i woke up late sunday morning. i had slept in a lot more than usual. it was after noon. i walked to my living room and saw multiple old beer bottles on the coffee table and a note slapped in front of them. i picked it up and read it quietly in my mind.
-"i won't be back until 10 tonight, here's some money for pizza."
i noticed the $20 on the table next to it after placing the note back and picking up some of the bottles. my mom just got another job so she could afford this house. we got most of our money from my dad so i've been having to pick up extra shifts from scoops ahoy to help her pay for things like groceries and bills. as i was on my way back to the living room to pick up the rest of the bottles, i heard a knock on the door. i put them down and walked across the room to open the door. i was shocked to see will standing in the cold. snow flakes were brushed all over the top of his hair.
-"what are you doing here?" i asked while letting him in.
-"we should talk."
-"you should've called first." i shut the door as he took his coat off. i could tell he noticed the beer in the living room and i prayed he wouldn't ask about them.
-"what about?" i wiped my eyes, still trying to wake myself up. i followed him to the couch and sat down next to him, worried about what he was going to say.
-"i know you're going through a lot right now. i know you don't want to talk about what's going on but mike, you can't just keep pushing me away." he gently spoke. i avoided eye contact to prevent tearing up.
-"you know you can talk to me, right?"
-"yeah, i know." i nodded.
-"then why are you shutting me out? why are you shutting the world out? i'm right here! just talk to me, mike!" his voice grew stronger, making me look into his confused eyes.
-"it's not that simple."
-"what do you mean?" he mumbled.
-"you wouldn't understand." i looked at my hands, trying to hold myself together.
-"what would i not understand, mike? i've been through this exact thing you're going through!"
-"but it's different for you, will! you had jonathan. my sister lives an hour away and i'm not allowed to see my little sister anymore. and your mom loves you and was there for you guys. my mom is a fucking mess and can't even go through the day sober!" i pointed at the bottles at the table.
-"i literally have no one." i looked him in the eyes.
-"are you listening to anything i'm saying, mike? you have me! i don't know how many times i have to say that! i'm right here, mike! why won't you just let me be here for you?!" he shrieked and looked offended.
i didn't want to say anything, i just wanted him to leave. i wanted him to get out.
-"you won't let me come over or talk to you, it's like you're entire different person." he added, which angered me.
-"you're being so selfish right now." i scolded
-"what? how am i being selfish?" he scoffed, standing up from the couch.
-"you're only thinking about yourself! my entire life is going to absolute shit and you're mad that i'm not hanging out with you?!" i stood up after him.
-"i'm offended that you won't talk to me! how could you call me selfish?! i'm just trying to help you!"
i couldn't handle this much longer.
-"i don't think we should see each other anymore." i mumbled, looking down at my hands. i refused to look into his eyes because i knew it would break my heart to see the look on his face.
-"mike.."
-"you should go."
-"no, no i'm not leaving." his voice cracked.
-"yes you are." i stood up and tugged at his sweater, picking his arm up.
-"don't touch me!" he stood up and yanked his reach away.
-"will, please just leave." i closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face.
-"why are you doing this, mike?! please just talk to me." he pleaded, walking up closer to my face.
-"please go away."
-"i love you, mike.. please." i watched as he began to cry.
-"will.. go." i started to feel anger building up inside me.
-"i want to help you, let me help you! just open up to me, mike!"
-"will, get the fuck out." i clenched my fists, feeling like my blood was boiling. is this how my father feels? it was like my body was being taken over, it was out of my control. i didn't want to hurt will, that's the only thought in my mind i could control.
- WILLS POV -
i watched as he begged for me to leave, but i couldn't. i couldn't let him throw away our relationship because of this. it wasn't worth it. i couldn't let it happen.
-"mike.. please don't do this." i cried.
-"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!!" he screamed and i watched in horror as he took the beer bottles and threw them at the wall, screaming in anger. he picked up the coffee table and threw it against the wall, making a loud crash sound and denting the drywall. i watched in disbelief as he tore everything up in the living room, it brought me back to a memory i've tried to forget for so long.
-"stupid piece of shit!" my dad screamed while tearing up the living room. i watched as he threw a beer bottle at the wall, making me duck so it wouldn't hit me.
-"you ruined my fucking windshield! why would you crash your bike into my car?!" he yelled.
-"it was an accident!" nine year old me cried as he angrily threw junk around.
-"you know what?"
i watched as he ran out of the house from the front door. i followed him and saw him picking up my bike.
-"no, stop!!"
-"remember this the next time you want to fuck around and destroy shit!"
i watched in horror as he picked up the bike over his head and chucked it at me, knocking me over. i was so stunned i didn't even realize there was blood pouring out of my head. my body felt to weak to sit up. i distinctly heard my fathers voice before everything faded into blackness.
-"fuck!" mike screamed as he kicked stuff over. i didn't realize i was crying until i saw him drop to the floor, hugging his knees while breaking down, sobbing against the wall. he had completely destroyed the entire room. there was shattered glass everywhere and everything was torn apart. i wanted to cry too, thinking about that memory of my dad.. but this wasn't a time for me to shut down.
mike needed me.
glass crunched under my feet as i walked up to mike and sat down next to him, pulling him into my arms. i expected him to reject my affection again, but he surprisingly wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my shoulder and crying harshly. i brushed my hand over the back of his head as i let him cry, hearing him nonstop apologize.
he helped me up from the ground and started dragging my arm across the room.
-"what are you doing?"
-"i'm sorry, will. i can't do this anymore." he took my coat off the rack and shoved it in my hands.
he pulled me tightly in his arms, desperately kissing my lips. the kiss was so quick but passionate, i didn't even notice it was over until he began pushing me out the door.
-"no, mike!" i resisted as he opened the front door.
-"this is for the best, will." he assured me as i tried to hold back from him.
-"stop it, mike!" i yelled before he shoved me out his front door. i tried running back in but he slammed the door in my face.
-"fuck! mike, please open the door! don't do this, mike! you can't do this!" i banged on the door in tears. i felt my heart aching as i broke down against the door.
-"what the hell is wrong with you?! please just open the door, mike!" i yelled between cries, but it was silent on the other side.
-"i love you more than anything, mike! please, i need you! if this is something i did please just tell me so ill be different! please just don't leave me!" i cried.
-"mike, please! i can't lose you again, please just let me in!" i sobbed, not hearing anything from the other side.
i slid down his front door, crying angrily into my hands.
- MIKES POV -
i cried listening to will from outside of the door. hearing the pain in his voice made me want to hurt myself for hurting him. i couldn't listen anymore. i ran to my room and locked myself inside, feeling myself panic. i ran my fingers through my hair as i took deep breaths. i need to distract myself. i turned my radio on and sat in front of my typewriter. i could still hear will's cries from here still, which made me feel like my heart was shattering. i turned the radio up and began to let my fingers type.
i wanted to be different. i thought i was different. but it's in my blood and veins.
these past few weeks, my life has completely switched lanes.
i know that when i feel pure anger, i am my fathers son.
i think the things he thinks and do the things he does. i've just pushed away everyone.
just like he did.
it seems like no matter how hard i try
there's no escaping him.
i'll always be a faded, lesser copy of my father.
knowing that makes me want to curl up and die.