Isis
"Another tattoo, Isis, really?," Danisha asked, watching me press the ink and needle on my right thigh.
I bit the side of my lip in pain for a moment then grabbed my wipes to remove the access ink off of my right leg. It now read: No guts, No Glory.
There were tattoos splattered all around my body besides my face, stomatch, and legs, hence me doing my next set there.
My goal was to distract myself enough so I wouldn't rely on alcohol and drugs. Now that i'm carrying, it's becoming harder to stick to my plan.
Every time I feened for it, I would loose my mind and vented to my tattoo gun whenever I could.
I shook my head, placing the stick into my mouth, and swiping a quick whiff before Jonah snatched it out my hand.
"Aight 'na." He eyed me, taking his hit. "You can't be doing allat while you pregnant Ice."
My fingers tapped briefly on the table where my items sat, watching time move at a slow pace. I had work in a few hours and hoped they didn't notice the severe drop in my Pathophysiology course.
If they knew I was pushing a low D all while sitting in a room with patients, real patients, they'd get rid of my ass immediately.
I needed that job right now, and not because it was my dream to work in the medical field but, It was really all I had besides anything that was loaned to me.
I owed a few hundred dollars to a couple of people who've been blowing my phone up nearly every day to pay them back.
In all honestly, It's been a couple weeks and I promised they'd get their money, but the last time I got hit up about it, I blocked everyone that I owed.
"You can't get tattoos while you pregnant either," Jonah reminded, blowing smoke around my face as I placed syrram wrap over my polished skin.
I like to think that Jonah cares for me, but I wasn't too naive about my feelings since there was no certainty on my where we stood.
One moment he was in my face, swearing up and down that he loves me and could possibly see us being together, the next he's staying low, sleeping with everyone he laid eyes on.
"Yeah, I know," I replied, pulling up a website I had bookmarked on all my devices.
Lately, I've been thinking about my other options. It laid between adoption and figuring out who my babies father was.
I kept a record of all the niggas I fucked, not for conversation starters or to flaunt about, but it was the only thing that made me feel human.
The little hope I had left fell to the fact that the men I did mess around with had bank. They literally showered in money, which means my child would be secure.
So far, i've tried visiting five of the guys i've slept with, but each of them either pushed me aside, ignored me completely, or ghosted as soon as they saw my face.
"C'mere Ice," Jonah breathed, pulling me down on his lap, slightly rubbing his hand on my back. "Why you stressing about this baby daddy shit?"
"You know I barely got any damn money," I hissed in annoyance, "And you no help either, crashing here every other night, eating up the food, and running up my electric bill like you live here."
His hand stopped moving, and he turned my face in his direction, a bit rougher than usual. "So whatchu' sayin', you want me to pay you assum'?"
"No," I back tracked everything else I planned on saying, "I just think if you're gonna be crashing on my bed like you live here then you could at least help me with rent.."
"Man," he snickered loudly, shoving me off his lap in disgust, "I don't live hea' though. And matta' fact, I ain't ever brought up the shit I done did for you. I ain't eva' make you pay for em' either!"
A frown appeared on my now flustered face as I hummed lowly to myself to keep from arguing. "Okay, Jonah."
He squinted his eyes at my frustration and decided he wasn't going to push the conversation any further.
The last thing he wanted was for me to cut him off, though I had the chance to do it on many occasions.
He stood on his toes and pulled me into a hug. "You know ion' like goin' back and forth witchu' about stupid shit, Ice. Especially this housin' bull."
"I know," I whispered lowly, wrapping my arms around his torso and laying my head on his chest.
It was soothing and calm to be held like this at times and that's probably why Jonah was always going to be around.
We met a couple years back, about a few months before Yasmine left. He was the plug and still is.
At first, I was buying light things from him. It would start off small like edibles, in low grams for the least. Yasmine would tell me to watch out about getting laced because it was happening a lot throughout our neighborhood.
Once the lacing got out of hand, Yasmine told me to cut it out completely, and I did because at this point of life, I cared about my mental health.
The thing about Jonah that could never go unforgettable was his persistence. After I stopped buying, he started popping up a lot more. Letting me try things here and there for free.
After Yasmine left, my emotions spiraled. I was in and out of genuine happiness. On top of that, I was trying to help my parents get their shitty situation fixed because it hindered me.
Every night, I was ranting and crying to Jonah about things that were going on, people I missed, niggas that I had to deal with, everything.
When I got overwhelmed enough to the point where I just wanted to off myself, Jonah would give me these substances. He said they would make me feel better and he was right.
Jonah lifted my head up with his hand, dropping a kiss on my lips, peering at my eyes. "You know I love you, right?"
I nodded with a faint smile on my lips. "I love you too."
•••
"I ain't seen you inna minute Isis. I thought that lil' domestic violence charge you done got on me was enough to keep yo' brick ass out ma' face," Keshawn bucked behind the flexi glass that separated us.
I held the phone to my ear, staring at the jump scare that sat with free hands on the other side.
"They don't allow dental care in here?" I pestered, "That overbite looking real painful. Out here resembling a Pterodactyl."
My remark caused for a sinister smirk to appear above his lips, and he used his hand to cover it up fully. "And you wonder why I'd beat the shit outta you. Bitch, the fuck you doin' here fo'?"
My mouth gradually opened to speak but before I could let words out, he jumped straight into himself.
"You know I been rotten in this mothafucka' with my niggas for these past few months tryna figure out how da' hell I got caught for Juniors murder?" He whistled, knocking his tongue against his teeth.
I huffed, knowing that this conversation was going to revolve around him and his ego.
"But then I thought to myself," He continued, enjoying the sound of his own voice, "What did I do to make them niggas that mad?"
Within an instance, I rolled my eyes. "Shawn, I hate to cut you short, I really do, but I have work in about an hour and I'm not here to listen to you talk about these damn murder charges."
He clinched his jaw hard enough that his cheek was sinking in. "This why I use to slap yo' big, goofy, silly ass. Got the audacity to come to MY CRIB and tell me I can't talk."
"The cell your crib now?" I laughed, knowing there was no way he was getting out here and seeing daylight. "Nigga, you can't go play outside unless the officers say so. And even then, you only get a few minutes."
"You think you funny, huh?" He slammed his hand on the counter that his elbows were recently resting on.
"Five more minutes!" His official announced loudly.
"You hear that?" I mocked, with a giggly tone, "Five more minutes 'till bed time."
"I outta' slang yo' stupid ass!" He spat, letting his anger grow sternly. "Tell me what da' fuck you gotta say 'fore I get one of my niggas to pop yo' bully goat ass."
It was frightening to me how comfortable I was just letting him speak to me this way. There was a time where I use to be scared, but my mind just goes void at everything he says and does.
"I'm pregnant, about three months now." I sat up in my seat so he could see my face a bit better, he loved to say I was a liar if I couldn't give proper eye contact.
"We pregnant?" He instantly cooed, placing his hands together in happiness.
One thing about Keshawn to always remember was how bipolar he is. He would switch from mad to happy within seconds and sometimes it was hard to keep up with it.
"When you get back next week imma give you a list of baby names," He added onto his last comment, now asking me to stand up so he could see if I had a bump yet.
I was going to tell him that he was a possibility, but it than clicked in my head that all the other guys were not accepting, not like he was at least.
There was also a possibility that any guy after Keshawn would avoid the role as father, and right now I needed to weight my options out smartly.
"Yes, we're pregnant," I lied, not feeling a bit guilty, "And right now I just need a little help taking care of myself and getting baby stuff."
He nodded his head with understanding, eyes gleaming at the thought of a child. "Aight, I gotchu. You know imma ride fo' my kid."
I let go of a breath that I had no idea I was even holding onto. His words were a saving grace in my ears.
Instantly, I got up out my seat, ready to leave this facility, but he spoke once again, forcing a head turn from me.
"Under one condition," he jeered, now with a serious look.
"What?"
"I ain't gone be in jail foreva' you know? See i'm just here as a suspect," He whispered a bit lower, which lead me back into my seat so I could hear him better.
He then continued when I was close enough, "I'll get you the money when you get rid of the eyewitness."
I jerked my head back and stared at him as if I were a deer in headlights. "W-wait what?"
"You heard what the fuck I said Isis don't act like you ain't just heard me bitch." He was right back at it again, "Only I can access my funds and that can't be done if i'm behind da' cell. Imma be in here foreva' if my lil eyewitness testifies that they saw me."
I closed my eyes, feeling irritation grow in my body. He had one job. ONE job. "How am I supposed to do that Shawn, huh? I'm pregnant!"
"Stop acting stupid lil hoe," He agonized, "Stop acting like yo' papi and mama don't know folks who can get that shit done, especially you! Knowing how you did Omario-"
"Okay okay!" I intruded, not allowing him to get another word out his blabbering mouth, "Just tell me who it is."
"Natasha."
"Fine." I grabbed my belongings and left his face, trying to figure out how this convo would be brought up to my parents, who I haven't spoken to in weeks.
I knew it would be the least of their worries anyway. I didn't care if the nigga was free or behind cells, I just wanted to make sure I got my shit.
•••
*I'm trying to make this book move as slow as possible
* If there's another fc that would fit better for Isis please lmk !
*Unedited