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「 twenty-five. I'm crucified
crucified like my saviour
saint-like behaviour, a lifetime I prayed. 」
A POUNDING MIGRAINE FESTERED IN ELIZABETH DEAN'S BRAIN AS SHE ROLLED ONTO HER SIDE. She rested on her side over a hard, uncomfortable hospital bed, causing her to sigh awkwardly.
The locks of golden blonde hair decorated the thin pillowcase that comforted her head, falling in small curls as they cascaded over the material. She wore her outfit from the previous day, only missing the backpack she carried and the heavy weight of her jacket.
"Hey fox." An all too familiar voice greeted. At the sound of the raspy feminine voice, Lizzie peaked her eyes open with a grimace, shrinking under the woman's gaze slightly. She groaned loudly, moving to lay flat on her back and place a hand on the bridge of her nose.
Marlene stood, leaning against the door frame with a pleased look on her face as she looked at the younger girl. "Tired?" She asked, "I'd assume so after the journey you've been on."
When the girl didn't respond, Marlene sucked in a breath. "We've missed you back home."
Lizzie cringed at the use of 'home.' Home was where Joel and Ellie where, not the fireflies. She didn't speak for a moment, simply moving to sit up with a wince as she felt her back ache.
"Hey, careful." Marlene walked closer, standing at the edge of the bed. "Patrol didn't recognise you," the woman cursed, placing her hand on the side of Lizzie's face and lifting it so she could inspect the growing bruise of the side of her temple.
Lizzie tensed under the woman's soft grip, turning her head away as her eyesight shifted in and out of focus. Noticing her reluctance to speak, Marlene's eyebrows scrunched, "what? No hello? No smartass new phrases you came up with?"
"What do you mean, what?" Lizzie mocked the woman's voice, causing for the older of the two to roll her eyes. "You sent me on a journey where I almost died a dozen fucking times, and all you have to say is hello?!" The younger girl hissed.
Marlene exhaled deeply, clicking her tongue. "You're angry—"
"No shit I'm angry!"
"I didn't know you'd almost die a dozen fucking times. Do you think I'd of let you go if I knew?" Marlene scoffed, folding her arms as she raised her eyebrows at the blonde.
"Yes." Lizzie responded blankly.
Marlene stared down at the girl, unimpressed. "Oh please, fox, you got here safe and that's just what matters now. Not what happened during."
Lizzie's eyes grew wide as she moved to sit on her knees in front of the woman, the bed sheets ruffling as she did so. "What happened during? I got into a car crash, I watched a man shoot his baby brother," her voice became louder as she spoke, a scowl forming at her lips, "I watched Joel almost bleed out! Marlene, I was kidnapped! I was almost—" her voice broke as she turned away from the woman, biting her lip to pull back any emotion that dared to break loose. "So don't you tell me none of that mattered!"
Marlene watched the girl silently for a moment, debating her next choice of words before her voice became tender and soft. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." She repeated with an sigh.
Marlene moved to sit on the edge of the bed, gently taking one of Lizzie hands in her own. "You know you're like a daughter to me, Fox. You're the toughest girl I know, and I know it's been rough for you, kid."
Lizzie felt a sickening wave of conflict swallow her whole as Marlene wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into the older woman's side. She inhaled awkwardly as she built up a wall of courage within herself, turning to to the woman with a grimace as she pulled out from her embrace. "Marlene, I need to tell you something and I need you not to get pissed off at me."
Marlene raised her eyebrows as she backed from the embrace. "I'll try."
Lizzie swallowed as she shook her head at the woman. "I cant stay here anymore."
"Well, good. We're leaving soon anyway—"
"No, I mean I cant stay with the fireflies anymore." Marlene paused at the girl's words, her eyes growing harder as she stared in distaste—a complete contrast to her previous personality. "I'm leaving."
Marlene narrowed her eyes at the younger girl, a condescending tone interlaced with her voice. "And where would you go? With Joel? Do you think he wants you?"
Lizzie reeled back in offence as the woman let out a scoff. "Oh please, Elizabeth." She paused for a moment as though an idea flashed in her mind. "He's gone."
Lizzie's blood turned cold as she moved backwards, away from the older woman as she timidly asked, "what?"
"Joel left. Hell, he left an hour ago, Lizzie!" The woman scoffed, "He fulfilled his role here. He took Bellamy with him, too."
Lizzie turned pale, completely mortified at the idea of Joel turning his back on her. She couldn't fathom the idea that Joel had simply left her—after everything they'd been through together. The idea seemed foolish to even think about. "What about Ellie?"
Marlene sighed. "Well, we're testing your girlfriends blood and DNA. We drawn some of her blood. It's being tested right now as we speak." The woman lied.
"No, I mean where is she."
Once again, Marlene swallowed as she looked to the younger girl. "It took less time than we anticipated. When she was done, Joel was still here. The two of them decided to leave and head back west." The woman couldn't shake the ounce of guilt she felt as she watched Lizzie's eyes shatter with a crestfallen gaze. "I'm so sorry, Lizzie. But I told you this would happen, didn't I? I tried to warm you that she wasn't going to be your friend."
The woman went to embrace the girl again, only for her to move backwards like a wounded animal. "You're lying!" She seethed, her gaze hard as she trembled.
"Then why aren't they here with you, hm?" Marlene raised an eyebrow. "If I was lying to you, where are they?" She gestured to the empty room around them, "they're not here, Lizzie! They're gone, and I'm sorry that you have to hear this, but they didn't want you!"
Lizzie placed her head in her hands, a new wave of emotions poisoning her mind. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up." She repeated, closing her eyes as she clutched her temple.
Lizzie could feel the tear in her heart as it cracked in two, pouring an endless river of betrayal, agony, and disbelief. There was no chance in hell that Joel Miller had left her behind—it was simply laughable to even think about.
Life without Ellie and Joel seemed empty and meaningless—for once, Lizzie got a glimpse at the absolute destruction Sarah's loss must've cast over Joel. And she loathed it. Her stomach churned with bile as she shuddered at the thought of having to stay with the fireflies, never living out her fantasies with the two halves of her trio.
She let out a sob as she clutched her chest, unable to breathe out any words to say. The dawn of the truth that she would most likely never see Joel or Ellie again pushed her down the rabbit hole into the unstable abyss she threatened to fall over.
Ellie—her Ellie—simply left her in the hospital without a second thought. Almost as though she'd forgotten about her. It inflicted a chain of wild, untameable emotions to pierce at her mind and heart, warping her view of right and wrong as she rose from the bed, her eyesight blurred and her actions manic.
She craved to hold Ellie's hand once more, maybe confess that she did grow to have romantic feelings for the brunette. Ellie was like a spark of rebelliousness that made Lizzie run with a new sort of excitement. She made Lizzie feel joyful to wake up in the morning, knowing that the brunette's arm would always rest over her own protectively.
But Ellie was gone. And Lizzie had cracked.
She let out an angered cry as she felt Marlene try to wrap an arm around her, turning and punching the woman whilst repeating the chant of 'Liar!' Endlessly.
Slowly, Marlene reached for the syringe behind her, clenching her jaw in annoyance before injecting the equipment into Lizzie's shoulder. The girl quickly became drowsy, falling from her state of mania as she fell backwards, looking up to the woman with one last sneer of betrayal before her eyes fell shut.
Slowly, Marlene lowered the girl back down onto the bed, sparing her one last long glance of regret before turning and leaving the room. When the door sounded with a click—signifying it had been locked, the woman moved a chair up against it to prevent it from being opened.
Two fireflies, two men both in their late forties, turned as Marlene gestured for them to stand in front of the door. "You don't let her leave that room. No matter what. Understood?"
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THE LIGHT OF THE SKY BLED THROUGH THE CURTAINS OF THE HOSPITAL ROOM, shining over the man's face as he slowly regained his consciousness. His eyes flickered over the spray-painted red firefly sign with only one thought on his mind—his girls.
"Welcome to the Fireflies." Joel turned over on his side, spooked slightly by the sudden voice. "Easy. Ya got hit pretty hard." Marlene said, her arms folded and her gaze flickering around the room slightly as though her mind was elsewhere.
Joel raised a hand to his aching neck, sitting up drowsily as the woman continued to speak, "Patrol didn't know who you were."
Joel ignored the woman, pushing himself into a sitting position as he groggily inquired, "where are the girls?"
"They weren't hurt. Not even a scratch. They're mostly worried about you."
"Where are they?" Joel repeated, a firm tone to his voice as he continued to interrogate the woman.
Marlene continued to avoid the man's question, "We lost half our crew crossing the country. I had five men whose only job was to protect me. And I still almost got killed. How'd you do it?"
"It was all them." Joel exhaled, "they fought like hell to get here."
"They would've been dead on day one." Marlene scoffed, "You are the one person I never wanted to be in debt to. But I owe you. We all owe you."
Joel nodded, pretending to listen to the woman's words as he grew impatient. "Just take me to them."
Marlene tensed subtly. "You don't have to worry about them anymore." She dismissed. However, Joel remained stubborn, "I worry." He waved the woman away, "just let me see them. Please."
"You cant. Lizzie's being arranged to go with a group back to Mississippi. And Ellie's being prepped for surgery."
Joel's blood froze at the woman's words. "You're sending her away? and the hell you mean, surgery?" Joel looked to other fireflies in confusion.
Marlene swallowed deeply before speaking again. "Our doctor... he thinks that the Cordyceps in Ellie has grown with her since birth."
"Why is she in surgery?"
"It produces a kind of chemical messenger. It makes normal Cordyceps think that she's Cordyceps. It's why she's immune. He's gonna remove it from her, multiply the cells in a lab, produce those chemical messengers... and then we can give it to everyone." Marlene explained to the man, watching his expression turn into one of horror, "He thinks it could be a cure, Joel. A cure."
Joel's eyes hardened as he addressed the elephant in the room. "Cordyceps grows inside the brain."
"It does."
Joel stood up from the bed, outraged. "Find someone else."
Marlene scoffed, "there is no one else." She watched Joel rise from the bed, "We didn't tell her, we didn't cause her any fear, there won't be any pain. Lizzie doesn't know either, and isn't going to find out."
"No. No, you take me to them. You take me to them right now!" Joel barked furiously, his eyes wide and distraught as he digested the idea of losing the two girls.
Before Joel could speak again, one of the fireflies moved forward, lifting their knee to slam into his gut, efficiently rendering him to the floor with a grunt. He heaved as he breathed slowly, turning o look up at the woman in betrayal. "Please... you don't understand."
"I do." Marlene corrected, her voice expressing the sorrow she felt at her own actions, "I was there when Ellie was born, Joel. I promised her mother that I would save her child. I promised. So I do understand. I'm the only one who understands. I'm sorry. I have no other choice."
Joel scoffed under his breath, "I do." He looked back up to the woman. "At least let me see Elizabeth."
Marlene hardened as though she knew it was inevitability going to be asked, but still dreaded the moment. "You cant, Joel. She's not your responsibility anymore."
"Yes, she is." Joel insisted.
"No. She belongs here, Joel. With myself and the fireflies. She's one of us." Marlene emphasised, sighing through her nose as she spoke.
Joel continued to stare at the woman in disgust. "No. She's better than any of you fuckers ever will be."
"She's not Sarah." Marlene deadpanned, watching Joel's expression fall. "I'm sorry, but she's not your daughter. She's my kid, Joel! My daughter! I've taught her everything she knows. I was the one who taught her how to look after herself, not you. You can't take her. She doesn't belong with you, and I know that may be tough to hear, but it's true. And you know it." She sighed. "She's staying with us. You don't have to worry about her anymore, Joel."
"So you're just going to lie to her?" Joel scoffed, a flaming torch of anger igniting within his mind as he grew an indestructible ambition to find the two.
Marlene went silent for a moment, licking her lips before exhaling coldly. "We do what we can to protect our children. You know that. She's got family waiting for her anyway, Joel. Did you know that seven weeks after you left, a man named Nathan Dean showed up looking for his daughter? You need to let her go, Joel. Do you think she would still care for you after she finds out what you did?"
Joel's chest burned with grief and rage as he trembled in revolt. He wanted nothing more than to slam Marlene's head into the closest wall, demanding to know the presence of where she'd taken the girls. However, before he could, she spoke again.
"Walk him out to the highway, leave him there with his pack." Marlene instructed to the men close to her, "Give him this. He tries anything... shoot him."
The men followed Marlene's orders, pushing Joel out of the room and towards the stairwell, ignoring Joel's anguished expression.
Every step felt closer and closer to the fiery gates of hell, each requiring more energy than the last as the last nine months replayed in Joel's head in an endless loop—unable to stop his mind from entering the infuriated state and need to know where his children where.
The blood rushed to his ears as the men continued to push him forward, edging him closer and closer to the awaiting abyss of recklessness that would soon consume his mind in an illusion of possessiveness. He scowled as he felt a hand push against his back, gesturing for him to continue onward.
Finally he stopped, taking notice of every sign that sat in the near distance. "I didn't hear anyone say, stop." One of the fireflies grumbled as he watched Joel's feet still.
"Which way?" Joel demanded after a moment. The man's hand gripped his neck as he pushed him towards the stairwell. "Down the stairs."
The lights flickered as Joel descended down, his eyes dark and swallowed in a void of pure antagonism as he allowed his feet to come to a stop.
Joel Miller would not be leaving that hospital without both of his daughters at his side. Had anybody opposed it or even cast them a negative thought, Joel wouldn't hesitate in raising flames of never ending hellfire on the poor motherfucker's soul until they wished for the sweet release of death.
The two men who accompanied him now grew aware of that fact as they choked on their own blood, staring into the eyes of the devil as he shot seas of bullets into their wounded bodies.
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A HARROWING SCREAM ECHOED OFF OF THE WALLS INSIDE THE ROOM, alerting the two fireflies outside that Elizabeth Dean was slowly but surely succumbing to the tempting instability that took over her mind.
She screeched endlessly as she sat at the end of the bed, her hair disheveled as she endlessly slammed her fists against the sides of her head in an angered tantrum.
"I can't breathe in here!" She howled, moving to endlessly slam her fits against the door. "Please, I cant breathe in here!"
Wether it was simply the fact that the only entrance to the room was a steel door, lacking any windows in sight, or the way that she slowly lost her sanity inside the room, Lizzie didn't know.
It hadn't taken her too long to wake up. However, soon after realising she had no way of leaving the room, she broke into a hysterical fit of internal torment and rage as she destroyed the room's interior.
She placed her hands over her forehead in annoyance, a gut wrenching scream ripping from her throat as she threw anything in sight at the door.
Finally, she'd had enough of simply waiting to be freed. Her skin felt as though it had been melted at excruciating temperatures, scorching her mind until it was nothing but the phantom of the once cheery girl she was.
Her hands scratched and reached for anything I'm sight, her eyes narrowing on the small lamp that lit up the room. She stormed over to it, carelessly ripping it from the socket and charging back towards the door.
In the middle for the door, a small rhombus-patterned window lingered. And Lizzie became struck with an idea she prayed would work.
She moved backwards for a moment, her gaze hard and set as tear tracks stained her cheeks red. She attempted to take a deep breath before slamming the lamp as hard as she could against the door.
Instantly, the glass shattered, catching the two guards attention as they turned in horror at the unstable young girl. Recklessly, she reached her hand out through the broken glass, grabbing the shirt of one of the soldiers and slamming them into the door furiously.
From the amount of times Lizzie had thrown herself against the door, she had managed to unlock it, but one obstacle remained in her way—the goddamn chair.
The guard groaned in agony as he was slammed against the door, slipping over the chair and knocking it to the ground accidentally.
Neither of the soldiers had claimed to see or believe in the devil, but as the door burst open to reveal a deranged teenage girl, they hadn't a doubt in their minds that Satan had come to them in the form of an unstable child.
She didn't waste a second in sliding to the floor, her blue eyes wide and manic as she grabbed a large piece of broken glass, ignoring the way it sliced through her palm in a sea of red paint. Without a second thought, she stabbed it into the man's neck, pulling it out and slamming it in over and over again.
All the anger and devastation that haunted her mind finally came on display, pouring into every merciless stab that landed in the man's throat. He stared at her, wide-eyed and petrified as she snarled at him, as though she were a lion in sheep's clothing.
Days of pent up frustration and despair influenced each stab more than the last, pushing her further and further until his neck became a mangled decay of what it once was.
Even when the man choked on his own blood, gagging and spitting the red liquid as he tried to pull her off, she didn't find herself stopping.
The second man beside him could only watch as he was slaughtered by a girl no older than fourteen, her movements frantic and undetermined as she slashed at his neck. Finally, he moved forward, gripping the back of her neck and pulling her against his back.
"You stupid bitch, look what you've done!" The man barked in horror, gesturing to his partner's mangled body, his head facing them and his eyes forever locked in the trance of pure horror.
Reaching for the shard of glass, Lizzie pulled back her hand and slammed the shard into the man's face, dropping to the floor as he let go of her. The man stumbled back, releasing a cry of terror as blood trickled in waves down from his eye.
Noticing the idle army knife on the floor, Lizzie clutched it in her bloody hand, kicking the man off of her when he attempted to tackle her back down. With the same passion for bloodlust, Lizzie stabbed the man through his stomach, repeating the action endlessly as the influence of adrenaline infiltrated her once beautiful mind.
Footsteps echoed behind her, unfortunately they fell deaf amongst her ears as she relentlessly brought the knife down into the man's now severed stomach, watching the blood cascade over his uniform in a painting of crimson, followed with the sight of his mangled intestines.
Arms pulled her back, making their presence clear. To far down the rabbit hole of insanity, Lizzie attempted to swipe the knife at the intruder, only stopping moments after the familiar male voice saved her from the suffocating presence of hysteria.
Lizzie turned, her frantic eyes meeting the older man's and a shriek falling from her lips before she could stop it, "why did you leave me?!"
"Hey, bug, hey, it's me. I'd never leave you. I'll never leave you again, babygirl, I promise." A male voice comforted, dropping to the floor beside her and pulling her away from the deceased bodies that littered the floor.
Lizzie heaved as she stared at the man, the bloodied knife still tight in her grip. "Cowboy?" The nickname rolled off her tongue before she could stop it, though Joel simply nodded his head, "yeah, yeah, it's me." He hauled her from the floor, "you didn't really think I'd leave you behind, did you bug?"
Lizzie didn't respond, instead sobbing into Joel's chest as he wrapped a fatherly arm around her, directing her into his side as though she were a timid infant.
He held her gently, as though she were a piece of fractured glass that he had intricately restored—still cracked nonetheless.
Joel would've be damned if he even allowed the idea of abandoning Lizzie—his little girl, in the psychotic hospital where god knew what would happen. Instead, he'd saved Ellie from her surgery, quickly hiding her in a truck with Bellamy whilst he ran back inside in search of the blonde.
Unfortunately, leaving a vengeful teenage girl to mourn the death of her father in the surgery room.
Joel led them through the hospital, never taking pity on any poor soul that managed to meet his line of sight. He was getting not only himself, but Lizzie out of there, and not even the gods above could stop him.
He cared little for the manslaughter he had committed and continued to enact. They should've known better than separating him from the two people he cared for, more than the stars cared for the night.
Endless rains of bullets sliced through the hospital air as the two passed through. Not even God had chosen to pity the poor souls they had the satisfaction of crossing paths with.
Joel cradled her into his side as they reached the elevator, resting a protective hand over her head as he soothed her unhinged demeanour, fighting away any thoughts of terror or anguish that dared to interfere.
He looked down at her as she sank into his grip, her expression showcased the exhaustion and revulsion that infested her spirit and soul, ripping her apart from the inside out. Marlene had been correct. Lizzie was not Sarah. Just like Sarah was not Lizzie. Though neither plagued his mind to be anything less than pure sweetness and optimism.
He swallowed deeply as the door opened, allowing them a clear passage to the car that rested not far from them. They moved quickly towards it, only stopping at the sound of a female voice.
"Cant keep them save forever." Lizzie and Joel stopped dead in their tracks as they turned to face Marlene. The woman stalked closer to them, a gun secured in her grip.
Joel clutched the younger girl towards him, pushing her behind him and acting as though he were a shield. "No matter how hard you try. try, no matter how many people you kill, they're gonna grow up, Joel. And then you'll die. They'll leave. Then what? How long till they're torn apart by Infected or murdered by raiders? Because they lives in a broken world that you could have saved."
Lizzie shivered as she felt herself grow increasingly annoyed. "That's not your choice, Marlene! You're selfish." Lizzie scowled, "you always have been."
The woman scoffed, "so, that's it, Fox? Just like that, you're leaving your family for two people you met a couple of months ago?" She shook her head at the younger girl in disappointment. "You were my biggest disappointment, Lizzie."
Lizzie found herself speechless at the woman's words, however, Joel didn't take lightly to the offence that was shaded at the blonde. "That ain't for you to decide. And you leave her alone, she's coming with me either way."
"It isn't for you to decide either. So what would Ellie decide, huh? 'Cause I think she'd wanna do what's right. And you know it. It's not too late." Slowly, Marlene lowered her gun to show she was defenceless. "Even now... even after what you've done. We can still find a way."
Lizzie's hand latched onto the gun that she'd taken from Joel, her grip tightening until the outline of the weapon began to indent lines onto her skin.
Marlene gagged in shock as a bullet wound entered her stomach, her eyes widening as she looked up to meet Lizzie's cold stare as the younger girl pointed the pistol at her. "Lizzie? No, no, no."
Lizzie simply turned her gaze to the man beside her, "will you wait for me in the car?" Before Joel could protest, the girl put on her best puppy-eyed stare as she begged the man. "Please?"
With a reluctant sigh, the man shook his head, walking slowly towards the car and throwing himself in the front seat, resting a tired hand over his forehead.
"Wait!" Marlene cried out to the younger girl who walked towards her, "Liz, I raised you! Please, don't do this. Let me go!" She pleaded, her eyes swirling with betrayal as she looked at her daughter-figure in disbelief.
Lizzie shook her head, using the gun to scratch the side of her head as she bit her lip in thought. "You did this to me. You've fucked me over."
Had Marlene never saved her that day, she'd of been dead. Dead and happier than ever before. Marlene had made her into a ruthless killer. The shell of the girl she used to be, as she now stared at the gun with a new devotion for bloodshed.
She kneeled as she looked at the woman, placing the barrel against the woman's forehead. "Why did you do this to me?"
The woman simply stared at her in disbelief. "I can help you." She promised, nodding her head enthusiastically, "please, fox, you know I'd never hurt you."
Lizzie swallowed harshly as she looked at the woman, "but you'd just come after her."
A gunshot cut through the atmosphere of the desolate parking lot, echoing from the open bullet wound in Marlene's forehead. And Lizzie turned away, walking back to the car with a sigh.
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One chapter left now everyone
and in case y'all didn't get it, we're going with Ellie angst. Sorry but whore4knives gave me the idea of friends to enemies to lovers and IT JUST SCRATCHES MY BRAIN PERFECTLY IDK WHY OK LEAVE ME ALONE
anyway, did any of y'all see that Netflix show Arcane cause season 2 Lizzie is planning on having major Jinx vibes. Speaking of season two though, would y'all just prefer to wait for season 2 of the show or do u want me to carry on season 2 by using the game?
Also story time cause why not? So I had art today and we're making these weird sculpture things and making 3D faces and stuff so I asked my friend Jen to help me use a glue gun to stick a piece of my work down and she was like ye sure so I went and got one of the clear glue stick things u put in a glue gun but we didn't know how far to put it in before the glue would come out ( Ik I am just that stupid 💀 ) and I was holding my hand over the trigger thing so the glue all came out and burned my finger and I SCREECHED and now I have a burn on my finger and this mf teacher wouldn't let me put my hand under a cold tap or anything. Moral of the story don't pick gcse art ( if ur from the uk like me lmao )
Anyway it's a strike day for the next 2 days so there's no school thank Jesus Christ so I'll probably be able to get the last chapter out tomorrow :)