Ouch, I think to myself. I look down at my hands and saw the deep indents caused by my nails. They've been longer than usually and the indent looks so red like the blood was gonna gush out. I don't know why I'm so anxious. I'm just going to have a normal conversation with my boyfriend.
I take my hair out of it's pony and I start to braid it. It'll help stop the nerves, I thought. I do the regular pattern three times and I mess up. I keep going to calm myself down. I reach the end and I drop the elastic on the carpet. As I reach down to grab it the braid falls apart. I start doing it but I mess up as my hands shakes uncontrollably.
"Shit!" I exclaim. I wrap my arms around my head and cradle it. Why am I this scared? What's wrong with me? I unwrap my hands around my head and lean my head against the couch. Every item in Asher's room was either blue or grey. I tried to add a pop of color every time I'm here but the colossal amount of blue and grey overpowers the minute amount of green, pink, red, orange, and yellow.
I look around the room and I see pictures of both him and I. One of the pictures was my sixteenth birthday. Asher took me to the pier and we both rode the jet ski together. We were laughing uncontrollably. In another picture I forced him to wear pink on our anniversary. He was glaring at the camera when I was sobbing with laughter. Another picture was of him wearing pigtails in his hair.
I loved his hair. It was so fluffy and soft and I loved to do tiny hairstyles, but it was vice versa for him. He absolutely despised it. One of my favorite pictures was his seventeenth birthday party. We both had cake on our faces and I was kissing his cheek.
I smiled at the memory seven months ago when everything was smooth sailing. It was before Asher started being distant. I don't want to be the clingy type of girlfriend that watches every one of his moves. I'm just worried about him. When I texted him he replies two days later and whenever I called him, he wouldn't pick up. I can't help but think there's a problem.
I'm deep in thought while twisting the ring on my finger. It was on my left hand on middle finger. It was a perfect mix of both green and blue just like my eyes. You see I have a condition called Heterochromia. I remember my mom telling me it's just a harmless mutation. Each one of my eyes had a mix of green and blue. I was always insecure of it because all the other kids used to bully me in school. But later in high school I realized it's a part of me that makes me beautiful.
I'm deep in my thoughts when the door opens and reveals a very tired looking Asher. He seems to be looking at the ground but he realizes I'm here.
"Annie what're you doing here?" He asks with tired eyes. That was the nickname he created for me when we first started dating. Annie because my middle name is Rosanna.
"Um Ash," I start nervously. "I just wanted to have a talk." I say still not looking into his eyes.
"Annie why aren't you looking into my eyes while talking?" he says, his voice tinged with anger.
I reluctantly look up at look at him. His neat kept hair is disheveled and his eyes are bloodshot. "Ash," I say slowly," why didn't you show up for prom?"
His eyes light up like he suddenly remembered and rubs his hands across his face. "Annie I'm so sorry. It totally slipped my mind. I knew it was important to you." He looks me straight in the eyes.
Prom wasn't important to me. I just needed to get out of the house that day. Dad just lost his work position three days prior and he'd started drinking way more than usual. I was at a neighbor's house everyday so he couldn't hit me. Just one more day I thought that day. I awaited Asher, he never came and that day ended with me cleaning my injuries and more scars added to my collection. I could never blame him for it. It wasn't his fault.
I winced as I recollected the memory. "It's fine Asher. It isn't about Prom," I state.
"Than what is it about?" he asks.
"Asher... I just. I'm wondering why you've been distant lately. You answer my texts after couple of days and when I call you, it keeps going to voicemail." I say all of that in one breath.
"I told you Bailey I've had extra hockey practices," he uses his annoyed tone.
"Than why are you late today? It's 9 pm and hockey practices don't last that long."
"It's nothing Bailey. Coach made us do extra drills." I scoff. I instantly detect the lie.
"Well Ash does the drills happen to be drinking alcohol?"I ask. His scent definitely gives it away. Alcohol scares me. It turned my dad into a monster. It plays a big part in my life and I wish I could forget it.
"It isn't your business," He says angrily.
"Why," I say calmly.
"Not everything revolves around you!" He yells. I flinch. He never uses that tone with anyone.
"Arghhhh Bailey why do you have to be so annoying. You do things and ask things when it's none of your freaking business," He shouts enunciating each word. "You're always so nosy and include yourself in things that don't concern you!" he shouts. "Now I finally understand why you have no friends. They obviously don't want to be near you."
"Ash I'm sor-"
"No Bailey. I'm finally doing stuff that doesn't include you. I'm finally far away from you. You've always been so clingy. Now I can finally breathe." He yells while glaring at me.
I feel tears brimming my eyes. I'm not nosy, I just like to help people I can't not help them. That's impossible for me.
"I'm finally doing things that make me happy. I feel calm and at peace when I'm not around you. You're just like the other girls I've dated. You're a gold digger. You're only here because you need money for your mom."
I have no words coming out of my mouth. " Don't you dare bring my mom into this!" I say. "Really Ash? Me a gold digger. Me using you for money. That's what you've understood after dating for 3 years? "
"Yeah That's what I understand. I think your mom loves living in the hospital. And I think your brother loves living in boarding school. I actually feel jealous of them. I feel jealous that they don't have to be near you." He glares at me. Anger filling through them.
Tears were spewing out of my eyes."Is that really how you feel Asher? That I'm suffocating you," I ask looking at him, my vision blurry.
"Yes Yes Yes! I don't want to be near you yet with you!" He shouts. He goes over to the wall of pictures and rips out all of the pictures of us and throws them in the trash.
My heart broke at that situation. No it shattered into millions of different pieces like it couldn't be put together. "Well I guess I won't be needing this anymore," I say taking the promise ring off my finger. I go over to him and place it on his desk. "Go live your life Ash. Be free. I'm not suffocating you any longer." I open his door and go out.
As I go down the stairs all the emotions overwhelm me. Anger, sorrow, sadness. I make it out of the front door with my trembling hands. My hands shake uncontrollably. My breathing quickens and my breath hitches. I vision tunnels and turns black. My heart is beating as fast as a race car. My legs shake and the last thing I remember is falling on the ground.
"Wake up!" Someone yells. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"
I feel cold water splashed on my face. I gasp and wake up and realize I'm in my bed. It was a dream.
Word Count: 1380