LIKED BY ARTHUR_LECLERC AND OTHERS
NOURADENOIRE: happy birthday baba, you would have been 54 today! miss you all the time ❤️
VIEW ALL COMMENTS
ARTHUR_LECLERC: happy birthday mr. denoire! you and your mad football skills are missed everyday, thanks for practicing with me even though i was shit and broke your nose twice!
NOURADENOIRE: AWW ARTHUR 😭 my dad absolutely loved you
USER9: this might be the cutest father/daughter pic i've ever seen
LANDONORRIS: him and his oranges will always be remembered
NOURADENOIRE: he brought oranges to every karting race just for you 🙏
ALEX_ALBON: one of the best men i ever met
NOURADENOIRE: he would say the same about you
GEORGERUSSELL: THE KING OF THE ELASTICO
DARIUSDENOIRE: I learned everything I know from him honestly
MAYADENOIRE: happy birthday amir ❤️❤️
LIKED BY NOURADENOIRE
USER7: the way all noura's friends were so close with her dad too 🙁
USER0: that just shows he was an amazing man!
CHARLES_LECLERC: Happy birthday Mr. Denoire 💪
LIKED BY NOURADENOIRE
LEWISHAMILTON: Happy birthday to a great man
LIKED BY NOURADENOIRE
VALERIACOSTA: happy birthday!
LIKED BY NOURADENOIRE
CHLOEBEAUSOLEIL: happy birthday king
LIKED BY NOURADENOIRE
THE MEXICO GRAND PRIX was one of Noura's favorite on the calendar. She had been once before, in 2018, as a reserve driver for Mercedes (back in the days when she had been part of their junior program), and she had absolutely adored it. There was something about the atmosphere in the place, everyone was so welcoming. Checo had even joked that, seeing as Noura didn't have a home Grand Prix, he was willing to share his with her.
It also didn't hurt that Mexico had been her father's absolute favorite race. Growing up, Noura spent a lot of the F1 races at the Leclerc's place, screaming at the screen with Arthur, arguing with Lorenzo about if Webber or Vettel were better, trying to sit as far from Charles as she possibly could (even back then, she never wanted him to see her blush). But she never spent the Mexican Grand Prix at the Leclercs. She always, always watched it with her father. Noura wasn't 100 percent sure why, but her father just loved the Mexican Grand Prix. So, in her idolization of her father, Noura loved everything about the Mexican Grand Prix as well.
It seemed the people in Mexico loved Noura just as much as she loved them. She saw thousands of people wearing her number, holding signs with her name and face, cheering for her as she entered the paddock. It really was a great environment.
Not to mention, it was Noura's father's birthday. It was silly, but Noura was slightly determined to win for him. She didn't know why, but it felt like something she needed to do. It was so unfair that her father had never gotten to see her race, but she felt like somehow, if she won on his birthday, maybe, just maybe, he would know. Noura didn't really believe in a higher power, she wasn't sure what she believed in all honesty, but she refused to believe that her father's spirit was just gone. He had been so full of life, and that life had to have gone somewhere. Noura liked to think he was cheering her on at every race.
As Noura walked into the paddock, sunglasses shielding her eyes from the sun, heels clicking against the pavement, she waved to the crowds. She only stopped to sign a few hats and posters, eager to get to the Red Bull motorhome and gather herself in her driver's room before she had interviews and team meetings to get to.
Noura sat herself on the bed of her driver's room, rolling her shoulders back and taking a deep breath. It was always hard when it hit her father's birthday, even harder than when it hit the anniversary of his passing. Noura's father had loved birthdays (something Noura couldn't really relate to, she cried every year on her birthday), and he had loved his birthday most of all. Every year, Noura and her brother would team up to bake him the most extravagant cake they could manage, frosted and decorated to perfection, while their mother cooked all the man's favorite foods. But for the three birthdays he hadn't been around for, the Denoires had spent the day in an unbearable silence, the absence of Amir Denoire more prominent than ever.
Noura was glad to be away from home for the day, walking around the unfamiliar streets of Mexico rather than the Amir-less halls of her childhood home, or past the worried gazes of her roommates in London, who had been texting her all day making sure she was okay. Noura appreciated the sentiment from Chloe and Valeria, it was always nice being reminded how much they cared about her, and that they really did have her back.
Surprisingly, Noura wasn't feeling as sad as she usually did on her father's birthday. Her unbearable sadness had been replaced by an aching melancholy, and a deep sentimental feeling. She was just smiling her sad smile at the memories of her father, rather than sobbing her eyes out. That felt like good improvement.
Noura was broken out of her daze by a loud ding coming from her phone, her brother's contact flashing onto the screen. With a stretch, Noura stood from her bed, cracking her neck on either side. She was sure Christian would've sent Max to find her by then. She grabbed her phone, texting her brother back as she walked to the first of her team meetings for the day.
MESSAGES
[ DARIUS + NOURA ]
DARIUS:
good luck today
me and mom wish we could be there
we're all watching
NOURA:
thanks dari
i wish you guys were here too
but it's good that you're with mom
she wouldn't do well if she was all on her own
DARIUS:
how are you feeling?
with baba's birthday and everything
NOURA:
i'm as well as i can be
surprisingly i'm not as sad as i was last year
more sentimental i guess
DARIUS:
that's good
you know dad would be so proud of you
NOURA:
thank you
DARIUS:
of course
you've got this!
and if you don't got this and crash into the wall
that's fine too
we're still proud
just be safe
NOURA:
i always am
DARIUS:
no you are not girl
NOURA:
no im not
"WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE 2019 Mexican Grand Prix!" Crofty spoke into his microphone. "We come to you from the Autódromo Circuit in Mexico City, home race of Racing Point's Sergio Perez!"
"We've had an interesting weekend so far, an action packed Qualifying round. We've got Max Verstappen in P1, Noura Denoire in P2, and Charles Leclerc right behind her in P3."
"Denoire is right where she'll want to be if she wants to snag this win."
"I have to say Crofty, I am rooting for her this weekend."
"When are you not rooting for her, Martin?"
"Rarely."
...
"And it's lights out and away we go for the Mexican Grand Prix! Excellent defensive driving there from Max Verstappen, keeping his teammate behind him as we go into the first turn of the race. Leclerc trying to pass Denoire, going for a risky move, oh! And there's contact between Denoire and Leclerc!"
"Contact with Denoire's back wing and the front of Leclerc's car, as Leclerc tries to turn in ahead of her on turn one!"
"Denoire's off the track."
"Oh, and she's in the wall!"
"Leclerc managing to keep going, dropping down to P8, minimal damage to his back wing."
"The same cannot be said for Denoire, her back wing is destroyed, and her front wing has been wrecked from contact with the wall."
"F***!" Noura's voice rang through the speakers, distorted by the radio in her car. "Leclerc ran me off the road! Completely turned in on me! He destroyed my front wing! The chassis is f***ed too. I'm out."
"Copy. The stewards are looking at the incident, likely a penalty for Leclerc."
"Words from Denoire and her race engineer, Henry. That seems to be the end of her race."
"How disappointed are you feeling right now, Martin?"
"Very. I doubt that move from Leclerc was intentional, he didn't seem to see Denoire's position when he tried to make the pass on her, but he definitely ran her off the road. He should have checked his mirrors more closely."
"Denoire is getting out of her car."
"And that is the end of Noura Denoire's Mexican Grand Prix and a yellow flag from the stewards."
"This is really going to hurt in the run for the championship."
"Hamilton, if he's in the points, which he likely will be, is going to extend that gap between him and Denoire."
"And Bottas is going to be creeping closer to her as well."
"Well, better luck next weekend for Denoire."
NOURA WAS POSITIVELY FUMING as she made her way back to the paddock. She had been shepherded into the back of a car, driven down the side of the track and to the paddock. Noura didn't talk to a single person as she stomped to her driver's room.
She slammed her helmet down onto the bed, letting out a frustrated yell. She had never been so angry in her life.
Fucking Charles Leclerc.
He had turned straight into her, destroying her front wing, sending her spinning off the track and into the wall. And he got to continue his race.
Sure, he'd get a five second penalty. But he'd still likely end the race in the points. It was so unfair she wanted to cry.
Noura knew that that was the sport. That was F1. It was illogical for Noura to be so mad. But she had never been a logical person. Especially when it came to Charles Leclerc.
It seemed it was impossible for Noura to ever have mild feelings for Charles Leclerc. She loved him so much it was suffocating. And in that moment, she hated him so much it was suffocating.
Whoever said that there was a thin line between love and hate had been a genius. Noura just never realized it could somehow be both at once.
Noura suspected she wouldn't be so mad if she didn't love him so much. If someone like Lando had ended her race, she probably would've taken a few days of space and gotten over it. It was what she had done over her time racing against her friends in F2 and F3, taken a few days to let her anger subside and then moved on.
But it was the Mexican Grand Prix. It was her father's favorite Grand Prix. It was her father's birthday. Noura didn't want to move on. She wanted to scream.
It didn't help that people always seemed to manage to turn everything onto her. People were already talking online about how the crash had been her fault (despite it very clearly being Charles's fault), and they were unsurprisingly using that to spew their sexist bullshit about how 'this is why women shouldn't be in F1'. It was so unfair that Charles could crash as much as he wanted, send her off the track, and yet he still deserved his spot. He might not always be liked by everyone in F1, but he would almost always be respected. People almost never showed Noura the same respect.
Noura clenched her jaw the whole way through her interviews, sitting in the Red Bull garage next to Christian with a stoically angry expression. She didn't want the cameras to pick up on the rage and emptiness bubbling inside of her, but she suspected they had. The dullness behind her eyes was telling.
By the time the race was over, Charles had ended in P3, his five second penalty bringing him down to a P6. P fucking 6. He ruined her race with his stupid, overoptimistic driving, and he had gotten well into the points, while Noura sat going stir crazy next to her boss (which wasn't making it better). Noura wanted to break something. Maybe Charles's spare front wings. It would just be karma.
Noura stomped back through the paddock, suddenly grateful that all her post-race interviews had been conducted during the race. She wanted to avoid Charles as long as she could. She wasn't looking forward to the rush of emotions she knew she would feel at seeing his face.
Him and his stupid, beautifully kind face. The thought if it made Noura's stomach bubble with anger. But it also made her heart lurch. His stupid face that had so much hold over her.
Noura wasn't even sure what she was feeling or what she was so mad about. Was she mad about the crash, or about the stupid shit people online would be saying to her for days, or was she mad about her undying feelings for Charles? Noura didn't know. But all she knew was that she was mad.
It was unsurprising that when Charles stepped in front of her, intercepting her way to the Red Bull garage with a gentle hand on her arm, Noura snapped away. But for some reason, Charles looked surprised.
He was even more surprised when he saw the barely concealed anger in her eyes.
"Noura..." Charles said, regret dripping from his words. "I'm so sorry, I really fucked up that turn."
"Yeah you did." Noura's voice was short And you fucked up my whole race in the process."
Charles had never heard the tone Noura was using, at least not directed at him. He had heard it directed at sexist reporters and any man that spoke badly about her friends. Not him. Not even when he had punched that guy back in Spain. The situation suddenly dawned on Charles. Noura was more mad than Charles ever thought she would be with him. "It's just one race Noura, you'll bounce back–"
"It is not just a race, Charles! Don't you understand that?" Noura snapped, her fists clenched at her sides. She hated the way that, even when she was filled with anger, the sadness in Charles's eyes broke her heart. "To you it might be just a race, but it's never just a race to me! It can't be. People are gonna somehow turn this fucking crash on me and make it my fault, and then use that to spew some bullshit about how women shouldn't be allowed in F1. I'm gonna have to spend the next few weeks dealing with that while you run off with your 8 points taking all the praise people so freely throw your way!"
"It's not like that's my fault, Noura."
"No, it's not, and yet you keep reaping the benefits!" Noura's voice was growing louder, and she was beginning to draw attention. But she didn't care. She was just so fucking mad. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was seeing red. Only Charles had the power to make her so mad. "So just keep on enjoying them, please. And leave me alone while you do, because I'm sick of seeing it. I'm sick of how all of you are so idolized, so respected without even having to try. And I try so fucking hard, and it doesn't change a thing. I'm so... I'm so sick of it!"
"I didn't think–"
"And that's the problem Charles, you don't think! You've never had to!" Noura pointed her finger into Charles's chest. "But I have to, I have to work twice as fucking hard to get halfway as far as you are and I'm so sick of it!"
"Noura, please." Charles's tone was so desperate Noura's anger almost broke. "I'm sorry, I'll fix th–"
"You can't fix this." Noura's tone had fallen into a deadly whisper. "All that is going to fix this is me focusing on the rest of the season and figuring how to somehow prove myself. To shut them up. And I can't do that if you don't leave me alone."
"If I said that the crash was my fault–"
"It's never that simple, Charles!" Noura was quickly losing her patience, her tone rising once again. "Just stop. Please, just stop. I– I can't. I can't do this. I just... please let me go. I don't want to see you right now."
"Okay." Charles took a painful step back, letting out a shaky breath. With the pain in his chest, he could've sworn heartbreak was a real medical emergency. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Noura turned on her heel, not sparing a glance over her shoulder. Not until Charles called out to her, his voice low enough that it was just barely audible.
"I'm never gone, Noura. I'm always here if you need me."
Noura clenched her jaw. She loved Charles Leclerc. She loved everything about him. His stupid grin. His stupid green eyes. His stupid insistence on always being there for her. But in that moment, she really, really hated him. She hated the hold he had on her. She hated how he made her heart race. She hated how, every day, she was closer and closer to throwing everything away, everything she had built, everything she had worked for, all the progress she had made for women in motorsport. She was so close to throwing it all away for him.
But Noura wouldn't let herself. She would move on from him if it was the last goddamn thing she ever did.
But how was she ever supposed to move on if he was everywhere she turned?
AUTHOR'S NOTE!
VEEEEERY NOT EDITED!!! (i'll probably come back to update this later)
im back! i somehow managed to survive all my exams 😭 i'm actually proud of myself for managing to get this chap out, i have been so busy. no one told me how time consuming having a bf is on top of IB (pray for me i need summer to hurry up)
i actually originally planned for noura to win this race, but i was like, where's the drama in that?? hope you guys don't hate me TOO much 😁 noura and charles reconcile in like 3 chapters
noura's not actually mad at charles for crashing into her, she's more mad about everything and is taking it out on him i guess. i'd say she's more mad about her feelings for him (even tho they are not his fault lmao). she's very much not a perfect person, and she's gonna be wrongful with her feelings at times, just like all humans are. we've all taken our anger out on the wrong person before
next update soon hopefully, i've once again got like 4 tests next week 😐 somehow my maths teacher gives me a test a week. i HATE trig. but the next chap hopefully in the next few days!
don't forget to comment and vote, i love you all!