chapter ninety two - for the first time
Lucy Caddel
The storms were bad all night. Thunder cracked and heavy winds shook the windows. It rattled and frightened me several times. I was struggling to fall asleep, even with Harry's warm arms wrapped around my waist.
The gun on my head was still all I could think about. The cold barrel pressed against my temple and I still felt it like a tattoo scratched onto my mind. It wasn't just that either. The sound of my dad barging into the room with the bang of the wooden door. It wasn't that I expected him to care but he didn't want me dead because my uncle wanted me alive. Then he was the one who ordered for me to be locked in the bathroom while tied up. In a masochistic way, I had to thank him because that window would've been my only way out.
The digital clock on the side table only read as 5 am. Our flight was at 11:30 am but at this rate, the flights would be delayed. The lightning was nonstop and we weren't even in the city which apparently was copping the worst of it. With our luck, the storms probably wouldn't stop until tomorrow.
"Are you still awake?" Harry's breath tickled the skin on my neck.
"Yeah."
"I can feel your heart rate rise. Try not to think about it." Like every time, he knew what I was thinking about.
I turned my body around so I was now facing him. Even with the double bed, we seemed to take up the smallest amount of space on it by being as close as possible.
"I really love your hair short. I can see your face a lot better," I could see his smile a little better as the sky outside grew lighter, but still gray from the clouds.
"Really?"
"Yeah," his hands fiddled with the strands and tucked them behind my ear.
"Maybe you should let Zayn cut your hair too."
"Not a chance, baby," he quickly defended. "I've spent months getting it to look this good."
It was another twenty minutes of playing with each other's necklaces and silence apart from anxious breaths before Zayn said something.
"Harry, you need to come see this."
Harry groaned and crawled out of the bed, stumbling and yawning his way across the room to where Zayn sat at the kitchen counter. The thunder pounded its way onto the walls and it felt as if the whole building shook beneath us.
"What is it?" Harry pulled up a chair while I sat so I could see them.
"Your flights are delayed like we expected but I went back to that camera on Lucy's house that the Falcon thing sent us and..."
This caught my attention now. I sprawled my legs away until they reached the floor and I slid off the bed.
Harry's eyes narrowed on the phone before he slammed it on the table, face down. He rubbed the palm of his hand over his face, exhaling loudly.
"What's wrong? What happened to my house?"
"It's just— nothing. You can go back to bed."
"No, Harry. You're not doing this shit again. Hand me the phone, please." I demanded. Zayn's face was frozen and blank while Harry pushed the phone to the edge of the table for me to reach.
— —
They say anticipation is better than the result. In this case, that was true. I was so eager to see what was on the other side of that stupid burner phone, that I didn't think about how it might have affected me. Judging based on both of their reactions, it wasn't good.
I should have just left it at that.
As soon as I saw that image, my stomach was engulfed in a feeling I cannot describe. It felt like fuel to a raging fire. Tons of it.
There it was. My house. It was wrapped in eyesores of oranges and reds. The fire was angry, and so was I. The flame crept meters into the air and left the sky in a gray blanket of smoke. So many of my things were in that house. Photos and memories that I cherished not knowing the evil behind the people in them.
I was so alone in that period. My mind was set on work and nothing else. I had close friends and went out a lot but that never filled the void in my mind and my heart. Now that I reflect on it, I realize that was the most isolated I've ever been. Physically and mentally.
"Lucy? Can you talk to me...please?" Harry tapped his knuckles on the bathroom door. The phone was between my fingers, warming up from the friction with the way I held it tight. Sweat ran off my hands and tears streamed down my face with it.
I ran into the bathroom and locked the door, shutting out Zayn, Liam, and most importantly, Harry. I wanted to be alone now and while the rain and thunder continued cracking down, the weakness in my mentality would too. On the way, there was a bottle of half empty vodka. One of them must have left it out so I scooped it up without anyone seeing.
It was now empty on the floor next to me but I'd be lying if I said I regretted it. The liquor was a stench on my tongue and in the air of the room. But it was needed.
I pinched my eyes shut and tried to gate the tears that gushed out of them relentlessly. My back was up against the door with the cold timber on my adrenalized body.
I spent a lot of my time over the last few months wondering how I reached such a point in my life that I went wrong and had no family to return to. It was this that made me realize I had reached the breaking point. The end of the rope. Only, the rope was frayed and it had finally snapped.
— —
Harry Edwards
I've spent the last hour with my back against the door, waiting for her to open it. I rested my chin on my knees and wondered what she could be thinking about.
Lucy was easy to read now that I spent more time with her. She tried her hardest to be one of the people who didn't wear their hearts on their sleeves, but I think she just had it broken into so many pieces that it couldn't fit anywhere.
I got no response when I asked her three times to open the door and talk to me so now I had just given up. She needed to be alone but I wanted to try to make her feel better.
Zayn and Liam switched on the TV now they were both awake. The news channel blared its weather broadcast for the next three days. Rain, thunder, and damaging winds all lead up to a potential hurricane. Also with the risks of power outages and floods. Talk about great timing.
I dug my hand into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. I flipped it open to the photo booth picture of her and me that was nearly lost at the hands of Alonso. The corner was slightly bent in and damaged but I could still see both our faces clear, just how I wanted it.
I slowly got up to my feet so I could see the TV clearer. I didn't even reach the sofa before I heard her voice.
"Harry."
I turned on my heels and rushed back to the door, kneeling on the carpet and holding my ear close.
"Yes? I'm here."
I think her voice put me through some mind-flipping trance. I basically launched myself at the door she was behind. I am in love with her. Fully devoted. That's all I needed to know.
I heard the relieving click behind the door handle. My heart knocked on my chest loudly and may as well have knocked on the door too it was that desperate.
"Hey, I'm going to open the door whenever you're ready. Just give me the all-clear, baby."
Silence.
I knew patience was key in this moment, and that's why I was trying my best to lock it in and restrain myself from opening the door and pulling her into my arms.
"You can come in."
I adjusted my hand on the cold metal handle and pulled it down. I felt her body shift from the other side of the door and I pushed it inwards as slow as I could. My body pumped with adrenaline and I wiped sweat off my forehead. Liam and Zayn gave me one last look before I inserted my body through the ajar door.
The lights were switched off and the only light was from the phone on the floor. The phone beamed a bright orange from the photo.
She was crawled up against the wall, her legs tucked in and her eyes watery. Her clothes were creased and wet patches from her tears had trailed down her sleeves. I noticed a large glass bottle in the corner. Alcohol. I could smell it now. The dense vodka Zayn always buys, except she just drank it straight out of the bottle.
Fuck.
I think this was the hardest thing I've ever had to witness. The pain behind her eyes was defeating and weakened the way I felt like nothing ever had before. It's not just any eyes, but it's hers. The eyes that didn't deserve to be put through any of this. Not only that, but she resorted to drinking fucking straight vodka. If I could take the pain away from her and put it all onto me, I would.
"How did um..." she slurred her words and looked at her hands, avoiding eye contact. "Your brother, what was it like when you found out he went missing?"
I shut the door quietly and sat on the floor opposite her. "What part?"
"All of it. F-from when he was framed to when he disappeared."
"When he was framed, I blamed myself for most of it," I confessed. Noah was a massive part of my life growing up. Like any older brother, he was an idol to Gem and me.
"Why did you blame yourself?'
"Noah found out about our father's business because of me. I didn't know about Falcon then but I knew exactly where Dad would meet up with them," I hesitated while remembering the minor details. "Noah went there one day and whatever he found--"
"He found out who they were?"
"I'm now realizing that since we discovered Falcon." I pinched my hand and watched her tremble under the dying phone light. "Do you still have the lighter?"
Lucy nods and slips her hand into her pocket, sliding out the small blue lighter. I reach for the sink, remembering the candle I saw, and placing it on the floor in between us. I flick the switch and the orange swallows the small corner of the bathroom. I turn the burner phone off, tossing it onto a pile of towels.
"Is this better?" I asked, being hopeful. She nods her head and smiles. The smile I could never get sick of seeing.
"Thank you."
"Of course," I said, admiring her glassy eyes that reflected the candle flame's spark. "Anyway, Falcon must've tampered with something in the FBI and had Noah framed and eventually, exiled for it. He had only been working there for a year and he somehow became the suspect for a three-person homicide."
"Was there a reason Noah wanted to join the FBI?"
I shrugged, "maybe. He never said much as to why he wanted to."
Her face softened and she wiped her face for the fifth time using her sleeves. I felt useless knowing there was nothing I could do.
"Are you okay though?"
"I will be. For now, I just feel empty."
I shifted my body across the bathroom tiles so I was beside her. As soon as my arms touched her, she refuged into my chest and broke down into tears again. My body nearly crumbled on the spot as I heard her sobs close to my heart. I couldn't guarantee we'd walk away from this mess without the trauma chasing our minds, but I could guarantee I'd do everything to try to make her forget about it for as long as possible.
— —
End of chapter ninety two
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