2 years ago
"what!? Why are you participating in a basketball match?" Ji-yo concerned next to me.
I looked at the students coming back which means the break is ending soon and it's time for ji-yo to go to her own class.
"Because I want to give it a try." But that's not even half of the truth. It's the inconvenience I caused, our immature competitive selves caused.
"You should go back to your class." I suggested and she got on her feet considering it and then waved goodbye to me.
She doesn't know about jae-eun nor that We've been competing in every upcoming event, whether it be class tests or running laps. It started due to the previous year's final exams, he got 1st place by two marks.
I didn't even bother to know who the 1st place was until the class started making unnecessary gossip about how I'm losing myself. And how he crossed me without even trying.
Someone even claimed that I got 2nd place because of hanging out with Ji-yo.
She has never been an obstacle in my path of achieving things, if anything she's only being a supporter.
A little feeling of humility is all it takes to make a bad decision. That was the unsaid beginning of our competition.
It didn't take him long to realize this, watching me join all the competitions that he's participating in. Finding a way to feel better about myself, but his lack of understanding didn't let me win once. Not a single competition.
Soccer, debate, essays, academic decathlon, tug of war, quiz ball, gosh! I lost the count.
My obsession with winning against him was almost overwhelming but it was reasonable.
I'd practice the whole day and win against every other person to compete but him. I made ji-yo run with me everyday for my practice only for him to win by seven freaking seconds.
My mind was consumed with the idea of defeating him, of being better than him.
Even in the competitions that I didn't participate in, He didn't let anyone win against him, to the point it was so annoying to see his name on every prize.
Kim Jae-eun.
Kim Jae-eun.
Kim Jae-eun again.
I was tired of seeing that name from the past two years, Somehow due to my competitiveness he gained his reputation, The ideal student. The winner. The best.
He always smiled cheeky while receiving the prize. As if it was to mock me, So I'm going to try harder and win against him in the basketball match.
I was so desperate to win against him, I even learnt all sorts of things that he was already skilled in, whether it be fencing or soccer only to fail at it.
The basketball match ended miserably, a final cut on the strings I've been hanging on. He won against me.
I'm not the sensitive type, at least not in the school but the pressure of slowly shifting to the second best thing made my eyes swell up with tears in the court. Almost the whole school watched, they weren't unaware of our silly competitions, I heard that some of them even bet their money on us, and it somehow looked serious at that time.
All of this for what? For my mother?
She didn't even know about half of these competitions. Crying in front of the whole school, humiliation was the only thing I felt that day. I left the court followed by ji-yo, She didn't know about the situation ; She thought that I just lost against someone and I couldn't handle it.
It was just a few steps away from that court when I fell down on my knees. The pain of losing against him, when I won at almost everything if I tried to, was knife stabbed in my chest. Each breath I took was a struggle on the ground.
My eyes were blurry with tears, but I knew that ji-yo was startled and she was scared of my reaction. So I told her everything, with a swelling pain in my chest, and rivers of tears flowing, I let out everything, and honestly told her all the things that have been happening all this time.
Since then she decided to be the number one jae-eun hater.
Present time
I blamed myself for losing that time, It was so painful that I thought dying was my only way out of this embarrassment But we never engaged after that again.
He was fully focused on his studies rather than all these miscellaneous activities. He still was the top student, but it hurted me less, because then he was just being better than me at one thing.
But I'm not sure anymore, because the knife is still causing the pain, because now he's once again standing in front of me with the same form of audition that I'm taking part in.
"I told you not to trouble her again didn't I?" Ji-yo stands between us, I don't mention that we still can look at each other despite her being in the middle.
"I'm not troubling her. Why do you always think that if I'm doing something it's to cause her problems?" A serious look, a rare sight on his face. Is he really that serious about this position?
"Ok." ji-yo moves aside with a suspicious look on her face, letting him inside the class.
His face without that smirking sly expression is the same as all those times before ; When he was so focused on winning against me that he forgot to smile.
Behind his neutral expression there's a sign of disturbance. The subtle tic in his brow, the tenseness around his jaw, the faint hint of annoyance in his eyes. He walks inside the class and I'm not sure if today, again, he's having a bad day.
✧ ✧ ✧
After we are back to our seats I start filling out the form. It says that there are many spots for students at council, but I've already decided what I'm going for.
I tick on the box next to President.
My qualities and personality are suitable for it, even if no one tells me, I'm sure of that at least.
I take a glance towards jae-eun unknowingly, he seems to be focused, writing something. I could guess much that he's filling the same form.
Is this the final match? Our final competition?
I was so sure that I've found my sincere place, I was even confident about being selected because why not? There isn't a single thing I lack when it comes to winning something, unless jae-eun is opposing me.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ji-yo asks, and to be honest I'm a little nervous or more afraid.
The day of losing the basketball match keeps replaying in my head, the cries and ji-yo's concern haunting me.
I don't know what I'm thinking while filling out this form, do I think that I'll be able to bear it all because I'm a little older? Or am I now used to it?
"Yes. He won't cause any problems, I think." The last two words are just hoping because he didn't even do anything, yet I feel like I'm losing once again.
✧ ✧ ✧
The Math lecture continues, The students slouching in their chairs, barely paying attention to the teacher's droning voice.
I sat up straight, listening intently to every word the teacher said throughout the lecture.
My eyes are focused on the board where the problem is written, and one of the students is still struggling to solve the same question from the past five minutes.
Ji-yo looks like she'd fall asleep any minute. Next to her, out of the window, the world looks so lively unlike the one we're in. A disappointed look shoots from the teacher,
"Would Anyone else like to give it a try?" She's barely happy by his efforts of solving.
I raise my hand, with a collected expression, waiting for the teacher to call on me but the teacher notices someone else. Of course there are some benefits sitting on the first bench.
"Why are we sitting so back in the class?" I whisper to ji-yo.
In reply, she just gives me a 'What?' look with her eyes.
Jae-eun rises from his seat, smoothing out his shirt as he does so. He approaches the board while straightening the knuckles of his fingers. There's no hint of nervousness or excitement, just a quiet confidence as he prepares himself to start solving.
The teacher looks shorter than usual in front of him than she did the previous year, much like she shrunk.
I assumed that jae-eun would solve the problem in a textual way, but I was wrong. Because he's solving it with a reverse method, that applies the calculation of values first.
The answer is already visible by the way of his speed. Good for me, because as soon as the lecture ends, I have to go to submit the form.
"should I come too?" ji-yo asks, a glance at her notes which are a mess makes me disagree.
"Copy my notes till I'm back. You'll need them." she pouts at the thought of it, I'm confused who she hates more, jae-eun or math.
"Jae-eun?" The name out of her mouth surprises me.
Do they all have the ability to read minds now?
But then I see her, and then I follow her gaze behind me. He stands there, his expression neutral, One hand shoved in his pocket casually, In his other hand, he holds a form, his grip firm on the paper.
I raise an eyebrow towards him, I can't see ji-yo now that I've turned to face him but I'm pretty sure her eyes are on us, waiting for him to say something.
I'm sure Whatever he's going to say might cause my mental peace to waver.
"you're going to submit the form?" he asks finally after a really long twenty seconds as he scans the form in my hand.
Is it really worth my time to stand here and engage with him right now? I don't think so. His intentions to have a conversation with me have always been malicious.
I don't answer him, I don't have to, he already knows.
If he's not going to move out of my way I'm going to just pass-He takes a deep breath or maybe a long sigh at my attempt to avoid him followed by "Let's go together."