(Original AU by Kkhoppang)
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Papyrus
I reached behind the counter at Muffets bar, grabbing her box of cigarettes off of the counter, she had one single cig left.... Bingo.... I sneakily put the box back, took my light out and lit up my cig, sighing as I took a puff from my cigarette.... Looking around the desolate bar... Low murmuring and slight partying happening as I got a gentle smile... This is the kinda life Sans hated me for living... Heh, while he's out there wasting away and training like a fucking idiot... I get to lay back, smoke a cigarette, and take in the lowly atmosphere... Tough Scumbags, scantily dressed women, an occasional bar fight... This is the life... And all while, I'm selling these assholes enough scams to make bank... Heheheh
"Rags-" "Eh?-" I perked up, and glanced over at Muffet, as she stepped out, her coat over her body, not covering up very much, but I was used to her somewhat odd attire choice, I narrowed my eyes and took a long drag from my cigarette, "What is it Muffy? Y'know I get grumpy when someone interrupts my smoking session-" I grumbled as she took her own box of cigarettes out, perking up as she was missing the one I took... She placed 4 of her hands on the bar counter and leant close to me... "Can't afford your own damn cigarettes huh skeleton?... Had to take mine?" She asked as I scoffed, "No I-" she yanked the cigarette away from me, "Don't pull that lying BS on me Rags... You know I don't fall for your web of lies like everyone else in this shitty town does-" she mumbled; taking a hit from the already lit cigarette as I rolled my eyes....
"Oh great, the spider bitch wants something, or else she wouldn't be talking to me would she?" I asked as she chuckled, "Bitch...Huh? Damn you must be in a really bad mood if you call me that Rags-" She said, leaning forward and smoking as I turned around in my chair, leaning against the counter and sighing... "Just need a damn pack of smokes..." I mumbled as she rolled her eyes, "Papyrus, real talk, you steal money from fucking everyone here, and you don't even spend it, you horde it all- Just buy yourself a goddamn pack from the smoke shop down by the entrance of Snowdin-" "No! I... Grh........" I put my hands in my jacket pockets... ".... I'm... Banned from the smoke shop..." I mumbled as Muffet perked up....
".... Banned... ugh, Rags......." She facepalmed herself, as I looked back at her, "What?! I didn't have any money so I yoinked a few packs-" "You have money you greedy shithead!" "WELL I DIDN'T HAVE ANY ON ME AT THE TIME!" I shouted as I sighed, punching my hand against the table as I clenched my fist, sighing.... "........ And I smoked em all so... I stole yours" "You owe me one Rags~... You owe me big time~ Y'know there was... Actually something I was hoping to get out of you tonight~." she mumbled in a soft soothing tone, putting her hand on my chin, trying to hit me with that romantic crap as I scoffed, pulling away, "Can It... Not in the mood Muffet, besides... A cigarette beats you any day of the week...-" I stood up and put my hands in my pockets as Muffet scoffed, "You make it really hard to care for you Papyrus-" she mumbled as I began walk off, "Uh-Huh..." "Uh-Huh my ass- you owe me a cigarette you big dumbass-" she scoffed, finishing off her last cig and extinguishing it as I walked out of her bar... Entering the snowy town as I looked up at the sky...
Ugh... I need a Fuckin' smoke... Right GodDamn now-... Tch.............. Wait........ No I... He wouldn't... We fuckin hate each other there's no way..........
But.... I need a smoke..........
Christ- Here we go-
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I heard it, the mad ramblings of a pathetic runt wanting to be a royal guardsmen, whacking his hammer against a makeshift snowman as he cackled, taking his cellphone out and calling up Alphys on it... As I stood behind him, just sorta listening in on what my pathetic brother was doing
"Alphys?! Yo Alphys! I've been training all morning! I'm ready to fight in the guard!" He spoke as I heard muffled words from the phone, "Undyne?... Royal Scientist Undyne?! Why are you answering from Alphys' phone?....... Oh yeahhhhh, Royal Sleepovers, I forgot! Cuz the royal guard and the royal scientists! You have sleepovers to-" "You interrupted their fuck-sesh-" I mumbled as Sans perked up, "Papyrus! How dare you!... Oh uh, ignore him Ms. Undyne I.... Undyne?" He spoke as the phones line went dead, "Damn! Papyrus! What the hell are you doing here?! Can't you see I'm busy?!" He shouted as I narrowed my eyes, "Mind your Language, brother... Busy beating up a defenseless Snowman you made, little dumbass?" I mumbled as Sans raised the hammer and swung it into the Snowman's face, obliterating it in a single hit as he held it out towards me
That little brat had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, like obliterating that snowman was the biggest testament of skill he could show me in an attempt to either threaten me or impress me.... Neither really worked....
"Mwahahaha! What does my puny brother desire from the Maleficent Sans?! Has he finally taken his role to be my minion, my peon, my servant with complete pride?! Play along and I might even bump you up to sidekick-" "Uh-Huh...." I rolled my eyes, "I need a favor, Sans..." I mumbled as Sans perked up, "A Favor?....... Are you my brother?! You've never asked me for such a thing! YOU MIGHT BE AN IMPOSTER!" He raised his hammer "No-No- Fucking Hell-" I glared at him.... "Y'know the smoke shop?... The one I visit by Snowdins entrance?...... I.... I got a bad cough and can't go in.... Sickly y'know-" I said, faking a cough, "Don't wanna give the shopkeeper the cough y'know heh... So Uhm... Was wondering if you could go in and get me a pack...." I mumbled as Sans stared at me... That stupid triangle pattern in his eyes, "You want me... To get you a cigarette to fill your ignorant addiction! Mwhahahah!"
"I'M NOT ADDICTED SHITHEAD!" I shouted as I clenched my fist, ".... Grhhhh... Listen, if you get me the cigarettes I... I owe you a favor, alright?" I mumbled as Sans perked up, I saw the little brats eyes practically twinkle, "A Favor?! Mwhahahaha! As if I don't boss you around like a bitch anyways!-" "Sans that's a swear-" "Oh! My mistake!- Uh... Like a weakling! Heheh-" he said as I softly smirked, even though I hated the prick, I got a kick out of his blatant stupidity... For someone that says he hates swears and abhors them, he just randomly drops a them.... Ignorance is bliss... "So we have a deal?" I ask, holding my hand out, as Sans smiled, shaking my hand. "You got a deal minion! Heheheh! I'll have to cash in that favor soon!" ".... Lovely-" I grumbled in anger....
Sans and I walked around the forest and town as he hummed softly, holding that stupid mallet, as we walked around trails of "dead" Snowman, that Sans had bashed skulls of... I know damn well if they were humans instead of Snowmen, he'd hesitate though..... Maybe he'd be able to go through with it?... Meh... I ain't so sure.....
We approached the smoke shop as He held his hand out, I perked up... Confused
"Whatdya want?" I mumbled, "I'm gonna buy you cigarettes right I need money!" "N-No! I don't have any money on me!" I shouted as Sans narrowed his eyes, "What about that case of money underneath the couch at our house?!" Sans shouted as I grabbed the runt by his collar, "HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!" I shouted, my eye flashing purple as Sans smirked, "Heh! I ain't stupid! I see ya eyeing the couch 24/7 like it's yer girlfriend when we're home! I found it!" "I swear to god if any of its missing, you little shit-" I glared as Sans shook his head, "I'm a guardsmen, not a thief... I have standards! I'm not some common crook heh!"
This little shit thinks he's better than me?! I clenched my fist and began to summon a bone before the store doorway opened, Muffet stepped out with a pack of cigarettes in her hand as I perked up... Narrowing my eyes... Dropping Sans into the snow as I looked at her....
"Muffy?-" I mumbled as she walked up to me, shoving the pack of cigarettes into my hand, as she began to walk off, "Don't call me that anymore... Take yer damn cigarettes Papyrus-...." She mumbled as she stormed off, as I looked over at her, she was fuming seemingly.... I watched her storm off as Sans grunted and stood up... "Didja call her Muffy?" "Shut Up Sans" I grumbled, looking down, as I opened the cigarette package, sighing and takin one out......
"....... Damn..." I mumbled as I felt pretty shitty, didn't realize I might've pissed her off that much.... I... Damnit... "Heh- Ms. Muffet sure looked upset! I'd hate to be her friend!" He said, "I swear the most reta-.... S-Stupid things come out of your mouth y'know that?!" I shouted as I stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets, not even lighting the cigarette...... As I began to storm off.... Can't believe I fucked up the one good thing I had going for me as of lately... Besides my scamming business... I had her... Sure it... Wasn't really romance but... Was fun to roll off of her... That sorta thing that both of us played into... Couldn't help but feel like a dick.... I heard Sans walk behind me...
"Ay bro Uhm! Looked like ya were having some lady troubles back there-" "I don't have any troubles.... Leave me alone and go back to whatever dumbass things you do-" I mumbled as Sans rushed up in front of me, "Listen! I don't like you! And you don't like me! But minion just let me give ya some advice!.... Sometimes, the ladies need to be treated properly!... Even if it's nothin special- you gotta show sum respect heheh! Even if it's just a teensy lol bit! That's what I show Ms. Alphys and Undyne heh!" He said as I looked down at him, ".... Sans, I don't respect anyone, we live in an actual shithole- with shitty people and shitty food to eat-" I said coldly as Sans stomped in the snow and held his hammer out, "Well you don't gotta be so blunt about it!...."
Sans sighed and leant it on his shoulder, "I'm just sayin' minion!- If you feel any sorta brightness for a lady friend! The least you can do... Is be nice to her... Maybe even get her something she'll like... Or do something for her.... I don't know! Maybe I'm the crazy one mwhahaha! I gotta get back to royal guarding! Mwhahahaha! See ya later minion!" Sans rushed off into the distance, as I watched him scamper off, tripping over a tree branch and stumbling back up before continuing to stumble off.... I took the cigarettes out of my pocket... And took a long, exasperated sigh..... ".......... Something she'll like-....."
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I walked back into Muffets bar a bit later in night, still as busy as ever, as it was opened 24 hours a day... Somehow... As I walked up to the counter..... Sitting down in my usual spot as Muffet was turned away, drinking from a small glass of wine....
"What the hell do you want?... Hopefully nothing besides an order of food or a drink..." she said coldly to me, as I have a gentle smirk, "Got a pack of smokes?" I asked sarcastically as she walked over to me, "Are you kidding?! Did you already smoke y-" "Easy Muffy-...." I said, slowly taking out a small pouch and tossing it onto the table, Muffet perked up... And slowly opened the pouch, inside was loads of G.... Enough to pay back every cig I've yoinked from her over the years as I smiled... "Rags... I... I can't take this-" "Take it.... I'm a jackass aren't I heh?... Besides, I'm just paying back for the shit I've done, Muffy..." I said, honestly as I looked at her, she returned the look, and sighed, taking the pouch and pocketing it...
"Is this supposed to win me over or something Rags?~" "Meh.... Not really... Just making shit even between me and ya Muffy......" I said, as she leant in, softly kissing my cheek as I perked up, not knowing how to react as she narrowed her eyes on me. "Hmph.... I know you're just being nice to win me back aren't you?" "..... Maybe-...." "Well.... Your.... Your acknowledgment is appreciated Rags...." She smiled, taking a wine glass out and pouring me a drink as she handed me the glass.... "To us?" "Pfft..... Seriously?" I asked as she gave me a brief glare, as I let out a soft chuckle, "What the hell? To us, heh- And.... To me not being a dick-" I said as Muffet chuckled... "You can say that again-"
She raised her glass... I nodded and clinked our glasses together as we each took a drink, having a toast... I let out a sigh as me and Ms. Muffet talked the night away.... Part of me irked for another smoke but.... I suppose I can wait for now.....
Don't wanna upset her again.... Hmph.... She's about the only light I got in this shithole........
...... And Sans is there too.... I guess-
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W-W-What a Lovely C-C-Couple.... W-W-Wish I had a partner heheheheh
....... That's Uhm.... That's all I got...... SwapFell Purple though am I right? C-C-Crazy.... What's next? G-G-Gold? Red?... E-E-Emerald?!...
Nah.... Scratch that last one off h-h-heheheh
Peace
- Wiki