Picture: The Romanov Family (Nicholas II, presumably Elisabeth of Hesse, Maria Nikolaevna, Olga Nikolaevna, Tatiana Nikolaevna, Alexandra Feodorovna and Anastasia Nikolaevna) outside a hospital in 1915.
We love Grigori Putin/jjjjjjjj
︎
October 1915
The year has gone by in a bliss, the same common schedule, of me visiting soldiers with the little pair. Papa had to go to the front, and took Alexei with him. Edward left, I guess he wasn't impressed since he took a liking to Tatiana more, they even agreed to exchange letters! Oh fuck you Tatiana, now we won't be able to escape! Rasputin has been around more often but I usually avoid him same with Cian, he hates the man's guts. Most days I am with either Olga, Cian, Caoimhe, Valentina and Zander. Right now I was with Olga, since she has started to get mentally worse.
Once we were walking and she broke a glass panel, then she carefully handed it to me, I went along with this and broke it too then handed it to Maria. Maria broke it, handed it to Anastasia and she broke it, then she handed it to Cian who stomped on it, Caoimhe broke some, Valentina broke some and Zander completely left it in shatters. I don't blame Olga's actions at all. She is a very sensitive young woman and she has seen so many deaths throughout last year, and this year. I suppose knowing that people were trying to purposely kill each other must've just trigger her. She had gotten pale and anemic, she was also green and weary. When the war began and Mama decided that the elder two girls would have to do their part, she forgot to consider that they were absolutely in no way prepared for what they would witness. I think that the shock of the reality of war, that people were actually trying to kill one another, was too much for Olga.
She encounters this every single day, it takes a toll on people. You know that their life is in your hands, desperately trying to save them but you can't, and there is nothing you can do about it.
I sat with Olga as she took her medicine to calm down her rather extreme emotions. I was wondering what she takes and decided to ask her as it helps. "Hey Olishka, what medicine do you take to calm down?" I asked her before she was going to take it. She shrugs and looks at the shot that Dr. Botkin was about to give her. "This is arsenic." Dr Botkin said. My brain processed this quicker than usual, my eyes widened and I felt sweaty. Arsenic? ARSENIC? A.R.S.E.N.I.C?! "What?" I sat up as he got Olga's arm ready for the shot. "Arsenic helps calm down emotions." Dr Botkin got the shot ready. In a swift move, I took the three shots that Dr. Botkin had prepared and threw them out of the window, with all my might. As far as possible. It looked like something purple was helping it as it glided for longer until disappearing out of sight.
Olga sat up, wide eyed. Dr Botkin stood in shock. "Astrid! What on God's green earth?" Olga shouted at me, annoyed. I gave her a sad look. "Olga, don't use arsenic please! It's going to kill you!" I pleaded with her. She looked nervously to Botkin. "Are you crazy-" Dr. Botkin was about to say when Olga freshly sliced his sentence in half. "Astrid, I understand that arsenic is bad, see? No more arsenic anywhere." She sighed to me. "I'll try not take anymore." I stayed close to a window. "I'm not a toddler! I know what I'm saying and you're probably just gonna take more!" I yelled as I stepped back closer to the open window. Olga stood up worriedly and Dr Botkin looked even more worried. "Astya, step away front he window and we can speak about this calmly." He said, trying to control his racing emotions as I got closer and closer to the window.
"No!" I shouted at him as I took another step back, not realising how close I was getting to the window. "I'm serious! Arsenic kills people! Its poison!" I shouted. "Astrid, I understand, please-" Dr Botkin says as i stepped back further as Olga tried to get closer to me. "No! You are going to think of me as crazy!" I stepped back one more time until I tripped and when flying out of the window. Although we are on the first floor it is still far up from the ground. I shut my eyes, preparing for death. Olga shouts in panic, "Astrid!" My eyes were now squeezed shut as I expected massive pain or death. When someone caught me.
"Do people fall out of windows a lot?" A voice asked, worried. I'd never heard this voice before. "Only if your Astrid i Guess." Cian said, I could recognise his voice. "I wanna go home! Aren't you supposed to be dead?" The voice said again. "Perhaps I am supposed to be dead. And two, everyone wants to get out of this shit country. He could really be a citizen couldn't he, Dima?" Cian chuckled. I opened my eyes and in my view was some officers, some new random boy, Cian, Caoimhe and my cousin Dmitri Pavlovich. "Couldn't stay away, cousin?" Dmitri laughed as I flushed in embarrassment.
I look up to see Olga looking down at me from the window, standing next to Dr Botkin, looking relieved. "Don't move!" Olga shouted as I don't see her anymore. "Guess I have to hold you longer, clumsy bird." Dmitri joked around. I am so embarrassed, I just fell out a window and now Dmitri is laughing at me and there is some poor random kid staring at me like I was crazy. I felt my face grow hot, I shouldn't care about what Dmitri thinks. I really shouldn't. But he reminds me of the funny popular kid at school with everyone wanting to be his friend.
I snap out of my daze when I hear Olga run up to us. "Let her go, Dima." Olga said, her voice full of annoyance. "And what if I don't wish to? Isn't this a lovely day? A pretty girl fell out of the sky for me!" Dmitri grinned. "Welcome to Court, Leo, good luck. You're going to need it." Cian patted the boy, Leo's, back and dragged him inside with Caoimhe following. Olga wasn't amused at what Dmitri had just said and pulled me off. Now I was standing on the ground. "Come on Astriya, let's go meet the new kid." Olga took my hand and walked me back inside. I turned around to see Dmitri begin to converse with the guards again.
***
I sat quietly at dinner, sitting next to Cian and Caoimhe. We all sat in silence, Leo looked horrified. Mama is out with Rasputin speaking to some officials. "How was your day, Tatya?" I heard Maria ask Tatiana. "Oh, you know, I-" she went off on a tangent about some medical stuff and how she saved a soldiers life. I heard Leo ask Cian when he could go back home. Cian said tomorrow which must have really made Leo happy. I keep to myself, playing around with food on my plate as I thought of todays events. Dr Botkin is probably going to tell Mama what happened, or Olga would. But my mind isn't currently focused on that, it's focused right on Dmitri Pavlovich.
The way his eyes sparkled with life and mischief. The way he was humorous. I never have seen much of him, he was always hanging out with Cian but i know he is also close with Mama and Papa. Whenever he was on trips with us, he would always talk and sit and follow Cian. It left me sitting with Valentina or being distracted with other things. "Astrid!" I snap up to look at Tatiana. "Yes Tatya?" I asked her awkwardly. "Mama wanted to speak with you, Cian, Caoimhe and Olga after dinner." She sighed. "Uhh. Okay?" I nodded to her and stood up. I didn't feel like eating, Cian was already waiting. "What has gotten into Astrid?" I heard Tatiana ask out loud. "Or rather, who?" Valentina smirked to me.
Did Valentina know what happened? Probably. But I don't really care anyways she can know all she wants. I walked with Cian, Caoimhe and Olga to Mama's tea room. Cian knocked once on the door which made the whole room slightly vibrate. "Come in." We heard a low voice call from the other side of the door. Cian calmly placed a palm on the door and it swung open. We all walked in. I saw Mama sitting by her desk with pesky Rasputin standing beside her, his eyes following my every move. Cian leaned against the door with Caoimhe crossing her arms and standing against the corner of the room. "Olga, Astrid. Sit down." Mama said.
We walked forward and sat into the chairs. "Olishka, are you feeling better?" Mama asked Olga, presuming she had taken her arsenic injections. Olga only nodded her head silently to Mama, it was a yes. Cian was giving Rapsutin the death stare which made Rasputin not to look at him.
"Well, after some long thinking. I have decided that Olga, you should quit nursing since it's affecting your health. You will also take a brief break from being in the Hospital." Mama states after a little silence. Olga stiffened visibly at this. She doesn't like this at all. "Instead, when you return. You will no longer be permitted in the operating room and will do paperwork, hand out medications, change out the flowers on bedside tables and visit with the patients." Olga's face softened at Mama's last statement. "Yes Mama, thank you." She said.
Her attention turned towards Cian. "Cian, you can indeed smoke weed outside the palace. And Caoimhe you can throw chairs at spiders." Mama told them. Cian smiled and Caoimhe shivered slightly. Her attention was now completely on me. "Astriya, you have improved darling and you will be trained as a Red Cross nurse as you are of age." Mama stated firmly. "Wait, really?" I nearly stuttered as I felt my heart rate picking up. "Yes, Astriya. Your training will begin tomorrow." Mama confirmed for me.
I sat there in complete shock, I was now sweating. I hope Doctor Botkin doesn't say anything at all, imagine a nurse throwing arsenic shots out of a window and then falling out of the same window. "Thank you, Mama." I finally said. "You should indeed be grateful for your compassionate mother that you were blessed with." Rasputin said, it made Mama go red. (Shit it rhymes, wait what's the time. NOT AGAIN) "Yes father." Olga said respectfully. Cian stayed silent, so did Caoimhe. I did too.
"Run along now, your Mama has important work to do as your Papa is gone." Rasputin ordered us. Olga and I stood up and said bye to Mama as we struggled to get our of the door before it slammed shut as Cian shot out of it the moment he heard those words about leaving.
The only thing running through my mind was that I was going to be a nurse, a Red Cross nurse. Oh my fucking Gods.