Chapter Text
Something weighty held you asleep, kept you from wanting to come back completely to consciousness. You floated somewhere between dreams and waking, aware only that you were comfortable and safe, but not processing anything further than that. You drifted in and out of awareness, coming closer to reality each time before sinking again.
.
.
.
Wasn't there something you were supposed to be doing?
.
.
Surely, someone would come for you if there were.
.
Right?
This time, when consciousness came within your grasp you held onto it. Your eyes opened slowly, as if the muscles had forgotten how. Waiting for you on the other side of sleep was Loki's face: simple, serene, and watching you.
"Hello, love," he said.
You smiled, warmth flooding through you, and wriggled closer to him, near enough that your noses touched. It was the barest brush of his skin against yours, hardly together at all, but you felt the touch down to your toes.
Loki's gaze dropped to your mouth, then returned to your eyes. In the instant he'd looked away, a sensation of unease shivered through you. Something in his expression was wrong, just off enough to strike you the wrong way.
"What's wrong?" you asked. You brought your hand to his cheek, lightly stroking along his jaw as if you could ease the tension there.
"Nothing, love." Loki turned to kiss your palm. "I'm happy."
You frowned. His expression had said something else. You couldn't shake the feeling that it was a lie, that Loki was (once again) hiding something from you. But... you'd lived in uncertainty for so long. Perhaps your mind simply refused to accept a new reality, one in which you were with Loki, one in which you belonged with Loki.
You curled into his arms, needing reassurance and not sure how to get it. You nestled your head under his chin, surrounding yourself with his scent and warmth. You couldn't explain why you suddenly felt like Loki wasn't really there with you.
"What time is it?" you asked.
"Late," Loki said. "You've been in bed the whole day." Stars, really? Loki traced his fingers down the length of your spine. "You haven't been sleeping much lately."
"And whose fault is that?" You tried to sit up, but Loki's arms held you in place. "I have to go," you protested. "I need to—"
"You don't need to be anywhere but here." Loki's embrace tightened around you and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "The world will wait for us." Loki took a deep breath, his chest expanding to press against you, and rubbed his nose against the top of your head, mussing your hair. "You're alright, sweet," he said. "Everything is fine."
You stretched up to kiss him, slow and sweet. Loki let the kiss linger, turning it into long exchange, equal parts affectionate and demanding. It seemed to last forever and built a bigger need in you. Loki was yours now. Yours. You wanted to celebrate—damn it—and you wanted to claim him.
Your body was too hot. You moved restlessly against him, arching to try to get closer. But he held you back, keeping his movements sweet and unhurried.
"Loki..."
"You're so impatient, spitfire. There's no need; we have all the time in the world."
And it seemed like Loki intended to use every second of it. His hands mapped your body, smoothed over every inch of skin. Even when you finally stripped him of his clothes, even when you finally had him inside you, his every motion was slow and deliberate, carefully calculated to drive you insane.
You rolled your hips against his, urging him faster.
"No, sweetheart," Loki said. "Be good."
"I'm always good," you said and did it again.
Loki chuckled. His hips snapped forward and you gasped. You gripped his shoulders, nails digging into his skin as he took up the new pace. You matched him, meeting his movements with yours.
The world blurred around you. In a strange moment of déjà vu, you felt as if you'd been here before, doing this before. Of course, you had, but that wasn't quite right. It was almost as you'd imagined it. Before, so long before you ever had experienced anything with Loki, this is what you'd thought about in your dark, lonely room. This is what you had wanted, the secret desire you'd held. And now it was your reality.
You stroked your fingers through his hair, lavished him with praise, and let yourself slip into a place where didn't think anymore. He shuddered, responding beautifully to you. You clutched at him and called his name to the ceiling.
So beautiful when you come undone.
Truly, he was, you thought, as you watched him unravel in your arms.
#
You laid across Loki's chest, fingers tracing designs in the sweat on his skin. "We should go."
"Why is that?"
"We can't hide in here forever."
"And you want to go out and face the consequences of your actions?" Loki shifted under you, moved to your side so he could see you. "Have you thought that through, sweet? There won't be a person in Asgard who doesn't know by now. You thrive in shadows; you never draw attention to yourself. Are you so eager to stand under the scrutiny of the masses?"
You swallowed. Just thinking about it filled you with dread. "It is going to happen eventually."
"I didn't want this for you." Loki's face twisted in an unfamiliar expression. "You need to know that. I would take this from you if I could."
Your heart panged. "I know. But I don't regret what I've done." How could you? It was awful and terrifying and horrible, but you... you had Loki. Really had him. Didn't that make all the rest worth it?
Loki blinked, swallowed, and looked away. "If this is what you want, I'll be by your side."
You pressed a kiss to his lips and stood from the bed to get ready.
There was another new dress (how did Loki have an endless supply of clothes for you?) and you put it on without complaint. The low neckline showed off a series of marks on your throat that Loki had left. You frowned at your reflection and reached for the necklace that you'd worn almost ceaselessly since he had first given it to you. That felt like decades ago. This time, however, when the gems draped across your skin, the marks didn't disappear.
"Loki..." you said, taking the necklace off then putting it on again. Still no effect. "Loki, it isn't working." He made a noncommittal noise. You set the necklace down again and turned to him. "Why isn't it working?"
"Magic fades, sweet." Loki approached and stood behind you, looking over your shoulder and holding your gaze through the mirror.
Your heart panged in a new panic. "Fix it," you said. A pleading note bled into your voice.
He leant and pressed a kiss to your neck, directly over the mark he had left. "I think not," he said, lips catching against your skin.
Dread coursed through you as if ice water had replaced the blood in your veins. "Why not?"
Loki looked up again, his gaze fixed on yours, not wavering. "I won't give an answer to a question when you already know what it is, sweet."
Panic gave way to indignation. "Everyone will see," you said.
"They will."
"And what am I supposed to do about that?" You stepped away and faced him, hands clenched at your side.
"Hold your head high, love." Loki closed the distance you had placed between you and took your hands in his, smoothing them from the fists you'd made. "Let everyone see who you belong to." He twined his fingers through yours and stepped forward so you stood together. "You were so unafraid mere moments ago."
"This is different."
"Think, pet. Whether they see the marks or not, I think our endeavors will be widely known."
Heat swept through you. Humiliation, but something else too. You had hid for your entire life, sliding through society as if you weren't there. Now you had risked everything for this man. Defiance burned under your skin. Perhaps it was time for others to see you.
#
Your heart raced like a hummingbird's wings, quickening with every step you took closer to the feast hall where you would make your first appearance since... stars... It felt like a lifetime, but it was only a few days.
A few nights ago, you'd been celebrating your upcoming wedding with Thor and had made a scene after Loki's misbehavior. Now you would be making a scene of an entirely different sort.
Your feet slowed as you neared the hall, but Loki's hand around yours pulled you through your reticence. There was a heartbeat of quiet when you Loki stepped into the room. You felt the eyes of Asgard and you shrank behind Loki as if he could hide you. For all your bluster before, actually facing the crowd made you want to sink through the floor. Then, as if it had never stopped, the clamor of life resumed, almost as if everyone tried at once to pretend that they hadn't noticed you enter.
Loki seemed wholly unbothered. He strode through the crowd with the same confidence as always, finding his way to Thor and the other warriors as if he followed a beacon. Thor looked up from speaking with someone and the smile on his face dropped for just a second. It was back just as quickly. He winked to you and... that was it. He turned back to his friends, not excluding you as you most certainly felt you deserved. Your heart warmed through to him. Whatever happened, strangely, Thor could be counted among your allies.
The others looked to you, their eyes lingered longer than they ever had, but not a word was said. All seemed to be taking their cues from Thor, even if it was awkward. Loki took a seat, but there was no room near him. You stepped away, eyeing a chair on the other side of the table, but stopped short. Loki held your hand captive. You looked back at him and tugged—a tiny motion to not attract the interest of others, to not make a scene.
Loki raised an eyebrow. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To take my seat."
"Your seat is here."
"There is nowhere to sit."
He shifted, spreading his legs wider apart, and you realized exactly what he had meant. You pulled back, a miniscule retreat, still unnoticed by those around you. His fingers tightened around your hand.
You stood in the silent stand off for a minute longer until the others around you began to take notice of the situation. You felt their eyes on you, heard murmurs begin to rumble. Loki would force you to make a scene in defying him. And he knew that. He was using that to force your hand.
You rolled your shoulders back and tipped your chin up, then stepped toward him and sat on his thigh with as much dignity as you could muster. Loki slung one arm around your waist and pulled you closer to place a kiss against your temple.
"Good girl," he said as he pulled away.
Loki didn't acknowledge his victory further. He returned his attention to the conversation as if he'd never left. His hand rested lightly on your hip, his thumb feathering back and forth.
You burned through your whole body. You could feel all the attention of Asgard on you. It was such a public display of ownership, as blatant as the marks he'd left on your skin. And he did it all so casually, as if this had been established long ago.
A tug on your hand turned your attention back to him and away from your own self-criticism. Loki asked you a question and you answered. Then he asked another. Before you knew it, he'd drawn you out of yourself and into him, pushing and pulling you as easily as he always did until you forgot where you were or what you should be doing, until you were laughing along with him and at ease with yourself again.
Not until he kissed you, in full view of everyone, did you remember what you had been tearing yourself up over. By then, it was far too late for you to feel anything but a surge of pride and happiness.