A few minutes after Draco had departed to St Mungos, Mish was sat in an armchair in the library, a book splayed open in her lap, even though she hadn't read one word since she'd opened it. She was busy thinking about Draco, trepidation clutching at her heart for their future. She was his wife, after all, even if they both weren't particularly close.
She wanted them to be close.
Then, as she absentmindedly traced the outline of the emerald necklace she was still wearing, far less pleasant thoughts invaded her mind, thoughts about what Ali would say were she here, which was problematic, because Ali wasn't here.
She sighed, feeling the giddiness rush out of her, a void replacing the excitable emotion.
Unbidden tears gathered in her eyes, causing her to be angry at herself. She had never been one to embrace her emotions.
The sound of the door of the library opening broke her out of her rather unpleasant reverie, her eyes snapping towards the source of the noise, finding Narcissa walking in gracefully, manicured nails skimming over many spines of books before stopping at one, which she pulled out, walking and sitting down on the armchair in front of the one Mish occupied.
There was silence for a while, which gave Mish enough time to blink her tears away, pretending to read her book.
"You know, Mish, I won't lie, when me and Lucius forced Draco to marry you, I thought I was forcing my son into a life of unhappiness." Narcissa began, much to Mish's surprise.
"But I think it's safe to say I wasn't. He looks happy with you. He's always been fond of attention and an open book, but after the war, he became rather unforthcoming. I was concerned for him. Turns out I needn't have been. You're a brilliant young woman."
If only you knew how well we actually get along, Mish thought, but gratitude flooded her nonetheless at Narcissa's seemingly heartfelt words.
So, she nodded, not sure of how to phrase her answer.
*
"Your mother is sweet." Mish said as she settled into bed the second night, laying still and staring at the ceiling, trying to distract herself from thinking of her predicament: Her feelings for Draco, growing at a steady, scary rate.
"She is," Draco said with a fond smile as he got into bed, maintaining some semblance of distance from Mish, unsure he'd be able to restrain himself from blushing and stuttering like a love struck teenager if he strayed closer to her. It had been hard enough, maintaining his composure when her leg had brushed up against his during dinner last night.
Nothing more was said as each of them tried to sleep, trying to ignore the other's presence.
*
Mish wouldn't admit, but she was really, really enjoying waking up in Draco's arms. Well, once or twice she didn't wake up in his embrace, but that was because Draco woke up before her, but as he continually didn't say anything about it, she refrained from doing so, too.
It was oddly thrilling, having feelings for someone after a long time. She could pretend nothing had gone wrong, ever, in her life, and that all that mattered was this: Chasing this high, finding excuses to touch Draco, feeling butterflies erupt in her stomach when he did basically anything. It was annoying, yes, but addictive.
So now, she dreaded Narcissa's departure as much as she'd dreaded her arrival.
She'd have to move back to her room. She'd never been good at confessing her feelings, choosing to drop subtle, extremely subtle hints. If the person caught on and took the first step, then success, but if they didn't... Well, she'd wallow in her pity until her feelings died down, moving on with life, because in the end, it didn't really matter.
But this time, it was different.
It did matter, because this was her husband. Somewhere along the way, in an extremely short span of time, she'd stopped saying the word with annoyance and malice, a fact made more daunting with the knowledge that Draco was supposed to be her enemy. She was supposed to hate him. It was all cliche, but true: She just couldn't bring herself to hate him.
*
The last night of Narcissa's stay had gone normal so far, no significant event or one worth noting taking place.
That was, until nightfall.
Sleep just didn't seem to want to come. As much as she tried, Mish couldn't sleep knowing she'd remain quiet, not voicing anything about her feelings, if she didn't do it tonight.
As she lay restless on the emerald green covers, Draco seemed to be going through a dilemma of his own, tossing and turning around constantly for the past hour. Eventually, both of them lay facing each other, and unfortunately, Mish lost all semblance of control the moment her eyes met his striking ones.
She couldn't help getting lost in them.
And leaning in.
*
Thoughts of looking Mish in the eye, spilling out all he felt about her, pining her to the bed, kissing her senseless, making her feel good were all that resided in Draco's mind, plaguing him, causing him continual distress. But the moment her eyes met his, he was entranced.
Quite literally. He moved as if he was in a trance, leaning closer to her, and to his relief, she did the same.
Their lips met halfway through, and it was everything but not enough, all at the same time. It felt natural, to be kissing her, to keep his body close to her, to run his hand through her hair, grabbing on to it in a tight grasp and pulling her closer, her body fitting perfectly against his. It felt exhilarating when her hand rose to rest on his cheek, thumb moving to and fro in a caress. He felt as though he'd combust with the plethora of feelings he was experiencing as her lips parted, allowing his tongue to slip in her mouth, and he felt himself getting worked up when she moved to straddle him, both hands resting on his shoulders.
It was heaven.
*
Mish became aware too late of what was happening, but as soon as she did, she pulled away from what had been decidedly the best kiss of her entire life. Her breath came in short bursts, because of the kiss and the sight in front of her.
Draco, breathing heavily, his usually pale cheeks flushed a deep crimson, lips parted, hair all over the place, dazzling eyes wide with surprise. The moonlight falling in the room through the windows illuminated him partially, making the moment all the more magical.
She wasn't sure why she pulled away. Maybe it was because this was the only and the first time her and Draco had kissed since after the marriage, or maybe it was because she'd astounded a part of herself, the one who still insisted on maintaining enmity with Draco, a minuscule amount at the very least.
What she was sure of, however, was that she wasn't going to let things escalate and have sex with Draco Malfoy as his mother slept in the next room.
So, she moved to lay back down on her side of the bed, saying, "Well, that escalated quickly."
Dissolve the tension with humour, no matter how bad it is.
Draco laughed, a breathy, disbelieving laugh which suggested to her quite correctly how he was still trying to process the events of the last few minutes. After a moment, however, he lowered himself back on the bed, now quiet. She inched a bit closer to him, hoping and praying he wouldn't comment on it.
He didn't.
She didn't know whether to find that relieving or not.
*
During fourth year, when Snape had hushed the excitable chatter of all the slytherins in his class and drawled about the Yule Ball in his monotonous voice, droning on about the dance and making such a thrilling occasion sound boring with the little speech all house-heads had memorized for the students who were to partake, Ali and Mish sat a corner of the class, the former sitting incredibly still, face red from trying to hold in her laughter and glasses missing from her face as the latter wore them instead, a small lightning shaped scar scribbled on her forehead with black ink, imitating Harry Potter under her breath while trying not to laugh herself.
After a while, though, as Snape started pairing students to practice dancing, Mish leaned closer to Ali to whisper in her ear with a smirk, "Eyes on me, idiot, not Theo. I demand all your attention."
Ali blushed, coughing and quickly saying, "I was not looking at Theo. Not nearly as much as Draco stares at you."
It was Mish's turn to stumble over her words, staring at her best friend incredulously, "Wha- Wow, Shafiq, one would've thought that being the love of my life you would've been offended with the notion of anybody else crushing over me. Besides, Draco is an arse. We hate each other."
"Oh, you're mine forever, but listen! Be serious, you idiot!" Ali laughed, punching Mish on the arm as the latter started pretending to puke.
"You want me to be a mass-murderer? Okay. I'll rip the curtains of our dorm to shreds tonight, how's that for a sta-"
"Blackwater, I will disown you if you don't listen to me and stop fooling around right now. There're rumours around, Mish, seriously! I heard Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil gossip about it too! And I know they're gryffindors, but listen, what if it's true?" Ali said.
"What if what's true?"
"Oh, you oblivious fool- About you and Draco!"
"But I don't like Draco. This is absurd."
"I know you don't, but I've heard- Not from very reliable sources, but I digress- that he likes you. And honestly, because we're in class and you can't put the rictusempra charm on me right now, I'll say it. I ship it," Ali declared, ducking down as a quill went sailing through the air at her, narrowly missing her, "oi, you will not get away with that, Mi-"
"Miss Shafiq and Miss Blackwater, I'd think you both of all students would care to pay attention in class." Snape's voice interrupted them both, and a moment later, Ali was whisked off towards Theodore Nott, to Mish's great amusement (she now had plenty of new material to tease her about as she danced with Theo and kept trodding on his foot mistakenly) and Mish was steered towards Draco Malfoy of all people. How ironic.
As she danced with Draco, he didn't make nearly as many nasty remarks as he usually did, subdued and reserved on this occasion.
If she didn't know any better, she'd even say he was flustered.
She didn't know whether to find that relieving or not.
*
The next morning was disastrous.
It was as if Draco considered that kiss to be a mistake. He was as curt with her now, all of a sudden, as he was with her in the beginning of their marriage. That night, when Draco had apparated Narcissa home, Mish returned to Draco's room to find all her belongings gone.
Typical.
She walked into her original room to find her clothes sitting on the bedspread, her book on her right nightstand. At least he was observant.
She dreamt of ruins, calamity, heartache and pain for the first time in a week.
*
"We have another invite. To a ball. Tomorrow night."
"And why am I hearing of this barely twenty four hours before the event?"
"I forgot to tell you."
That was how it'd been the entire past two months. The both of them barely talked anymore, and she was yearning to find out why. She couldn't even pinpoint it to one moment where things had started to look bleak again. The tension in the air between them was palpable, but both of them chose to ignore it, avoiding each other like the plague.
It was extremely infuriating.
Fed up of having their progress be put to a sudden, inexplicable halt, Mish shoved her plate away, dropping her cutlery on the table, getting up and walking back to her room, which she'd started occupying again after he'd deposited her belongings there. Her nightmares had decreased in their consistency, but at nights when they did manage to occur and plague her, waking her up as a result, she resorted to the only thing she felt was an adequate solution: Not sleeping at all. That way, when she was tired, body longing to rest, mind hazy, she'd fall in a deep, dreamless sleep.
It wasn't a healthy solution, but she wasn't about to go knocking at Draco's door, asking for him to sleep with her, even though she longed for his touch, to wake up in his arms. She wasn't about to sacrifice her dignity for something as fickle as sleep. Even if all she wanted was Draco's fingers trailing on her skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake, because his touch was electrifying. She wouldn't go crawling back to him, because she didn't know what her fault had been in the first place, or if anyone was to be held culpable for this physical distance between them.
Besides, she liked to think she wasn't that desperate.
But all that turned to dust the moment she touched herself to the thought of him doing it.
---
A/n: eh there's smut soon but it sucks tbh