Eighteen, Regret.
Days had passed, weeks even, Adeline and Rick still hadn't looked each other in the eye since that night.
The one that had ruined their platonic relationship. That night in the guard tower had fucked everything up and now it was awkward.
The pair couldn't look in the same direction without tension arising. They both regretted it— that night was clearly a heat of the moment, caught up in their grief, point-blank mistake.
Rick had busied himself with farming, learning everything he could from Hershel, anything to distract him from the woman.
Adeline focused on her daughter, helping her mourn and move on. Lola was happier now, of course, she still wasn't over her father's death and the part she played in it, but she was slowly coming to terms with it and accepting that what's done is done, she can't change that. Hershel had been helping her the most, every day he sat her down and had a talk. The older man tried to do the same with Adeline, but she was distracted—
Since that night with Rick, she couldn't look any of the Greene's in the eye without bile rising in her stomach. The woman felt she had betrayed them all, done something outrageous, like she had committed a crime against humanity.
Rick felt awful, he knew he shouldn't have. He felt as if he had prayed on the woman's vulnerability and used her, he felt like a sick man.
Yes, both of their spouses were dead, and they were widows, but Adeline couldn't help the guilt creeping up on her. Despite her husband's betrayal, she felt she was directly stabbing him in the back. The woman also felt she had taken advantage of Rick's fragility after losing his wife, the man was going insane and hallucinating his dead wife. Adeline was driving herself mad with her husband's death and her daughter's well-being. They were both grieving the loss of their partners in an unhealthy way, that night should've never happened, and certainly not the way it did. . .
. . . Adeline was pushed up against the stained glass of the watch tower, her lips furiously working against Rick's, legs wrapped around his waist and her hands roamed his body, eager to feel every inch of him. His hands gripped her ass as he pressed himself further into her, his jean-clad erection pressing into her covered cunt. She moaned into his mouth, giving him access to slip his tongue past her lips whilst simultaneously pulling her tank top over her head, tossing it to the ground carelessly. She quickly followed his actions and discarded his button-up to the floor. Hands interlinked, the cool metal of each of their wedding bands knocked together, a painful reminder of their deceased loved ones. . .
. . . The woman had never had sex outside of marriage, in fact, Mikael was her first and only (now including Rick). She'd only kissed very few other boys. And now she felt almost as if she'd committed adultery. Her husband was dead, she didn't do anything wrong, yet she couldn't escape the feeling of culpability that came from her actions. She wondered how Rick felt, she hadn't spoken to him since that night— hell, she hadn't even looked in the man's direction. And he made no attempt to get her to, the man himself also feeling a twinge of regret. He shouldn't have acted on such irrational thoughts.
Adeline couldn't even bring herself to look at her father-in-law, or Maggie and Beth, it was like she'd betrayed the whole family, whilst they were all grieving the loss of Mikael, Adeline was already having sex with another man. How could she do this to them? And Lola. . . she thought her daughter would be so disappointed. That was her father, despite the way he had lied and almost killed the two, she didn't want her daughter to think she didn't love Mikael, because she did. Adeline wanted Lola's memories of her father to be happy, good ones— even if the young girl was the one who shot him. She didn't want Lola to think he had meant nothing to her, the twelve years of marriage had just been thrown down the drain for someone else, someone she'd only known for a little more than a year. Even if she was the one to put down her father, she still wanted her to remember him as her father, the man who had loved her from the second she was born. She wanted to erase what the apocalypse had done to their family.
Obviously, the pair had kept that night a secret, afraid of the reactions they would get and the regret that was eating away at them.
However, Daryl didn't ignore the tension in the air whenever the two were in the same space, nor did Michonne— she couldn't fight the smirk on her face whenever the pair were in close proximity to each other, like she knew something they didn't. Hershel had also picked up on what was happening, he wasn't stupid. He was wise and he also had eyes. It wasn't hard to ignore what was so clearly in front of them all, you just had to look.
It had become increasingly easier to avoid each other as the days passed by, with new recruits joining, the prison started to become a community rather than a group. With everyone from Woodbury and the few that Daryl and Glenn brought back, it was filling up. So much so that they had to clear a second cell block as space was running out. The main group, of course, remained in C-Block, all in their original cells beside each other, that wouldn't change.
Rick had started a farm, sort of. He had pigs and cows, he built shelters and learnt how to fertilise crops.
Adeline focused on Lola and Judith, she began to care for the baby like she was her own. She would never forget the promise she made to Lori, she would honour it as long as she was alive. The woman spent every spare moment with young Judith, she fed, changed her diapers, rocked her to sleep, dressed her in the cutest outfits, attempted to do her very few strands of hair, anything she could to soothe the baby's needs. Adeline always thought back to Jennifer, the woman loved babies, she knew that she would love Judith just as much, she just wished she was here to meet her.
The brunette had become the designated nurse beside the designated doctor, Dr. S. She did what she could and picked up new skills from the man, she kept herself occupied within the confines of the room they had assigned as the nurse's office.
And it wasn't like she got many patients, she didn't. Just the occasional cut or scrape, because for the first time since the beginning, they were safe. There was no threat of the Governor, there was no way for walkers to seep through the interior of the building. They were safe.
Lola and Carl had found comfort in each other, with each of them mourning the loss of a parent. After all, they could bond over shooting their family, even if it was under different and unfortunate circumstances. They helped each other mourn through their losses.
Their days were finally peaceful. They had a good food source, Rick and his crops, and soon they wouldn't have to make as many runs. Everything was looking up.
As Adeline sat in her cell, alone, she thought back to her husband, and then Rick, and then back to her husband. She wondered what he would think of her now, after what she had done. She wondered how angry he'd be and what he would say. Adeline tried to convince herself she regretted that night, I mean, in some part, deep down, she did. But her heart betrayed her. She missed the lingering feeling of Rick's hands roaming her body, the feeling of his lips against hers, the feeling of him inside of her. She longed to feel it again— but she knew it was wrong. She had taken advantage of Rick, she didn't think he'd feel the same.
Adeline knew he regretted it the second his hands left her body and he stormed out the watch tower with no words offered.
Oh, how wrong she was. Rick cursed himself constantly for having such animalistic feelings for the woman. That night replayed in his mind constantly, every waking moment she was there, in the back of his head. The man still mourned his wife, but his thoughts of Lori were soon drowned out by Adeline, and he hated himself for it. Despite Lori's infidelity, Rick loved the woman, nothing would ever change that. She was the mother of his child, his wife, and his partner.
Yet, Adeline consumed his thoughts. Surely, she didn't think the same, right?
Rick knew she regretted that night, the second their hands entwined and wedding ring scraped against wedding ring he could see it written all over her face, the guilt. He hated how he had treated her so roughly and just left without a second thought. He never thought he could be so cruel and careless for the woman.
Adeline didn't regret the sex, per se, she regretted the intimacy shared in that moment, she regretted the way it had happened. . .
. . . Night had fallen, the absence of light a stark contrast to the bright orange hues that decorated the prison. Adeline was up in the watch tower, a rifle slung over her shoulder as she peered out through the stained window, she had moved inside the small structure after the crisp air had brought goosebumps to her skin. The woman had been up there since the afternoon, her thoughts consumed by her husband. All day, Mikael had been on her mind. She longed for a conversation with him, she needed to know why he did what he did, it physically irked her that she couldn't.
Staring out at the empty yard of the prison, Adeline thought back to the Governor and she wondered where he was now. It had been seven weeks since they had last seen him, and he had not shown his face since, Adeline was glad. She hoped it was the last she'd ever have to see him, she hoped he was alone and suffering.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the hatch opening, metal slamming against the concrete of the tower floor. Adeline jumped slightly but soon relaxed when she saw who the intruder was.
"Rick," Adeline sighed, her shoulders dropping as she placed a hand on her beating heart, "You scared me."
Rick closed the hatch and stood to his full height, "Sorry, didn't mean to." He smiled, standing beside her and looking out the glass.
"Do you need something?" Adeline questioned.
"You didn't come down for dinner. . . or lunch." The man expressed his concerns, his brows pinching together when he turned to look at her.
The woman nodded, "I'm not hungry. I'll grab something later."
"Addy, come on. Go get something to eat, I'll take watch."
She shook her head, the thought of food at the moment only made her feel sick— she didn't know whether it was the lingering thoughts of Mikael or the Governor.
"You've been up here for hours." Rick stated the obvious, turning his body in her direction and placing a hand on her bicep, "Please, go down, get something to eat and rest. I can take watch."
"No."
Truth is, Adeline hadn't slept in days, every time she shut her eyes she saw her husband on top of her, choking her as their daughter sobbed from behind him, begging him to stop his assault. The woman felt immense guilt for allowing her daughter to witness that, she also felt an intense betrayal from Mikael, she still struggled to come to terms with the fact her husband had laid his hands on her, and tried to kill her and their daughter.
"Adeline, talk to me." Rick's stern voice snapped her out of those thoughts, causing her to finally face him.
"About what?" Adeline asked, although she knew exactly what he wanted her to open up about. . .
. . . That conversation had led to their predicament now, unable to face each other without turning a shade of crimson and stuttering over their words.
Adeline sat outside at one of the makeshift tables they had moved from inside the prison to the outside, Judith on her lap, Lola and Carl sat across from her, comics in their laps and digging into the squirrel Daryl had caught, it wasn't the best, it was better than the other smaller rodents they were living on when they were under harsher conditions, and as long as you didn't tell Lola what it was, she'd eat it. Adeline fully believed the girl would have a heart attack if she found out she was eating a squirrel, one of the animals the young girl labelled as cute and harmless.
The Georgian heat beat down upon the prison, skin flushing red and sweat bedding out. Today was one of the warmest yet, Adeline felt unbearably hot, her clothes uncomfortably clinging to her sweaty skin.
Taking another reluctant bite out of the squirrel meat, she caught sight of Rick walking over, beige button up sticking to his sweat-covered body, his curls were soaked, and his skin was bronzed, it was clear he was out in the sun most, with his new found profession, a farmer. Carl had gestured him over and Adeline mentally cursed, looking down at the little girl sitting upon her legs, suddenly, straightening out her tiny little bucket hat was the most intriguing thing at the moment.
Judith had grown in the six months that had passed, most of her clothes actually fit her body now, they were lucky to have found so much formula.
Rick placed his hand on his daughter's curls, running his fingers through the wisps and bending to kiss her on the head. Adeline looked away, facing her daughter and smiling at her, acting as if Rick's presence didn't have her knee bouncing up and down and definitely agitating the baby on her lap.
Judith let out a cry, her face screwing up in annoyance as she reached for her father. Adeline beamed at the small girl in an attempt to cheer her up, but it would not work, so instead she lifted her up and passed her over to Rick, standing up at the same time and announcing her departure, "I'm gonna go back inside," She patted her daughter's back as she rounded the table, "Eat it all, Lola, please."
Just as she was about to pass Rick, a hand on her bicep stopped her, "Everything alright?"
Adeline plastered a look of sincerity on her face, shocked that Rick had spoken to her directly and not through someone else for the first time in ages, "Yeah," The woman nodded, "Fine, just a bit hot."
Rick chuckled, looking down at his babbling baby and then back up at Adeline, "Yeah, you look it."
"What?" Adeline's voice croaked, turning a few shades darker.
The man stammered over his next words, "Just that. . . You look red. . . sweaty."
"Yeah, I'm— I'm gonna go clean up," Adeline spoke quickly, not wasting a second in walking away from the awkward conversation. . .
. . . Rick's lips smashed against hers, his fingers furiously working at the button of her jeans. Adeline's cold hands slipped under his shirt, desperately pulling the material from his body.
Once her pants were discarded across the room, he hoisted her up and onto the cold metal of the desk, her back pressed against the murky window. The woman wrapped her legs around him, pulling Rick impossibly closer as she worked on the buckle of his belt.
With her shirt off, leaving her just in her underwear, she desperately clawed at his skin.
Panting and trembling against each other, Adeline pulled away to hold his face in her comforting hands, "Do you want to do this?"
The man disregarded her question, instead pulling her in for a messy kiss, trailing his lips down her jaw, to her neck and to the top of her breasts, peppering kisses all over her soft skin. . .
. . . She was incredibly thankful the interior of the prison was cold, stepping into the cool hallways, goosebumps erupted on her bare arms. It was a much better feeling than the torturous air outside.
Her 'office' was incredibly messy, she hadn't bothered to pick up the papers that coated the floor. She left them there, because when she lifted the first sheet, a large splotch of blood coated the concrete and that wasn't what Adeline wanted to see whenever she was in this room, and she was in there a lot.
Sitting on the small stool, placing her head in her hands and sighing. Adeline missed Jennifer, she missed Mikael, she missed talking to her father-in-law open and honestly, because now she couldn't— not without what she had Rick had done that night in the guard tower haunting her, and selfishly, she missed Rick. Talking to him, saying more than a few words and having a real conversation, now it was hard to get a sentence out without feeling guilty. They had ruined their friendship, but the short month after the Governor, they had become closer, they shared secrets in the man's cell, Judith asleep beside them, they spoke about everything, their spouses, the Governor, their grief, they were helping each other heal, but then. . . they had set their healthy relationship back twenty steps and ruined it.
Adeline missed Rick, despite him being right in front of her, alive.
Rick missed Adeline, desperately, regardless of his eyes that followed her around all day.
He wanted to talk to her again, he wanted to kiss her again, he wanted to touch her again, the feeling of her soft skin just moments ago had him reeling, he needed to feel her again. Rick craved her, he needed her attention, and although he thought it made him a sick man, he didn't care. He wished she felt the same, he hated he had inflicted such guilt and regret on her, all he wanted was to take her pain and ease her worries, take his thumb and smooth out the crease between her eyebrows that appeared whenever he was around, turn her scowl into the perfect smile he'd known her to have— one he hadn't seen since that night. All he wanted was to make Adeline happy, but he couldn't do that anymore. Not without tension filling the air and making everyone around them uncomfortable and questioning what had happened between the pair. . .
. . . Trembling as her chest heaved, Adeline watched as Rick pulled his pants up and buckled his belt.
Without sparing the woman a look, he shrugged his shirt on, not bothering to button it up before making his exit. No words left his mouth during the entire ordeal, just groans of her name as he fought through his mental anguish.
She cried, unbeknownst to him, as he slammed his hips against her, as he kissed her supple skin, as he furiously kissed her. His touch was unfamiliar and nothing like her husband's.
"Rick," The woman weakly yelled, though her call fell on deaf ears. He slammed the hatch shut, an angry expression on her face that she couldn't see. Despite the intimacy shared during their time of mental distress, she wanted to ask if he was okay— she wanted him to ask if she was okay.
Once he was gone, she hopped down from the rusted desk, searching for her clothes in the darkroom— the only light being the faint reflection of the moon. Her body aches with humiliation, tears trickle down her flushed cheeks, dripping down her neck and across the bruises his lustrous kisses left. . .
authors i'm so excited for them ahhhhhhh
italics are flashbacks btw
@efffys