trilling, before lowering a bit into something sweet, but level. The song continued on and on and as I thought about Bella. About the very beginning, when she was so cautious and closed off to the world and when we became friends. I thought about how she gradually became my world and how she became happier. I thought about Jacob's attack and the music took a darker turn, but then picked up just the tiniest bit before gradually getting slower and sadder until it faded out with a single low note. Why? Well because this story would end sadly. There was no hope for Bella and I as anything more than the friends we were, and maybe I had ruined that too, with the way I felt. Why did I have to fall in love with her? Why did I have to crave her smile, want to see the blush on her pretty face, need the music of her laughter? Fate was a cruel thing.
After I'd finished playing, I heard Alice exclaim from the kitchen. "Oh, my gosh! Are you serious? That bastard! I'll be there as soon as possible!"
I guessed one of her friends had been dumped or something again. I rolled my eyes and went back to my composing.
BPOV:
Damn it. My truck wouldn't start after I'd walked all this way to get to it. Huffing, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and called Alice.
"Hey, Ally, I know it's late, but I went to see this stupid movie and decided to leave early and now my stupid truck won't start. And guess what else? Mike Newton decided to attack me when I got out of the theater, so I had to, and pardon the cliché, 'teach him a lesson'. But I did get a slash across the cheek, so don't freak out."
"Oh my gosh! Are you serious? That bastard! I'll be there as soon as possible!" she replied, shouting. That's Alice for you.
"Thanks so much, oh, and Alice? Don't tell Edward," I said, before shutting my phone off and slipping it back into my pocket. I leaned against my truck and waited for my good friend to show up, wishing it was my best friend.
The next morning, when I went outside to go for a random walk through the woods, I found a pink camellia on my doorstep. It was lush and in full bloom, its petals full and wide. Tagged onto it was a little paper with the letter E on it. Edward. I smiled sadly to myself and picked it up, inhaling as I breathed in its scent and strolled into the trees.
When I went upstairs to change into my PJs and turn in for the night, I found a bunch of red carnations on my windowsill. I opened the window and brought them inside after looking out to see if he was there. Disappointed, I put them in a glass filled with water along with the camellia. I left the window open that night. When I woke up in the morning, my entire room was filled with bright yellow, star-shaped flowers. Daffodils. I didn't know what to do with them, there were so many. So I just left them where they were. That night, the daffodils were mixed with pretty purple hyacinths and the scent was intoxicating. Edward. I missed him so much…
Charlie had had my truck fixed Saturday afternoon, so I was good to go on Monday and when I went to open my car door, I found a single primrose on my seat. Edward? I found a red tulip taped to the door. Edward wasn't in school that day.
EPOV:
I had decided to skip school today. I couldn't be around Bella right now. I couldn't tell her anything. At least not verbally. Instead, I'd told her with flowers. Every single gift had a meaning. It was the only way.
I didn't go to school at all that week.
BPOV:
The next weekend, I decided to go to Port Angeles just for the heck of it. Walk around a bit, go shopping. I strolled down the sidewalks, thinking about the flowers Edward had sent me and looking up at the sky, wishing desperately that I could see the stars. The only thing that decorated the starless night was a full, yellow-looking moon that hung suspended as if it was too bloated and lazy to move.
I was about to pass a café when I decided that I needed a coffee and went in. The bell above the door went ding! As I pushed it open. The place was crowded with people lounging on couches and in chairs and dancing as the band up on the stage played loudly. The smell of hot brewed coffee was on the air and it was warm inside. As I was turning to go order, I saw a flash of bronze through the crowd and moved towards it, pushing my way past people and trying not to step on feet.
There he was, sitting alone at a table meant for two, looking down into his coffee sadly.
"Edward!" I said and at the sound of my voice, he looked up, startled. When he saw me, he leaped to his feet.
"Bella? What are you doing here?" He asked me.
I gestured towards the front counter. "I needed a cappuccino, saw a conveniently placed café, and walked in."
"I didn't know you would be here," he said. "Alice said you told her you were staying home tonight."
My heart clenched in my chest and my throat closed up. "You only came here because you thought I wouldn't be here? Edward what's going on?" My voice was cracking. I was drifting apart.
"Bella I…I just…just—"
"Just what, Edward?" I demanded, my eyes filling and threatening to spill over.
"I just can't!" He burst out. "I can't, Bella! I can't speak to you, can't be around you! I can't even look at you. Not right now."
The tears spilled over, but I managed to hold myself together enough to get one sentence out with only the slightest tremble to my voice. "Well then, I guess you won't have to anymore." I said bitterly. I spun on my heel and ran out of the café and into the night, Edward calling my name far behind me. I never turned back.
EPOV:
What had I done? What had I said? Bella, Bella, Bella. I'd hurt her. Badly. I could see it in her eyes as the tears spilled down her cheeks before she'd left. The crowd had gotten in my way when I'd tried to follow her and when I finally got outside, she was gone.
At home, I collapsed onto my bed, not even bothering to take my street clothes off, and curled up in silent misery. What had one of the first things I'd told Bella been? I will never leave you. I had been fooling myself thinking that I hadn't. I'd left Bella. Left her far behind. Avoided her. Hidden from her. I'd thought that I was protecting her from myself. Instead, I'd been hurting the both of us by keeping us apart. More importantly, I'd hurt her. Badly. And that was unforgivable.
I drifted off to a troubled sleep, dreaming about Bella and everything that had happened between the two of us. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her hair looked when it billowed out behind her in the wind. I dreamed about the way she looked at me, like I was the one who made her happy. She depended on me. I was the one she turned to when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I was the one she trusted. Needed. I'd deluded myself into thinking either of us could live like this. When I woke up, I knew. It was time to take a chance.
BPOV:
Sunday morning, I woke up to see a small bouquet of flowers on the pillow next to me. There seemed to be one of each flower, except for the red tulips. There was a white violet, a yellow zinnia, a yellow tulip, a primrose, a purple hyacinth, a daffodil, a white chrysanthemum, a pink camellia and one arbutus. They were all tied together with a black ribbon. Next to the bouquet was a note:
We need to talk. Please come over.
E
I was half-tempted to throw the flowers out of the window, call him and tell him what he could do with his flowers and notes, but the thing was, we did need to talk. We couldn't be friends anymore. Not like this. It hurt too much. So I threw on some jeans and a giant oversized T-shirt and put my hair in a pony-tail.
I jumped into my truck and drove over to his place. I walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. Edward answered almost immediately.
"Hey, Bella." He murmured, looking me in the eye for the first time in months. I was taken aback by the sudden light in his eyes. Not light, fire. Determination.
I scowled at him. "Edward," I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "I got your note."
He stepped outside. "Great. Will you come with me?" He asked me, holding out his hand. It was incredibly hard to resist; I wanted so badly to feel his skin on mine.
Instead, I stepped up beside him, ignoring his invitation. "Okay," I said stiffly. He led me across the yard, into the forest. We hiked and hiked through the forest together for what seemed like hours until we reached the prettiest little meadow. Here, the sun was brightly streaming down onto hundreds of wildflowers. It was bright and warm and beautiful. I walked out into the middle of the little clearing and kneeled down, picking a flower and twirling it between my fingers. Edward sat beside me and for a time, we said nothing. Edward broke the silence. "This is the place I told you about all those months ago. Remember, Bella? I told you I came here to think and that I wanted to show you." He laughed a little. "You questioned my motivations and I had to reassure you by telling you how I would kill you if I wanted to." He smiled, reminiscing, and looked over at me.
I returned his look gravely. "Edward, I can't do this anymore," My eyes bored into his, drilling my message in. "For the last three months, you've avoided me and barely spoken to me and then sent me flowers, just so you could do it all over again. Whenever I try to talk to you, you all of a sudden have someplace you're supposed to be. Alice says you spend most of your free time locked away in your room, and when you're not pretending I don't exist, you're sneaking through my window to cover my room in daffodils or tulips or whatever! Edward what am I supposed to think? Why haven't you spoken to me? No texts, no calls, nothing but you practically telling me you never wanted to see me again. Why?" I lifted my gaze up to his, waiting for an answer. His eyes burned into mine, flaming.
"Bella, everything I did…" He paused, looking away, before looking back at me. "Was for you."
I rolled my eyes. "Right, so telling me that you couldn't stand to look at me, even be around me, that was for me?" My voice rose. "Avoiding me, staying away, and ignoring me all this time, that was for me?"
"I couldn't talk to you," He said, his voice quiet and infuriatingly soft. "I never meant for any of this to happen. Everything I've done, I swear I thought I was protecting you, doing what I could to keep you happy. I never wanted to ruin us."
"And look at how it turned out," I said, snidely. "Edward if you didn't want to be friends anymore all you had to do was tell me," I said patiently. "I would have understood. Yeah, it would have hurt, but you dragging this all out has made it hurt so much more. Who could blame you for breaking us? Almost dying is a high price to pay."
He stared at me hard. "That has nothing to do with this at all," he said fiercely.
"Then what does this have to do with?" I all but snarled back at him.
Instead of answering, his gaze drifted over to the side of my face. "What happened to your cheek?" he asked me, voice gentle. He lifted a hand to touch what was left of the slash that was little more than a scratch but then thought better of it when he saw the look on my face.
"Mike and some other idiots decided to ambush me in an alley," I sounded uncaring and indifferent. I hated the change of subject but decided to let it go. "Needless to say, I took care of it. But then that's pretty obvious since I'm here isn't it?"
"You called Alice didn't you?" He said as if he was just now realizing something.
"My truck wouldn't start and I needed a ride home," I shrugged and shifted so that I was leaning on my arm.
"Why didn't you call me, Bella?" he leaned closer to me.
"Because I could be sure Alice would show up. With you, I'm never certain anymore." I snapped at him.
He looked down. "I didn't know," he said sadly. "I didn't know you needed me," He sounded so miserable that I had to gentle my tone. I didn't hate him. I missed him.
"I didn't need you," I told him. He looked up at me, hurt. "But that doesn't mean I didn't want you." I continued tiredly.
"Bella," He whispered and I looked at him, I mean really looked. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was messier than usual. He was thinner than before and he looked as if he'd died and come back as a ghost. The only thing that remained of the Edward before all of this was the brightness of his eyes. Something unfamiliar burned behind them, dancing and building up behind a thin wall of some sort.
"We aren't friends anymore," I whispered, my eyes tearing up. "I get that. But why can't you tell me why?"
He flinched and gazed at me with a look I'd never seen before and I trembled as a light wind picked up. I remembered the night he wrapped his coat around my shoulders the night of the Winter Ball, the way he'd stayed overnight whenever I'd asked him to. How he always put what I wanted above his own desires. I remembered how he always tried to make me happy. How he'd listened when I told him my story. How his presence had kept the nightmares away and how he'd put himself in between me and Jacob. Him being stabbed and the words he'd told me over the course of our time together. I'll never leave you. Trust me. Anything for you. I'll never leave you. Trust me. I'll never leave you. For you a thousand times over. For you, only for you. I love you, too. Love. I love you.
I remembered how his smile alone could brighten my day. How I loved it when he laughed. How he was always warm to me, how I always felt safe in his arms and cold whenever I was away from him. Even now, I yearned for his touch. Suddenly I understood what had been staring us both in the face. I knew.
I looked into his eyes again, gazing into their depths and fully understanding what I was seeing there. He was holding back so much. And it was hurting him. Hurting him badly. I had to set us both free.
"Edward?" I murmured.
"Bella?" he breathed.
"Kiss me." The wall behind his eyes broke violently and everything flooded out as his mouth was suddenly hard on mine. The blood boiled under my skin and my hands wound themselves in his hair, curling around the wavy locks tightly, locking him there while he held me tightly around the waist, fingers digging into my lower back. He kissed me desperately, as if we only had so much time before we were ripped apart forever. I pulled him closer, needing him there as I kissed him back with everything I had. Gradually, the kisses slowed, becoming gentle and lingering.
"Bella," He murmured against my lips. He trailed his lips from the corner of my mouth down to the edge of my jaw, leaving a trail of fire in his wake, and kissed the hollow just under my ear. I bent my head back and closed my eyes in pleasure as he kissed my throat before trailing his lips back to my ear and to my mouth again.
He reached the corner of my lips again. "Why can't you be around me? Why can't you look at me?" I whispered. He pulled back just the tiniest bit, leaving a hair's breadth of space between us and I pulled him back, needed his heat again, after battling wanting answers versus wanting his skin on mine.
"Because I love you," he said against my mouth, kissing me more passionately than before. "I love you," he whispered. "More than anything."
I clung to him as we both fell onto the grass, just needing to be near each other.