THE FORGOTTEN CHAPTER
OH. MY. GOODNESS. I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO POST THIS CHAPTER AND INSTEAD POSTED THE CHAPTER AFTER THIS. TYSM TO THE COMMENTOR FOR REMINDING ME THAT MUSTVE BEEN SO CONFUSING UGH I NEED TO TREAT YALL BETTER (AO3)ENJOY :333
TW: mentions of self harm. :0
It was a while before I felt myself gain consciousness on a... couch? Slowly sitting up I felt a bit lightheaded. I immediately felt my head in sharp pain. All of what had happened last night suddenly flooded back into my brain.
Wally. What he had done to me.
I felt the emotions overtake me, mainly of anger and betrayal. I don't know why i felt betrayed, I barely knew him. Even though that was the case, he had almost kissed me and had taken advantage of my attraction towards him. I felt all these feelings come so quickly that I was taken off guard as they were falling out of my hands. I quickly picked up a nearby pillow to bury my face and emotions in. "I thought he was really pretty way too soon..." I muffled into it. I couldn't help it even though he was a very odd person to appear as goregous as he did.The pillow started to get slightly damp as I reminisced over how fuzzy and soft his hair was when I touched it. It truly felt like a fluffy cloud.His eyes were also noteable. It was likely those hypnotizing violet spirals that were the cause of how I got sucked in so easily. I hated him for that.
I hated myself for that.
I sat up from my damp pillow, frantically gasping as I sucked in the air. I stared straight at the floor, then at my chest. I hesitated for a moment before I instantly punched my heart. Once. twice. Three times. It was never enough, I just waited for the punch that would take away my feelings of the selfish idiot that was Wally Darling. It didn't work, as it only seemed to ache more when I was finished. I sunk my head back into the pillow in defeat with my hair covering my face. They always said you can't help who you fall for, but I refuse to accept it. This was completely the opposite of freaking love, this was hate. You cried and screamed and resented people you hated. Didn't you?
"Wally, how can I like someone whos as much of an asshole as you?" I lightly chuckled in tears in the fabric. I needed a sense of familiarity at the moment. Clicking open my phone, I turned on Spotify and my earbuds while opening up Taylor Swift's most heartbreaking songs. I stared at the ceiling on the couch as I curled up into a little ball of heartache and despair.I set some rules for myself during that session.
No matter how many times he tried to sway me, I wouldn't let him. At least not for a long, long time. No matter how much it would hurt him or me. I knew that if I followed this rule and followed it well, I wouldn't be hurt nearly as badly if I was successfully swept away by that handsome muppet. I then smiled the most broken smile I've ever put on myself.It wasn't worth it though, it really wasn't, if that's how he was going to treat me. I knew both sides to his personality now, and it seemed certain that..
He had more negative traits than positive ones. I felt my hair completely hide my face while laying down, and just took in this new lifestyle. After laying their in angst soaken confusion for what seemed like a good 2 hours, I checked the clock. 12 Pm. Oh, no. Wally had told me he liked to sleep in, but this late? It was thankfully a sunday afternoon, but this was still worrying. I started to run up the stairs in panic.
Then I stopped myself. I slowed my pace down to a quick walk. I still cared about him, but I couldn't show it as much as I used to. I needed to stop acting desperate. I opened the door to see a Sleep deprived looking Wally sprawled across the bed. He looked exhausted, as there was no blanket over him and the pillow was half off the bed.
Upon a few hesitant steps for closer inspection, The emo boy looked even more angsty with his eye bags and light mascara tear stains. He appeared as he had been crying for a while.There was a near empty glass of water beside his bed, as well as a chunk of his hair. It wasnt much, just a small bit, but it didn't take me long to connect the dots between that and his scissors on his bed.
There was a decent amount of slightly black and... red tissues across the bed, accompanied by some small cuts on the top of his left arm.I knew where the cuts were due to his sweater
being used as a makeshift blanket. I just sat there in silence as i lightly felt the wounds. I had made the right choice by putting that rule in for myself. I knew you were messed up babe..." I whispered to myself.
As much as I hated myself for it, I got that nagging urge to comfort him. he was asleep so it wouldn't really matter as he couldn't stare at me or overthink. i again did what I felt needed to be done for him in that situation. I felt anger boil as this feeling was still prominent, but one crying music session wasnt going to immediately rid of my affection towards someone.
I was annoyed when i began cleaning up after him, but slowly started to enjoy the calmness of it. He just laid there in silence, I'll be it tense silence. The worst part was the bloodied items, of course. I felt not regret, not sorrow, not pain, but pity. No matter what way I went about it... he didn't choose to be a replacement. I fought the temptation inside, but i petted his soft head again when i finished up. He didn't choose to exist to be better than someone else.
I thought about something for a quick moment, before being disgusted that the idea had crossed my mind. You just cleaned up his bloody tissues for gods sake, Y/N... but I still felt an urge to. I quickly checked that he was deeply asleep before giving him a brief kiss on the forehead. I couldve sworn he lightly smiled after i did.
I gave him a soft but pitiful smile in response. I looked back at the sweater that I had folded across the bed. Out of pure curiosity, I walked over to it. I ran my hands across the fibers before picking it up to observe the item closely. I had never realized how good it smelled. The aura of the smell wafted in my direction, smelling faintly of autumn air and Wally himself. It was a nice smell.
I felt warm as i put the sweater back down, losing the color to my cheeks when i looked back at wally. He had gotten less tense and more relaxed, but i couldnt tell when he was going to awaken.
In the meantime, i decided to give myself a tour of the house. I had already been to his room and bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, and his art room, But i wandered around a bit to get to know the place a bit better. There wasn't much to see besides the essentials, other than something i found near the end of my trip.
It was at the end of the living room around a corner that led to a small bumpout that was slightly hidden. Upon glancing at the shelf, there was records upon records of music from the 90's and the 2000's. I was a bit starstruck while i stood in awe of the case. I examined the discs a bit closely, careful not to damage them. Wally did strike me as the kind of guy thst would like music, but not necessarily to this degree. I smiled at the shelf, In a way, i was proud. I was proud of him for doing this. Looking around his art studio and closet i found more sections like this, where it just looked like he had put his heart and soul into some of the areas and projects. Wally was passionate when it came to things he loved and that somehow made me happy.
I guess I was just happy when he was happy. I wanted to see him truly joyful when he could talk about his own hobbies whenever me and him got over our argument. i Wanted to watch him paint in his studio and describe what he was doing. I wanted to see him go through his closet in more detail and explain what outfits went together best. I wanted to see him dance to his favorite songs completely out of rhythm. I wanted to see him be himself just as he was, not some other or supposed better version of someone else.I think thats what was holding him back from a lot of things.
again, TYSM to the commentor for pointing this out because I COMPLETELY missed it. This chapter is SO angsty and SO important to the story just oml tytytyHave a lovely day my Dears and Darlings and have an especially lovely day to the commenter who reminded my autistic brain of the huge plot hole between chapter 7 and 9