3 years ago- Flashback
The data gathered over the past six years had estimated that the number of deaths caused by the burning had been around 70,000 in the Leaf alone. This meant that 4.1% of the Leaf's population had died due to the burning with the addition of 4% of the rural population surrounding Konoha.
Due to extensive circumstances, the regions surrounding the Fire Lands' northern borders had been turned into wastelands, wiping out any living organism that hadn't managed to escape. The estimated number was around 2 million, of the remaining Fire Land population that hadn't been killed by the burning, 24% of the overall population had been killed by the Departure alone. This left the remaining 7.9% of people dying due to other causes such as death by natural disaster, disease, violence, migration, starvation and suicide.
Altogether, the total estimated death toll was around 2,850,000 and the number continued to increase steadily. Konoha had yet to receive word regarding the death toll induced by the Departure and migration, but the numbers weren't nearly as high as the Fire Country's who were at the crux of the attack.
As each day passed by, it was growing difficult to fight for something that was a lost cause. How could a nation recover after a large portion of its population had been erased in the blink of an eye?
But even then, Sakura wasn't able to conceptualise those numbers when death had become a constant in her life. The moment she realised she wasn't apart of those figures, it was then she upheld the responsibility of aiding revitalisation even if it meant losing herself in the process. After all, every breath was a reminder that the only reason she was alive today was because Dawn had sacrificed herself for her, for a Village that had turned their backs on her long before she ever did.
Especially, when she was one of those people.
Every time Sakura closed her eyes, her mistakes were as apparent as day. She chose to believe the lies fed to her, she chose to create her own assumptions solely because she couldn't fathom change, or the fact that the Village that she had dedicated herself to couldn't have been capable of such thing. The thought was the very reason as to why she couldn't sleep at night or why she spent every living second of her life hating herself more than anyone ever could.
The hospital was a daunting place to be. Sakura wasn't quite sure if it could be called a hospital anymore, more so, a morgue filled with dead bodies being checked in every single day. She wasn't healing, she was confirming the identities of indistinguishable corpses and paying respect to whoever remained of their bloodline (if they also hadn't been wiped out, that was).
And yet, somehow, it turned out things were actually looking up. The numbers were nothing in comparison to the hellhole of last year, even though it pained her to degrade human beings into mere figures as if their lives were so insignificant and disposable. Obito had told her they were doing better than last year, that thanks to Dawn's sacrifice and the knowledge she left behind, things were finally looking up and it was all because of her. But that did nothing to placate the restless voices in her mind, the cruel-kind, that recite every self-deprecating thought she ever had like it was a religious scripture.
It's all your fault. It said. There's a reason why people never check up on you, it's because you're the problem. You're the one who tore everyone apart, you're the one who ruined everything. And Sakura would reply by saying 'I know, I know, I know', hanging onto each utterance like it was her lifeline.
A part of her wondered why the others never thought to visit, but that thought immediately diminished when she realised that it wasn't within her right to ask for so much. The moment Naruto had awakened from his coma, she knew that he wasn't going to be the same but she would've thought that he'd acknowledge the fact that she was there too, that he didn't have to go through it alone, she could help and they could help each other but again— that was only wishful thinking.
"It's— it's all your fault." Naruto slurred as he stumbled into the room, visibly intoxicated and reeking of alcohol. She wasn't fazed by it, Kakashi was the same as well and Sasuke had been too, until he eventually left.
She didn't expect Naruto to return a month ago, Sakura had thought that the moment he left to cultivate his abilities and tame the nine-tails along with the other Jinchuriki— that he would never show his face again. It was the little things that implied as such, his lack of letters, one-worded responses and the look he had in his eyes whenever he stared at her. Like she was the worst thing to have possibly existed.
The same look he was giving to her now.
"Did you fucking hear me?" Naruto repeated viciously. "It's all your fault- all your fucking fault!"
"I know." Sakura replied.
He looked at her cruelly, his angered gaze eying her as if she was the rotten core of an apple. "No, I don't think you do." He said, his voice oddly calm. He pointed his finger at her. "You're the one that broke us all apart, remember? We wouldn't have been so conflicted if you didn't try your hardest to convince all of us that she was fucking crazy, and for what? Because you couldn't handle a couple of punches?"
"I mean," Naruto let out a crazed laugh, his bloodshot eyes wide, "I shouldn't be surprised, you were always the weakest link during our Academy days, you were the one who always held us all back. We might've not said anything, but we thought it. And now I regret not saying shit."
"I know." She repeated, gripping the edge of the table to stop her hands from shaking. She was beginning to think it was all she was capable of saying, but Sakura couldn't help it. It wasn't the first time he stumbled in drunk, but this time, his words felt raw, real, unfiltered.
"Things never fucking change, right?" His voiced raised. "Right?! You've always been so fucking useless from the beginning, how did you even contribute? You were always a liability, maybe we'd still be together if you didn't hold us back all the fucking time! Fuck!"
"— you're the reason Dawn died!" Naruto finally yelled out, choking on a sob. Sakura felt her entire world freeze, it wasn't as if she hadn't been repeating those very words to herself the moment she knew that Dawn had been killed— but Naruto had never said it to her outright, at least vocally.
"You pushed her away- maybe if she knew that you were still on her side then she wouldn't have fucking felt like she was all alone, she would've turned to us for help!" He screamed in her face and walked towards her, his hands gripping her shoulders tightly. His grip was harsh and she could feel his fingers dig into her skin but she didn't care. She couldn't. "You're a fucking murderer- you hear me?! You killed her- you killed them all!"
Tears dampened her cheeks but she couldn't say anything back- not when she agreed with him. It was true, and denying the truth would be futile.
She was the one who turned her back away and refused to accept the truth, she was the one who wasn't strong enough to protect her friends— she couldn't even prevent Sasuke from leaving, not that she could, he had every right to abandon them over and over again if he had to.
"Fucking say something!" Naruto yelled, shaking her.
"What do you want me to say?" She cried out, letting out a whimper when he tightened his grip even more. "That I'm sorry? I am sorry but it won't fix anything- it won't bring them back!"
"Naruto! What the fuck are you doing?" Shikamaru barged into the room, his usual, tired eyes were now lit with anger as he stormed towards them and shoved him away from her. Once he got a whiff of the alcohol spoiling his clothes, he sighed, clenching his jaw. "Let's go."
"Don't fucking tell me what to do." He spat, smacking his hands away as he stumbled back a little. Naruto lifted his gaze and gave her one last cold look. "The only thing you can do is to leave everyone alone. At least then, you won't be ruining anymore lives."
───※ ·❆· ※───
Present (A few days before)
It was easy to lock away your grief as it was to breathe, as if a button was pressed and everything that made you human was now non-existent and all of a sudden, there wasn't any difference between you or a dead corpse, except for the fact that one was breathing and the other still.
But Sakura, she was never good at handling her own emotions. She didn't lock them away, she kept them as a reminder of all that had transpired and used it as an incentive to wake up even though she wanted nothing more than to forget that the world even existed— that her problems existed and everything was okay, and it was all one, cruel nightmare. It was clear to the people that knew her (which was a very small range) that she wasn't handling Inori's death well, anyone wouldn't if they knew the kind of person Inori was.
She could still remember the look on his face when Inori's brother stared at what remained of Inori, how an evil creature had torn her apart in the blink of an eye and all of a sudden sweet Inori was now a casualty figure. A mere number among millions. It left a bitter taste on her tongue.
A day passed since her death, Sakura ensured that the investigation received top priority and it wasn't because of who Inori was to her, it was the manner of her death. It shouldn't have been possible but it was, that after reading the autopsy report of Hattori's hoard her fears had come to fruition. LCEP was mutating and creating creatures resembling the monsters that had appeared in the Raven's dome all those years ago.
Sakura attempted to keep the situation under-wraps until Motaru had been retained, but anything that warranted the death of any Konohan civilian had always been Obito's top priority and she couldn't deny him of that. But she did insist on enabling her to conduct an investigation of her own and after much-needed persistence, he caved.
Especially when she knew that no one, not even Tsunade, had yet to realise the true severity of the situation at hand and what that could mean for the future of Konoha.
She rubbed her hands together, adjusting the collar of her shirt as a cold draft wafted through the open doors of the bar. But it didn't last long as the cold was instantly replaced by the warmth of bodies all squashed together in the tight enclosure, where the rancid scent of body odour and alcohol was incredibly pungent. The racks of bottles in front of her were tempting if only there had been a different reason for her visit and the fact that she knew at any moment, Tsunade would call for her attention at the hospital, but even then, she would have difficulty in doing so.
After all, the bar she was at was located in a street notorious for its illegal drug distribution. While alcohol and some Class B drugs weren't illegal, Tranquil, that was currently popular on the market, was ranked Class A and extremely dangerous and addictive. There were many instances where her patients had been checked in with encephalitis due to high exposure, but its interdiction had been postponed many times.
"Last week was a close call." One of the men said with a sigh of relief and slight worry. "The Hokage's upped the patrol around here so we need to be a bit more alert."
Sakura snorted, cracking her neck as she listened in on the conversation. Careful? Shikamaru already has names, they're just waiting for the right time to execute their plans.
Because timing was always a priority. It was the same reason why she wasn't doing anything, not only was it outside of her jurisdiction, acting impulsively would only brew more trouble than she was willing to indulge in and she already had enough on her plate to admit that being selfish was a need and not a want.
"Keep your voice down." Another whispered harshly. "Though, what's the point in secrecy when the Hokage already knows? He can't do shit unless he wants a bad reaction."
Her eyes narrowed slightly, they weren't the first to underestimate the Hokage but over the years, Obito had proven to be more competent than the Third, Fourth and Fifth combined. Not anyone was capable of bringing a Village back from the brink of annihilation and thrive in the process.
But even then, Sakura couldn't help but forever remain cynical. She put her trust in Tsunade and the outcome was... yeah.
"Right, Goda won't allow it." A third voice retorted.
"Goda's hospitalised." The man rebuked mockingly. "It's only the matter of time he's arrested. Plus, didn't you see what he did to that girl? Poor lass, but a naive one, thinkin' she could defy a horrid man like that."
"Who?"
"You know...? The one whose father is that stubby old man who cried like a little shit and grovelled for mercy? He ruined her family and now he ruined her too without getting caught. Even if they suspect him they can't do shit without evidence and he'll probably frame someone else for it."
Sakura's eyes widened, what were the odds? That she'd stumbled across a conversation particularly about Matoru.
She had a theory and she had yet to falsify it considering that Motaru was her first... experiment, per se. Though, a part of her felt guilty for viewing her as such, she couldn't help but blame Motaru and resent her a little- even if it was for something she couldn't control. Sakura had reason to believe that Motaru would travel to places where CE was said to be incredibly high, places where she also had formed prior affiliations with— such as the cemetery, her home, the bar she worked at. The only place she didn't check was the hospital.
Goda has been hospitalised. The words replayed in her mind before she was already on the move.