Chapter Song: Landlocked Blues by Bright Eyes
and the world's got me dizzy again
you'd think after 22 years
i'd be used to the spin
and it only gets worse when i stay in one place
so i'm always pacing around or walkin' away
Billie and I didn't speak after that, and in April, I met Max.
My drinking benders had gotten really depressing, so I'd started attending parties again. You know... just to be wasted near other people, for a change.
My friend Lara started inviting me to visit her in Boston. I'd reached out to her on a lonely whim one night, and ended up snorting coke at her loft on a Tuesday at 4 am. It was something to do.
Now my head was lolled back on the couch, feet pulled up on the edge of the seat, when a weight settled down on the spot beside me. I turned to look, and found something... pretty.
"Hi," they said, and their image blurred hazily at the edges. "You okay?"
I couldn't nod. "Maybe."
They tilted their head. Long, crazy brown curls fell down around their face. They were extremely skinny, with caramel colored skin, bare at the shoulders.
"You're not sure?"
I laughed, and it felt good. My heart felt like it was running a race, and my body tried to get up, but couldn't. It felt... fucking awful, too.
"No," I giggled.
The pretty figure in front of me smiled slightly, then reached out with a tentative hand. They ran their fingers down my cheek.
"I'll get you some water. Don't move."
They were tall, and when they stood up I had to arch my neck further to look all the way up at them. I laughed.
They crossed the large loft, past small groups of people talking, couples and throuples making out lazily. I watched them grab a water bottle off a counter, and come back, stepping over two guys passed out together in the middle of the floor.
They reached me, pulled the cap off, and handed me the bottle. I held it.
"Are you a boy or a girl?" I asked, confused.
Their eyebrows raised, and a small smirk slid across their features as they dropped back down into the couch beside me.
"I don't think you're allowed to ask that anymore," they chuckled.
I frowned. I seemed to remember something about that.
"Oh," I said, confused. "But... are you a boy or a girl?"
They laughed louder this time. "Technically... I have biologically female parts. But does that really matter?"
I shrugged. I liked both, so, I guess it didn't, not to me anyway. I would've been fine with whatever was in those skinny trousers.
"You're very... pretty," I said, in awe.
They bit back a sexy laugh. "Thanks, Claire."
I gasped, clapping my hand to my mouth. "Do you know me?"
They shook their head, chuckling again. I'm very funny.
"Not personally, no. But everyone here knows you."
I nodded, solemn. "I'm very famous."
"You're very high."
I gasped again. "I am not."
"Claire, I just watched you snort 4 lines of blow while smoking a blunt... you are most certainly high."
"What's your name?" I asked abruptly.
"Max."
I frowned. "That's a boy name OR a girl name."
They grinned. "You're smart, even when you're high as fuck."
"Do you wanna fuck me, Max?"
They bit their lip again, then slowly nodded. "Yes."
I made a move, to get up, to take them to whatever private spot in this massive loft that I could find, but, Max put their hand on my arm.
"Not tonight. But in theory, yes, I do wanna fuck you."
I pouted. "Now."
They shook their head. "I'm sober, and you're not."
"And?"
"That's called assault."
I rolled my eyes. "So you do have a penis. You lied to me."
"Yes, because we know that all rapists can only be men..."
I glared. "It's not rape. I wanna fuck."
"Claire, I just wanted to make sure you're okay, alright? Seemed like you had a lot going on, what with the coke, and the weed... and the scotch."
I held up my glass in a silent cheers.
"Just seemed like you could use a friend."
I sank lower in the couch. "I have friends."
"Yeah..." Max looked around. "These are some great friends..."
"Aren't they your friends?"
They shrugged. "Lara is letting me crash."
I watched the hazy figure beside me for a moment. "Are you a model, Max?"
They grimaced. "Something like that."
I looked out at the party, slowly dying down. The music was still obnoxiously loud, despite how many people were beginning to pass out or leave. Everything was a mess, and the floor was sticky. Lara herself was nowhere to be found. She was probably in her bed with someone, which meant this couch was where I'd be sleeping.
"What're you doing right now?"
Max glanced at me, then waved at the display in front of us. "Waiting."
Waiting for everyone to clear out, so they could sleep, probably in exactly the same spot where I needed to sleep.
"Wanna drive me home?"
a good woman will pick you apart
a box full of suggestions for your possible heart
and you may be offended
and you may be afraid
but don't walk away
don't walk away
We spent the next day sleeping. I'd brought Max directly to my bed when we got to the house, not even offering a couch or a guest room option. They didn't question it, just fell into the bed beside me, and we both passed out, hard.
When I woke up, feeling like death warmed over, they already had water for me, ibuprofen, and a bucket in case I puked.
And I did puke. I puked a lot. And then I decided to take a week off from partying.
I spent the time learning about Max instead. They grew up in Boston, had a shaky relationship with their parents, and spent a lot of time moving around. They were a model, as I had expected, and had been trying to act for years, to very little avail.
And they were so... so pretty.
They identified as a lesbian, but didn't date much. They were polyamorous, but rarely found themselves in love, so it never mattered anyways.
I found that I really enjoyed their company. I felt such a heavy sexual attraction to them, and I hadn't had one of those in a while. But they were also just a nice presence to have around; assertive but calm, and kind.
My type.
They reminded me so intensely of Lucy that it irked me. I didn't want to think of her. But the tattoos that dotted Max's arms made me; and the way they ran their hand casually through long, messy tangles of hair.
Max had been at my house for about three days, spending their time mostly reading while I did the same. I liked that we could lay in silence on the rug, or across the room, feeling zero pressure to talk or engage. I liked that I barely knew them, and they didn't seem to care at all. They didn't ask a lot of questions, and I didn't pry, either.
I'd found out they could play guitar, and one afternoon they laid on the couch beside my piano, plucking away while I worked on song ideas. It was raining again. It was gloomy in the room, the landscape outside foggy and gray. I looked over at the couch where Max strummed, their eyes closed.
I was bored, and lonely, despite them being close by.
"Hey Max?"
"Mmm?"
"I'm sober."
They opened their eyes, and turned their head to look over at me. They nodded. And?
"Still wanna fuck me?"
I turned around on the bench, putting my back to the piano. I set my elbows noisily on the keys, and lifted my hands, as if to say... well?
Max smiled and bit their lip, then sat up, setting the guitar on the floor and leaning it against the couch. Then they dropped to the rug on all fours, and crawled over to me, and my breath caught.
They reached me, and sat back on their heels in front of me. They slid their hands across my knees, up my thighs, parting them, and situated themselves in between them.
I looked down at them. They had clear, green eyes, and soft, clean brown skin. Their curly hair was wild, wilder even than mine. I looked down at them, and ran my thumbs across their cheekbones. They smiled, showing slightly crooked teeth.
So... pretty.
I leaned in, and we kissed, softly. Their hands slid up my neck, thumbs massaging as they went, and I shivered. They broke the kiss to slide their lips down my throat, fingers following. I tilted forward, my head dropping onto their shoulder. They were wearing a white tank top, one of mine I'd lent, with no bra beneath, and I could see hard, dark nipples against the fabric.
I whimpered as their tongue found my ear, sighed as they bit down.
"I want you," I whispered, and they made a tiny sound.
Their hands dropped to my lap, then slid up my shirt, slowly, grabbing the hem and pulling it over my head. Their hands found my naked breasts and massaged them softly, expertly, like they'd done it a thousand times.
Maybe they had. It would make a lot of sense; they had the quiet confidence of someone who'd done this before, over and over... and was good at it. My breath hitched in anticipation.
"Still worried about my gender?" They murmured in my ear.
I took a shaky breath, smiling. "Does it matter?"
They chuckled. "Maybe. You tell me..."
I'd seen enough of their body in the last few days to know that I was attracted to them. Now the only thing I cared about was seeing more of it.
I kissed them again, and slid my hands over their small breasts, pushing the tank down so they fell out into my hands. They moaned lightly as I pinched their nipples roughly. Then I let my hands trail down to the waistband of their sweatpants.
But they grabbed my fingers, bringing them to their lips, sucking two into their mouth and biting them lightly while I gasped.
"Take your pants off," Max said, pulling at them lazily. "I wanna fuck you now..."
I whimpered and my hips lifted up off the bench. They took the opportunity to grip my pants and start pulling them down. I felt shaky, suddenly sure I was about to get the fucking of my life.
They pulled my soft cotton panties down next, stopping when they were halfway down my thighs. They suddenly stopped, running their thumb across the dark spot in the middle.
"So wet... for me?" Max croaked, and I whimpered again. Then they continued, pulling them all the way off my legs, before settling their hands on my thighs. Goosebumps broke out beneath them, and I shivered.
Max stared at the tiny bumps they'd created, then slowly, deliberately ran their tongue up my right thigh. I gasped, and they pressed their lips to my flesh, stilling me.
Then they looked up at me. "How do you like to be fucked, Claire?"
I squirmed. I'd known this encounter would be sensual, from the moment we'd first spoken at the party, but this was much more intense than I thought it'd be. I faltered.
"It's okay," Max encouraged, softly massaging my thighs, but otherwise perfectly still, their chin rested on my right leg. "Tell me."
"I don't... know," I whispered.
"Sure you do," they smiled. "We all know. Unless no one's ever done it before... and even then..."
I squirmed again, and they gripped my legs tighter, stilling me. I took a breath.
"I don't know how to tell you."
"Ahhh," they said, smile widening. "Those are the right words. That's what people never know how to say."
I swallowed, and nodded.
"Try."
I bit my lip. "I just wanna get fucked, Max. That's all I know."
They shook their head, still in control, and I felt myself get wetter. "I don't buy it. You've been fucked by someone who didn't know what they were doing before, right?"
I nodded.
"And it was bad?"
Again, I answered with just a nod.
"And you've been fucked," they said, sitting up and rocking forward onto their knees, so that our faces were close together again. "By someone who knew how to do it. Right?"
I tried not to make a sound as I nodded for a third time, feeling the noise of a whimper slide up my throat.
"What did the person who fucked you well do?"
I shuddered. It was time for me to finally speak.
"They, um... they controlled me."
A little flame flickered in their eyes. "How?"
I closed my eyes, feeling close to panting, but felt Max's fingers touch my face. I opened them again, finding their lips an inch from my own.
"Keep your eyes open," Max commanded simply, and I shivered. "And tell me how."
I swallowed. "They, um, told me what to do. And then... made me do it."
Max nodded approvingly and kissed me softly. "You liked that?"
"Y-yes."
Stuttering. Shivering, and whimpering. How was I this easily controlled? Their voice was so soft, so calm, and so assertive. I let them continue to pull me in.
"Did they praise you?"
I blushed. "Sometimes."
"I bet you liked that, didn't you? Being told how good you are?"
I shook my head, no.
Their eyebrows shot up, surprised. "Oh... of course not."
I shifted, feeling more exposed than ever.
"You wouldn't like that, Claire... you're too self-loathing."
Heat flared across my cheeks, and I tried to pull back, angry, but Max's warm hands slid across my back, pulling me back in.
"You want someone to tell you how bad you are while they fuck you, huh?"
I whimpered, squirming at their words, my anger dissipating. They had me pegged. I hated it; I loved it.
"Have you ever been tied up, Claire?"
I froze, scared, my eyes bugging out of my head.
Max leaned forward and kissed me softly again. "Shh, it's okay. I can leave that for someone else to explore, if you wanted it."
I breathed a sigh of relief, but it quickly strangled in my throat as Max's hand travelled between my legs, softly sliding ever upward. Their fingers were sure, giving gentle pressure, moving achingly slowly. Our foreheads pressed together, and I tried to reach for their mouth with mine.
"Ah, ah, Claire. You're gonna let me take over now, do you understand?"
I was shaking, wetness pouring from me freely at this point. I'd never been this turned on before sex in my life.
Their fingers stopped, and I panted.
"Answer me," Max said softly. Their free hand cupped my face. "Yes or no?"
"Yes," I whispered, giving in and going slack in their hands.
"Good girl," Max whispered, and their fingers moved up again, finally brushing against where I ached. "I know you wanna be a bad girl, Claire. But right now you're gonna be a good girl for me."
I moaned, just at their words. And then a soft finger eased me open, and I groaned much louder. They stroked me, slowly, so softly I almost couldn't stand it, and I tried to shift my ass forward for more pressure.
"No, Claire," Max muttered against my mouth. "Sit still."
I did, whimpering, as the finger pushed forward, slowly entering me. I gasped.
This wasn't what I wanted. I'd expected Max to grip me roughly, bend me over the bench, fuck me hard with experienced fingers. I thought the kinkiest it might get would be a possible hand at my throat, or being flipped onto my stomach to be fucked from behind. I squirmed again, wanting the roughness, getting only gentle thrusts and soft lips barely brushing mine.
"Why are you squirming, Claire?"
I gaped as little pulses of pleasure shot through my pussy, their finger moving lazily but still managing to stroke every nerve ending it could.
"Answer me." The finger stopped.
I panted. "I want... more."
Max's tongue darted out and licked my lip, and mine shot out, desperate, to meet it.
"Not yet, baby," they breathed. "This is what I wanna do right now."
Their finger continued, and I groaned. I was pinned down by Max's left hand on my hip, their body pressed against mine so that my back butted up against the piano keys. They dug into my naked skin, and I tried to focus on breathing so I wouldn't writhe.
I closed my eyes, and Max tutted. My eyelids flew open again, and they stared at me. Right; eyes open.
After a few more minutes of excruciatingly slow thrusting, Max removed their hand, and I whined. They chuckled, then returned their finger, this time adding another. I gasped, bucking violently forward.
"Remember, sit still, Claire," they murmured. "Be good."
I shook, trying. "I'm... not."
Soft kisses along my jaw. "Not what, baby?"
"Not... good."
The fingers didn't stop, thrusting evenly and deeply, and I let out another whimper after my confession.
"Not good?" Another gentle kiss. "Or not good enough?"
My eyes closed, and this time there was no protest. Max's fingers kept fucking me, and it felt so good I could cry. I let the pleasure wash over me, and then felt their thumb press against my clit.
"Unnggh," I groaned, strangled.
"Answer me," they said, and all movement stopped.
I whined. "Please..."
"No," they said simply, and pulled their hand away entirely. I shook so hard it scared me. "Answer me, Claire."
"Not good enough," I groaned, angry, my eyes flying open. "I'm not good enough, okay? Are you fucking happy?"
Max's hands rested gently on my thighs. They stared at me for a long moment, then shook their head. "I'm not happy with that, no."
I glared at their pretty face, green eyes calm and placid under thick brown lashes. I hated them. I just wanted to fuck.
"Why?" I spat. "You don't even know me."
Max nodded, slow. "Yeah. That's true."
I continued to glare. "You said you wanted to fuck me."
"I do," they said simply, shrugging. "I was."
Then they lifted their right hand, covered in glistening wetness still, and brought it to their mouth, sucking the juices from it. I shivered.
"I don't wanna play head games anymore," I whispered.
They shrugged again. "You said you wanted control."
I grit my teeth. "Not mind control."
They smiled slightly. "Isn't that the kind of control you like, Claire?"
I stared. I thought of Billie, immediately, fucking with me on and off over the years. I thought of Lucy, manipulating the conversation in flirtatious ways, melting me like butter.
I thought of every time I'd ever felt love; there was always an element of submission on my part, of giving up a part of me that I didn't want to so my partner could be in control.
Max watched me silently, still sucking one finger into their mouth sexily. I shivered.
"Do you wanna keep going?"
I thought about it. Then I nodded.
"Get on your hands and knees, then."
I froze, gripping the piano bench.
"I'll give you what you need... but you need to be a good girl. And you are a good girl, Claire."
I was covered in goosebumps, a statue. Slowly, I moved forward, brushing past Max and sliding down onto the rug on my hands and knees.
Max moved behind me, and ran their hand down my spine. I shuddered. They leaned across my body, their hips pressed tight to my ass, their torso draping across my back. Their lips pressed tight against my ear.
"You're a dirty little slut... but you're a good girl."
I moaned deeply, my head already dropping in submission. Their hand trailed back down my spine, over my ass, between my thighs. The same two wet fingers slowly slid over my pussy, and easily inside me, finally.
I groaned. "Max..."
They kept an even pace, thrusting lazily, kissing my spine, my neck. I arched back against them, and was pushed back firmly by their other hand on my ass. I whimpered in frustration.
"Please, Max," I whined, and they ignored me.
I was whimpering, shivering, aching desperately. I was being agonizingly teased at length, and it made me sore. I could feel how wet I was, my thighs drenched and shaking as I tried to hold myself up.
"You like this, don't you, angel?"
"Noooo," I groaned, elbows shaking as my head dropped lower.
They chuckled. Their hand thrusted wetly. It was clear I did physically, though mentally I was wrecked.
"What do you want, baby?"
I tried to push my ass back against them again, hit resistance again. I half sobbed.
"Words, Claire. Tell me."
I shook. "Harder... please. Fuck me harder."
"Good girl," they whispered, and the pressure increased. I cried out. They'd slipped in another finger, upped their pace.
I panted, trying to hold myself up. Now it felt good. They were stroking so deep inside me my vision blurred, and it was all I could do not to throw my ass back against their hand. I moaned over and over, whimpered, cried out.
"So much noise for me, Claire," Max murmured, gripping my ass with their other hand. "You sound so good, baby."
I whined again, whimpered. "Please..."
"Please what?"
The knot in my stomach was steadily growing, and my legs had begun to shake. I was close to cumming, and the pleasure was so intense I was actually afraid of it.
"I need..." I whimpered. "I need to cum... please."
Soft lips on my spine, a warm tongue licking lazily while their thrusts went even deeper than I thought they could. "You will, baby. You're such a good girl, you're gonna cum hard for me."
I let out an actual sob, my elbows buckling. My face lowered and pressed down to the soft rug, my ass raising higher in the air. Max didn't miss a beat, thrusting harder. They still hadn't even touched my clit yet.
"Please," I cried into the rug. "Please, Max."
"Yeah, baby," they said, fucking me up while I cried. "Soon. But when I say so."
I shook, intense pleasure making my useless legs ache while Max held me up. Their free hand stroked me; my ass, the back of my thigh, my tits. They found my nipple piercing and twisted it gently, and I convulsed. The same hand caressed my stomach gently, the other not ceasing to thrust heavily into my aching pussy.
"Max," I sobbed.
And then their hand found my clit, massaging it gently, just enough that pleasure shot throughout my whole body.
"Unnnnggghhh," I moaned desperately.
Teeth along my spine now, harder kisses and rougher thrusts. The buildup had been excruciating, but the payoff was intensely pleasurable. I started yelling with each thrust as Max's other hand swirled hard circles around my clit.
"I'm gonna..."
"You're gonna cum, baby," Max all but growled against my back. "I'm gonna make you."
I yelled, feeling it coming like a train wreck, my legs shaking uncontrollably. It was about to hit me so hard—
And then it did, and I lost my fucking mind.
I was screaming, crying, shaking uncontrollably as my vision faded and stars exploded behind my eyelids. Max clutched my body with theirs, falling sideways onto the rug, never losing pace with their hands as I shook and sobbed. I rode it out for what felt like an impossible length of time, before begging them to stop.
They did, blessedly, slowing their hands to a light whisper of a touch while I twitched and writhed in their arms. I was crying, and I couldn't believe it, my fingers finding hot tears on my cheeks when I touched them. I whimpered, and felt Max's mouth on my bare shoulder as they spooned me.
"Alright?" They whispered.
I couldn't answer yet, so I burrowed myself back against them instead, weakly. They kissed a line along my shoulder, and it was sweet, angelic, soothing. I sighed, my eyes closing.
"You're good, Claire." Still a whisper.
Another tear leaked out, and I hated myself.
"You don't need blow, or scotch, or gin. You don't need those stupid fucking people at those stupid fucking parties. You're better."
I sniffled. I felt cold. I rolled onto my back, then again, so I was facing Max. I snuggled into their skinny body, feeling heat radiating off of their small frame.
"You don't know me, Max," I whispered.
Green eyes found mine and held them intensely. "No. I don't know you."
"Then why do you think you can tell me all about myself?"
They hesitated, then kissed me, softly. "I'm sorry."
I kissed them, lazily, and eventually it was my turn, and I fucked them back. But it wasn't the same, and it wasn't as good.
so i'm up at dawn puttin' on my shoes
i just wanna make a clean escape
i'm leaving but i don't know where to
i know i'm leavin', but i don't know where to
A/N: Didn't I promise y'all this would be another smut book? I never lie.