You cannot call yourself peaceful without the ability to cause great destruction.
Without the ability to cause damage, you're not peaceful. You're harmless.
༺♥༻
Tw- mentions of bullying, blood, delusions and slight symptoms of Munchausen by Proxy. Do NOT read this chapter if you're uncomfortable with dark topics.
Song- Ashes, Céline Deon
。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆
The classroom buzzed with the excitement of kids discussing their last examination, the sound of rain outside adding a gentle rhythm to the chaos. Some students snacked on their tiffin early, while others gossiped about the latest school drama or their after-school plans. Amidst this cacophony, one girl sat alone by the window, her eyes fixed on the raindrops racing down the glass.
Y/n exhaled onto the window, watching the condensation form before tracing patterns with her fingertip. The noise in the classroom seemed distant and muffled as her mind wandered far from the present moment. Her daydream was abruptly interrupted by a commotion nearby. She turned her head to see the group of rich kids—Ji-woo and her cronies—approaching a small, nerdy girl.
Y/n's blood began to boil as she watched Ji-woo flick the girl's forehead and snatch her glasses away. "Hey," Y/n called out, her voice cutting through the chatter and drawing the attention of the group. Seven of them, she counted. The infamous clique that ruled the school with an iron fist.
Ji-woo turned, a smug grin spreading across her face. "What? Are you trying to say something?" she taunted, holding the glasses just out of reach of their owner.
"Give them back," Y/n demanded, standing up. Her hands trembled slightly as she walked over, but she kept her voice steady. "Now."
Ji-woo's smile widened. "And what are you going to do about it?" she sneered, pushing Y/n back. "You think you can take us all on?"
Y/n didn't flinch. She grabbed Ji-woo's wrist and yanked the glasses free, returning them to the grateful girl. "Let's settle this in the hallway," she said, her eyes locked on Ji-woo's. "Unless you're afraid."
Ji-woo's friends exchanged amused glances before the group sauntered out of the classroom, Y/n following close behind. A crowd of curious students trailed after them, eager to witness the confrontation.
The hallway, dimly lit and echoing with the sound of raindrops against the windows, became the arena. Lockers lined the walls, a few of them sporting stickers and graffiti. The polished linoleum floor gleamed under the fluorescent lights, soon to be scuffed by the impending chaos.
Ji-woo wasted no time. She shoved Y/n hard, sending her sprawling against the lockers. "You're nothing," she spat. "Just a pathetic loser."
Y/n winced but pushed herself back up, only to be met with another shove. Ji-woo grabbed her collar and slammed her against the lockers again. "Think you can stand up to us?" she sneered, her friends laughing behind her.
Before Y/n could recover, Yeoji approached with a fire extinguisher taken from a nearby emergency station. "Got a little surprise for you," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Yeoji swung the extinguisher, striking Y/n in the side. Pain exploded through her ribs as she collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath. The other girls cackled with glee, cheering Yeoji on.
"Still want to play hero?" Yeoji mocked, lifting the extinguisher again.
This time, Y/n managed to get a hand up, grabbing the extinguisher mid-swing. She grunted, using all her strength to push it back, but Yeoji was stronger. The extinguisher came down hard, smashing against Y/n's shoulder. She cried out in pain, collapsing further.
Ji-woo leaned in close, her breath hot and taunting. "You should've stayed quiet. Now look at you."
Their laughter echoed in the hallway, turning the scene into a nightmare. Y/n's vision blurred, her mind clouded by pain and humiliation. Suddenly, a cold splash of water hit her face, shocking her senses. One of the girls had emptied a water bottle over her head. The icy liquid jolted her back to reality.
For a moment, Y/n lay there, her mind a haze of agony and shame. The water mingled with the blood and sweat on her face, dripping onto the linoleum floor. The cruel laughter of Ji-woo and her gang rang in her ears, a cacophony of mockery.
But something shifted deep inside her. Anger flared into a fierce resolve. With a low growl, Y/n began to push herself up, her muscles screaming in protest.
"Look at her, trying to get up," one of the girls jeered.
But Y/n wasn't just getting up.
She was rising.
Like a feline predator she lunged at Yeoji, tearing the fire extinguisher from her hands. The surprise on Yeoji’s face was priceless, her cocky smirk replaced by wide-eyed fear. Y/n swung the extinguisher with all her might, hitting Yeoji in the stomach. The girl doubled over, gasping for breath.
Next, Y/n turned to Ji-woo, who was backing away, her confidence shattered. "You think you can hurt me?" Y/n snarled. "You're the one who's pathetic."
Ji-woo’s friends scattered, their bravado evaporating. Y/n advanced on Ji-woo, who held up her hands in a futile gesture of defense. "Wait, wait," Ji-woo stammered. "Let's talk about this."
Ignoring Ji-woo's plea, Y/n grabbed her by the collar and slammed her against the lockers with a force that stunned the watching crowd. The impact knocked the air out of Ji-woo's lungs, leaving her gasping for breath.
"You want to bully someone?" Y/n's voice was cold, devoid of any sympathy. She tightened her grip on Ji-woo's collar, her fingers digging into the fabric. "Feel how it is to be on the receiving end."
With a swift motion, Y/n drove her knee into Ji-woo's abdomen, eliciting a pained grunt from the girl. Ji-woo's eyes widened in fear as Y/n's rage burned hot and unrelenting.
"You think you can hurt others for fun?" Y/n's voice was low, almost a growl. She grabbed Ji-woo's wrist and twisted it sharply, the bones audibly cracking under the pressure. Ji-woo cried out in agony, tears streaming down her face.
Y/n's expression remained steely as she shoved Ji-woo against the lockers again, harder this time. The impact reverberated through the hallway, causing Ji-woo to slump to the ground, clutching her injured wrist.
"Apologize," Y/n demanded, her voice dripping with menace.
Ji-woo whimpered, clutching her wrist in pain. "I-I'm sorry," she managed to choke out, her voice trembling.
"Not to me," Y/n snapped, towering over Ji-woo. "To her."
Ji-woo's gaze flicked to the nerdy girl, who stood trembling in the doorway, her eyes wide with shock and relief. "I-I'm sorry," Ji-woo repeated, louder this time, her voice tinged with genuine fear.
The hallway fell silent, the students too stunned to speak. Y/n released Ji-woo's collar, letting her slump against the lockers in defeat. She turned away, leaving Ji-woo and her cronies to nurse their wounds and shattered pride.
As she walked past the classroom, the nerdy girl mouthed a 'thank you.' Y/n gave a small nod, then kept walking, her body aching but her spirit unbroken.
Finally, a teacher appeared, rushing down the hallway, umbrella in hand. "What on earth is going on here?" he shouted, his voice a mixture of anger and panic.
Ironic, Y/n thought. Useless too.
The school nurse hurried past the teacher, her face a mask of concern. She reached Y/n and wrapped an arm around her, guiding her away from the scene. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," she said gently.
Y/n leaned on the nurse, grateful for her support. "They were bullying her..." she muttered. "What was I supposed to do, stay silent?"
The nurse gave her a sad smile. "You did the right thing, but that doesn't mean you won't face consequences."
Y/n nodded, knowing the truth of it. Ji-woo and her gang might get off easy, but Y/n was no stranger to trouble. Still, for once, she felt a sense of satisfaction. She had stood up, fought back, and won.
Back in the classroom, the students buzzed with excitement, their phones abuzz with videos and messages about the fight. Some looked at Y/n with newfound respect, others with fear.
But Y/n didn't care. All she cared about—
Was the fact that she had saved someone from being bullied by someone stronger than them.
✿
That day when Y/n arrived home, she had her head bowed. Due to the adrenaline and the want to do something for the new girl, she had completely forgotten about how her mother would react to her wounds.
She touched her bandaged forehead and glanced around the house, slowly getting out of the shoes covered in mud and putting them to the side. Her eyes scanned the house, her breathing slow as she took in the way everything was. She could see the little blue colored wheelchair, she saw the way everything was alright. The windows were open, the sun was shining into the living room. It all seemed good.
Taking her socks off as well she slipped into a pair of slippers and started to walk into the house, pressing her foot down so she wouldn't make a sound.
However, she froze when she heard the door of the kitchen fling open.
"Where's my darling?" Her mother's voice was as soft as a whisper as she called out to her daughter from the kitchen. Y/n's eyes widened in fear as she realized her mother had come back.
The silence was thick, y/n's breath became shaky as she felt her mother's footsteps getting closer to her.
She trembled, the mud and water covered school shirt sticking to her body as she began to curse internally. Fuck fuck her mother was going to fly into an episode if she saw her like this. She didn't want to have to throw up pills again, it always made her chest hurt and her eyes sting.
"Hello mummy.." She said, turning her head towards her mom with a look of guilt in her eyes. Gods above what was her mom going to think?
The woman stops moving. Not a single sound leaves her mouth, as she takes in the sight of her daughter in front of her. Y/n's hair is matted down from the water, her clothes are drenched in mud, and her injuries are clear as day. The woman's mouth opened and closed, as if she was trying to find the right words to say, or trying to process the sight in her eyes. Her poor little girl who wasn't supposed to do anything but be protected by her, looked like she had been beaten up.
"Mummy I'm fine-" Y/n said before her mother could say anything. "I didn't break anything mummy, I'm totally fine ok?"
Her words came out in panic as she pointed at her legs and arms, even lifting her right leg up to show how she could move properly.
She bit her bottom lip as she reached up to the bandage on her forehead, slowly unwrapping it with a wince. The wound was already starting to scar, but it wasn't as bad as it had seemed like to y/n- infact if she pushed her bangs forward, the scar wouldn't even be visible! The only thing she did have on her now, was the mud and the rain water. That should be fixable right?
"You need a shower," Her mother said as she grabbed Y/n by her shoulders and steered her towards the bathroom.
Y/n already knew she was fucked.
As she let her mother take off her shirt with her trembling, wrinkled hands she could feel her own body trembling from fear and a strange sense of shame. She shouldn't feel ashamed of being undressed by her mother but for some reason, it felt more intrusive- wrong, even.
"Get in," Her mother said as she gestured towards the tub with the slightly warm water and the single yellow rubber duck. Y/n's hand touched the water briefly to check if it was skin scorching hot like the last time her mother had made her get into the tub like this, but it wasn't.
Slowly and shakily she got into the tub, sitting in the water with her breathing trembling as she pulled her knees to her chest and held them together. She could feel her mother stroke her hair, humming in that sweet voice of her's.
"How many times have I asked you to not try and get in fights?" Her mother hummed, making the girl's skin crawl in fear.
"A lot of times..." She said, feeling a fresh batch of hot tears running down her cheeks. Her mom loved her, she knew that, but her love was scary for the 13 year old. It felt like the kind of love that scarred her everyday, a scar shaped like a heart.
Her mother keeps humming, gently stroking y/n's hair. The gentle touch feels too intimate even though it shouldn't feel that way. That makes it worse, it brings back memories of what shouldn't have been.
"I'm sorry, mummy..." y/n whispers as she bows her head down and sobs softly, feeling that familiar sense of shame and guilt wash over her, a feeling that made her feel as if she had done something terribly wrong, as if she had committed a crime.
She missed the time when her mother's touch felt like home, like a mother's touch should feel like. She loved her mother, she loved her mother's being- but she didn't quite like her mother.
Her nails dug into her skin as she felt holding her knees together, the water in the tub turning dirtier as it cleaned off the accumulated dirt on the girl's body.
"I've asked you many times to not try to be a hero.." Her mother said..
And then the pain came.
Y/n shrieked as her hair was pulled back, forcing her to look up at the ceiling. She could feel her mother panting near her neck.
"What if some monster finds you huh? Do you want to die y/n? Do you want to leave me and go away?" Her mother asked with a gentle voice still, that goddamn gentle voice that felt like blades to the girl's heart.
"No mummy.." She choked out, tears rolling down her neck at this point. "I'd never leave you, y/n's a good girl, I promise.."
Every time her mother spoke, she felt this sense of immense guilt wash over her. She knew her mother loved her, but the way she used to talk to her was horrible. She felt her mother's grip tighten as she cried softly in the tub, her head still locked in an upward direction.
"Do you know that I need you?' The mother whispered. "Do you know how much I depend on you to stay alive?"
The last few words came out as a whisper, as if even the mother herself was horrified at what she had just said.
"Yes, mummy." Y/n whispered. "I don't want to leave you and go away."
The girl shivered at the thought of leaving her, of being on her own without her mother.
The mother seemed to be satisfied, as she finally loosened her hold on her daughter's hair.
"That water's getting dirty, you need to get out." She said softly. Y/n didn't dare to disobey, she stood up slowly, the water clinging to her skin.
Her fists tightened by her side as her mother wiped her down, her stomach sinking in shame once more. Her eyes didn't dare looked at her mother as she rubbed some cream on her daughter's arms, before opening the cabinet and pulling a pill bottle.
Y/n knew that drug well, she had read it in a biomedical therapy book in the library. Haldol, her mother's old medication that she had decided was needed by her daughter as well to treat her mind.
Y/n didn't need to be told by her mother just how wrong her mind was.
"Take one," Her mother commanded her, and y/n did just that. She took a pill and put it into her mouth, pressing it into the side of her jaw and smiling at her mother as her tongue tucked it between her gum and her cheek.
"Thank you mummy, how about you go to your room? I'll be there in a second," She told her mother, who stared at her for a few seconds, before turning around and walking out.
Y/n immediately gripped the side of the sink, spitting out the pill and some extra saliva so any dissolved part of it didn't go into her stomach. Her body shook as she opened the tap, her other hand closing the door.
And then she sobbed.
Her fingers gripped the porcelain of the sink as she cried her little heart out, the bravery she had shown back in school long gone. She wasn't a girl who had beaten up bullies for the new girl anymore, she was just a scared 13 year old.
Y/n cried for a long time, letting all of their emotions pour out of her as the adrenaline left her system. It was a flood of negative thoughts that ran wild in her mind. Eventually, the girl ran dry of tears and so she just sat in the bathroom, silent and still as she tried to come to grips a whole range of emotions.
Her cries only stopped when she heard the sound of paws on the door.
Wiping her tears with the back of her hand she opened the door and looked down at the cat, the dumb ginger cat who had her beautiful blue eyes looking up at y/n.
"Ddol ddol.." Y/n muttered as she squatted down and held her hand out for the kitten, who immediately got on it's hind legs and gripped y/n's finger, trying to nibble and lick at it.
Dumb cat..
"Have you eaten?" She asked the cat as she shook her hand out of it's grip and stood up, taking the shower coat off the shelf nearby and putting on as she walked out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen, the dumb tiny cat following her.
The cat's dumbness was the only thing y/n could focus on right now. It was a distraction, and a welcome one at that. It was cute, in an idiotic way, it also brought a smile to her face for the first time since she had gotten home.
Y/n felt as if the cat's antics had lifted her spirits slightly, she just wanted to forget everything that had just happened for a few minutes and just do something positive.
So she decided to focus on the adorable cat infront of her.
She opened the fridge and bit her tongue as she stared at the half empty fridge. Hm, she would have to go grocery shopping soon. Money wasn't a problem due to her mom's bank account, being able to manage that money and actually doing things was a problem- something she had a problem with as a kid but did very well now.
"You're gonna get fat if I keep feeding you tuna, you spoiled brat," She cooed at the cat as she pulled out a can of tuna and poured some of it onto a plate, starting to smash it with the back of a spoon as she always did for the 1 year old cat. Kitten? Could it be called a kitten anymore?
The cat's eyes lit up as it smelled the tuna being smashed up. It meowed softly, as if begging for the tuna to be served faster, it was hungry and it wanted the food, it didn't care if it was smashed up, as long as it was edible.
Y/n loved that she was one of the few things in the world that the cat always adored. She loved that it had chosen her to care for it, like it trusted her, or rather it was smart enough to realize that she was a source of food.
She finally kneeled down and placed the food plate on the floor in front of the cat, sighing as she scratched it's ginger back.
"Dumbass cat, you're such a cutie," She cooed at the cat as her cuteness aggression grew. It was strange how ddol ddol always knew how she felt, when she cried and how to distract her by being a very demanding little thing. Y/n didn't mind. It felt nice.
"Now eat, I'll go check up on mummy," She said as she stood up and walked out of the kitchen again.
The sky outside was still a little cloudy from the rain but she could see the way the sun shined through the clouds. It must feel so good outside, the chilly air and the warm sun soothing her skin- but she couldn't go out. She needed to take care of her mom, put her to sleep, then check around the house for anything her mom displaced, study, go out to help the neighbor take care of her 3 young kids and come back, study more- you get the drill, the little girl was a busy woman.
Opening the door of her mom's room she blinked, watching her mom sitting on her bed while looking out.
She looked so normal, unlike the woman who had just terrified her little girl and tried to give her a drug meant for schizophrenic people. It ached deep in y/n's heart to watch her mother slowly slip away day by day, and she wasn't sure if she was ever going to be ok with it.
"Come on mummy, you need to rest," She told her mom as she walked up to the bed and made her mother lay down. Her mother was still the most beautiful woman in the world, but she looked like someone had torn the veil of beauty off her, leaving her in a dress that was covered in dirt and pain.
It wasn't fair.
"You're such a pretty girl baby," Her mother smiled as y/n turned towards the bedside table to get her mom's medicines.
"Thank you mummy, I get it from you," She replied, her throat tightening. It felt so normal it was almost wrong.
"Oh, shut up," The woman laughed in an almost mother-like way. "You know you're all your father, you can't deny it after all this time."
She paused as if a memory had struck her. "I wish your father was here, I miss him so much. I wish I could talk to him, if only for a little while."
"He'd come back, you know. If I told him all about how much I need him-"
"Mom stop it," Y/n interrupted her mother as she held the pill bottle cap out for her mother with the pill in it, along with a small bottle of water.
"My dad left you when you were pregnant. He's gone, dead for all I care. He doesn't care about you or me, he's a coward for what he's done to you. To me. To us. Don't mention the name of a coward in front of me."
Y/n took a deep breath as she watched her mom swallow the pill with a silent, guilty expression.
"I'm sorry mummy but you know you can't keep thinking he's coming back," She muttered as she stroked her mom's forehead.
Y/n's mother flinched for a moment at her harsh words, her smile vanishing as she gulped down the pill.
Her mother nodded her head slightly, she knew she was right. She knew the truth of the matter and it hurt to have the truth shoved in her face like that.
She remained silent as y/n stroking her forehead, her face unreadable, but her eyes spoke volumes.
Y/n's mother couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling in her stomach, it was a feeling of guilt and sadness wrapped up into one giant ball. Her daughter was right, he was a coward, a coward for what he had done to them.
But it hurt knowing that it was true, he was a coward, a man who had no regard for the woman he had married, the woman that had trusted him with the lives of herself and her unborn child, and he did nothing to prove that trust worthy.
She watched her mom slowly drift off to sleep, her heart sinking.
Her mother was unlucky in love, and it hurt y/n. Her mummy deserved the best in the world, the best everything.
Getting out of the bed she walked out of the room, walking towards the kitchen with a thought lingering in her mind.
She wanted to be a little lazy today, but she didn't know what to do. The girl had already finished her syllabus and she didn't feel like solving question papers right now, neither did she want to just lay in bed.
"Hey ddol ddol," She called out to her cat who had picked her own bowl up using her mouth and was halfway towards the edge of the room where it kept it's bowl for y/n to wash.
It immediately sprinted to the edge and placed the bowl down before running back to Y/n, meowing as it rubbed against her leg.
Y/n smiled and kneeled down, picking the cat up and rubbing her nose with it. It reminded y/n of a dog sometimes.
"I should call you dog," She teased the cat.
The cat meowed, not sounding quite offended by the tease, in fact, it sounded almost amused.
"Hm.. I don't think you like me calling you a dumb cat though, do you?" She joked as she placed the cat back down, it immediately pouncing at her feet and curling around her ankle, purring and meowing softly with its eyes closed.
"I wonder what goes on in your head."
She tilted her head.
"Probably nothing. You lucky thing."
Stepping carefully so as to not step on the cat she walked up to the bowl and picked it up, before walking over to the sink and placing it down. Picking up the scrubber, she pumped some soap onto it and started the water, her hands working diligently to clean the bowl right away even as the cat ran haywire in between her legs. It was so funny to her, it made her giggle in a way she forgot about the world's troubles right now.
Yet her smile didn't last long as she looked up through the window and her heart dropped.
She saw the weird thing at the top of the neighbor's building.
It looked like a bird, it's head turning from side to side as it sniffed the air, yet it had some human characteristics.
Great, y/n thought to herself. She was getting her mom's schizophrenia young.
Closing the window silently she turned around and kneeled on the floor, hiding from the closed window in case that thing was real. Covering her ears she closed her eyes, starting to count. 1.2...
Such a crazy day. Just a few hours ago she was beating the annoying seven, Jiwoo's little group up like she was the bravest hero in the world and now she was cowering like a terrified child from a figment of her imagination.
"One...two...three..." She continued under her breaths, but y/n had no intention actually count all the way to ten.
She felt her head spinning, all her emotions swirling around inside of her, the fear, sadness, anger and stress from earlier, everything seemed so overwhelming right now.
The girl didn't know what to do, she felt trapped. Was she having a panic attack?
She could hear her breathing getting faster and faster, it didn't help that her heartbeat felt like it was pounding out of her chest.
However her eyes snapped open as she heard the sound of paws against the closed window.
How did the dumb cat get up THERE?
"Ddol ddol!" She hissed at the cat as it pushed the window open to the side a little, it's tail wagging from side to side as it poked it's head out. Gods, she waited for ddol ddol to be snatched away by the thing, or just turn away and jump down the counter because the bird thing was just a figment of y/n's imagination.
Until Ddol ddol meowed.
The meow sounded angry, like the cat was saying 'SAY IT TO MY FACE FUCKER HOW ABOUT THAT I'LL BITE YOUR LITTLE WINGSIES OFF AND SWALLOW IT WITHOUT SAUCE' in cat, before letting out an angry hiss.
"Ddol ddol stop," Y/n said as she stood up and pulled the cat back, before peeking out of the opened spot.
The thing was..gone?
"Huh?" She said as she opened the window, looking out in shock as ddol ddol licked it's paw while being held in her hand.
"...you, you're a scary thing, I love you," She smiled at ddol ddol.
The cat was something else.
Y/n was completely confused by the events that had just taken place.
The cat, being a complete badass, had just gotten back and was now casually licking her paws. She wasn't showing any signs of fear or trauma, it was as if the cat thought the bird thing was no big deal.
The girl was stunned, she was completely speechless by the cat's behaviour, she wasn't sure if she should be proud or terrified of ddol ddol now.
She was sure that thing was in her imagination, and even if it was, ddol ddol seemed to have scared away the monster in her imagination.
Y/n had her answer in her hands. She protected everyone, and ddol ddol protected her.
"Can you be a little more sane the next time you do that?" She asked the cat as she held it close to her chest, her eyes drifting off to towards the terrace of the house again.
The cat purred contentedly as she held it, Y/n had to admit, the cat was one badass companion.
Y/n's eyes drifted towards the terrace again as she thought about what the thing might have been. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she couldn't help but think, what if it was real?
She looked back down at the cat and smiled as it fell asleep, its head leaning against her chest.
"God, I love you stupid cat."
Y/n sighed softly and closed the window, locking it with all her might. It would be better to pretend the weird bird-thing didn't exist, no need to let her mind run wild.
However, her heart beat wildly for a little while longer, still feeling the rush of emotions that had come with her panic attack moments ago.
"Okay, maybe I need to start with my breathing exercises." She told herself, letting out a breath and closing her eyes, trying to relax her body with each breath.
The girl sat down on the floor, trying to keep steady with her breaths, her heart beat finally calming down. She felt better now after that little session, but she definitely needed to look into why she had reacted so strongly to that strange encounter earlier.
"I'll be fine."
-: ✧ :-゜・..・゜-: ✧ :-
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