"What are you doing here?" I asked as I let him in. The girls stood up at the sight of him. Confusion written all over their faces. Quickly closing the door, he turned to the girls and lifted up the bag he held.
"I have snacks." Madi took it from him and nodded her thanks. Opening it, she smiled when she saw the ice cream containers. We thanked him as Madi got spoons for us.
"Can we talk?" He asked softly, and I nodded. Taking his hand, I led him to the room.
This was weird. Why couldn't he have told me over the phone? Why did he have to come? How urgent was this, and why was it so bad that he had to tell me face-to-face? Closing the door, I turned and faced him. My heart was beating so fast and hard that I feared he'd hear it. He sat down on the bed and patted the space next to him. I sat down and folded my hands in my lap. It was shaking so badly. As usual, my mind thought of the absolute worst scenarios. He wanted to end our friendship. He didn't want to see me anymore. He was forced by JYPE to not talk to me after they found out we slept over.
"Is this bed enough for you?" He looked around, seeing no other bed or space for a makeshift bed on the floor. I shrugged and looked at the door.
"It'll be fine. It's all we could afford on short notice, and we have slept together before. So we'll be fine." I whispered, scared my voice would break. Why was I this scared? It was obviously nothing, since he seemed relaxed. Why was I stressed out?
"I wanted to see if you're okay. If everything went well?" He spoke softly, as if he were unsure of something. I scanned his face but found nothing worrisome.
"We are okay. Our case is getting sorted. Oh, and we got an extension on going home due to the case. They agreed." I smile at him. He smiled back while nodding.
"That's great. Maybe you'll still be here when we come back." He whispered, but his voice carried a hint of hope. My mind froze; I forgot he was leaving. How could I have forgotten? He moved his hand and brushed my hair back before cupping my face.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. I wanted to say goodbye." He spoke gently. My heart ached at this because who knew how long Jung Wook would allow us to extend? Chan and the boys will only be gone for a week, and that's nothing, but also, what if they see it as us taking the extension to our advantage? Suddenly, my eyes welled up with tears, making Chan frown.
"Hey no. Don't cry. We will see each other next week. It's going to be fine. Don't think the worst." He smiled sadly, and I nodded. For some reason, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. What if we have to go before? We will never see them again. I will never see him smile or play with his hair again. He moved his hands down to my hips and pulled me closer, making me sit on his lap.
Cupping his face in mine, I leaned in closer and put my forehead against his. We stared at each other for a long time before he closed his eyes and just deeply breathed out. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers through his curls. Gently tugging, I kissed his cheek. He laughed at that, his body shaking beneath me.
"I really like you, Elle. And I don't know what to do about it." He looked up at me, his eyes full of sadness and his ears red.
"I like you too. To the point of crying at the thought of leaving. I don't want to leave." My voice broke then, tears rushing forward again. He brushed them away, a slight smile on his face.
"Hey, it's going to be fine. We'll figure something out. I promise." He spoke, his voice shaky, and my heart broke. I looked at him, his eyes glossy. Was he crying? Or on the verge of it? Because of me? My heart was racing in my chest as a quick flash of how miserable my life would be without him. I just got Jeongin's number and thought we could be really good friends. At how we all got along with the boys. And after all this, it would be for nothing, as we have to leave again. Leave and not come back.
He pulled me closer to him as I rested my head in the crook of his neck, and he kissed the top of my head. We sat like that, just hugging each other for a long time. And while this happened, my tears couldn't stop.
***
"Where's your bathroom?" He asked. We sat like that for more than thirty minutes, just talking about his set list and how his day was. Climbing off him, I pointed to the ensuite as I left the room. Feeling hot and nervous, I went to get some water.
Walking in, I stopped. Madi and Vic were sleeping on the couch, Madi's head laying on the armrest with Vic's head on Madi's lap, curled up in a ball. My heart melted at the sight, and I just took a second to smile at them. I put the TV off and threw away one of the two tubs of ice cream that Chan brought. I kneeled down in front of them and lightly shook them.
"Come on, my loves, you can't sleep here and not like this. You'll hurt your necks." I whispered soothingly. Shaking them more, they both woke up. They slowly got up, and I guided them to the room, shocked to see Chan silently watching us. I winked at him as I walked past, making him laugh.
"When is Chan leaving? Should we stay up with you?" Madi whispered, and I shook my head.
"No, it's fine. He won't stay long, I think." I whispered back, looking at the time. It was almost midnight. They got undressed and quickly changed as I opened the bed for them. They got in, and I put the light off and shut the door.
Walking back, I smiled at Chan as he sat on the sofa with a glass of water in his hand. He put it down and stood up.
"Should I leave?" He took a step towards me, and I shook my head.
"Can you stay the night?"
He froze. His eyes went wide before relaxing again.
"You can leave early? Or you don't have to stay. You can sleep on the couch? Or..." I trailed off, nervous he'd say no. Was this moving too fast? It's not like I was offering anything. We were just stealing more time together before the end. And nothing will happen.
He nodded and pulled my hand so I was in front of him. We sat down, and for more than two hours, we sat and talked. I told him about the songs I'd want to cover, and he spoke of different genres he couldn't wait to release. He spoke of his next fan meeting next month and how the boys were thinking of different skits to do and how to surprise their fans. It was amazing watching him talk about his fans and members. There was a sort of glint in his eyes as his face just lit up. He was glowing, and you could see how genuine his love was for them. I admired him for it.
His eyes became red the more we spoke, and I knew that he had a long and hard day and that he needed sleep. It was three am.
"I'll be right back." I got up. Quickly getting dressed in a tank top and shorts, I took one of my oversized shirts and walked out with a blanket and a pillow for him. When I got back, he stood up. I fixed the couch for him and handed him the top.
"I think it'll fit." I handed it to him, and he smiled.
"Thank you." He turned red, his smile wide. I blushed and took his glass, slowly walking to the kitchen and staying extra long to give him privacy. When I got back, he was already under the covers, and I smiled down at him. I turned the light off and double-checked our locks. He patted the seat next to him, and I sat down.
"I had a weird thought." He laughed nervously. My face was still burning. I raised an eyebrow.
"I like weird." We burst out laughing at how corny that was, and I hid my face.
"Oh wow, that was horrible." I laughed. He took my wrists and moved them from my face. With his face bright and happy, his smile wide, and a dimple showing, he moved as far back as possible and opened the blanket for me. Stomach dropping, I looked at him. His entire face was red, and the hand that held the blanket was shaking. He was nervous. It was comforting to know that I wasn't the only one.
I moved up and tucked my legs in. I faced him, and he put his arm under my head as a pillow. He then tucked the blanket behind me. There was only about three inches of space between us, but it felt nonexistent with how hot I got. His body heat reached me, which only added to the already hot atmosphere.
"Can I just hold you? Because for some reason," he brushed a thumb over my cheek. "For some reason, I feel this is our last moment." My heart broke as tears escaped. He kissed my forehead and pulled me against him.
I grabbed handfuls of his shirt and tucked my head against his chest as he wrapped his other arm around me. Securing me against him and not falling off.
And with our legs tangled, his arms wrapped around me, and my head against his hard chest, I memorized everything. From his scent, which reminded me of a bonfire at a beach, to the feel of his hard chest. How he'd kiss my head or play with my fingers. But mostly, I locked away the memory of how it felt to be in his arms. Whether like this or a simple hug, I'll never forget this.
He started humming "Rewrite The Stars" and I fell asleep from the vibrations through his chest.
***
I woke up on my stomach and with arms around me, holding me tightly. Half my body was on top of him with his leg between mine. My eyes shot open, and when I saw Chan's peaceful face, I relaxed. Laying my head back down, I just closed my eyes and took it all in. The room was light as the sun started rising. Which meant the girls weren't up yet, as they were late sleepers. Chan's chest moved up as he snored slightly.
For some reason, I was awake and couldn't even think of sleeping, so I just closed my eyes and lived in the moment. His arms suddenly wrapped tighter against me as he kissed my head, making me smile. I lifted my head, resting my chin on his chest as I looked at him. He was smiling down at me, his face flustered from sleep.
"Good morning, baby." He whispered, making my heart stutter and heat rush over me. All I heard was 'baby'. He just called me baby! Biting my lip, I smiled at him. His eyes dropped to my mouth.
"Hi yourself." I started drawing shapes on his peck as we stared. It became so intense that I had to think of ice-cold water to cool down. He shifted his body as his hand slid lower, down to my hip. My throat dried up. His hand was on my hip, and the other around my waist. He shifted his hips again, his face suddenly red. Understanding washed over me as I too turned red. One because I knew what he was feeling. And two, because I felt the same.
"What time is it?" I asked, trying to move on. He checked his phone and cursed under his breath.
"It's only seven am." I frowned. Why was I up this early? Shaking my head, I sighed and slowly moved to get off him. We ended up on our sides, facing each other.
"It's too early. We can go back to sleep; this time I'll go to bed. If it'll make it better?" I whispered, suddenly scared to wake anyone up. He shook his head, looking out the window.
"Or we can make breakfast and watch a movie before I leave? And have a sort of second date?" He suggested, and a smile grew on my face.
"I really like that idea." I nodded, and we quietly made omelets with onions and cheese.
We ended up watching Toy Story 1. And during, we were holding hands, and I had my head on his shoulder as we sat under the blankets. I dozed off a few times, and at times his breathing would deepen, but we didn't move.
At 9 am the girls woke up and made breakfast pancakes, which me and Chan stole from, and we all ate together in silence as the movie went on.
"I have to go now." He spoke as he checked the time. 10 am. He'd need to get home and pack. We all got up, and the girls hugged him before leaving to give us privacy. When the door clicked, I faced him. Tears were running down; I didn't even bother wiping them
"I'm going to miss you." He whispered, and I could feel my heart crack even more. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me. I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent as my tears made his hoodie wet. I wrapped my arms around his waist and just held him tightly. The hug felt like happiness and sadness. Comfort and dread. It was both healing and pain. The hug lasted a while but felt too short as he cupped my face and stared down at me.
"I'll miss you too." My voice broke as I sniffed loudly. He smiled down at me and leaned further down. His face was so close to mine. Was this going to be our first kiss? Our final goodbye? I didn't want our first to be our last. But if I move now, I'll never know what his kiss felt like. Heart racing, I smiled up at him.
"I'll find you again. I'll find a way." He said it as if he could. As if we were allowed. As if he were allowed anything. He leaned closer, and I closed my eyes.
As his breath touched my lips, his phone rang, making me jump a mile. He sighed, his lips lightly brushing my nose. Pulling away, he checked it and hit ignore. Looking back at me, he forced a wide smile.
"Goodbye, Elle."
"Goodbye, Christopher." I said using his English name. He kissed my forehead one more time before leaving. I watched him get in his car and drive away through the window. And when he was gone I fell to the floor and cried. The girls rushed next to me trying to comfort me. But it didn't help.
He was gone.