Aarush
To hell with everything! Why is everything just getting the way I don't like? First this marriage and now Yuvaani left her job!
I mentioned it long back that she doesn't have to sacrifice anything for any of us. She can live as she was, no need to change. I just don't feel good about that. A woman needs to be independent. And she was. So why leave that? Just because she got married? My parents would have encouraged her, they aren't the ones who limit their daughter in law.
I am regretting the way I spoke to her. I was rude. She didn't even raise her voice when I yelled at her.
She has mastered great patience.
No doubt.
Even when kids roam around her, tugg her dress or anything, she won't get mad at them. I felt more guilt and regret.
Yes, you should. She left everything for you. And you're saying this.
I told her to leave those things for me?
You didn't.
Then?
At least- appreciate.
My chain of thoughts broke as my colleague placed a coffee before me. I accepted, and he got back to his working corner. A few hours later, lunch time approached and we got a good break. I stretched myself a bit in the chair itself.
I went to the washroom and washed my hands, before having my lunch. Opening my tiffin a marvellous aroma hit my nose, indicating a delicious meal on my way.
Mattar Panner, Chappati, Rice and Salad.
Just how you like it.
And you yelled at her.
Great.
Again, my heart clenched a wave of guilt. But, ignoring it I had my first bite. Placing the first bite into my mouth, the flavours bursted on my taste buds giving me a sense of delight.
I finished my meal still, there was a sense of guilt.
Yeah, the one you fought with, made your lunch today. Be thankful.
The brain was correct too, but my ego-
I just picked up my phone and called her. Within a ring she picked her phone.
"Hello" I said.
"He-low" I heard a baby voice, mimicking mine.
My baby said hello? Was I dreaming? It was his first hello to me!
"Baby, mumma ko phone do, aise nahi karo" I heard her coo in the baby voice.
Cute. There was an unknown emotion when she referred to herself as the mother of my kids.
"Um, hello? Are you still there?" She confirmed.
"Yes, yes!"
She kept quiet as if asking me to say further.
"Wo-I-You know-Um-" I didn't know where to start from!
"Ansh!" She said.
Ansh?
Who's Ansh?
Priyansh. He even got a nickname!
"What happened is he troubling so much?"
"No, he's just- being a bit cranky today" she informed me.
"Okay"
"Why did you call?" She asked me bringing me back to the main subject.
"Yuvaani, I'm really sorry for this morning, I didn't mean to be rude and all, I just- Anyways, it won't justify. I'm just sorry" I apologised.
"It's okay" her reply came after a short pause.
"Am I forgiven?" I asked still unsure.
"Yes!"
"Okay. By the way, thank you for such good food"
"You liked it?"
"Yes, it was good"
Good?
Seriously!
'GOOD'?
A few minutes back, who was licking his fingers?
Okay, it was beyond delicious!
My baby cried which broke my trance and I got hopelessly worried about my little one.
"What happened? Is he alright? Tell me Yuvaani!!" I panicked and a sense of urgency was depicted in my tone.
"Yes, he's a bit cranky today! But-"
"But what-"
"Nothing, you work I'll handle it. Bye" saying this she cut the call.
But Priyansh doesn't usually cry so much, he's kind of silent baby. There is definitely something wrong with him.
Should I go and check?
Yes, Of course! Babies over work. Anyday. I informed in the office and took my leave for a few hours. My boss was understanding, he even told me I could bring my babies here, for caretaking things. But I denied him saying if there is any slightest thing wrong, I'll leave my work that instant for my little ones.
Being hurried, I drove off to home. I quickly took the lift and got to my apartment. I rang the door bell repeatedly, and mom happened to be opening the door.
"What happened, Aaru?" Clearly she was worried, but I ran towards my room as I didn't find Priyansh in the living room.
I opened the door and I saw him in her arms, still crying. Her attention drifted towards me, as there was a sudden opening of the door. I went to her and snatched him from her.
Snatched.
Nothing was more important than Priyansh. I placed him over my shoulder and cooed him. But he didn't stop crying. Yuvaani patted his back a bit, still no use.
He didn't recognise my touch?
Thinking about this, I brought my face in his view. He might stop crying now. And to my luck, he did.
But his arms felt a bit warmer than usual.
Fever?
I checked again, he was indeed warm. I held him with my left arm and began looking for his medical file in my drawer. I found it.
"Can't you even tell me that he had a fever?" My words came harsher than usual as if accusing her. Yes, but I wasn't wrong either. She should've told me.
"I thought it was usua-"
"Is this USUAL, YUVAANI? SERIOUSLY? HE FUCKIN' HAD FEVER AND IT'S USUAL TO YOU?" I roared.
"I thought-"
"Just don't defend yourself!! Because there's no use! Thank God I called you, otherwise I would've never known!"
Saying this I went outside, and I could sense, she was following me.
"What happened?" Mom emerged in my view.
"I'm taking him to the clinic, he has a fever" I said and rushed.
"Wait!! Take Yuvaani with you. He might cry in the car and you'll be driving" she made sense. I didn't say anything and mom got a signal of agreement.
Yuvaani wore her footwear and before we closed the door she turned back and asked mom "Pihu?"
I didn't pay much heed to Pihu, as Priyansh was of great concern.
"I'm here, don't worry" Maa assured her.
We quickly got into the car and Priyansh was hitting his head on her chest repeatedly. In reply she would only coo him, but no use.
Later, she hugged him and he slept in her arms. We reached the clinic and registered Priyansh's name. After waiting a while, we went in.
Priyansh's lips twitched as he went to the Doctor's arms. He cried out loud and I had to take him.
"Sir, please check him in my arms" I requested. The Doctor agreed and began checking him as he sensed he was no sooner getting quiet.
"He had fever yesterday?" The Doctor asked.
"No, in fact, this morning he was all good till approximately 8am"
He nodded in response.
"What is his diet?"
I looked at Yuvaani and she replied "Two times Milk in morning followed by rice and dal at noon, in the evening when he woke up he had a good bottle of milk and dinner" It was mainly like, she took care of these things now.
I nodded to the Doctor in assurance.
"Which milk?" He asked.
"Formula" I replied.
He nodded again and checked him. Priyansh cried louder.
"Well, there's change in the baby's digestive system and he has weaker immunity. Don't give him Formula. How many times a day is he breastfed?"
I got nervous. How should I tell him that it has been five months since he last had-
"It is severe, Mr. and Mrs. Nair. If he didn't build his immunity now, he might get infected by any deadly disease"
"So please be honest" he said looking at me, sensing my nervousness maybe.
I don't know how to react, my baby's getting weaker and I didn't know. He felt perfect.
He grew silent, Aarush.
Guilt engulfed me- I can't be a good father to him.
"Aarush" it was Yuvaani. She indicated to me to reply to the doctor. Her soft palm touched my skin. It felt as if her warmth is getting transferred into mine. My gaze shot up meeting her eyes, that held concern. She blinked in assurance.
"He was six months old, when he was last breastfed. Now he's eleven months old. Actually he lost his mother when he was six months old so-" Internally hoping that this won't cause any issue in his health. But maybe I knew it was the reason.
"There it is. Mr. Nair. Baby's health is deteriorating his body can't actually digest that milk. He needs to be breastfed, or else his condition may get worse" he remarked.
"Is it possible, Sir? To breastfeed without getting pregnant?" Yuvaani's words surprised me.
"Yuv-" cutting me he put her palms on mine, indicating me not to interrupt.
"Yes, it is possible" the doctor sensed some tension between us.
"How?" She asked.
"Lactation Induction" he replied.
"Then we should apply for that, right?" She asked me directly looking into my eyes.
"I-" nothing came out of my mouth.
"Seems like you both need to have words first, but by that time I can give some medicines to improve his digestion. But breastfeeding is mandatory" he said.
We thanked him and got in the car. Priyansh hugged her and slept, she was caressing his head and back. "You should think again" I mentioned
"Sochna kya hai isme? Aap nahi chahte ki Ansh theek ho jaaye?"
Ansh. I don't know how to react- but there was an unknown kind of satisfaction that she has accepted my kids as her own. She even gave him a nickname. And we gave those to only people we love, right?
"Mai bhi wahi chahta hu, but-"
"He's your son, think of him. He's so small he can't even help himself in anything"
"Are you sure about this thing?"
"Yes" she uttered confidentially.
We reached home and I told my parents what was wrong. My heart grew extra protective towards Priyansh now. I hugged him close and sat on my bed. Pihu came to me as Maa brought her into my room. She crawled slowly and then stood up taking bed's support, showing me her toothy smile.
I pulled her up by the hand and she rested hugging me. But she was wiping off my touch on Priyansh's body, as if she wanted me to hold only her, not him.
Possessive much, my little one
But Ansh had slept so, I kept him beside me on the bed and Pihu in my arms, otherwise she would wake him up!
Ansh? Since when you are calling him that?
Oh yeah! I meant Priyansh only.
Later, in the evening I brought my son's medicines and did some office work. The night approached quickly but I had my dinner today in my room, with my kids around me. The test of the family had it at the dinner table.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on my door and I opened it. Yuvaani.
I moved aside and let her in. "Water" she said and placed a water bottle on the night stand, next to my bed. She took Priyansh and gave him his syrup. And patted him to sleep, placing a baby blanket above him.
It looked like he was just born yesterday!
After good soft talks, Priyansh fell asleep and she placed him in his cot. Pihu was playing with Vihaan in the other room.
"Thank you" I initiated a conversation.
"For?"
"Priyansh-"
"Don't" she smiled. But it was kind of a sad smile?
"Is there anything that is bothering you?" I asked.
"No, I mean nothing" she replied. But I can sense a little discomfort in her answer. I doubt it was the correct one.
"When will we go for that induction?" She asked me changing the subject.
"Whenever you feel right"
"Hmm, the sooner the better" she said and folded babies' clothes which were lying on the bed.
"There is something bothering you" I stated, and this time it wasn't a question.
"Hmm" she said and kept those clothes in my cupboard.
"And what is that?"
"Can I ask you for a favour?" She asked me another question instead of replying
"Anything" I assured her so she could continue.
"Can you not yell at me, please?"
Hearing her words my heart clenched in guilt, again.
Regret was all I could feel.