☽☽☽
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
☽☽☽
Harry's P.O.V.
September 3rd 1997
For the third time today, the phone rang, and it was my mother calling once again. "Harry! I'm leaving without you! You better not be even a minute late tonight!"
It was finally the night of the investment dinner that my mom has been on me about nonstop. This was it. The beginning of the end. I had been to plenty of these dinners before, but then it was just training. It was a way for her to show me off like I was a toy. I was only allowed to speak when spoken to, and give short answers. I was about to become one of them. If I had to be reminded one more time that I was, "a representation of the company," I was going to just run off into the woods never to be heard from again.
I tried to tie my tie for a third time but once again I got distracted, letting my mind drift somewhere else.
She takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants.
"Get over here and let me fix that."
Augustine was in the apartment helping me get ready. I had plenty of practice getting ready for these things, but she said I needed a support system, or rather, someone to complain about my mom to. She was right. And I was grateful.
"You look good, kid. Don't let her get you down."
I wore an all black suit, with a black button shirt and a maroon tie. The tie was to match my mother's dress. A way of symbolizing that we were a team. I wore all black on purpose. This was the funeral of my youth and happiness.
The digital clock on my nightstand read 6:30pm. Like a knee jerk reaction my brain thought about Jaime's work schedule. It's a Saturday which means she's probably already at work, most likely closing for Monica tonight. Maybe one day I will be able to look at the clock and not try to think of where she was. I look at the drawer of my nightstand. The small piece of paper with numbers scribbled on it sat there.
I haven't looked at it since I got home and put it in there. I really just wanted to hear her voice again, but I had to leave her alone. I would only be hurting myself. She was happy, living her life. It is not her fault that I got attached. I was moving on slowly, if at all. A huge part of me was not ready to accept that the summer was over.
Every day I was closer to living my life without her infecting every one of my thoughts. Another day closer to tasting sugar and not thinking of her. Another day closer to hearing Billy Joel and not immediately thinking of her. Another day closer to drinking vodka and not thinking of her tongue on mine. Another day closer to closure. I had spent too much time once again daydreaming about Jaime. I headed out, hoping that I wasn't going to be late, knowing that I was.
☽☽☽
I would've sworn the tie around my neck was sentient and trying to choke me. The room is filled with the smells of perfumes that are too expensive for how awful and pungent they smell. I must be the youngest person here.
I'm surrounded by old white men who aged about as well as the yogurt in the back of my fridge, and their significantly younger wives. I wanted nothing more than to be in my bed asleep, but I was here to represent my mother. Like a broken record in my head. I am here to represent my mother.
Not that she needed me to represent her. She was the center of the room. Always. She was wearing a tight, but still modest maroon dress that cut just below her knees. It was tight enough to make the sleazy men look away from their wives, but traditional so it didn't look like she was pulling attention on purpose. The room was her circus, and she was the ringmaster.
I was on my third conversation with a potential client. I couldn't help but think about how much better Celine would do at all this. She is the people person in the family, not me. I was trying hard to entertain these people, but their problems simply didn't matter. Even though this was supposed to be about business, the conversations were anything but. In reality, these dinners were just excuses to get everybody in a big room together to gossip and see who was going to be on the next cover of Boring Business Bitches Weekly. I didn't care how much money they spent on their new dogs, or what college they were buying their children into. It was such a contrast to the life I was living in the summer. Jaime would've fucking hated it here.
"Harry?" The older gentleman I was talking to must have realized that I was completely zoned out.
"My apologies, Mr. Chambers. You were talking about your summer vacation in Italy." I smiled at him and took a sip from the whiskey glass in my hand.
"Oh yes it was absolutely stunning. The coast was just beautiful, we went to all the museums..."
As Mr. Chambers talks I find myself zoning out again, this time distracted by a head of bright blonde hair. I look over his shoulder to find a gorgeous girl in a sea green dress, adorned in heavy jewelry, deep in conversation with a woman who didn't seem all too interested in their conversation. Something drew me to her. Something...familiar.
This girl is the first person I've spotted here who looks close to my age, maybe even younger. My eyes rake down her body. Her figure is amazing, and the dress she's wearing compliments every single one of her curves. There's a large slit up the dress that goes to about her mid thigh, and I find myself wondering what it exactly feels like. It's like my body forgets I'm across the room as my arm reaches out to touch her. I shove my hand in my pocket to avoid embarrassment. My eyes follow their path up her body, noting the slender shape of her back, and the way her dress seems to magically drape itself on her.
She must sense my staring, because during my inspection, she twisted around. Her eyes caught mine. They widen before darting away from me and turning her body, prohibiting me from getting lost in them. Who was this girl?
"Well that's exactly what I thought when I saw the Fishers were being investigated over some corruption scandal. You really can't trust anyone when you get this high up. I don't know how your mother does it, Harry."
The mention of my mother grabs my attention away from the hot blonde across the room. I feel bile rise in my throat. When these people look at me all they see is my mother. I miss the people who looked at me and only saw me.
"I don't know how she does it either sir. She really is amazing. Will you excuse me?" The mention of my mother makes me physically sick. It's bad enough she's here tonight, getting everyone wrapped around her talon. I don't know how much longer I can stay here and sing her praises. I better get used to it though because this is my future. I can't process the fact that this is the first of about a thousand dinners that I am going to have to sit through where I make small talk in order to gain these people's favor, just to take their money. Who am I kidding? These dinners didn't just magically start mattering the moment I turned 18. These same people have been watching and judging me since we moved here. At the ripe young age of six years old, I was being trotted around by my parents like a show pony. The only difference now is, I can enjoy the open bar. Although that stopped being a problem when I turned 19, at events like these, people tend to keep the questions to themselves.
I need air, or rather, away from these people. I leave the large dining room and head down the long hallways toward the bathrooms. I make it through the door and notice there are a few men and I don't particularly want them witnessing my breakdown.
I left the ballroom. There has to be a hidden balcony where the wait staff can disappear to. I remember seeing them on my way in. A guy across the hall taps a box in his pocket before disappearing behind a curtain. Smoke break. Bingo.
I went two doors past the one he went through, hoping there was another entry where I wouldn't have to awkwardly stand next to him smoking. My hand trailed the wall until I felt a handle. There was another door behind the curtain. I slipped behind it and was thankful that the balcony was empty.
I leaned against the railing and looked out. There wasn't much to look at. Just trees. That's all there ever is here. Trees, trees, and more trees. Snow sometimes but barely. I closed my eyes, inhaling the air and imagining it smelled like salt and floral shampoo. I licked my gums, missing the sugar of Jaime's mouth. The girl can eat treats like no one's business. She'd pick dessert as her last meal on earth.
I rested my elbows on the railing and put my head in my hands. How could I mess this up badly? She let me go.
"I'll be yours for as long as you'll have me."
Look at how true that turned out to be? I threw my glass across the balcony, hearing it shatter against the tile. I push the hair that has fallen onto my forehead off my face, then I run my fingers along the side of my head. I'm still not used to my hair being so short on the sides. Like a ghost I can still feel Jaime run her fingers through it. My stomach tightens as memories of the way she would pull tightly whenever she needed something to grip onto, play through my head. When will I get it through my head that she didn't want me? I was a summer thing, just like she said. If she wanted to be here right now, she would be. Maybe I should get laid and Jaime will leave my head. Maybe if she wasn't the last person to touch me, my brain would clear up. I wonder where that girl from earlier went.
It's a weird feeling. Wanting to be as high and as far away as possible, but also completely grounded, almost through the floor. A middle ground. Floating. Not drowning. That's how Jaime felt. Above it all even with her feet on the ground. Being with her was the first time I ever felt completely at peace, and she's gone.
Just a few more hours and I can go home. I can go torture myself and try to see her again.
I keep my head down because I can't get myself to look at the stars. It's bad enough I feel like Jaime is following me around.
I heard the door open and close behind me. I was caught. I'll make a quick exit and no one will even realize I was missing. I'm sure my mother will know though. She always knows. Before I could turn around, I heard a soft high pitched voice behind me.
"You're Harry right? You work for Styles Banking?"
Well hello Blondie. This should be easy. Put everything Jaime taught me to good use. I turn around with a smile on my face. I'm about to say something when my jaw practically drops and my smile falls. This may be the girl I saw earlier, but she definitely isn't a stranger.
"Alice?"
She takes a sip of the glass of wine in her hand. Is she even old enough to drink? She can't be. If I just turned 21 this year there is no way that she is legally drinking right now.
"You remember me?."
I cross my arms and lean back against the banister. Holy cow, I can't believe she is here right now. "Of course I do. I just didn't remember you..." I accidentally glance down at her chest and then back up to her face.
"My tits? You didn't remember my boobs Harry? Well that hurts their feelings but don't worry, I understand."
I cleared my throat and put my hands in my pockets. I looked guilty as hell. "I was going to say I didn't remember you looking this...mature. Grown up."
She takes a long sip of her wine, polishing it off. She makes a satisfying ahh noise, and I would rather not think about how it affected my body.
"Yeah, this thing called puberty makes your boobs get big. Womanhood is very exciting."
I cross one ankle over the other. "Forgive me. It's been what, five years since I've seen you? Didn't your family go to Europe to revolutionize the elevators there?"
This is the first time I am getting a proper look at her face. She is beautiful, always has been, but kind of generic looking. It's hard not to picture the girl I grew up with. Ever since we were younger, our parents have dragged us to a lot of the same events. We used to sit at the end of the open bar and order shirley temples and color. From the ages of four to seven, she never went anywhere without an Alice in Wonderland coloring book, and a plastic box full of crayons. I saw her about once a month, but we always had an alliance when it came to these things. We always looked for each other.
When I was in my awkward annoying tween phase, she was still young and adored the hell out of me. She would follow me like a shadow. When she did first hit puberty, I remember her being caked in makeup trying to cover her face full of pimples. I always found her innocence, sweet. Now? Sweet wouldn't be the word I would use.
The last time I saw her was about a year before her family left for Europe. She had stayed away from me all night. I would try to catch her eye from across the room, but she kept looking away. I tried to approach her to say hi, but she quickly excused herself. Next banquet I overheard that her family had moved to Europe and were going to be there for the foreseeable future.
I was sad that one of the only people I had met that understood me was no longer in the country, but I realized that was the culture of this type of business. That's why it's important to not make friends, only allies. That reminder feels harsher tonight, because the first true friends I made in a long time were a whole state away.
I couldn't stop looking at Alice. Her hair was still golden blonde like when she was a child, but she added darker tones to make it look more "on trend." Her eyes were big, and enticing, especially with the darker makeup that surrounded them. The jewelry she was wearing was gauche but called for attention. Everything she was wearing made you look around her, never directly at her. She was dressed as a prop, not a human. The earrings she wore looked like they hurt but the necklace hung low enough that I couldn't help but stare at her chest again.
Wait, has she responded to me? Shit.
"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"
She smirks. "I didn't say anything. I was giving you time to stare at me again." She did a little twirl. "But yeah it's been about five years now and we're back. I guess Father got sick of European elevators going backwards."
My right eyebrow raises. "How can an elevator go backwards?"
She smiles. "They can't. It's a joke. Elevator humor I guess." Her cheeks tinted pink. I forgot she had the oddest sense of humor. Not that I minded, because it was really easy to make her laugh.
"Elevator humor? Ally Girl is all professional now, huh?"
She walked over to me, placing her wine glass on the banister and looking out at the lack of view as I did earlier. Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red that was noticeable even though she already had some sort of blush on. She looked down at the floor for a moment and then her eyes met mine.
"No one has called me 'Ally Girl' in years. Probably about five."
Leaning more so I could look at her, I put us even closer without realizing it. "Oh yeah? What do they call you now?"
Her eyes looked at my lips for a split second, but I caught it. Oh I caught it. But before I could lean in and kiss her she stepped back and held out her hand like we were meeting for the first time.
"Alice." I take her hand in mine and she gives me a firm shake. "Alice van Baker."
"Cute." I take her delicate hand in mine and lay a kiss right above her knuckles. Her nails are perfectly manicured and clean dainty rings wrap around her fingers. I hated that I was comparing them to the ones Jaime wore. Jaime's were either fake or old, probably never polished. "Pleasure to meet you Miss Van Baker. Now care to tell me what a darling little thing like you is doing at one of these awful things?"
She smiles and bites her bottom lip. She is flustered trying to think of a response. She removes her hand from my grasp and starts playing with her fingers in her lap. Got her right where I want her. Wait. Is this where I want her?
"I spent the summer working with my father, and he wants me to work for him full time after I graduate from the academy."
I scoffed because I couldn't believe it. "You escape this place for five years, only for them to send you back to the academy. And not even go to college."
"The academy," was an all girls private school that both of my sisters went to for all of middle school and high school. I knew Alice went there for a few years, but then obviously had to drop out when she left for Europe.
She shrugged. "It's not so bad. I've stayed in contact with some of my friends. Telephones exist."
"Wait, go back. How are you still in high school?"
A look of disappointment and embarrassment came over her features. "Last year. One more year."
"And no college?"
She shook her head. "Nope." She drew out and popped the p in nope. "It's graduation and then right into the office. My life is just one elevator car whose doors won't open."
Well that's depressing. "Mine feels like one that is about to free fall to the bottom floor at any second."
She doesn't laugh at my joke. In fact, she looks completely serious. "They can't do that anymore. It's a TV myth. There are regulations and new technology in place to-"
I brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "I was speaking metaphorically."
"Right," she says, pinching her lips together. "Me too."
There was a beat of silence. It didn't feel as awkward as it probably should have, but we were both lost in thought. Except my thoughts were probably a little dirtier than hers. My head didn't know where it wanted to be, and currently it was stuck in the gutter.
"Isn't it crazy?" She asked.
I turned, facing the same direction as her.
"Isn't what crazy?"
"We're like actual players in this thing now. We're not pawns for our parents. We're like the little tower dudes or the horses on the chess board."
I felt my chest move up and down in a small laugh. Huh. Laughter. "Not to scare you, Ally Girl, but I don't think we're knights and rooks. I think we're supposed to be the people playing the game. Not just the pieces."
Her eyes widened. "Woah. Yeah. That's scary."
"Is that what you want?" I ask her.
"What do you mean?" She's genuinely confused by my question. Was I slurring my words badly already?
"Owning the company. One day taking over for your father. Being in charge. Is that what you want?" I clarify.
"No one has ever really asked me what I wanted before." There it is. Another neglected child of upper society. We should form a club. But then again, wasn't that what we were before she left? Two neglected kids trying to find ways to pass the time.
"Yes," she finally replied. She was thinking hard about her answer.
"Yes, what?" I took her near-empty glass and finished whatever expensive liquor was inside it.
"Yes, it's what I want. I have never really had control over my life. I've always been told what to do, what to say, how to act. Where I go to school, what I wear. Sure, working for the company and eventually owning it is me just being another chess piece to Father, but there is something so addicting and attractive about the power. Control is the one thing I don't have, and the one thing I am still trying to find."
I thought about her answer. I couldn't help but feel the exact opposite. Yes, I wanted control, but I wanted control over my life, not a company. I wanted the power to choose where I lived and who I spent my time with, not who I spent my time being in charge of.
I move my hand on top of hers. My fingers were cold from the September breeze up here. I wonder if it's still warm down the shore. My fingers dance circles on the top of her hand as I look her up and down one more time. Goosebumps rise on her arm.
"Well if it's control you crave, that's something I can give you."
I don't know what has come over me. That's a lie. I'm sad and horny, and maybe I'm taking slight advantage because I knew she probably had a thing for me when we were younger. But so what? She's legal and I could really use something to get my mind off a certain redhead.
She sucks her left cheek in mouth and bites down on it, trying to compose herself. She leans into me and says in a low, almost hushed voice, "And how would you give me this control Harry?"
I lean further into her and line my mouth up with her ear. "Take me back to your place, and you can find out."
Before I realize what's going on she pushes my shoulder so I move away from her. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'm good."
Wait what just happened.
"Ally, come on, seriously?"
Her face is bright red. I can't tell if she is disgusted with me or embarrassed. Were things not going as well as I thought? She stands up, grabs her purse and puts it under her arm. Without another word she disappears through the door. It takes me about two full minutes of staring off in the distance to realize what has happened.
Was I just rejected? I was just rejected.
Alice is grown up, smoking hot, and back in town. Is she single? Maybe she has a boyfriend or something that I didn't think about.
Well screw this then. I know I was supposed to stay for another hour but I didn't want to face her again. I've done enough talking, and made my appearance.
I quickly walked down to where my car with my driver was waiting. "Mr. Styles? I wasn't expecting you for another few hours."
I put my seat belt on and look at him through the rear view mirror. "Just drive."
☽☽☽
By the time the car pulled up to the house it was around 10:15 pm. It wasn't even that late but I mentally I was exhausted. I rip off my suit jacket and pull at my tie. If I had to wear it for another second I was going to puke up the dinner that I did not eat.
I didn't want to just fall asleep. I wanted to sleep through the night. I knew after what I went through tonight I was going to dream. I had to hope that I could stay there for as long as possible. I was hoping the alcohol I had would keep me unconscious, but it was useless.
I clenched my jaw, accepting my fate for the next few hours. I wanted to move on with my life. It's almost been two weeks since I left the shore, and during the day I am fine. Yes a lot of things remind of Jaime, but that is to be expected considering how much time I spent with her. That would fade eventually. It's the nighttime that hurts. Something in my subconscious won't let her go. Maybe it's some sort of punishment for leaving her. What could I do though? She wouldn't want to live here. As much as I would love to run away from my family, it's just not realistic. My brain always circles back to this conversation. It's not like she was in love with me, so even if she could find it in her to leave Spoon Lake, it wouldn't be with me. Fall was only just starting, and I don't even know if I am going to get the chance to go back down next summer.
I climb into my sheets wearing only boxers and feel sleep start to take over my body.
See you soon sunshine.
☁☁☁
Warm water. That's the first thing I feel when my mind concentrates. I look down to see my feet are in the water but I am sitting above it. I place my hands down next to me and feel a sharp wood texture. I'm on a dock. And if I am on a dock that means one thing. I look to my right and there she is. Looking out at the water in front of us, Jaime Jackson is sitting right next to me. I look at her for a while, not believing she is actually there. A few seconds later she turns to face me.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks me with a smile on her face. The second that smile appears on her face my heart feels like it's being run over by a truck.
"I just missed you, that's all."
"Harry we literally spent all day together."
"Yeah I know, but that's the only way I can describe what I'm feeling right now. Missing you."
"Here you go again being all cryptic and poetic." She lightly pushes my arm. I miss her touch.
I look out at the scenery in front of us, trying to absorb it all. It doesn't look completely the same. I look up at the night sky and it is so blue, almost indigo. Everything seemed brighter, more vibrant when she was around. The stars were shining in the sky, and they almost looked cartoonish the way they twinkled. Nothing could compare to her though.
I take a deep breath in and out through my nose. I look over at my pretty girl sitting next to me. This is a dream. I know she was never mine. I don't know which of those statements hurt more. This is going to hurt in the morning. Might as well have some fun while I am here, though. I remember this one.
I stand up on the dock and lift my shirt off my body.
"Harry, what are you doing?" Please keep saying my name. I miss hearing you say it.
"Going for a swim," I reply as if the answer is obvious. I undo my belt and pull my jeans down to the ground and throw them on top of where I had discarded my shirt.
"Stranger, it's 11 at night."
"I know." I walk over to the ladder and start going down it backwards.
"And there are crabs and jellyfish in that water."
"I know." My feet hit the sand below me. The water is the perfect temperature and only comes up to around my hips. I walk over to where she is still sitting on the dock and I rub my hands up and down her calves. I look up at her through my eyelashes and smile. "Are you coming in?"
She rolls her eyes at me but her arms are crossed over her body, gripping at the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. Without taking her eyes off me, she reaches behind her and unclips her bra with one hand and slides it off her body. She unbuttons her jean shorts and slips them off, throwing them onto the mountain of clothes we have created. She doesn't go over to the ladder. She pushes herself up a little and splashes into the water next to me. I reach for her but she smiles at me and says, "Catch me."
And with that she starts to swim away from me into the middle of the lagoon.
"Oh no you don't, Sunshine." I start swimming after her, blindly following her loud laugh that bounces off the water surrounding us. It doesn't take me long to get close to her. I grab her foot and pull her so she crashes back into my chest. Standing in the middle of the lagoon the water is now almost to our shoulder. She spins around to face me. I can feel the ends of my hair get wet and my head feels heavy. I never thought I would find so much comfort in my long hair getting wet. I feel like myself. It's a feeling I hadn't experienced before this summer. I didn't recognize it at first, but now that I'm home, I want that feeling back more than anything.
I slid my arms around her naked waist to pull her close to me. I don't intend for anything sexual to happen, I just want to hold her again. I look into her eyes, but she's not all there. Slightly empty. Someone has dulled my sunshine, and I am pretty sure the culprit is me.
"There you go again with that look," she whispers.
"Can't help it."
"Yeah I know. You've always looked at me like you want to kiss me."
"Probably because I do."
"Well are you waiting for an invitation?"
I curl my finger under her chin to lift her face just a little so I can softly place my lips onto hers. My whole body relaxes into her as I feel the familiarity of her lips on mine. Even though we stand here in lukewarm water, the night sky inky blue, my entire body heats up as the sun once again wraps her way around my heart.
"That all you got Styles?" I pull my lips back and lean my forehead against hers. I slowly open my eyes to find hers dead set on my lips.
My hands return to their home around her waist and the small of her lower back and pull her towards me as close as I can. My mouth attacks hers, kissing her with all I have. Don't touch her neck, I remind myself. I kiss her with as much passion as my subconscious will let me, moving our lips together to the rhythm of the water that surrounds us.
My hands slide down her body and I find themselves grazing up and down her thighs. My fingertips can feel the texture of the large jellyfish tattoo that lives on her left thigh. I can't get her close enough. Her hand moves up my chest and rests on the side of my neck. She pulls my face towards her and I can feel her thumb pushing into my pulse point. Her foot hooks around the back of my leg, almost like she is trying to trip me and make me fall into her. Even though her body is pressed against mine and I can feel her bare chest pushing into me, she still feels a world away.
My fingers wrap around the back of her thighs, right under her ass, and grip onto her thighs. She gets my nonverbal hint and jumps up to wrap her legs around my torso. Together in the water we both feel weightless. She intertwines her fingers through my hair and pulls my head back to gain an even bigger height difference and I feel a moan vibrate up through her throat and into my mouth.
"Fuck. Jaime." Her arms wrap around my shoulders as I start to kiss my way down her neck. I attach my mouth to her, right under her jawline and kiss and suck at her skin, marking her. Pretending that at least here, in this fantasy, she is mine.
My lips move down the arch of her neck, meeting her shoulder. "Harry," she whimpers in my ear as she rolls her hips against mine. I can feel her breath panting against the back of my neck. I gently and carefully run my hand through her hair while the other one wraps around her waist so she wouldn't fall into the water. When her face is in front of mine again I grab her lips between mine. I can't get enough of her. I need her like oxygen. I need to fill my lungs with her.
"Sunshine," I moan against her lips between kisses. Her mouth opens for me and I quickly slip my tongue in and roll it against hers. "Jaime, baby, I need you."
Her nails dig into my shoulder blades and I feel them rake down my back. "Harry. I-"
"FUCK."
I throw every blanket and sheet that I am under, off my body. I don't even have to open my eyes to know that it was a dream. My body is stinging and aching.
I look down at my arms and notice small fresh cuts up and down my biceps. I must have been trying to wake myself up, to no avail. I sit up and pull my knees up toward my chest. It's not until I bury my head in my hands that I feel my face is wet and slightly sticky. I was crying.
I didn't know hearts could physically hurt like this. Was I dying? Having a heart attack?
I missed her so much. I missed her laugh. I miss her nose scrunches. I miss her terrible taste in movies and the way her bed always hurt my back. I missed waking up to her latching onto my back like a backpack, hiding behind me like I was some great protector.
I missed her. I was fucking aching for her.
It's still dark out meaning I didn't get the sleep that I wanted. The clock on my nightstand read 3:00am. This is just getting pathetic at this point.
I get up and throw on the same pair of sweatpants and t-shirt that I always wear when I paint. I stumble my way through the apartment and down to my little corner. Apparently my body is still drunk because I can barely walk straight and I almost fell down the stairs twice.
I finally walked into the studio that I was trying to stay away from. The last painting I did of her sat on the easel, still facing the windows. It had been a few days. I hope that when Jaime sees a sunrise she looks at it the same way I used to look at her.
I take the painting off the easel and flip it toward the walls with the others. I can't look at her when I'm like this. I put a fresh canvas on the easel and began to paint the scene in which I left her. Bright blues flood the room. Light peach tones dance across while the bright red of her hair takes center stage.
I am nearly done when I hear the phone ring. It must now be late enough for people to be awake. I don't look up from the painting. He won't let me. The puppeteer sits on my shoulders, forcing the brushes against the canvas, as if any other action would kill me. There is a voice talking to me. I can barely make out what it says but I can tell it's frustrated.
Another thirty minutes go by and my strings are cut. I am free to go. I'm starting to think alcohol only makes the dreams more vivid. They're starting to hurt more than they should.
I wander back up to the apartment as my phone is ringing for probably the fifth time. I know who it is. She's the only one who calls.
"Well it's nice of you to pick up the phone. I only had to call ten times before you answered. I mean seriously Harry, don't you have classes to go to or work you could be doing instead of bumming it in that studio all day."
I sighed. "Is there a reason you called, Mother."
"I just wanted to know how your night was." Even through the phone I could see her exact expression. Her lips pushed together in a flat line the second she was done speaking. There's no point in lying. My mother doesn't ask questions she doesn't already know the answer to.
"It was fine." There were many things she could bring up, but frankly I don't remember most of it. It didn't matter what I said, she would get what she wanted.
There were ten solid seconds of silence.
"Well I am glad your evening was fine."
Here we go. I allowed for five more seconds of silence. Breathing in and out before letting her berate me for no reason. "How was your evening mother?"
"Thank you so much for asking. It was going particularly well. Meet a lot of new potential clients. The best part though was when Brian, CEO of Van Baker Elevators, a client we have been trying to land for years, said that he would be delighted to go into business with us, and to send over the contracts in the morning."
Alice's dad? Isn't that a good thing? I remember my mom wanting to go into business with them before they left for Europe. So why did she sound like she was mad at me?
"That's fantastic, Mother. I am happy for you." I pour myself a cup of coffee, dumping way too much sugar in it. I haven't had a black cup of coffee since I left the shore. Drinking sugar was the closest thing I could get to having Jaime on my tongue.
"Mhm. Yes I was pleased. Well that was until I received a call this morning from Mr. van Baker himself. I hadn't sent the contracts over yet, so you can imagine my confusion when he called the house phone at 8am. Harry, would you like to explain why Brian felt the need to call me on my personal line to tell me that he no longer feels that Van Baker Elevators and Styles Banking would be a good fit?"
My stomach dropped. I didn't talk to Brian. I didn't even see him there. Did I piss Alice off that much?
"I'm sorry mother but I don't recall speaking with Mr. van Baker. I spoke with the Chambers, and the DeLucas, but not Mr. van Baker."
She was breathing like a dragon that was spewing fire from her nostrils. She knew something I didn't. If I knew it, I couldn't remember it. I must've really messed up.
"No Harry, I didn't think you did speak to Mr. van Baker. I watched you all night. I watched you as you slipped off to the bathroom to probably get high and embarrass me. I watched you leave early even though it was equally as important for you to be there as it was for me. But, tell me this Harry. Did you happen to speak to Miss Alice van Baker, Brian's daughter?"
Oh Ally Girl. If only we could run away to Wonderland again.