With the rules now tightened to ensure that she and Transit never meet, Saphira found herself practically glued to the autobots. Whenever she is with Optimus, Arcee or Bumblebee, they really take the rules seriously. At least, with Optimus, stretching her legs when she needs, but she still felt like she was stuck like glue to them. While Saphira fully understood the reason for it, she did find she disliked it a little bit. Only Mirage was relaxed about the whole rules, and he has given her a little more freedom, even though it was at the expense of her safety. Though Saphira admittedly liked that, so she began to hang out with him more. He's enjoyed the company, and he keeps trying to chip away her fear of letting herself have a friend. Which, whether she's realized or not, has slowly been melting away as she relaxes around Mirage.
Despite that, Saphira obeyed the rules rather well. She now knew the gravity of the war, now that Optimus has explained it further to her, so it made her realize that Transit should not be taken lightly. She legitimately wanted to make sure she wasn't a burden. No matter how Optimus tried to word it, he saw her as one, and she knew it. She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't going to accept anything else but that.
And even though she knows Optimus has seen the contents of her diary, she had actually found herself being okay with it. After all, he wasn't actively peaking into her diary. She just happened to write an entry into the diary, and he could see what she was writing. Sure, he knew what her thoughts were, and that could be used against her, but she honestly felt that he would not do that. He would know just how trustworthy she is by what she writes, and she thought it was a good thing.
But she has not really improved much with her pain holding her back. She might have had that burrito, but she has not eaten much since then. And it has been a few days. She honestly would feel sick whenever she smelt food, and even Optimus was getting even more worried about it. Especially as she was still losing more weight. He didn't know how much weight a human could even lose before they really were nothing but skin, and bone. But after seeing her healthy weight compared to now...he realized that she could still die under their protection. And she would be doing it to herself.
Saphira was currently sitting on a crate in the warehouse at the wharf waiting patiently for Bumblebee to show up. Optimus was parked near her, as he had agreed to allow her to go and see Lion King tonight with the young bot. She had put off going to see it, but Bumblebee has been bugging her enough that she had no choice but to give in and agree to his begging. And he was ecstatic, according to Optimus. She herself was not even sure what to expect from the movie. But she hoped she would enjoy it.
Arcee rolled into the warehouse and Saphira smiled when she saw the bike approaching. "I see the young bot is making you wait." She transformed as Saphira nodded with a smile. "For someone who really wants to see this movie, he is surely taking his time."
"Yeah, he is. But he is on his way, and that's all that matters." Saphira stretched her arms and yawned a little. "I am not sure what to expect from the movie, to be honest. But I am primarily going just to shut him up. He's been making me listen to The Lion Sleeps Tonight every time he takes me for a drive. I'm sick of hearing the song now."
"Bumblebee sure has his way of convincing anyone to do what he wants. He's been that way for as long as I can remember." Arcee moved to sit by the crate and relax next to Saphira. "Bumblebee even mentioned that he expects that you will binge on popcorn, or whatever, while you watch the movie."
Saphira grimaced a little when told she should be eating something while watching the movie. "I don't know...I haven't felt like eating for a few days, Arcee. Every time I think about it, I feel nauseous. I hate the feeling."
Arcee looked at her and saw the girl looking down with a sad expression. "You do know you're starving yourself." The girl shrugged as she didn't seem to care. "This is what I think you should do, Saphira. Given what we know about you, you should know that the best kind of victory is to show the world that you won't be beaten down."
Saphira frowned and looked at Arcee in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"Saphira, by letting yourself go to the point of death, means that the very people who hurt you will win. They have beaten you, if you allow yourself to die." Saphira's frown narrowed and she looked away from Arcee. "I know you feel like it is hopeless, but...it shouldn't be that way. You should fight back by showing you won't let the wound this world gives to you control you. You might be hurt now...but...you haven't become cruel."
Saphira listened to Arcee and clenched her fists a little. "Even if I do that...my world will still crumble, Arcee. I still...I don't think I can see a future that I will be happy right now. I just don't see the point. Especially since I just feel so tired...I worked so hard, only for it to come crashing down all in one day." She sighed as tears fall from her eyes. "I don't blame any of you. It would have happened, even if I did not meet you."
Arcee smiled gently at Saphira, processing the next set of words that she wanted to tell the girl. "You are still young, Saphira. You don't know what lies ahead for you. Saying that your world will crumble is possibly not true. For all you know, something amazing is going to happen to you in the future. You might not see it now..."
"I find it curious that you are telling me that, when you yourselves have lost everything," Saphira interrupts gently with a sniffle. "Something amazing in the future? Yeah, right. Maybe of I die, I get to haunt Arthur for the rest of his life, that would be considered amazing. It would be sweet, sweet justice from beyond the grave."
Arcee sighed a little as she listened to the girl. She could see that the girl was not taking encouragement very well. She didn't fully understand it, and she guessed that she could be saying the wrong things. But she honestly did think that Saphira could have something far better for her in the future, she just did not know it. Saphira was only focusing on what happened in the past, which is why she wasn't allowing herself to move forward.
"I hope that someday something will change your mind, Saphira," Arcee said in a slow, gentle voice. "There is always the potential for something amazing to happen in anyone's future. We might have lost our home, but there is always a chance of being able to return home. It is a hope that we must hold onto. The lives of out friends depend on it, Saphira. Even our own world depend on it."
Saphira shook her head with slight irritation. "You might have hope for your future, Arcee. But excuse me for not having any for mine. If you weren't here, I probably would have jumped into the river by now anyway. Nobody would miss me, so it wouldn't matter."
Arcee glanced at Optimus as she could not help but feel shocked at Saphira's response. They both haven't heard anyone talk so much about wanting to die. It wasn't exactly something that was easy to hear, even if it was coming from a human. Saphira genuinely seemed to believe that she wasn't worthy of being alive. It was certainly a thought process they would never think of, due to the fact they were intent on trying to find a way home to Cybertron. And the fact that giving up wasn't really in their nature either.
"I suppose that is true. You don't have a lot of people around you who care for you, and want you around." Saphira didn't have to react as she knew that was true, even though a part of her hated that fact. "But you now have us. You might think we don't care, but we do. If we did not care, we would have disposed of you already." Saphira just rolled her eyes in irritation as she still did not believe Arcee. "Give it time. You will learn to accept."
"And what if I don't?" She looked at Arcee with sad eyes. "Will you dispose of me then? Or will keep up the guise of being good to me just to make yourself feel better?"
"I do not appreciate your tone right now, human," Optimus said bluntly, making Saphira jump and look at him. He remained in his vehicle mode, but she knew he was angry. "What you went through is not because of us. We are merely here to protect you. You should be directing that frustration at the people who hurt you." She looked away and looked down at the ground sadly. "In time, I am sure you will relax. Otherwise, Bumblebee would not be wanting to share the experience of watching a new movie with you."
Saphira really didn't have much of a comment now that Optimus has spoken. She didn't want to anger him more, so she simply kept quiet. She hoped that Bumblebee would arrive soon so she could go and watch this movie. She was less excited to see it now that she has had this discussion with the autobots. They had put her in a bad mood. She wouldn't disappoint Bumblebee with a sudden change of mind though, so that way she would honor what he wants to do so they could go and see the movie. Maybe she will cheer up from it.
She soon heard the familiar sound of a camaro engine, making her look towards the doors. She saw Bumblebee rolling in with Mirage behind him. She slid off the crate, grimacing as landing on the ground caused a brief, sharp pain to her ankle, but it was gone within a few seconds. She walked over as Bumblebee stopped and opened the door for her. She was taken by surprise, as inside the car were packets of chips, and chocolate. She was not expecting that at all.
"What the..." Saphira leaned inside the door, looking around carefully with a frown. "Where the hell did you get all this, Bumblebee? I never bought this much junk food." She was immediately worried that all this was stolen. "Please don't tell me you stole it."
"Nope. We found these ripe for the picking, and now it is yours to enjoy while we watch movie," Bumblebee responded sarcastically through the radio, making her frown slightly at him. "These are not stolen. I can promise you that."
"I dare hope you are not lying, Bumblebee," Optimus said abruptly. He himself was surprised that Bumblebee had somehow gathered a heap of chips and chocolate for Saphira. He did know it would likely go wasted since she wasn't eating much. "If those were stolen, it needs to be returned. I assume you were aiding him as well, Mirage."
"Yeah, I was...but I promise we only grabbed this before it was sitting in a crate on the road. There were no trucks or cars nearby." Saphira grimaced as she guessed this was in front of a shop. "So we figured that Saphira might enjoy some goodies."
"You should have left the chocolate, Mirage. It will melt!" She shook her head with a light chuckle. "This is honestly ridiculous!" She sat down in the passenger seat with a sigh. "I guess I have..." She paused as she noticed a carton of coke cans on the backseat. "Plenty of food to nibble on while we watch the movie."
"And I think you're going to love this. Mirage will be joining us," Bumblebee responded, and Saphira frowned at him. Arcee was also frowning and she folded her arms. "Relax, it's for extra protection for you. Nothing too weird about that."
"I guess if that is the main reason why you are also accompanying Bumblebee and the human, then I will allow it," Optimus said thoughtfully, though he was still inherited by the fact that Bumblebee and Mirage could have exposed themselves when they gathered the chips, chocolate and drinks for Saphira. "I trust you will be careful."
"As always, boss!" Mirage chuckled softly as he waited for Bee to close the door to head off. "We need to get going or we are going to miss out on the best spots to watch the movie."
Bumblebee did not respond as he closed the door and drove out of the warehouse with Mirage to make their way to the drive in theatre. Saphira looked at the chocolate and chips by her, and shook her head. She really couldn't understand why he would do this for her. And yet, she grabbed a bar of chocolate as she decided that she at least wanted that. It was a good sign to Bumblebee as she opened the chocolate bar and began to eat it.
She smiled as she tasted to sweet, creamy treat on her tongue. She was very happy that she was eating some chocolate. It definitely made her feel happy to be eating it. She didn't feel like she would be sick from eating it, so she was likely going to eat a lot of it. Might as well, so she would let a lot of it go to waste due to melting.
She was a little curious about the movie. She has not really read anything about it. She knew it was a Disney movie, and that was as much as she knew. But considering that, she was certain that the movie was going to be good. She did see The Little Mermaid and Beauty and The Beast previously, and she loved those movies. She undoubtedly was going to enjoy the Lion King as well.
She looked at the radio when Bumblebee suddenly began to play Pure Imagination, making her chuckle softly. "Let me guess, you've seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I know that song very well."
"You are enjoying the very food he made in the movie."
She shook her head. "It might be chocolate, but it's not the same one that the movie portrayed." She took another bite of the chocolate bar, enjoying the flavor of the chocolate coating her tongue as she allowed it to melt and spread in her mouth generously. "However, it is nice of you to make me think back to that fun movie."
"You are welcome." Bumblebee seemed to be very proud of himself that he was able to do that. "This movie will undoubtedly be excellent too. I am looking forward to seeing it."
Saphira still was on the fence on how she felt about it. Once she sees the movie, she will definitely know more. "I am glad you feel that way. I am just coming along to see what it is about, and I'll make my final decision when the movie ends. Being a Disney movie, it probably will be good."
She glanced out the window as Bumblebee and Mirage drive by a bus. She tried to see if there was a decepticon badge on it, but she could not tell. It was a habit that she had formed since it was now confirmed that Transit was disguised as a bus. While she was not actively looking for Transit now, any bus they happen to drive by in the city became something of interest to her. Especially since they knew what he was hiding as.
However, there was an issue with that. Transit's signal has not been found since that day. Saphira did not know yet what that meant, and Optimus has become frustrated over that fact. But Mirage has stated that it could have something to do with the fact that Transit did see Saphira, and he could be planning something. Optimus has agreed with that assumption, and while he has not actually spoken to her directly, she had been awake the previous night unintentionally after midnight and she overheard Optimus speaking with the other autobots.
She hasn't made mention of it, because she did not want to be caught for eavesdropping. She did not know if she would end up in trouble from that, but the fact that the autobots believed this to be a fact made the tightened rules make more sense. And Saphira was honestly glad that they were prepared to do that. Yet, it just deepened the fact she was a burden to them. They would not have to do this if she was not here, and life would be made a lot easier for them on this planet if she was not here. Which was why Saphira intended on helping to locate Transit.
Bumblebee soon arrived at the drive in, and Saphira grabbed out her bag to pay for the ticket. She saw in the rear view that Mirage had formed a hologram of a male human in the car, and she smiled, guessing she would need to pay for two tickets. He was lucky she had a lot of money, otherwise she wouldn't be thrilled by this. Once she paid for her tickets, and received a speaker to be able to hear the movie while in the car, Bumblebee and Mirage were able to find a good spot to watch the movie and Saphira was able to relax.
"I see we came at a good time," Saphira commented as she looked around at the drive-in. There was not as many people as she thought there would be. But that was fine. "I think we have at least fifteen minutes before the movie starts. I guess I can binge on the chocolate for a little bit until than."
"And a perfect amount of time to chat a little before the movie starts," Mirage's voice spoke through Bumblebee's radio, making Saphira look at the Porsche in surprise as he wasn't used the normal device that he had given her. "Don't worry, I won't say nothing that will upset you. Just some general chit chat."
"Why aren't you using this?" Saphira held up the key, pointing at it while looking at Mirage. "You don't need to speak through Bumblebee's radio."
"That might be true. But if I were to use that device, Optimus and Arcee will be able to hear every word is say. Talking to you this way allows this to be private between the three of us. I mean no disrespect to the other two, but I honestly think it is better this way." She did not know if Mirage should be doing that. But she wouldn't be able to stop him. "How's your ankle? It's been a little bit since you put the crutches down, but is it still hurting."
She shrugged, grabbing another bar of chocolate to unwrap and eat. "It is fine. Sometimes it aches, but it is my ribs that hurt the most. Sometimes it hurts to breath...and now that I can see my ribs...it feels like that it hurts even more."
"You know it would stop hurting if you took care of yourself properly, Saphira," Mirage said in a gentle voice, making her roll her eyes. "Saphira, I know you seem to hate me caring for you. If I knew how to prepare human food, I probably would find a way to force feed you so you would not starve yourself. It pains me to see you like this." She looked ahead towards the screen in an attempt to ignore him. "But...I cannot force you to change. I can only try to do my best at being a good friend to you."
Saphira still did not believe that Mirage wanted to be her friend. She had that wall up so high that, while it was crumbling slowly, she wasn't allowing him over. She took a deep breath and clenched her eyes shut. "You are already doing a lot by protecting me from your enemy, Mirage. As far as I am concerned, that is more than enough. I don't need you to try and lie that you want to be my friend."
Mirage knew that. So he simply decided to change the subject. "Have you been able to do any of your art? I know you had a lot of sketchbooks and pencils, but I don't think I have seen you use them." She shook her head as she had not found inspiration. "I hope you do. I bet you're rather talented, and I would love to see it. Maybe you could create a sunset or sunrise that you see by the wharf everyday. That could be something."
That was true. She could do that. "Thanks for the suggestion. I just have not felt motivation or inspiration to draw yet, Mirage. When that does happen, you can bet that I will work on something. Until that happens, my mind will just be blank."
Mirage let out a light chuckle. "Well...if you ever need help, you could always ask myself or Bumblebee to be models for you." She raised an eyebrow and turned her head to look at Mirage in surprise. "Yeah...I could see that happening. Hmm...you never know, there might be somewhere we could do that with you. And we would make great models since he would never sneeze or move."
"Great idea!" Bumblebee agreed enthusiastically. "We would help to make the best sketches!"
Saphira did not know if she should be amused or not, but she just chuckled a little. "I will...consider that idea. But for now, I think I am just going to focus on eating some more chocolate and the movie that will be starting soon. After that, then I will ponder some more on your suggestion, Mirage."
"Good to know." Mirage seemed to be feeling rather proud of the suggestion, even though Saphira did not know why he would feel that way. "Otherwise, there are a lot of beautiful birds, butterflies and flowers around the city, you could draw one of them instead. They're way prettier than I am, and that is most definitely a fact."
"You could even draw bees," Bumblebee suggested, and she chuckled some more. "They're attracted to flowers."
"Thanks for the suggestions you two, but seriously, I really want to eat this chocolate without thinking of random things to draw. Especially if they're going to make me laugh." Saphira giggled some more as she thought they both were being silly. She glanced at the screen as it began to brighten. "Ah, and they're finally about to start."
Both Bumblebee and Mirage were thrilled to have made Saphira laugh, and relax despite what Mirage had said before. They both could see that Saphira's wall she had up was falling, it was slow, but progress was being made. And that was important. They knew that Saphira would only survive if she allowed herself to be friends with them. Even Arcee seems to have come around to the idea of being her friend. It was just Optimus who remained opposed. And it was still understandable to an extent.
When the movie began, Saphira was immediately drawn in the by the opening of the movie. Not only was the opening song fantastic, but the whole seen was just amazing to witness. And then the movie continued. Saphira felt glad to be watching it after I Just Can't Wait To Be King finished, as the seriousness of the story began to unfold. And she adored Mufasa's character. She honestly could listen to his advice for days.
But of course, the story took a tragic turn, and it left Saphira in tears from it. Even Bumblebee and Mirage were moved by the canyon scene. The whole drive-in was in tears from the scene. Saphira could see as she glanced around at the other cars. It really was such a sad moment, and she ended up eating several more chocolate bars because of it. But she remained focused on the film, and enjoyed the rest of it as it went on.
However, she really paid attention to the moment Simba met with Rafiki, and the baboon leads the lion to find his father, and himself. Especially the words that were being said to Simba by Mufasa. Not only was it a beautiful scene, but the scene spoke to her. She felt as though Mufasa himself was speaking to her, even though she was not Simba. Her past was bad, as far as she was concerned. And yet, she was still intrigued.
And then, the scene about Rafiki teaching Simba about how the past can hurt. And that you can choose to run from it, or learn from it. That one was loud and clear to her. She found herself admiring the scene, and almost expected someone to hit her in the head with a stick as well. That way she could learn to avoid it, just as Simba did. She was happy that Bumblebee brought her here. She really was. She could not thank him enough. She felt like she's learned something.
She gazed at the packets of chips and chocolate around her. All of this, even if it was stolen, was their way of trying to help her. They want her to stop killing herself, and find a way to move past it. They want her to show that she can move on, and be stronger. And the Lion King seems like it has shown her how to do it. She might not be a lion who can unleash a roar from Pride Rock, but she could show the world, in some way, that she was just as important as anyone else.
I can't believe that Bumblebee literally brought me to a movie that was speaking to me. I now feel as though I can move forward. Facing the past is not easy, that is the truth. But learning from it can be harder as well...maybe I have been too hard on myself, and the autobots for trying to help. Yet...I guess I just have to try to learn from it. And to start by doing that, is to put weight back on...if I can stomach the food.