𝐉𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐦
London Bridge
•••
"All I'm saying is that's a silly reason to cut off your best friend," I said as I finished packing my last suitcase. Our flight leaves in a few hours, and I'm just packing typical me.
I felt like time was passing by too quickly, but it was finally the off-season, so I couldn't complain. I had a great season, so it's time to rest, have fun, and spend time with my friends and loved ones.
"You don't get it," she said. "I'd never do that to her. If they should be a 'thing', I don't expect much from him because he's a guy, but she was literally my friend. It's just principle."
"Vini got Athena pregnant, and I haven't said another word about it. We're still cool; I even congratulated him," I shrugged, scanning the contents before me as I tried to figure out what I hadn't packed.
"Underwear," she said, noticing my gaze.
"Right!" I said, snapping my fingers.
"It's girl code; she knows she's wrong too. On top of it, she called me a control freak and said if I truly loved you, I wouldn't care who she dated, even if it was Trent. That was so low."
"I agree with her," I said, which drew a shocked expression from her. "Why do you care so much? You've moved on. Do you still have feelings for him?"
"No!" she exclaimed frustratedly. "Why isn't anyone getting it? It's less about him and more about the principle of it all. You never date someone your friend once liked or had feelings for."
"Brielle, you're not in high school. People are allowed to date anyone they choose to. Besides, you and that geezer weren't even that serious. It's not like we broke up and she's coming after me; then you would have a strong case. You being upset about her dating Todd is quite petty, really," I said as I grabbed as much underwear as I could, along with my gaming console. I never take a trip without it.
She looked at me confused. Todd, Tony, Trichomoniasis, whatever his name was. Not important.
"I knew you wouldn't get it," she mumbled.
"What did you expect me to say? 'Fuck Serena for dating a guy you used to date, a guy I currently hate? A guy who I think is madly in love with you?"I responded, a bit confused. "Why does it bother you so much? I mean, like I said Vini got my ex pregnant, and I don't even care so you shouldn't care about Serena and Tim."
Her brows furrowed as she looked at me, her frustration evident. "You can't possibly compare both situations, he's not your best friend and if he were you'd feel betrayed."
Just as I thought, no denial of my allegations.
"I wouldn't, because I moved on, I no longer have feelings for Athena so I would wish them the best, wish them a chance at happiness. That's exactly what you should do for Serena" I said.
"Jude, who died and crowned you Mr. so mature? You can't possibly think I'd believe that, you would definitely feel betrayed on some level." She insisted.
I sighed. "Baby, it's not about being 'Mr. Mature.' It's about recognizing if Serena is happy with this guy, then that's all that matters. We can't hold onto the past forever."
"She's not even his type" she muttered.
"Are you hearing yourself right now?" I looked at her beyond confused, if I were the one making these comments she wouldn't taken my head off.
"Okay Brielle, what's his type, let me guess you right?" I asked.
Before it was just a casual conversation, you know women like to go on and on about things men would find trivial, so she didn't have my full attention but now, she definitely does.
"No not like that, let's not stray for my point," she said as if she wanted to redirect the conversation.
"What's the point, because it sounds like you're not over this guy!" My voice slightly raised, unintentionally as I looked at her, if she could read me through my eyes she would know I was begging for it not to be so.
"I am over him. It's not about him, Jude. It's about Serena not considering my feelings."
"Brielle. what. feelings?" I asked stressing each word. "why does it matter?" I pressed, trying to understand her perspective.
"I don't want Trent, I don't have feelings for Trent!" She yelled, her voice filled with frustration. "It's about respect and loyalty between friends."
I sighed, feeling a bit perplexed by her reaction. "I truly don't get why you're so upset. It just seems like you're overreacting a bit."
"Maybe," she admitted, her frustration softening. "But it feels like she's disrespecting our friendship."
"Now, I'm concerned about us" I said sitting beside her.
"How are you making this about you right now, how are you making this about us? This is a Serena being a snake thing," she said.
"No, it's not," I replied quietly. "You're not talking to your friend over a guy who wasn't even your boyfriend, Brielle."
"You're taking this deeper than the music. I'll have you know this isn't a Trent thing, I'd feel like this about any guy from my past. I'm sorry I brought this up," she said, reaching for her phone, a habit of hers that always got under my skin.
"Don't do that. I'm still speaking," I said, swiping the phone from her grip before placing it behind me. "I will have your full attention."
"Jude? Why are you trying to start an argument right before our trip?" she asked, I could tell she was really over the conversation.
"Do you love me?" I asked abruptly.
"Jude really?" she questioned, taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation.
"Answer the question. Do you love me?" I repeated my tone firm.
As she looked into my eyes, her expression softened, and she nodded slowly. "Yes, I love you," she said. "I love you more than words can express. You complete me."
Her words stirred something deep in me, and for a moment, I was lost in the warmth of her affection. But as she leaned in to kiss me, I gently placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. I could tell she was shocked by my action.
"Do you really mean that?" I asked, my voice couldn't mask the uncertainty that I was feeling. "Are you truly happy with me?"
Her eyes widened in surprise at my question, "Yes, I'm happy with you," she replied. "You're the love of my life, the one I want to spend every moment with, where are you heading with this?"
But as I studied her face, searching for any hint of doubt or hesitation, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. "Are you sure you're being honest with yourself?" I pressed gently, my heart heavy with concern. "I need to know the truth, Brielle."
She hesitated for a moment, her gaze dropping to the ground before meeting mine once more. "I'm not about to fight with you," she said finally, her voice soft but resolute. "I am happy with you. You mean everything to me. I have no idea what you're going on about."
I could see the sincerity in her eyes, feel the truth in her words, and yet a nagging doubt lingered in the back of my mind. She was always so good at masking her true feelings, burying them beneath layers of smiles and laughter. But this time, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.
"What is it about him?" I finally asked, with the memory of seeing them together still haunting me. The way she seemed to light up in his presence, was different from when she was with me.
Her eyes met mine, filled with both frustration and sadness.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you questioning my love for you?" she countered, her voice tinged with emotion. "Jude, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. My heart felt like it exploded. Baby I love you. Even though I asked for space, I knew I was coming back. Jude, if we break up for good..."
She trailed off, her voice catching in her throat, and for a moment, there was silence between us.
"If we break up for good," she finally continued, her voice soft but filled with an undeniable depth of emotion, "it would be like witnessing the fall of the London Bridge— a moment engraved in history, forever imprinted in the deepest corners of my memory. It's the kind of event that changes everything. It would be a memory I could never erase, a pain I could never fully heal."
I had never heard her express her feelings with such raw honesty, such profound vulnerability. And in that moment, I realized just how much she meant to me, how much I had taken her love for granted.
"But Brielle," I began, my voice trembling with emotion, "I haven't been the best boyfriend to you. I've made mistakes, I've let you down—
She reached out, gently cupping my face in her hands, "Yes Jude," she whispered, her voice barely above a breath, "despite it all, I still love you."
My eyes searched hers, hoping to find clarity in the depths of her gaze. Though her words were profound, her eyes told a different story. They weren't matching her words.
"I hear you," I began, my voice soft but determined. "But there's something you're not telling me, and if we're going to make this work, we can't have any secrets between us."
She released a sigh.
"I'm only going to ask you one more time. What is it about him?" I asked.
Her gaze faltered, breaking away from mine as she looked down, her silence stretching between us like an unspoken barrier. I waited patiently, knowing that whatever she had to say was important, even if it was difficult to hear.
"I don't understand the question," she said lowly.
"What is he that I'm not?" I asked, trying to be as patient as I could.
"Jude that question is a setup, it's easy for you to take that as—
"Brielle," I said, releasing a deep exhale.
After what felt like an eternity, she finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "I felt safe with him. It's safe"
Her words hit me like a punch to my stomach, like a wet football kicked to my face. Jealousy threatened to rear its ugly head, but I knew that giving in to that emotion would only lead to further damage. Instead, I swallowed the bitter taste of jealousy and focused on the bigger picture.
"I don't want him nor do I have feelings for him. But I felt safer, it was easier" she said.
Her honesty was a step in the right direction, a sign that she was willing to open up and be vulnerable with me. Taking a deep breath, I reached out and gently lifted her chin, urging her to meet my gaze once more.
"Thank you for telling me," I started, "you don't feel safe with me?"
"I don't," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love you, but I feel like you're going to cheat again, and next time it's going to completely wreck me. You keep going higher and higher, and I dread the day you hit my deal breaker."
My heart sank at her words, the pain evident in her eyes tearing me apart from the inside out. She continued, listing off the reasons for her doubts, each one like a dagger aimed at my heart.
"You had a girl in your hotel room, you basically told the world you were single, you say you love me but you're on a dating app. I'm not stupid, I know those screenshots weren't old, but I found comfort in that lie," she confessed, "Each day, I'm on edge because I don't know what you'll do next. You're in the spotlight, Jude. Girls fall at your feet. I get the temptation but don't string me along, my heart can't take it."
I felt a lump form in my throat as I struggled to find the right words to ease her worries, to reassure her of my love and commitment.
But before I could respond, she spoke again. "With Trent, it's a safe choice. A simple life, simple guy in the same world. But he's not you, and it's you that I want. If you do something to cut me deep again, London Bridge will fall. I'm going to die... on the inside."
I felt the weight of her fears, the gravity of her emotions pressing against my heart. The analogy she created, though cryptic, I understood.
I couldn't help the smile that came "At least you know you're the monarch of my heart, the sovereign of my soul." I laughed trying to lighten the mood.
"You know, they say everything eventually comes to an end, but our end isn't near. London Bridge won't fall, because there's only two times I need you, now and forever." I said as I looked at her.
I pressed my lips to her forehead, "I want us to move on from my past mistakes, I'm so sorry that you are on edge, but I can't lose you. I won't lose you. I meant it, no more mistakes. You're safe. I'm sorry for ever giving you reasons to feel that way," I confessed, as I held her gaze.
"You make me feel like the chosen one, Brielle. Out of eight billion people in the world, I still chose the one, I chose you, you're the one. If the world ended tragically, and in the new world, I still had my memory. I'd come to find you. I'd search every corner of existence until I found you because there's no one else I'd rather be with." I stated.
Her eyes softened, "Wow," she murmured. "I'm lost for words."
"That's fine." I said, "I just need you to know that I'm here, now and forever. There's no one else I'd rather be with, no one else who holds my heart like you do."
"I need you to promise me that you'll always be honest with me, that you'll never hide anything from me again," she said. "I need to know that I can trust you completely,"
I nodded, my throat constricting with emotion. "I promise, Brielle. I'll never hide anything from you or do anything to hurt you again."
"I love you," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "Now and forever."
"Maybe I should give Serena a call and apologize, if that's what's going to make her happy then so be it. And also prove to you I'm over him," she sighed.
"Everyone deserves to be happy, even if it's with a guy like him," I shrugged, I still wasn't a fan of him and never will be. "And I know you love me, nothing to prove to here."
"Should I call her now?" She asked.
"Sure," I said, handing her back her phone as I went on mine to look at our itinerary again.
As she dialed Serena's number, I could hear the FaceTime ringer until she finally answered. The atmosphere seemed tense, given their recent disagreement. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Serena's face on the screen, her expression guarded.
"Brielle?" she said, her voice cautious.
"Hey," Brielle began, her voice soft and apologetic, "I..uh...I just wanted to say I'm sorry about how I reacted to you wanting to date Trent. I was wrong for the things I said and how I've been acting these past few days."
Serena's face softened on the screen. "It's fine, B. I know I was out of line too, and I shouldn't have pushed it. I wanted to reach out to you, but I knew how disappointed you were, and I was afraid."
Brielle sighed, visibly relieved. "Yeah I get that, but I'm ready to move on, and support whatever makes you happy, even if it's Trent."
"Well there won't be any happiness coming from him", she said a bit hesitantly, "I shot my shot, he caught it then punctured the ball." She laughed lightly before adding, "He said he could never do that to you, Brielle, because he knows we're friends. It was at that moment I truly saw what you were saying."
I rolled my eyes, listening to their conversation for fucks sake! Of course, he'd say something like that. How can anyone not see through this guy and his pretentious ways?
"He said that?" Brielle asked, "That's shocking because men really don't care."
"Well, this one cares about you. A lot" Serena said..
I almost felt triggered enough to take the phone and end the call myself. I deserved this. I should've stayed out of it. I encouraged peace between them but at what cost? Now I'm hearing this load of shit.
"Anyway, I'm glad we talked I'll catch up with you later," Brielle said.
"Me too," Serena replied, a genuine smile spreading across her face. "Later"
After they said their goodbyes, she turned to me with a grateful expression. "Well. All good."
I nodded, though inwardly I still harbour new feelings about "Yeah, all good," I replied, trying to mask my doubts.
She sensed my hesitation and reached out to grasp my hand. "Jude, I promise everything's fine. I'm over Trent, completely. You're the only one I want."
I squeezed her hand reassuringly, attempting to dispel my lingering doubts. "That's not it. She pursued him despite knowing your feelings, and if he hadn't rejected her, they'd be together. That's interesting."
"Finally! Now you see what I was talking about. Even Trent knows the code; he had more decency than my so-called best friend," she mumbled.
"No, that's not it." I shook my head, feeling a twinge of annoyance. "He's just a 'pick me,' thought that was a trait only found in bitches"
"Jude," she gasped.
"It's true. He'll do anything to appear shiny in your eyes. But he's not shiny. I'm telling you, he's pretentious." He was playing the long game, but I hope he knows I'll knock him out.
"Okay, baby, he's pretentious," she agreed, but her tone suggested she just wanted me to drop the subject.
"Brielle," I said.
"Babe, it doesn't matter what he does, Trent could open up the heaven and bring me Jesus and it still would not matter because he's not you" she stated.
She patted me before she continued, "Anyway, I think we should leave Bob Marley Museum and going to the club Mecca as the last thing we do, we're landing in Mobay and that's a 3-hour or more drive to Kingston, I hate long drives" she said changing the topic.
But I couldn't focus, everything about that guy perplexed me. Men don't care who are friends or not; him declining Serena, he's so in love with my girl it's sickening.