yunho's pov
i was currently sat in my room, enjoying the silence in the air; the time was now 3:46 in the morning, so the other 2 people inside the house were fast asleep.
it had already been a few days since mingi and i had really confessed to each other— we had yet to decide what to do with our feelings, but i knew there was no need to rush it.
everything would surely figure itself out.
i had seen mingi normally since then during school hours, but i felt like a burden taking up any more of his time at his home— so i told him i'd be fine by myself for now, as my parents didn't plan to be home often for the rest of this week.
i felt guilty for lying to him, as i knew they would still be home like normal; but so far it was alright. i survived the first four days receiving only a few injuries and hurtful comments, so it was nothing i wasn't used to.
it was now saturday, and i was isolated on the floor of my room, gazing up at the stars; i could see clearly through my window since it was so dark.
the time inched closer to 4 am, and there still was not a drop of tiredness to sweep over my body.
isn't it so ironic how i can only get proper sleep in mingi's arms?
my eyes wandered over to mingi's window. it would only be a few hours until the other would be awake, as he told me he was going to hongjoong's early in the morning.
i was too.
when mingi informed me that hongjoong wanted me to tag along, was incredibly skeptical. apparently, the entire group had things to say to me and wanted to do so in person.
"if anything goes wrong at any time, we can leave yuyu. but i genuinely think they have good intentions from what i've been told. give it a chance yun, hm?"
i loved how considerate mingi was— no one had ever treated me the way mingi did. it didn't take long for me to nod at his words without much thought, but that decision was certainly taking a toll on me now.
i couldn't help but wonder what hongjoong and the rest of my old friends had to say to me. especially seonghwa.
what if i go there and they just remind me of all the horrible things i've done? like all of the times isolated and ignored them when all they tried to do was care about me. or what about what happened with seonghwa?
my eyes dulled as i remembered that day, it was almost as if i could see the scene playing out right in front of me; just like that of a movie.
seonghwa and i were in his room; he was pacing around, rambling on about hongjoong, and something about a date the younger had invited him to— i don't know. the last few weeks with my mother and her boyfriend had only caused my mood swings to become more frequent; the neglect and physical pain had started to happen more intensely and frequently, making it incredibly hard for me to stay in a healthy mindset. i only noticed how bad my mental state had gotten recently; contemplating consuming the entire bottle of prescribed anxiety pills that resided in my cabinet definitely wasn't supposed to be a recurring urge that coursed through my brain.
as anyone could assume given that information, i wasn't in the best spot to give seonghwa the support and encouragement he needed to pursue his crush on the other, at this point, i was beginning to zone out from our conversation— everything around me started to fuel my anger; the tapping of seonghwa's feet across the floor, the faint sounds of distant voices in the latter's home, the way my breathing sounded to my ears, and even the now uncomprehensible words that spilled from seonghwa's mouth.
i picked at my fingers, whilst not moving from my chair in the corner of his room as i tried not to let my feeling combust all at once.
i knew it would be something i regret.
"-nho? yunho! what the fuck is up with you lately? you haven't been responding to anything i say. what's been up with you?" seonghwa's voice eventually faded back in, to where could understand his words.
i panicked, answering his questions with an irrational outburst.
"oh my god— can you shut the fuck up? you've been talking nonstop this whole time about— about hongjoong, i'm so damn tired of it seonghwa! can't you talk about something else? or better yet; don't... don't fucking sp-speak at all!" I yelled at seonghwa, my body. shaking in the process; i couldn't tell if it was because of anger or anxiety my gaze went towards the ground once the air filled with silence after i spoke; i knew i did the wrong thing, i just couldn't control it. i wished seonghwa would be able to sense the panic in my body language and in my voice— though it's never come out in a fury like this before.
"literally what the hell is your problem?! first of all, you agreed to come over and help me pick an outfit for when i see joong later. why the fuck did you come here if you had a problem with it? stop making everything about yourself, yunho. i don't know why you've been acting so shitty to everyone lately, but you need to get it together, can't you see that the way you're acting has made everybody want to avoid you?"
time seemed to stop when seonghwa spoke to me. the words felt like bullets as i processed them— i knew i had been horrible to all of them recently, but had it really been that bad? i felt extremely guilty for not noticing. tears threatened to spill from my eyes as my impulses still held control of my tongue.
"well, sorry i haven't been my usual self seonghwa. i've been trying my absolute best, and i'm sorry if that isn't good enough for any of you. next time just don't invite me over at all— i'm sure someone like wooyoung would be better at this shit anyway."
"you know what? fine then. there won't be a next time. i really think you need to work on yourself yunho, i don't know why you're so self-centered and angry all of a sudden, but you're tiring us all out. you should fucking fix yourself before you speak to any of us again, because i swear if you upset anyone else again i won't hesitate to beat the shit out of you myself!"
seonghwa's last words certainly didn't fail to trigger me even more. the blood seemed to drain from my body as i stared into his eyes, his face started to contort into one that resembled juwon's, and a sense of fear washed over my body, getting more intense the longer i looked.
the tears that i had been holding in finally spewed down my cheeks as i managed to mutter a quiet "i need to leave" before bolting out of seonghwa's home.
that was the last time i ever had a proper conversation with seonghwa. i was also never contacted or approached by anyone else in our friend group after that, so i knew seonghwa had told them something.
i sighed, trying to find something to distract myself from my worries until mingi awoke. i decided to at least try and get a little rest, so i wouldn't look absolutely horrible later. after a few minutes, i found myself drifting out of consciousness, finally being able to stop overthinking for the night.
—————
i jerked awake from my slumber upon hearing my phone's ringtone— that must be mingi. i quickly picked up the phone and accepted the call.
"hi yunho! do you still want to go to hongjoong's with me? i plan to leave in an hour."
"good morning mingi," i tried to sound as awake as possible, but i knew that plan didn't work. "yes, i still want to go! i'll start getting ready now then."
"okay yuyu, i'll text you when i'm outside! i love you~"
i giggled at mingi's last sentence; i was happy that this was becoming a regular thing between us. "i love you too min, i'll see you soon!"
with that, i ended the call, forcing myself out of bed, and trying to find a decent outfit to wear before completing my hygienic routine.
even though the weather wasn't super cold yet, i wore a loose, dark blue hoodie with straight white jeans in order to hide the new bruises and blemishes on my body from everyone, but especially mingi.
i still felt horrible for lying to him this week, and the guilt only got stronger with each passing day. should i tell him? what if i don't and then he finds out on his own? he'll definitely be upset with me then.
"now is not the time to panic yunho," i spoke to myself, holding my head in my hands. i took a few seconds to get myself together, before grabbing my phone and my wallet and dropping them into my tote bag for the day.
not long after, my phone pinged with a text message from mingi, reading "i'm outside yunnie :)" getting up with a small grin on my face, i picked up my bag and walked downstairs as quietly as possible. it didn't seem like either adult was awake yet, so i was able to slip on my shoes and walk out the door safely.
my eyes caught onto mingi's figure standing by his car, waving in my direction with his gummy smile on full display.
i hope the day will come when i get to see his smile every second of my life.
"hi mingi!" i exclaimed before jumping into the younger's embrace, snuggling into his shoulder for a few seconds before making my way to the passenger seat of his car.
"hi yuyu! i've missed you so much on my god," he spoke as he shut his car door, making sure i was comfortable before pulling out of the driveway. "how are you feeling about today? remember, if you want to leave at ANY given time, i—"
"don't worry min. i think everything will be alright. i do want to do this." i cut him off with reassuring words as i noticed he might begin rambling. mingi gave me an understanding smile before falling silent to focus on the road.
i thought to myself, for the first time in a while, that maybe i could fix things today; maybe i could get my old friends back.
i could only hope that my gut feeling prevailed.
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HIII <3 i finally finished this chapter omg... i'm so sorry about how slow my updates have been... but i'm also posting this one now because i most likely will be too busy to post another until late this month </3 so i hope you enjoyed this chapter! i'll try my best to update soon, but idk how that will work out 💔💔 ANYWAYSSS ily all and thank u for reading 🫶🏼
— iya 🌼