Song: I Will Remember You- Sarah McLachlan
A chilling silence weighed heavy in the air as the army men uttered those words.
Jaylee glanced over at her mother. She watched as her mom's whole demeanor shattered, and Jaylee knew her heart had shattered even more than it did after the loss of Jake. Her mom broke down crying, while Jaylee stood frozen for a couple seconds.
Until it finally hit her, and she shattered into a million pieces.
Jaylee screamed out in agony and fell limp in Luke's arms. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed even harder-- even louder. Luke rubbed her back and held her tightly. He didn't exactly know how to react. He just saw her and her mother completely break, and he knew he was going to have to be there for Jaylee more than ever. He couldn't let her by herself now. She needed him and he knew it.
"It's okay, baby." He whispered, but even he knew that wasn't true. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Jaylee."
Jaylee tightened her arms around Luke and sobbed more. It wasn't okay. Her big brother-- her first best friend-- was gone. Sam was the only person she could trust the world with, and he was the only one who was there when she needed him, no matter what. Sam was the one who could make her smile when she didn't want to be happy, and the one who could make her laugh when she was upset. He was the one who saved her from all the hurt and made sure to remind her she was stronger than the worst life threw at her.
Her big brother was gone. Sam was gone, and Jaylee didn't know how she was going to live without him.
When all of those thoughts flooded through her mind, she collapsed to her knees. Luke tried to catch her, but he was too late, so he just sat on his knees and held her once again.
Jaylee had already lost her father. She couldn't bear with the fact that Sam was gone too. She didn't want it to be true.
But it was. And she didn't know how to live with both her dad and brother being gone.
***
Jaylee and her mom scheduled Sam's funeral for the next week on a Saturday morning. Jaylee didn't go to school the whole week. She stayed in bed all day, listening to Sam's voicemail on repeat.
"Hey, you've reached Sam Collins, your international hottie. Leave a message at the beep, but if you are Raelynn, just come over, baby girl. I love you! And if you are Jaylee-- dude, I'm right across the hall. Come visit your big bro. Love ya. Okay, I'm going to shut up now. You know what to do."
Every time Jaylee listened to his voicemail, she broke down crying. She knew it would be the last time he would ever hear his voice, and her heart couldn't handle it.
Her mom would check on her every hour. One night, they laid in her bed, hugging each other as they cried together. Jaylee knew it was killing her mom; she had already lost her husband and best friend, now her first born was dead. Jaylee didn't understand how life could be so cruel. She didn't understand how someone as good as Sam could be taken so easily.
Luke would visit Jaylee before and after school to check on her. He knew she was trying to hold it together, but he also knew sometimes, people needed to let the pain out, and he needed to be there to help her through it when she did. Jaylee could always see the worry in Luke's eyes and laced through his voice. Every night, he would hold her until he had to go home, but one night, it became too much for her, and she officially broke down.
It was two days before Sam's funeral. Luke came over before school. He brought her a blueberry muffin (her favorite), and a strawberry banana smoothie. While he was at school, Jaylee looked through an album of pictures of her and Sam from when they were younger. Later that day, Luke returned, and he took off his jacket before he crawled in her bed and laid beside her. Luke threw his arm over Jaylee's stomach and pulled her closer, nuzzling his head in her neck.
"Hey, baby." He greeted, planting a soft kiss against her neck. "How are you feeling?"
Jaylee sighed and wrapped her arms around Luke. He moved his head away from her neck, and Jaylee laid her head against his chest. Luke traced circles on her arm, and Jaylee's eyes filled with tears.
"I keep expecting him to walk through my door and tell me it was a big joke, but he never does." She admitted, her voice cracking. "He's just as dead as he has been for the past week."
"It's okay, Jaylee. You're allowed to hurt. He was your big brother." He whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against her forehead, and Jaylee officially broke. She started to cry, and her cries turned into sobs. Luke held her tighter, his own eyes burning with tears. It killed him to see her in so much pain.
"He can't be gone, Luke." She sobbed, clutching his shirt with her hands. "He just can't."
Jaylee continued to sob, completely soaking Luke's shirt, but he didn't care. All he cared about was holding her and making sure she didn't fall completely apart. He didn't want to lose her, and he knew how much grief could damage a person. He knew he had to be the one to walk Jaylee through her pain and help her back up from all the pain that's weighing her down.
So, for the rest of the night, Luke held Jaylee in his arms and made sure she was okay. He stayed with her the whole night, and eventually, they both fell asleep in the embrace of each other.
***
Numerous amounts of flowers flooded Jaylee's front porch. Some were from family, some were from Sam's friends, but most were from people in the army. People would stop by and see how Jaylee and her mother were doing, but Jaylee never saw them. She never had the motivation to get up.
And the only person she wanted to see walking through the door was Sam, telling her he was home and it was all okay.
It never happened, and if it did, it was only a dream.
Jaylee finally managed to crawl out of bed on the day of his funeral. It was the last time she would see Sam, and she couldn't pass that up. She hopped in the shower and stood there, letting the water pour over her. Once she was done, she hopped out, brushed her teeth and hair, and dried her hair. She braided it and pinned it in a rose bun with loose pieces dangling on the sides.
Jaylee walked into her room and slid on a black dress paired with black flats. She applied light makeup-- enough to make her look like she had actually slept more than three hours the whole week.
She glanced at herself in the mirror. Jaylee was ready to go, but she most definitely wasn't ready to say goodbye.
Before Jaylee left her room, she grabbed the eulogy she wrote for Sam. Jaylee decided to write the eulogy because she knew if it was the other way around, Sam would have done it for her, no mattered how badly it hurt. She also grabbed the locket Sam had specially made for her when she turned sixteen and clasped it around her neck. Inside was a picture of her and Sam when he was leaving for Vietnam. It was the one picture where she looked truly happy, and she was; any time she was with her brother, she was genuinely happy.
Jaylee walked downstairs and saw Luke standing by the front door, dressed in a black suit and clearly cleaned up. He turned around and saw Jayle, his eyes filled with worry. Jaylee walked to him, and Luke pulled her into a tight embrace. Jaylee glanced up at him, and Luke smiled down at her.
"I love you so much." She whispered, and Luke's smile grew. He planted a quick kiss on her lips and held her tightly.
"I love you too. Always."
The two waited for her mom to come to the door, and then they all walked to the car. Jaylee's mom sat in the front, and Jaylee sat in the back with Luke. The whole time, Luke held her hand tightly. He would caress her hand with his thumb, and somehow, it calmed her down.
Once they arrived at the funeral, the first thing Jaylee noticed was all the army men standing around in their uniforms. Two of the men were talking to the pastor, and he would nod occasionally. Once Luke, Jaylee, and her mom walked over, the pastor greeted Jaylee's mom and shook her hand. The two of them talked while Jaylee glanced around until she spotted Raelynn.
Raelynn was standing by Sam's casket. Jaylee watched as a single tear trickled down her cheek, and how she would look at Sam, her eyes filled with grief. Jaylee's heart broke at the sight of it, because only she knew Sam planned on proposing to Raelynn when he returned.
Jaylee walked to Raelynn and touched her arm. Raelynn glanced at Jaylee and wrapped her arms around Jaylee, burying her head into her shoulder.
"I miss him, Jay." Raelynn sobbed, and Jaylee rubbed her back, tears trickling down her cheeks.
"I miss him too." Jaylee sobbed with Raelynn, and after she stopped hugging Jaylee. Raelynn glanced at Sam once more before she walked to her seat.
Jaylee walked closer to Sam. He looked lifeless, yet peaceful. Sam was dressed in his army suit and hat, and to Jaylee, he looked so handsome. She was so proud of her big brother and everything he had accomplished, she just wished that he would have been alive.
"Hey, big bro." Jaylee whispered, even though he wouldn't hear her, but somehow, it felt like he was standing right beside her. She could feel his presence. "I'm going to miss you. Don't forget to show off those muscles to those girls up there.
Jaylee laughed to herself, and a couple more tears fell from her eyes. She stood and looked at him and placed her hand on top of his.
"I love you, Sam, and I will always miss you. You will always be my big brother no matter what."
Luke walked over to Jaylee and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Jaylee rested her head on his shoulder and cried more. Luke gently rubbed her shoulder, pressing a kiss against her temple.
"It's about to start." He whispered, and Jaylee nodded. Luke led her to their seats, and the funeral started. The first thing to happen was the pastor's opening prayer, and then two of the army men grabbed a folded flag lying on the table, and walked over to Jaylee's mom. They bent down in front of her and presented the flag.
"We give this to you in honor of your son, Sam Collins, for his great act in our army. We will be forever grateful for his service." Jaylee's mom gave them a weak smile, thanked them, and grabbed the flag. Tears fell from her eyes as the men walked away to stand with the rest of the army men.
"Sam's little sister, Jaylee, has written the eulogy. She will now read it." Jaylee stood from her seat, and Luke kissed her hand before she walked up. She shot him a small smile before she stood in front of his casket and faced the people. She glanced around, and then she turned sideways, that way it felt like she was talking to Sam; it was the only way she was going to get through her speech. Jaylee took a deep breath, and then she started.
"Sam, if you were here right now, we would be sitting in the kitchen attempting to make the breakfast we would just end up burning. We would try to eat the pancakes and end up gagging because they were the worst pancakes ever made in history." Everyone laughed, and a weak smile appeared on Jaylee's lips. She faced the people once again, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm going to miss having my big brother to ride down the highway with, while we are jamming out to Katy Perry when we're happy, and then singing Whitney Houston when we felt like being dramatic. Or even those moments when the occasional Taylor Swift song would come on and we would really get into it, acting as if we were going through some bad break up like T-Swift."
More laughter erupted from the crowd, and Jaylee laughed too. She knew she would miss that most about Sam-- there was never a dull moment with him.
Once everything became quiet once again, Jaylee faced Sam's casket, a single tear escaping her eye. "But Sam, the thing I will miss most is having my best friend around-- the one person I could tell everything to, and the one I knew would have my back through thick and thin. I was truly blessed to have a brother like you, and I know you and dad are up there watching over mom and I." More tears streamed down Jaylee's face, and she glanced at the sky.
"I will miss you so much, and I will love you til the day I die. Until we meet again, Sam. I love you, big brother." Jaylee whispered the last sentence, and everyone applauded. She wiped away her tears, and glanced at her mom, who was clapping as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her mom smiled, and Jaylee smiled back.
Jaylee returned to her seat, and Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, baby." He whispered, kissing her temple, and she smiled at him as she rested her head against his shoulder.
After Jaylee's speech. the army men lined up with white guns. They fired three shots, as if to say goodbye to Sam. Jaylee walked over and looked at Sam one last time, and his smile flashed into her mind, as if he was saying, "It's gonna be okay, baby sis. I love you."
Jaylee smiled at the sky again and lifted her brother's hand to her lips, planting a gentle kiss. She felt a sense of peace, and she knew one day, she would see her big brother again.