❝ so i lied and i cried and i watched a part of myself die. ❞
⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻
We finally finished cooking after almost an hour. Pedri was actually helpful. He cooked the rice and rinsed the chicken. I actually thought he would just sit there and wait for me to finish.
I'm really tired though. The headache of this morning is pretty much gone but I really need a good nap. I'll probably just eat and then go watch some tv and fall asleep on it.
I'm washing my hands right now as Pedri scoops the food into our plates. "This doesn't look the best but it smells the best." He says as I shampoo my hands.
"Yeah, leaves aren't exactly good looking but I swear to God this is gonna be one of the best meals you'll ever have." Green isn't my favorite color when it comes to food, but mlokhiyeh is definitely one of my favorite meals.
"I should hope so, I've been hungry for the past hour. This gotta be worth the wait." He says, putting down the plates on the counter in the middle of the kitchen and sits down, waiting for me. I dry my hands with the towel.
I join him on the other side of the table. "Let's see if you're rating is going up or down, chef." He says, grabbing some food with his fork and taking a bite.
I watch him as he swallows his food, waiting impatiently for the review. "My God this is good." He exclaims, mouthful.
I chuckle, seeing his face. "Glad you like it." I tell him before starting to eat myself.
We sit in silence for a little before he speaks up. "Oh, Ferran's throwing a party tonight, you wanna come with me?"
I swallow my food before answering him. "Only if you promise to keep an eye on my drinking. I do not want to end up with another headache tomorrow morning."
"Scout's honor." He holds his hand up.
"Were you even in the scouts?" I ask, knowing he definitely was not. His parents would never have let him. And besides, imagine Pedri González in the woods. That guy wouldn't sleep on the floor, he's not gonna sleep in the middle of nowhere.
"I could've been." He answers making me roll my eyes.
I grab my phone to see if I got any messages while cooking. Only from my cousin saying hello and Isabel who just sent one.
I open the two image she sent. A blue dress and a white one with a following message that asks, which one?
I immediately answer not thinking about it, both.
They both look great and she's loaded, why not spoil herself once in a while? Besides, Pablo's with her, he can hold everything.
She then sends me a second picture of her boyfriend sat in the corner with a zillion bags in his hands, waiting for her to finish.
i don't think he's gonna be happy with that
who cares? they're pretty
get em.
i'm telling him u encouraged this
tell him, he's scared of me already
Done with Isa, I open the conversation with Maisie and reply to her hey with a hi back.
I then put down my phone again and focus solely on eating. "Do you always look so busy?" Pedri asks.
"I was just encouraging your sister to make your best friend want to kill himself even more." I explain, taking a bite.
"Poor guy." He sighs.
I chuckle lightly but my laugh slowly starts turning into coughing over and over again. I get this tightening feeling in my chest along. "Bless you, are you okay?" He looks at me, worried.
"Yeah, yeah." I reassure before grabbing my purse from the end of the table and take my inhaler. Oh yeah, I'm asthmatic. Barely though, I only use my inhaler about five times a month.
I put the inhaler in my mouth and take two puffs that provide me quick relief. "I didn't know you were asthmatic." He frowns before taking a bite of his meal.
"I didn't either until I was sixteen." I say before taking a long breath and taking my time in exhaling.
"What? How'd you live before?" He questions poking the food with his fork.
"I turned asthmatic at sixteen." I explain.
"How?" Why is he pressing so much on the matter? One out of twelve people are asthmatic, it's not that big of a deal.
"Not much, just a surgery side effect." I tell him
"I didn't know surgery could get you asthmatic." He says.
"Rarely ever happens, but it occurred in my case. It was an unexpected turn after a surgery, and suddenly I found myself dealing with asthma. It's not a common outcome, but as with any medical procedure, there are always potential risks and unforeseen consequences." I take another breath, feeling the relief from the inhaler.
"Oh." Is the only thing he can get out before he takes another bite of his meal that is basically done now. "What was the surgery?" I was really hoping he wouldn't ask that.
"Just... Getting something out and stitched up." I mutter before taking the biggest fork into my mouth to avoid elaborating further more.
"Okay..." He gets that I don't want to talk about it and let's the subject go.
2018
The white light of the hospital room basically blinds me as I open my eyes up making me want to shut them close again.
I actually would rather keep them close forever but that's not happening apparently. I'm just joking though. I should be happy I'm still able to open my eyes.
I open them up again slowly this time and turning my head to the side to avoid the blinding light. "She's awake! She's awake!" I hear my little sister's voice screaming.
Once I've completely opened up my eyes, I can see her little face right in front of me, as if she's been waiting for me to wake up all this time.
The darkness coming from the window shows it's night time. The silence raining in the hospital apart from medical equipment beeping demonstrates calmness and quietness of the night.
I spot my mom waking up at the same time on a couch chair further away and my older sister, also waking up now, sat on the arm of the chair and laying on my mother.
"Mom! We3yit! (She woke up!)" Aya repeats running towards my mother and hitting her over and over again until she properly wakes up.
I watch as my mom immediately stands up and basically sprints over to me even though I'm barely two meters away.
"Olive?" Her soft voice is so much more comforting than my little sister's screaming. She sits on the edge of the bed, cupping my cheek slowly, being careful of what I guess is a nasal oxygen cannula tube that is helping my respiration.
"Hi mom." I smile faintly.
"Alhamdulillah! (Thank God!)" She tears up, seeing me awake. "Call your dad." She turns, telling my older sister who quickly runs out of the room.
She immediately takes me in a hug and kisses my cheek. "Ouch." I feel a harsh pain around over my waist, around the right part of my stomach as she leans over me.
"Sorry, honey." She pulls away and just enjoys my presence instead and takes my hand in hers, caressing it softly.
I'm about to ask her where Mia is but my father, sister and a doctor come rushing in. "Ya rab! (Oh lord!)" My father explains before rushing towards my side and kisses hardly the top of my head.
I chuckle seeing how relieved he feels. I spot my two sisters in the corner, side hugging each other. Nour putting on a smile and trying not to cry and Aya clearly happy I've opened my eyes and she's witnessed it.
I sit and watch as my whole family tears up. I'm glad I'm okay, but where's Mia? What happened to her?
"Hi Olive." The doctor speaks, making me look up at him. I force on an awkward smile, as if to say hello back. My father takes a few steps back, letting the doctor get closer to me. "How are you feeling?"
"There's this horrible tightening feeling in my chest and this unbearable pain in my waist. You tell me." I answer him. I hope he wasn't waiting for a 'I'm fine, thanks.' because I clearly am not.
"I'm guessing not so great." He tries to sympathize me.
"Now we know how you got your bachelors degree." I mock him. I'm sorry, I try to be nice but what the hell does he mean by I guess. Of course I'm not feeling so great.
"Be nice." My mom orders.
"Okay..." He awkwardly speaks. "Good news is, the surgery went pretty well for the most part. You'll make a full recovery." Of course I am. I'm Olive Larsen. I'm not sitting in a bed for the rest of my life. "Bad news..." He starts, drifting off a bit. Just spit it, damn it. "One of your fallopian tube was affected. Which means-"
I cut him off, knowing where he's going. "That I might never get kids." Woah. That hit hard.
"What!? She's infertile?" My mom tears up even more.
"There's a slight chance that she may get pregnant but, most probably no. And the older she gets, the less likely it'll become." He explains.
I never was big on having kids. But, I might change my mind when I get older. I'm too young to be sure I'll never want kids.
"Oh my God..." My mom, the definition of loving kids, just found out her daughter won't give her grand children. She's definitely taking it harder than me.
"Hey, hey, it's okay mom..." I comfort her now, caressing her back, laying my head on her shoulder. She leaves a kiss on my forehead, a sign that it'll be okay.
"I'm going to check your vitals to assess your overall condition and your body's response to the surgery. I'll leave you guys alone for now." He forces a smile, still pitying us as he walks out.
Silence reigns in the room as we all take it in. I'm alive, but I'm infertile. I should just focus on the goods. I'm alive. I'm going to recover. I'll be okay.
Everything will be okay. But why does it feel like it won't?
No one dares to speak. It's like there's something on their mind and they just won't say it.
My heart is so heavy in my chest. I try not cry, staying strong for them all. But it's getting harder and harder. And where's my cousin? Why isn't the rest of my family here?
When Nour got her wisdom teeth out, the entire family was here. No exceptions. Something's wrong. Something's very wrong.
"Where's Mia?" I ask, my chest feeling more and more heavy. Feeling like it's going to explode anytime now. I feel like I should hold it in some way.
No one answers me though, I notice Aya hiding herself in Nour, turning her back to me. Nour's head is down, trying not to cry too.
The tears start forming in my eyes but I hold them in. "Where is Mia?" I repeat, demanding an answer they're all ignoring.
"Can we just enjoy your presence now, honey? We sh-" My mom starts, taking a step closer to the bed.
"I asked a question, mom. And I need its answer. Now." I cut her off. Her tears are clearly running down at this point, despite the fact that she's trying to smile.
I turn to look at my dad who has also turned his back to me, hiding the fact that him too, has fallen to tears. My dad, my dad... The man who I have never in my whole life seen with his guard down is crying.
My little sister can't lie. She never lies. "Aya, where's Mia?" I see as my mom nods her head no to my little sister.
"Kit, where is Mia?" I ask her again. She opens her mouth to answer but my older sister immediately places her hand over her little mouth.
Nour whispers something over to her before dragging her out the room and closes the door behind her. "No!" I yell, trying to sit up but the harshest pain hits me where the stitches of the surgery were made.
I then yell out in pain, it hurts, it hurts so much. Everything hurts. The wound, my chest, my heart... I fall back down, holding my waist where the bandage was placed to cover the stitches.
"Honey, please." My mom helps me lie back down.
"Where is Mia!?" I yell as my tears start falling down. My voice getting wobbly. "I want Mia! Where is my cousin!?" I scream in the middle of the night in a hospital full of patients. "Where is my best friend!?"
"Olive, calm down, please. Let's just-" My mother tries to calm me down but she should know better.
"Tell me where she is." She shuts her mouth instead and looks away, wiping her tears. Why is no one answering me? It can't be that hard! "Dad..." I look for him.
He turns around, his eyes completely red, swollen, filled with tiredness. He nods his head no. No, no, no... It can't be.
"Mom?" I turn, looking hope in her. She looks back at me again, her too denying it. My heart is beating so fast, I feel like I'm having a panic attack
I'm definitely having a panic attack."No. No. No. You're lying! Why are you lying!?" I scream out, crying all over the place.
They both look at me. No hope in their eyes. No glimmer in their eyes. Just plain, worn out, sorrowful eyes.
"It can't be..." I nod my head no over and over, refusing to believe it. "No! I want to see her!" I yell again, bawling. I can't see anything anymore, it's all so blurry.
I can't even breathe. I'm sobbing. She can't be gone. We fought! We fought together! We should've both made it out!
"Bring her back! I refuse to believe you!" I shriek in pain, demanding.
"I'm sorry, honey..." My mother finally speaks up after all this time, trying to comfort me. Nothing is gonna comfort me.
"No..." I mumble. There's no way. It isn't true. Not until I see it with my own eyes. "No!" I take off the blanket over me.
I push myself off and try to get out, but there isn't even the slightest bit of energy in my body and pain is just invading me.
"Olive, lay down." My dad orders, holding my shoulder and trying to help me back down slowly. I slap it away though, not wanting to go back to sleep or nothing else.
"No! I'm going to go find Mia and there's nothing you can do about it!" I yell at my own father.
He takes a step back, surprised at my violent reaction. My mom still sits, continuing to cry. "You can't find Mia! Don't you get that!?" She weeps, trying to wipe her tears that keep coming down.
I ignore mine, letting them run and fall onto my rob. "Yes! I can! I'm alive! I can get myself out of this bed and go see her!" I insist, even though I cannot feel half of my body.
"But she isn't!" My dad yells now. "She died Olive! Okay? You wanted me to say it? I said it! She's dead!"
My eyes well up, and I can't see anything anymore, it's all blurry as I nod my head no over and over again, denying it.
"You're not funny. Stop it." My voice is all wobbly and I can barely speak, overwhelmed with anger and sadness.
My heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest and kill me for real this time. "She's gone, Liv. We tried everything. You helped in every way. It's over." His voice calms back down a bit.
"No! No! No!" I yell my heart out, being louder than a siren with a high pitched, unstable voice. "Bring her back! Bring her back now!" I am sure I have cause some disturbance by my loud voice but I couldn't care less.
I want my cousin back. I want my best friend back. Bring my Mia back! "No!" I repeat for the millionth time, trying to get out of bed again to try and do something, anything.
I end up just hurting myself and yell out in pain again, louder. This hurts so much. I can't take it anymore. Everything starts fading out.
Crying, yelling, hurting... I barely notice the doctors rushing in, my mom's crying again, my dad holding me.
It all goes black suddenly. Yet, all I wanted was that she came back. Why couldn't it have been me? Why? Why...?
Bring her back...
(A/N: what the hell do you mean Lewis is joining ferrari in 2025!? my god. this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing ever to happen to us. and why is no one talking about carlos? my man did everything he should've done as a second driver. he was excellent, brilliant. and what does it mean for charles? is he gonna be the second driver now? i'm honestly speechless. never thought this would happen.
feb 1 2024 is gonna go down as one of f1 history's most memorable day. and i'm still crying over xavi's departure, now gotta add carlos. being a tifosi and a culer is tiring😭 anyways, hope u guys are all doing okay, with these past few weeks being a little too hectic. )