I started to love the person I was becoming, I was never really able to just be myself. All the years that I lived I always had someone telling me what I should do, keeping me from going out and adventuring.
I love this freedom I have now, no one to worry about, I could do anything without being accused. Finally I am my own person, I still felt lonely but at the same time free.
I went into work one day and seen a old friend come in, he was one of Josh's friends as well, he looked at me in a apologetic way and said "I'm sorry I miss the funeral, i really wanted to go but I was out of town" I smiled wholeheartedly and replied "it's ok, it was tough and not everyone could make it so I understand life gets busy" with that we both nodded and said our goodbyes.
That made me smile that Josh touched so many and he was missed dearly,
That night I went to my cousins wedding, I got dressed up in the prettiest dress I owned, I felt beautiful for once, loving myself in a new way was the best feeling.
After taking my time getting dressed I walked out the door and went to pick up someone that could drive me home later in case I drink. I picked up my friend and we headed to the wedding, dancing around in the car to the music, laughing and singing as if we had no care in the world.
Once we arrived i started seeing so many people I grew up with, it was a beautiful day, the wedding was set up outside it had a old country feel to it. Beautiful trees all around us, just when I was feeling bliss I seen a truck pull in and it was the person that I was with to distract me after Josh died.
It was awkward to say the least but didn't ruin my time there, just another face in the crowd. I watch my cousin take his vows with his new wife and I felt so happy for them, it was a beautiful sight to witness.
After they said their I do's I walked over to the open bar and ordered a drink when one of my closest friends from over the years walked up and he asked "how are you holding up?" Knowing it was a bit awkward for me, I smiled and held up my drink as a reply. He laughed at me and hugged me.
By the end of that night I was wasted, thank god I had someone to drive me home because I wasn't able to remember much after I got to the car.
The next day I woke up feeling like my body was about to break into pieces, I took some medicine and chugged as much water as I could, I still had to work today so I got a shower and headed into work, still feeling awful I managed to make myself look decent so no one knew I was on the verge of death or so it felt.
At work that day the same friend I seen the day before came in but this time he had a friend with him, I knew who his friend was because we had mutual friends but I didn't know him personally.
It caught me by surprise so I walked over to the side of the counter and talked to them about all the things that went on with Josh.
Cody was his friends name he seemed like a good guy, someone fun to hang out with we all said goodbye once they left I was still on break so I searched him on social media and sent him a friend request.
We started texting back and forth, getting to know each other we both had the same music taste and same views on a lot of things.
He seemed fun so why not get to know him, "if he starts to change on me we can always just end whatever this is" I said to myself.
That weekend was Mother's Day weekend so I got the girls and some their friends and we went to the beach, giggles filled my car on the way there.
We have so much fun but during the day I did a handstands and hurt my wrist in the process, I didn't realize how bad it hurt until later that night.
I got home and realized I couldn't hold onto anything with that hand the pain was slowly coming on, but I just thought I twisted it the wrong way that it would be fine in a day or so.
Few days passed and my hand was still bothering me, as I worked I wore a wrist brace to stop me from moving it as much. I went on break and texted Cody telling him about my injury and he offered to drive me to the hospital when I got off work.
I ended up working late but by the time I closed everything down and walked outside he was sitting in the parking lot waiting for me to be done.
I smiled and waved my coworker on, we would normally wait for each other to safely get in our cars and leave before we left so she was waiting on me but left when I told her he was taking me to the hospital.
Once I got in his truck he seems nervous, which made me giggle to myself. We drove to the hospital and he walked me in and sat with me, we joked some about that being our first date.
It was nice of him to bring me out of his way, and to come in with me so I didn't have to sit alone.
The small things caught my attention and I caught myself feeling the butterflies in my stomach again.