I didn't know where else to go, I didn't know who else to call, I can't keep burdening Leo with my emotions, not when I barely know him, not when Rafe thinks that I've been hooking up with him.
We sat in silence for the entire drive once I gave Leo the address, I just needed to sit and think about everything that's gone wrong in these past few days. Rafe and I should have never left Guadeloupe, we should've stayed there or we should've moved somewhere else just the two of us, I truly believe that we could've been happy if we had.
"Are you gonna be alright?" Leo asks as I open the truck door, looking up at Kiara's house.
"No," I tell him honestly, "But I'm not sure I ever have been."
"Call me if you need to escape, okay?" He tells me with a gentle smile.
"I will," I nod as I stand on the curb, closing the door, grateful for his willingness to look out for me, not knowing what I would've done otherwise.
"Look after yourself, sprinter," He grins before I turn towards Kiara's house, nervously pushing the gate open and heading up the stairs to her porch.
As I reach the top I hear the sound of Sarah and Kiara's voices, which is an instant comfort, because I don't have a clue what I'd do if they weren't here. I tap my knuckles against the door, feeling my body tremble at the thought of having to relay what's just happened.
"Sid?" Kiara opens the door, staring at me in concern, no doubt noticing the smudges of mascara and tear stains on my cheeks, "Sid, what's wrong?"
"Rafe and I are done," I breathe heavily, clenching my fists as they continue to tremble, "Like completely and utterly done."
"What are you talking about?" Kiara replies as Sarah appears behind her.
"He's moved on, yesterday I said I needed space and he's taken it upon himself to move on," I whisper, feeling my throat tightening with anxiety.
"Oh Sid," Kiara sighs as she and Sarah wrap their arms around me. I hadn't quite realised how much I needed a proper hug until this moment, "I'm so sorry."
"I wish Rafe was sorry," I mutter as more tears continue to escape my eyes.
"Hey, let's get you a drink," Sarah says, gently squeezing my hand and leading me into the house.
"My parents are already at the party venue setting up, so we're in the clear," Kiara explains as we head towards the kitchen.
"I completely forgot it's their anniversary party," I whisper, "I shouldn't have bought this shit to you, not today."
"Sid, it's fine, you clearly need us, and what kind of friends would we be not to be there for you?" Kiara replies as Sarah hands me a glass of wine.
"Thank you," I smile half heartedly as I take a gulp of the wine.
"So what happened?" Sarah asks as we make our way over to the couches, each of us with a drink in hand.
"It all started last night when I found out what he'd done with the cross, and he found out that I'd tried to help you steal it," I begin to explain, "I said we should have some space to think, because I didn't want either of us to say anything we'd regret."
"That's completely valid," Kiara assures me.
"So this afternoon I went back to Tannyhill to talk to him, to talk about getting back on track, because it's like there's this invisible string tying me to him, that keeps pulling me in," I continue to explain, hating having to relive it, "And when I got there, there was this big party going on, and he was getting cosy with this girl who works at one of the island bars, and when we eventually spoke he told me that he was only doing what I'd already done."
"What do you mean?" Sarah asks.
"He thinks that I hooked up with Leo, because he saw me with him yesterday," I tell them both, "All that happened is that I bumped into Leo and we talked about everything that happened with Rafe, and he listened, like really listened. When I told Rafe, he didn't believe me, I mean maybe he did and he didn't want to look like the bad guy, but it's a bit late for that, isn't it?"
"And how are you?" Kiara replies, resting her hand on my knee.
"I thought I was at my most broken when I found out what he did to the sheriff and what he did to you, Sarah," I explain, "But watching him set our world on fire like that, selfishly, that's what hurt the most, because it's as if any part of him that cared about me is gone, just like that."
Sarah moves closer to me, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me close, just like she would with Wheezie, "You don't deserve any of this, I'm so sorry."
"I don't know who I am without him," I whisper as she runs her hand through my hair.
"Yes you do," Kiara assures me with a comforting smile, "You are Sidney Monroe, you're a pogue, you always will be a pogue, you have so many people who adore you, who will never abandon you or invalidate your emotions, and above everything you are the strongest person I know."
"Kie's right," Sarah adds, "You are so many things, but you are not broken and you are not defined by my brother."
"Come on," Kiara stands up, holding her hands out to me.
"Where are we going?" I ask, glancing between the girls.
"We've got a party to get you ready for," Kiara smiles, taking my hands and pulling me up from the couch.
"I don't know if I'm in the party mood," I sigh half heartedly.
"That's exactly why we need to get you out of the house, Sid," Sarah tells me with a reassuring smile, "You need to put yourself first for once."
"Okay," I sigh in defeat, "But I don't have anything to wear."
"That's okay," Sarah grins, "I bought options."
ੈ✩‧₊˚
"Guys, I have to tell you something," Sarah sighs as we head into the party venue, which I quickly realise is a much more sophisticated type of party than we usually attend.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, wondering what more there could possibly be to say after she filled me in on what happened after I left Mase last night.
"My Dad's on the island," She sighs and instantly I feel on edge, wondering whether Rafe knows, and if he does, is that why he's gone into destruction mode?
"Are you kidding me, Sarah?" Kiara sighs, "That doesn't even make sense."
"Ward's on this island?" I add in disbelief that he'd do something so brazen when he's presumed dead, "Like the same island we're on?"
"Yes, he's back," Sarah nods as we come to a stop beside a barrel fashioned into a table.
"The second I see him, I'm turning him in, I swear," Kiara replies, "I don't know how you do it, everytime I want to complain about my dad, I just think about yours."
"Oh, glad to be of service," Sarah brushes it off, but I can tell that it stings.
"Works every time." Kiara nods.
"That's great," Sarah sighs, glancing around the garden, her face dropping slightly and I glance over my shoulder to see Topper smiling at us, "You didn't tell me Topper was going to be here."
"Sorry, my mum invited like the whole island," Kiara tells us.
"So my family are probably here too," I sigh.
"It's not a big deal," Kiara smiles, "Sid and I will keep him away."
"Yeah," I nod in agreement, "Like some sort of Sarah Cameron defense squad."
"Oh great," Kie mutters as I notice Topper approaching us, "Um, well, I'm gonna go over here, Sid you coming?"
I glance between Topper and Sarah, realising that they probably do need to have a conversation about whatever's lingering between them, "I'm right behind you, Kie."
"Please don't," Sarah pleads as Topper approaches us.
"We won't go far," I assure her with a smile, "Just say the word."
Kiara leads me over to the nearest group of random people who I hardly recognise, just close enough that we can hear their conversation.
"You think Topper's hoping for round two?" Kiara whispers to me.
"I really hope not," I reply, "We've had enough mess to last a lifetime."
"Hey Kie, hey Sid, how are you?" I hear Topper behind us, the two of us slowly turning around like naughty school kids.
"Oh hey, we didn't even see you bro," Kiara smiles awkwardly.
"Uh, did you do these decorations?" Topper continues.
"Yeah," Kiara nods, "Party City."
"It's a great selection," Sarah adds.
"Love what you've done with the place," I smile, tensing up at the sheer awkwardness of the situation.
"Cool, well, I'll see you later," Topper says to Sarah.
"Yeah, see you around," Sarah replies with an awkward smile.
"Bye Kie, bye Sid," Topper waves to us awkwardly before strolling off.
"At least he kept it short," Kiara nods as the two of us return to Sarah at the table just as the band come to the end of their song.
"Thank you," Mike, Kiara's dad nods at the crowd as the song finishes, "I just want to say a few words, and I'm not much into giving speeches, but I do want to say thank you for coming out and thank you for your support after a rough few months. I want to say thank you to our daughter for being here, hey we love you."
"Love you too," Kiara smiles.
"But most of all, come here," He holds his hand out to Anna and pulls her up onto the stage, "Thank you Anna for fifteen years, for making this restaurant a symbol of our life, I love you."
"I love you," Anna beams up at him; and as much as I do my best to plaster a smile onto my face, it feels so raw to be celebrating love after everything that's happened today.
"Figure Eight, the Cut, everyone's together here," Mike tells the crowd as people cheer, "One island, so thank you for putting up with us, cheers."
The pair of them step down from the stage hand in hand, taking Kiara in their arms and wrapping her in a hug. I glance at Sarah, both of us feeling hollow surrounded by all this love.
"Psst, Sarah," We both turn to see John B leaning against the fence with a big grin on his face.
"I'll leave you to it, okay," I squeeze her hand, "Just give me a shout if you need me."
I let go and head back towards the bar, spotting my sister ordering herself a drink, meaning our parents can't be far, "Can you order me one of those?"
"Sid," She smiles, "You okay?"
"I will be, once I'm seven cocktails deep." I tell her, taking her drink from her hand as she orders another for herself.
"What happened?" She asks as we both scan the crowd and spot our parents on the other side of the garden talking to Topper's parents.
"It's over," I sigh with no tears left in my body, "He's moved on."
"When you say he's moved on?" Maggie replies with a concerned tone.
"I've been replaced," I tell her, and from the look on her face she knows what I'm alluding to.
"Oh, Sid," She sighs, wrapping her arms around me.
"I'm okay," I lie, pulling away and taking a gulp of the cocktail in my hand, "Don't draw attention to it, I don't want Mum and Dad asking questions."
"Alright." She nods, and I appreciate her for respecting my boundaries.
"I've been so naive, haven't I?" I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"No, you're just in love," She assures me, and for the first time since what happened at Tannyhill earlier, I don't feel completely insane, "But I think you might have ended up falling in love with the ideal version of him."
"How am I supposed to move on?" I reply, my heart weighing heavy as it continues to ache for Rafe, "He will always be part of me, and I never imagined that losing him would be because of something like this."
"You don't heal from something like this overnight, Sid, in the same way you didn't heal from the addiction overnight, in the same way that your PTSD probably still lingers, but you've learnt to manage it," She tells me firmly, the way a mother would, "And I am so proud of you."
"What's there to be proud of?" I laugh humourlessly.
"You survived a month on a deserted island, you are smart, you are kind, you are an incredible friend and an amazing sister, and I know I haven't always shown it, but you mean so much to so many people," She tells me, "So don't you dare think that Rafe's actions are a reflection of you, alright?"
"Yeah," I nod.
Maggie and I stay at the bar as the sun sets, and it's refreshing to be able to talk to her properly for the first time since I got back from Poguelandia. It feels like everything I had with Rafe was in this ridiculously intense bubble and now that it's burst, I have to learn how to cope with it.
As Maggie continues talking about the kids she works with I glance off into the crowd to see Topper and Sarah hugging, and John B watching on, which can't be good.
"I'll be back," I cut Maggie off, leaving my drink at the bar and slowly heading towards my friends.
I rush towards them as John B shoves past a random guy, heading straight for Topper, "Not right here, bro," Topper toys with him.
"No, no," Sarah pleads as she steps in between them, "John B!"
"Get out of my way," He mutters, passing her and heading straight for Topper as I rush to Sarah's side.
"We're not doing this," Topper mutters as John B shoves him.
"You feel good about yourself?" John B spits, pushing him again.
"Stop!" Sarah shouts.
"You need to chill out, bro," Topper warns as John B shoves him again, "I'm not ruining Mike and Anna's party."
"Oh, that's what you're worried about?" John B replies.
"I would just walk away," Topper tells him firmly.
"Feel good about yourself?" John B repeats as Sarah tugs on his arm.
"For once in your life, would you please just turn around and walk away?" Sarah pleads as John B stares into her eyes, his jaw clenched, "Look at me, please don't."
"Hey, no hard feelings bro," Topper smirks behind John B's back, poking the proverbial bear.
"Topper," Sarah whispers in regret.
I notice JJ on the jetty, approaching the party with nervous eyes, and I beckon him over in a hurry, knowing that there's only one way this is going to end.
"We good?" Topper asks as John B turns around and the rest feels like it happens in slow motion as John B throws a strong punch across Topper's face, knocking him to the ground and silencing the band.
"You like that shit, Top?" John B asks, shaking his hand off as he stands over Topper.
"John B, he's not worth it," I mutter to him.
"Stop, John B, please," Sarah panics as John B hovers over Toper, "Stop, what are you doing?"
"You ready for this?" John B grips Topper's collar, throwing another punch as Sarah screams.
Despite the screams he continues to punch him, Topper lying helplessly on the floor, taking punch after punch.
I spot JJ running towards the chaos as Mike pulls John B off of Topper, "Hey, get out of here! Get out of here!"
"Is that what you want, Mike?" John B asks as JJ swoops in and grabs onto John B, holding him back.
"Get off of him!" JJ shouts at Mike.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Mike shouts pacing towards the boys as I glance at Sarah and then Kiara who stands beside me.
I take Kie's hand in mine, squeezing it gently, "I'll go with them, to stop them doing anything stupid."
All of me knows that the boys are inclined to do something stupid thinking it'll have a good outcome, especially after pulling a stunt like that. But part of me knows that as long as I'm with them, trying to piece back together the mess that we've been left in, I'll be distracted from what happened with Rafe.
"Okay," She nods as I let go and run towards the boys, helping JJ guide John B out of the garden.
"You happy, Sarah?" John B shouts at her as JJ and I shove him out of the party.
"Leave it," I whisper as we head down onto the jetty, "It's done."
"She's a cheater," John B tells JJ and I, "That's who she is, I should've known."
"Do you have any idea what you just did, John B?" JJ asks as we reach the boat and he crouches down to untie the boat.
"We'll head back to the chateau, get some ice for your knuckles," I tell John B as JJ and I hop down into the boat, knowing that authority is not what John B needs from JJ or me right now.
JJ looks at me with empathy in his eyes, the kind of look that tells me that he knows what's happened with Rafe. I assume Kie or Sarah must've told him at some point, and I'm glad they did so I don't have to retell the story and wait for him to say I told you so. But as I look at him, the lingering hurt in his eyes, I don't think he'd say those words anymore.
"Pogues will break your heart, but Kooks will rip it out, drop it on the ground and stamp the goddamn life out of it."
author's note: another chapter, more heartbreak (for now)
i also just want to thank everyone who reads this story and thank you for bearing with me in between updates.
i do just want to say that asking writers to update a story doesn't necessarily encourage us to write/post chapters, honestly it can be pretty unmotivating.
this isn't meant to sound ungrateful, because i'm not ungrateful, i appreciate everyone who reads this story, i just want you to know that i do have a job so writing is my escape, so i choose to write chapters that i enjoy writing, just because there are less frequent updates, doesn't mean i've forgotten about these characters <3