Kai had always been on the outside looking in.
The warmth of family that once felt foreign was slowly creeping back into his life, thanks in part to Kylan.
Over the past few weeks, they had started spending more time together—small moments that, while awkward at first, started to feel comfortable.
Kylan, despite his reserved nature, had made an effort to bridge the gap between them.
Kylan didn't push Kai to talk about his past or his feelings, and Kai appreciated that more than words could express.
That afternoon, Kai sat on the couch, quietly flipping through a book while Kylan and Levi chatted at the kitchen table.
"You okay over there, Kai?" Kylan asked, his tone casual but with a hint of warmth.
Kai nodded, not looking up from his book. "Yeah... I'm good."
Levi leaned back in his chair, glancing at Kai before he grinned. "You know what I was thinking? We should probably get you a phone."
Kai blinked, finally looking up from his book. "A phone?"
"Yeah," Levi continued. "You're gonna need one, you know? It's not the stone age"
Kylan smirked, nodding in agreement. "He's got a point. Plus, we want you to stay connected with us, and it'd be good to know where you are if you ever go out."
Kai shifted uncomfortably. "I don't really go anywhere, though."
"You will," Kylan said firmly, his tone reassuring. "Eventually. We don't want you to feel like you're trapped here. A phone's a small step, but it's something."
Levi crossed his arms, his grin widening. "Besides, you gotta stay up-to-date with all the group chats. Especially the ones where Kaleb's blowing up our phones with his random nonsense."
"I guess... I could use one," Kai admitted quietly.
Levi laughed. "That's the spirit! I'll take you out tomorrow, and we'll pick one up. Nothing fancy, unless you're secretly into tech or something."
Kai shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "No. Something simple is fine."
Kylan leaned forward, his gaze softening as he looked at Kai. "It's a good start. You deserve to have things for yourself, Kai."
Kai's chest tightened at Kylan's words, but not in a bad way. It was a warmth he wasn't used to, a reassurance.
The conversation flowed more easily after that, Kylan and Levi asking him questions about what kind of phone he might like, and Kai finding himself actually enjoying the banter.
For the first time in a long time, it felt like family.
But the moment didn't last.
The sound of the front door slamming shut broke the calm, followed by hurried footsteps. Kai looked up, his heart rate spiking slightly at the sudden noise.
Kaleb stumbled into the room, his usual carefree demeanor replaced by something tense, his lip split and a bruise forming on his cheekbone.
Kylan and Levi were on their feet in an instant.
"Kaleb, what the hell happened?" Kylan's voice was sharp, his eyes scanning his brother for further injuries.
Levi rushed over, gently tilting Kaleb's face to get a better look at the damage. "Who did this?" he asked, his voice tight with concern.
Kaleb winced but shrugged it off. "It's nothing, guys. Just some idiot at school. It's not a big deal."
"Not a big deal? You're bleeding," Kylan said, his voice laced with anger as he grabbed a tissue to press against Kaleb's lip. His attention was fully on Kaleb now, his focus sharp and protective.
Kai sat frozen on the couch, watching as both of his brothers fussed over Kaleb, their concern palpable.
The warmth that had surrounded Kai just moments ago vanished, replaced by a cold knot tightening in his chest.
His eyes flicked between Kylan and Levi, their panic for Kaleb cutting their time with him short.
They hadn't even noticed that Kai had retreated further into himself, that his hands had tightened into fists in his lap.
Kaleb had barely walked in, and yet he was the center of attention again.
"Really, it's fine," Kaleb insisted, though his tone was light.
He even smiled, wincing slightly as the split lip pulled at the bruise. "You guys freak out too much."
"Let me get some ice," Levi muttered, rushing toward the freezer, leaving Kylan hovering over Kaleb like a hawk.
Kai couldn't help but feel the familiar sting of jealousy crawl through him.
No matter what, Kaleb was always the priority.
He was the one who drew Kylan and Levi's concern, the one who always seemed to take the spotlight, even unintentionally.
Kai's gaze dropped to the book in his lap, the words blurring together as his mind spiraled into darker thoughts.
He didn't want to feel this way, but the jealousy burned deep, settling into his chest like a slow, festering wound.
Kai closed the book, his hands trembling slightly.
Without a word, he stood up, slipping out of the room before anyone could notice.
As he disappeared down the hall, the sound of his brothers' voices faded into the background, and the emptiness in his heart deepened.
--
Later that night, the house was quiet again.
Everyone had settled into their usual routines.
Levi was in his room, Kylan was probably still talking to Kaleb, making sure he was okay, and the silence of the house felt thick, pressing down on Kai like a weight.
Kai lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts tangled and dark.
The warmth he had felt earlier, the small spark of belonging, had faded quickly.
He knew it wasn't fair to feel jealous, but that didn't stop the knot of resentment from tightening in his chest.
It wasn't Kaleb's fault, but that didn't make the feelings go away.
His emotions had been all over the place recently, swinging wildly between wanting to be close to his brothers and feeling like he didn't deserve their concern.
A knock on the door startled him, pulling him from his thoughts.
It was soft, hesitant.
"Go away," Kai muttered, his voice low.
But the door creaked open anyway, and Ryder stepped inside.
He didn't say anything at first, just lingered in the doorway, his eyes fixed on Kai, observing him.
"I said, go away," Kai repeated, his voice sharper this time, laced with irritation.
"Just wanted to check on you" he said quietly.
Kai sat up, glaring at Ryder.
The concern in Ryder's eyes only made the irritation bubbling inside him grow.
It felt too much, too suffocating, and all Kai wanted was to push everyone away, especially Ryder.
"I don't need you to check on me," Kai snapped. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."
Ryder raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. "Come on, Kai. I know you better than that. Something's bothering you. Talk to me."
The anger that had been simmering inside Kai flared.
He stood up abruptly, his fists clenched at his sides, and he felt the burning urge to lash out, to push Ryder away.
"I don't need you," Kai spat, his voice shaking with frustration.
"I don't need you in my life anymore. You should leave. Go back to Russia, or wherever it is you came from."
Ryder's expression shifted, confusion flickering across his face, quickly replaced by hurt. "Kai, what are you talking about? I'm not leaving you."
Kai's heart pounded in his chest, the erratic beats mirroring the chaos in his mind.
He didn't know why he was saying these things, but the words tumbled out anyway, like he couldn't control them.
It was as if something inside him snapped, and the only way to relieve the pressure was to push Ryder as far away as possible.
"I don't need you anymore!" Kai yelled, his voice trembling with a mix of anger and desperation. "You were going to leave anyway, I'm better off without you here. So just go! leave this house, leave this country, go back to Russia. You don't belong here, and I don't want you around."
Ryder's face paled, the hurt in his eyes deepening with every word that left Kai's mouth. He took a step forward, reaching out as if to comfort Kai, but Kai recoiled, stepping back.
"Kai, You begged me to stay.." Ryder said softly, his voice strained.
The mention of that moment only fueled the fire in Kai's chest.
The vulnerability Ryder brought out in him, the memories of relying on someone it all felt like a weakness now.
A weakness he needed to kill.
Kai's heart pounded with frustration and confusion, his emotions swinging wildly, his mind unable to reconcile the deep attachment he felt with the urge to push Ryder away.
He wanted Ryder to hurt as much as he did.
"I made a mistake," Kai spat, his voice cold, biting. "You were a mistake. You're nothing but a reminder of everything I hate about myself."
Ryder visibly flinched, as if the words were a physical blow.
His face paled further, but he didn't speak, just stood there, frozen.
Kai's chest heaved with emotion, his words coming faster, harsher.
"You should have stayed in Russia. I don't need you, I never needed you. And I'll be fine once you're gone. So, go. Just get out of my life already."
Ryder's eyes widened. the hurt etched into every line of his face.
He opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out.
The pain in his eyes deepened, his hand falling limply to his side.
Ryder swallowed hard, his gaze locked on Kai's, but there was no anger in his eyes—just deep, unspoken hurt.
Slowly, he turned toward the door, his movements stiff and deliberate, as if it took every ounce of strength to leave the room without saying anything more.
As he reached the door, Ryder hesitated for a brief moment, his back to Kai.
But he didn't turn around.
He didn't argue or try to push back.
He just left, quietly closing the door behind him.
After Ryder quietly left the room, the door clicking softly shut behind him, the silence felt suffocating.
What did I just do?
Why did I say that?
Kai stumbled back onto his bed, burying his face in his hands. His heart pounded, the rhythm erratic, matching the mess of his thoughts.
I told him to leave. I told him to go back to Russia. What if he does? What if he never comes back?
He could feel the tears burning at the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. Anger replaced the fear.
He deserves it. He was going to leave me anyway... right?
He stood abruptly, pacing the room like a caged animal, his mind racing.
One second, he felt the rage bubbling up again—directed at Ryder, at Kylan, at Kaleb, at everyone who cared about him.
But then, just as quickly, the anger would dissolve into guilt and shame, leaving him empty, raw.
Why does everything feel like this? Why do I always do this?
His hands shook as he pressed them to his temples, trying to silence the war in his mind. He couldn't control it.
But now that Ryder was gone, the silence gnawed at him.
No..no, no,no,no.
He wanted Ryder to come back.
Shit
He needed him to come back.
Fuck
I didn't mean it, Kai thought desperately. I didn't mean any of it.
The realization hit him hard, and the tears he had been holding back finally spilled over.
He didn't want Ryder to leave. He didn't want to be alone.
What's wrong with me?
The question echoed in his mind as he collapsed onto his bed again, curling into himself.
Stupid.Stupid.Stupid.Stupid
He clutched the pillow tightly, his body trembling with the force of his emotions.
He felt like he was breaking apart, like the pieces of him didn't fit together anymore.
One part of him wanted to run to Ryder, to apologize, to beg him to stay.
But another part... another part wanted to let Ryder go, to make sure he never got close enough to hurt him again.
It's better this way.
He tried to convince himself, but the ache in his chest said otherwise.
I don't need him.
I don't need anyone.
I'm too much... too much for anyone to handle.
I didn't mean it... Kai's mind whispered again, but it was too late.
Ryder was gone, and he was alone.
Again
He didn't know how to be normal.
He didn't know how to be anything other than this chaotic mess.
--
Ryder stormed down the hallway, his mind reeling from what had just happened.
His heart was pounding in his chest, his vision blurred as he tried to blink back the tears threatening to fall.
He could still hear Kai's words echoing in his head, the venom in them cutting deeper than any knife.
Each step felt heavier than the last, and his chest tightened as he fought to keep his emotions under control.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't let anyone see you like this.
Ryder was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice Matteo until he nearly collided with him.
Matteo had just stepped out of the kitchen, probably heading for Kylan's office, when Ryder barreled into him.
"Watch it, Ryder," Matteo grumbled, his usual irritated tone.
Ryder tensed, his entire body on edge as he tried to sidestep Matteo and continue down the hall.
The last thing he needed right now was Matteo's biting remarks.
He was barely holding it together as it was.
But Matteo wasn't done. He crossed his arms, blocking Ryder's path, his eyes narrowing as he looked Ryder over.
"What's the rush? You're not running away from something, are you?"
"Fuck off!!" Ryder snapped.
He lifted his head, meeting Matteo's eyes, and the sharp retort Matteo had prepared died in his throat.
Ryder's eyes were red, his face pale, and his lips trembled as he tried to keep himself from breaking down completely.
Tears clung to the edges of his lashes, threatening to spill over at any second.
Matteo's smirk faltered, and his sarcastic remark vanished in an instant.
"Ryder..." Matteo's voice was hesitant, unsure.
He wasn't used to seeing Ryder vulnerable, wasn't used to seeing him anything other than composed and witty.
But now? Now Ryder looked like he was barely holding it together, and Matteo had no idea what to say.
Ryder shook his head, his jaw tight as he tried to push past Matteo. "Just... leave me alone, please..." His voice cracked.
"Hey, hey wait" Matteo said, his voice low and uncharacteristically soft.
Ryder turned slightly, his eyes still brimming with tears, but he didn't look Matteo in the eye.
He couldn't.
Matteo's grip on Ryder's arm tightened slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to make Ryder pause.
"What happened?"
"Nothing," Ryder muttered, pulling his arm free. "It's nothing."
Matteo stared at him for a long moment, his usual cocky demeanor stripped away.
"You're crying..."
"No shit Sherlock" Ryder scoffed.
Before he could say anything else, Ryder turned and walked away, leaving Matteo standing in the hallway, a frown tugging at his lips.
--
I don't need you anymore. You were a mistake. Go back to Russia...
Why did I say that? Why do I always do this?
I push people away... every time. Why?
He was going to leave me anyway... wasn't he?
Ryder doesn't care.
None of them do.
Kylan, Levi... they're just pretending.
You're a burden to them.
You're too much.
I can't do this.
I'm ruining everything.
Again.
He stood abruptly, pacing the small space of his room, his hands shaking.
He pulled at his hair, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps.
The walls felt like they were closing in, the room too small, too tight, too confining.
Get out.
I need to get out.
I can't breathe.
Kai's eyes darted around the room, searching for something, anything, to quiet the chaos.
I can't breathe.
His gaze landed on the mirror across the room, his reflection staring back at him—disheveled, tear-streaked, and hollow.
You're pathetic.
Kai grabbed the nearest object and hurled it at the mirror.
The glass shattered with a sharp crack, splintering into a thousand tiny pieces.
I'm broken.
Just like that mirror.
I can't do this.
I'm too much.
Too broken.
They'd be better off without me.
--
Thanks for reading!