Loud voices woke me up. I didn't want to wake up yet. I was still too tired. My body was still heavy, and my mind was groggy. But the voices, at least, were muffled by the closed door. Turning, I closed my eyes again and curled up, hoping to fall back asleep again.
"Who had a midnight date last night? Elle and Chan? Did you finally talk?" Vic asked, and despite trying to sleep, I listened hard.
"No. I was asleep. Maybe she and... who?" Chan asked, voice thick from probably just waking up.
"I don't know. Seungmin and Changbin are still sleeping. Maybe one of them?" Jisung asked.
"They could've at least put their glasses away. Now it's sticky." Vic complained, and a smile formed on my lips. Suddenly my door opened, and I lowered the blanket low enough to open one eye.
Seungmin walked in then, closing the door quietly behind him.
"They're talking about us. I'm so tired. Can I sleep next to you?" He asked, and I laughed out. Opening the blankets, I nodded, and he climbed in. Checking the time, I sighed loudly. It was only eight am. Why were they all awake? On a Saturday? Fucking hell, man.
"They were in that room also. And loud." He complained, shaking his head as he brought the blankets to his chin. We faced each other, and I smiled at him before closing my eyes and falling back asleep.
A dip in the bed woke me up, and my eyes shot open. Quickly looking back, I sighed out heavily at the sight of Chan. Turning back, Seungmin was still asleep, back to us.
"Whats wrong?" I asked, voice raspy. He reached down and kissed my forehead.
"It's nine o'clock. I came to see if you were awake." He looked behind me to Seungmin and then back to me. "And I missed you." Turning my body to face him, I moved back far enough to make a bit of space for him but not knock into Seungmin. He climbed in and pulled me in against his chest. Snuggling into his chest, I wrapped my arms around his torso, which was basically almost on top of him with how much I snuggled in.
I was too tired to think of all the many ways this would only make ending it even harder. I ignored all the logical thoughts and just listened to how my heart melted when his arms wrapped around me. How its beats matched his as my chest was against his. I ignored how right this felt and just closed my eyes and immediately fell asleep again.
When I woke up again, a smile formed as the heat from the body wrapped around mine made me even hotter. But I didn't move or throw the blanket off to let some heat go. Instead, I took it in, I let myself bake in it, remembering everything about it.
"When did you get here?" Seungmin groaned as he turned, facing us. The door then opened, and someone laughed.
"I was here for long," Chan answered.
"What in the threesome is happening here?" Madi gasped, and my head jerked off Chan's chest, and I turned to her.
"Don't be dirty, you pervert. Seungmin came in because you made a lot of noise, and then Chan barged in. Now go away. We're sleeping." I shook my head, irritated at her. Laying my head down, I closed my eyes again.
"You're sleeping. I'm hungry." Seungmin got up and I laughed. He slowly climbed out again, stretching out before walking past Madi, who watched us. I turned on my stomach and faced Chan, ignoring Madi.
"Aren't you getting up?" She asked, and I groaned loudly.
"I think that's a no." Chan laughed, and a second later the door closed.
"Baby. You need to get up." His hot breath hit my ear, causing the hair to raise all over my body. A smile curled my lip upward, but I didn't move. I was too lazy and too tired to move.
"You and Seungmin had a date last night? What time did you go to sleep?" His breath hot against my ear. His hand moved over my back, landing on my waist as he tugged me up. Moving with his pull, I laid on my side, and he pulled me against his chest. He stretched his arm out, and I rested my head on his soft yet hard muscular arm.
"I can't remember. Four, I think. Not sure. I just know it was super, super late." His arm was heavy around my waist, but it was nice. It was nice having him wrapped around me like this. It was nice waking up, and he was just there. And I hated how right it felt. Not just having his hands on me, but just him being so close to me. Talking to him so casually, so easily, with all our closest friends just here as well. It felt perfect. So why did I want to end it? Why couldn't I just move past this? No. The real question I need to ask is why he couldn't just trust me.
"Oh? Thats late. Are you okay? Why couldn't you sleep? Do you know?" His hand stretched out on my stomach before slowly inching the shirt up and placing it on my bare stomach. My heart began racing as butterflies erupted wildly as his fingers moved, just gently drawing shapes on my soft stomach. His pinky slowly inched lower with every passing second until it found its way under the hem of my underwear.
"I mean. It wasn't anything, really. I just couldn't close my eyes. And then Seungmin and I had a great talk, and I actually fell asleep." My voice was rough, as all I could focus on was his hand. And where else I want it. But was it wise? To act on hormones and not logic? Because while my body was basically begging for his touch, my mind wanted me to get up and away from him. To keep my distance. To end it.
Ignoring it all, I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply before pressing my body against his, an innocent attempt to stay closer to him, when my eyes shot open at the feel of him poking my butt. His hand froze and his breathing hitched as I stopped moving.
Turning to face him, I stared at his wild eyes, cheeks red, and mouth slightly open. Reaching down, I placed my hand on his and moved it lower until he cupped me. And as if we shared one brain, we both moved, me on my back and him on top of me, he kissed me.
***
"We should stop doing that. It's not good." I gasped as he moved off me. His chest was rising and falling just as fast as mine. His chest and face carried a layer of sweat, and I pulled the blanket over my breasts. He turned to me, his smile fading when he met my stare.
"I have a feeling this is the end. That these moments," he waved his finger in between us, "are the goodbyes. The last kiss, basically." He got up and stared down at me. Moving up, I sat next to him and placed my head on his shoulder.
"Do you want it to end?" I asked, hating how small my voice was. Hating how his hands shook on his lap. Hating how a drop fell on his bare thigh, probably from tears, but I was too cowardly to look up and confirm.
"No. Elle I love you so much. And like I said, it's pathetic how much I love you, but I can't help it." He wiped his face and moved away, reaching for my shirt. He handed it to me, and I put it on. Luckily it was my oversized and sat below my butt because I couldn't find my underwear as he put his shorts on.
"But it doesn't matter what I think. What I want. What about you? I'll do whatever you want. I just want you happy." He whispered and stood by the window after opening it. I stayed on the bed as I watched him. My heart broke, because if we really went into this conversation, it might actually be the end. It might actually really be the last time we had sex, we kissed, and we were happy together.
"You matter just as much in this relationship, Chris. Equals, remember." I shook my head, and he scoffed. My eyes widened as I stared at him.
"You say that. But when I tried talking to you, you ran out and ended it." His voice hardened suddenly, and my heart broke as tears sprang forward. Not even bothering to wipe or hide them, I stared straight at him. Once again, after an amazing time with him, of happiness and love, there's an argument and an end. It's our tradition, apparently.
"Tried? The last time you tried talking, you basically slut shamed me and told me to be a nun." I kept my voice even. I didn't want to yell. I didn't want to lose my temper and be irrational. And also, I didn't want to be the first one to yell.
"When did I say that? Elle, what made you hear that?" He hissed and I shook my head.
"You said, and I quote, 'Instead of talking to me, you went out and climbed another guy?' And by the way, that was after I explained how we prevented actually touching intimately." The tears fell down, tickling my face as they slowly slid down. "And you said you were dating me, not them. As if since I was yours, I had to be alone during the scene. Doing what? Masterbate apparently." I shook my head, ignoring the way his nose flared as he looked away from me.
"Elle, how is that slut shaming you?" He laughed sarcastically, and I bit my lip to not scream.
"Calling me a slut or not, you insinuated I cheated on you. And you weren't even willing to talk to me because you got mad. You let your ego take over and acted as if you saw his penis go inside of me." My shoulders sagged in defeat as his shoulders tensed.
"What would you call what you did then? It might not have gone in, but you were against." His eyes scanned my body, stopping at my legs, and I jumped up. Pointing to where I just sat, I looked up at him.
"Sit." I demanded, and his eyebrows raised. "Just sit, please." I asked, and he finally did. Climbing on top of him, the door opened. Felix popped his head in and his eyes widened, and then when he saw Chan's angry face and my tear-stained cheeks, he stepped further in.
"We're talking. Please give us an hour because I'm getting angry and fear this will turn ugly. So please, I love you, Lix, just go." I bit out, hating I couldn't soften up my voice to him. He did nothing but be the kindest person to me. Here I was, being rude. But understanding ran through his eyes, and he nodded and left. Turning back to Chan, I pulled my shirt off.
"If this is you trying to win the argument, you might." His hand went to my waist, and a smile formed. But I shook my head. I can't get distracted. Not now. This needed to be said. So I ignored him, and I ignored his heavy stare on my breasts and lower as I was literally naked on top of him as I folded my shirt in a small bundle, roughly the size of the pillow we used.
"If it were real, which it wasn't, this was the size of the pillow I had between us." I pointed out, sitting properly against him, cheeks heating up at what I planned to do. "I'm going to show you what it would look like if it were real. And then I'm going to show you what I actually did to that random guy. So you can see the difference and not be so dumb." I smiled mockingly at him, and he narrowed his eyes but nodded.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed myself against his chest and sat fully on his crotch. I then did the moves I did in the video, rising slightly and back down as I moved my face close to his and back, acting out how I moved while singing. I ignored how hard he got, and I ignored how it was directly against me, and I ignored how it was basically just me riding him.
His hands wrapped around my waist as he pulled me tighter against him, and I almost lost control. My breathing got heavier with each movement, and with how he held me, I ignored how real it felt. How real it was.
I tried ignoring how the heat spread and how good it felt. But I couldn't stop. Even though I had to. I had to show him the difference. I had to prove I wasn't cheating. But it felt too good. He pulled me down to kiss him the same moment his hands gripped my butt, moving me against him as my pace quickened. As pressure built, a much larger need filled me as I wanted more. I wanted him to actually fuck me and not just rub against me. A soft "more" slipped out, causing his hands to grip my ass harder.
And when my body shook against his tensed body, release finding us both, I opened my eyes and stared wide-eyed at him as we breathed heavily against each other.
I slowly pulled away, removed his hands from around me, and sat back. Looking down, I turned a dark shade of red as my face heated for a different reason. Because I remembered I was naked. And his shorts had a huge wet stain.
And I wasn't sure who it was from.