•Unedited!•
Chapter 43: Small encounters
Daivynn Chelle Muñoz
" Good evening po Ma'am. "
The maid greeted me as she open the door for me. I gave her my bag and laptop case.
" Nandito na ba sila Daddy?" I ask her. She nodded her head.
" Yes Ma'am. Kanina pa po kayo hinihintay sa dining area. " Sagot nito kaya tumango ako and made my way to the dining area.
Nakita ko agad si Daddy sa dining table at kumakain.
" Dad. " I said and come closer to him and kiss his cheek.
" Good evening, anak. Have a seat. Sorry hindi na kita nahintay, nagutom na ako." I chuckles bago umupo.
" It's okay Dad. Ang dami ko pa kasing paper works sa school." I said.
" It's okay iha. Let's eat. " He smile at me kaya tumango ako.
I'm closed to my Dad rather than my Mom. Si Mommy kasi... she's somehow distance to us. Mas close sila ni Devien. She cares about us pero ramdam mo paring may gap. Maybe because they married each other for convenience.
" Kinukulit ka parin ba ng Daniel na 'yon?" My dad asked while we are eating.
I nodded my head. " He's always sending flowers and chocolates. Akala niya siguro ay mabibilog niya pa ang ulo ko. " I rolled my eyes remembering his jerk face.
Paano ko ba naging boyfriend ang cheater na 'yon.
" He cheated on you and that's enough reason. No need to hear his explanation." Dad said. I nodded my head. He's right.
Cheating is a choice. Alam naman talaga nilang mali na sa umpisa but they still choose to cheat at kapag nahuli, sasabihin it's a mistake, ganito ganyan.
God! Trauma na ako sa mga cheater. He's playboy when I met him at naniwala pa ako na nagbago siya para sakin. God! Nauto pa ako nang hayop na 'yon.
Pagkatapos naming kumain ni Dad ay saka naman ang pagdating ni Mommy. She smiles when she saw us pero iba parin. It was a fine smile but not a happy one.
" Hon, kumain na kami. Hindi ka na namin nahintay pa. " My dad said habang ako ay pinagmamasdan silang dalawa. I saw how my dad show affection to my Mom pero si Mommy...she cares but she don't love my Dad. Nakikita ko 'yon sa mga mata niya.
She didn't regret having us but she was not totally happy with us.
" It's okay, Rico. Kumain narin ako sa labas with my friends. Akyat na muna ako sa taas. " She said with a smile bago umalis.
Natahimik kami ni Dad. Natulala lang si Dad habang nakatingin parin kung saan nakatayo kanina si Mommy.
I choose not to talk. Niyaya ako ni Dad sa labas. May dala itong wine kaya alam kong iinom kami. I was always his companion and he was always my protector.
Nakababad ang mga paa namin sa tubig habang hawak ang wine glass namin.
" Intindihin mo nalang ang Mommy. Alam mo naman na ganun na talaga siya simula pa dati." My dad said. He's always like that. Lagi niyang dinidefend si Mommy.
" Maybe...she doesn't really love us. She only cares. Ramdam ko 'yon, Dad." I said.
My Dad went silent kasi tama ako. He heaved a deep sighed.
" Because it was not me to begin with." Malungkot na sabi ni Daddy. His eyes screams pain. " Pumayag na magpakasal saakin ang Mommy hindi dahil sa arrange marriage kami. Pumayag siya dahil iyon ang hiling ni Fred, my best friend which was her greatest love before he died. He wants to make sure na maayos si Ellie bago siya bawian ng buhay because of brain tumor. Fred knew that I love your Mom kahit noong highschool pa kami but I know your Mom loves Fred more than anything."
I stayed silent. Sa tagal ng panahon, ngayon lang nagkwento si Dad. I thought they married each other because that's what their parents wants.
" Gusto ni Fred na saakin makasal ang Mommy mo para mapanatag siyang magiging maayos si Ellie. "
" And you succeed fulfilling that promised, Dad. " I reply.
" But I slip in mind na hindi lang pala kaayusan ni Ellie ang inisip namin ni Fred. Nakalimutan namin ang kasiyahan niya. " Napainom si Dad at napatingin sa taas.
" You're selfless, Dad." I commented.
" No, Ivy. I was selfish." He stated in guilt. " I took advantage of the situation back then. Sarili ko lang ang inisip ko. Hindi ko man lang naisip ang kaligayahan ng Mommy. Akala ko magiging masaya siya sa piling ko. "
" What's the used of regretting, Dad? Nandito na tayo sa present. Meron narin kayong anak. Nandito na kami." I said.
I feel annoyed by the fact na parang pinagsisihan nilang nabuo nila kami ni Devien.
" Do you know what's hurt me the most, anak?" He averted his gaze at me. His eyes are slowly watering.
" Our wedding anniversary was Fred's death anniversary." My mouth parted. " That's why we never celebrate our wedding anniversary kahit minsan, kahit saglit lang. "
So that's why....so it was all lies after all.
Kapag wedding anniversary nila umaalis sila at sinasabing magcecelebrate silang dalawa pero hindi pala...
" But the most heartbreaking scene was when I watched your Mom cried in Fred's grave and told him how much she love and misses him on our wedding anniversary. "
I watched my Dad's tears fell down. Naramdaman ko ang kirot sa puso ko habang pinapanuod kong paano masaktan ang Daddy ko.
" Every year...every special day that involves Fred, I was there. I was there watching her spending the time in Fred's grave. "
That's it. Tumayo ako at mabilis na hinila nang yakap si Dad and he...he breakdown in my arms. Hearing my Dad's cries hurst me, millions times.
After that dramatic scene hindi na namin ulit 'yon pinag-usapan ni Dad. Bumalik ulit sa kung paano kami dati na parang walang nangyari. He was smiling and taking care of us... especially my Mom. Lumalayo narin ang loob ko sa Mommy ko dahil sa mga nalaman ko but the most painful truth was...she never care.
" Sorry, Mommy, I failed you again. Hindi ko talaga passion ang pagiging fashion designer eh." Devien utter while we are having a family dinner.
Nasa ibang bahay na si Devien since may pamilya na siya.
" It's okay, anak. At least you tried." My mom reply.
" Thank you, Mommy. Hindi mo talaga ako mapapagkatiwalaan sa business mo. Hindi naman kasi ako gaya ni Daivynn na matalino and talented. " Nakangusong sabi ni Devien at look at me. She smiles and I chuckles.
" Daivynn is good at everything she does. " Mom said with a smile when she look at me.
That's why I'm afraid to disappoint you, Mom. Feeling ko kasi kapag nagkamali na ako, mababawasan 'yong konting attention na nakukuha ko sayo.
Mommy only saw my success but not my suffering, my sleepless nights, my exhausting day, and my breakdowns.
What if I fail her, too? What if I disappoint her? What if I make mistakes? What if hindi na ako matalino? What if hindi na ako magaling at everything I do?
********
" Putanginang buhay 'to! Hindi na nga pinili, wala pa akong pera!" I startled when I heard someone's talking habang nilalagay ko ang mga gamit ko sa backseat.
I look around and saw a girl frustrating combing her hair using her fingers on the left side. Nandito ako sa parking lot at wala na masyadong tao dahil gabi narin. Konti nalang din ang nakapark na cars.
I shrugged and didn't mind her nalang.
" Nasaan ka? Sunduin mo ako dito sa parking lot sa school. Tangina, Gianna pakibilisan! "
I mentally rolled my eyes at pumasok na sa driver seat and drove off.
I focus myself on teaching and fixing myself. Ang kulit-kulit ni Daniel at gustong makipagbalikan pero no way! Na-uto na ako hindi na ako magpapa-uto pa.
" Tanga ka kasi. Sinabi ko na sayo na once a cheater, always a cheater. " Tiffany said. I rolled my eyes habang nandito kami sa isang high class and famous bar.
" I know so stop talking Tiffany. " I said.
" Sus. Ang ganda-ganda mo tapos iiyakan mo lang ang manlolokong 'yon. "
" I don't want to hear anything from you." I glared at her but she giggles.
" First time mong magmahal tapos napunta ka pa sa manloloko." Hindi na ako nakatiis kaya hinila ko ang buhok nito.
" Ouch oo na, tama na. Promise hindi na ako magsasalita pa tungkol sa manlolokong 'yon. " I heard Grace innocent laugh nang bitawan ko si Tiffany dahil nakanguso na ito. Nasira daw ang hairstyles niya.
I was walking on the hallway focusing on my business when someone bumped at me making my folders fell on the ground.
" What the hell?!" I annoyingly utter. God! Mainit na nga ang ulo ko ngayon dahil sa pangungulit ni Daniel tapos may tatanga-tanga pang hindi tumitingin sa dinadaanan.
I was glaring at her dahil nakakadagdag ng init ng ulo. When she look up at me, our eyes met. I saw how her eyes widen but I maintain my cold face. She looks familiar. Saan ko nga ba siya nakita? Well maybe because she's a student here that's why.
" I'm sorry, Ma'am. Masakit po kasi ang ulo ko kaya nawala ako sa sarili. " I keep staring at her. She has a coppery brown eyes, thin and slim shape lips with pale cheeks. Mas matangkad ako sakanya since I was wearing heels.
I think she's telling the truth since namumutla talaga ito so I sighed and nodded my head.
"It's fine." I coly said that made her startled. Lihim tuloy akong natawa. Stupid. " Go to the infirmary room." I simply said to her and left.
I remember na may gagawin pa pala ako.
While checking my students projects, pumasok bigla sa isip ko ang nakabangga ko kanina. That's why she looks familiar, she's that demanding girl who cuss in the parking lot.
Pag-uwi ko sa bahay ay dumeretso ako sa kwarto ko pero sakto na nadaanan ko ang isang room na laging tinatambayan ni Mommy na nakaopen so isasarado ko sana but I heard voices inside.
" Let go of the past, Ellie. May pamilya kana, sakanila mo nalang ituon ang atensyon mo." I heard an unfamiliar voice. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok and I saw two woman facing their back at me. My Mom was sitting in stall chair habang nagpepainting. My Mom was actually a good painter pero lahat ng painting niya nakatago lang dito.
The the other woman was not familiar. Maybe my Mom's friend.
" I can't. This is how I survive everyday. "
Having us for her is suffering that she needs to survive everyday. That's so painful of her.
" Ellie may pamilya kana. May mga anak. Sinasabi mong lumalayo ang loob sayo ng bunso mo dahil rin naman sayo. " The woman said.
Oh my mom notice huh.
" I care for her, you know that. " bakit di ko maramdaman, Mom?
" You care but you never show affection to her. Anak mo rin siya, Ellie oh baka naman—"
" Stop. Please just stop. " My mom cut her off.
Natahimik na silang dalawa. Hinayaan ko nalang sila at lumabas na. I walk straight to my room and still thinking about what my Mom's friend said.
********
" Ang pogi ni Kadynce no?" Tiffany utter while looking at one of the students here in VU together with her famous cousin, Kadynce.
Kilala ko sila since naging student ko si Kadynce sa Engineering department and Thayer is a talented student.
" You're having a crush on your student?" Thea asked while we are having lunch inside the cafeteria.
" Admire lang naman eh. Very pogi and pretty at the same time. Tapos talented pa at sobrang talino. " Tiffany said not even denying.
" I heard the CSC president likes her, too, Though I heard ilang beses na niya itong nireject. " Grace said.
" Ikaw rin naman. You like Thayer diba? Kaso parang hindi ka naman gusto at mukhang malabo." Grace pouted. " Look oh." Sinundan namin ang tinuro ni Tiffany at nakita namin si Thayer na lumapit kay Giselle and her friend, nurse Jasmine.
" What's wrong ba?" Grace asked.
Thayer handed a bottled of water to Giselle and left.
" Thayer never did that to you. Ikaw ang nagfifirst move lagi. The way she look at Giselle, I know there's a possibility na gusto niya si Giselle because who wouldn't? Giselle is perfectly gorgeous and smart. " Tiff said.
" That's impossible. Giselle is straight." Grace said without even a glimpse of jealousy.
" Whatever." Natatawang sabi ni Tiff.
" Hoy tanga!" Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon sa sumigaw na 'yon and I saw the girl who bumped at me at the lobby. She was laughing out loud na akala mo walang ibang tao dito sa cafeteria. How disrespectful.
" Best tanga award goes to Aldwyn. Pre ang tanga mo, nadapa ka pa." She laughed together with her friends, maybe? Instead na tulongan nila ang kaibigan nilang nadapa, tinawanan lang nila.
" Who's that?" I asked my friends.
" Who?" Kunot noong tanong ni Tiff.
" That girl who laughed like she owned this entire school." She and Tiff chuckles.
" She's Miss Mariano. The famous womanizer." Tiff said.
" She swing that way?" I asked.
" Sa panahon ngayon, madami nang bakla like Thea." We all averted our gaze to Thea na masama na ang tingin kay Tiff.
" What the fvck are you saying, bitch." Madiin na sabi niya but Tiff chuckles.
" Bato-bato sa heaven ang matamaan 'wag angry." Pareho kami ni Thea na naparolled eyes nalang. Wala talagang kwenta itong si Tiffany kausap.
" In-denial bitch." Tiff whispered na mukhang hindi na narinig ni Thea kaya napaangat ako ng tingin kay Tiff and when our eyes met pareho kaming natawa kaya naguguluhan ang tatlo.
*******
I started living on my own. I just can't live with my Mom. Feeling ko kasi habang tumatagal may nabubuong galit sa puso ko kaya hangga't kaya ko pa, iiwasan ko. I don't want to get mad at my own mother. Maybe, I understand her nalang.
" Kamusta ka naman dito?" Thea asked habang papalapit kami sa elevator. Pasara na ito kaya nagmamadaling pinigilan namin ni Thea.
Nagulat kaming pareho when we saw our students inside the elevator. May dalawang babae ring nasa loob na kaya tuluyan na kaming pumasok. Sa likod kami pumwesto ni Thea. The two greeted us.
" Do you want to join us? May birthday party kami sa 12th floor" a blonde girl was asking Miss Mariano but she refuses. Huh playing kind dahil nandito kami.
Nang lumabas na Ang dalawang babae ay humalik pa ang isa kay Miss Mariano. Flirt.
They started talking na para bang wala kami dito ni Thea. Miss Mariano hit Gianna kaya napasimangot ang isa and cuss.
" Language, Miss Hermosa." Thea said. I look at her at nakita kong nakatingin ito sa braso ni Gianna where Miss Mariano hit her.
I mentally chuckles. Concern din pala ito.
Nang lumabas na ang dalawa ay saka ako napangisi. Thea saw that kaya tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.
" What?" Mataray na tanong niya. Siya ang pinakamataray saamin.
" Still pricky?" Inulit ko ang sinabi niya kanina kay Gianna. This bitch. Napaka in denial talaga.
" Damn you. Shut up."
I chuckles.
**********
" Bakit hindi mo man lang mapagbigyan ang anak mo, Ellie? " Palabas na sana ako ng exit para magpahangin muna dito sa isang restaurant. Kakatapos lang din ng recognition day and it's my birthday today kaya nandito kami nila Dad to celebrate with Devien. Si Mommy nalang ang kulang. Lumabas muna si Dad para daw sunduin si Mom.
Nandito lang pala sila.
" I can't..." Narinig ko ang mahinang boses ni Mommy.
Ayaw pala talagang pumunta. Pinipilit lang siya ni Dad. I don't know what to feel.
" Ano bang pumipigil sayo, Ellie? Kay Devien okay ka naman ah. Bakit pagdating kay Ivy ang tigas mo." Hinanakit ni Dad.
I stayed silent and listened to their conversation. Gusto ko ring malaman kung bakit.
" Alam mo ang sagot sa tanong mo, Rico." My Mom said. May hindi ba ako alam?
" Dahil parin ba 'to kay Fred? Well why I am asking the obvious, diba? Siya naman lagi eh. Kahit wala na siya, siya parin. Ellie! May pamilya na tayo! " I heard my Dad utter.
" Ikaw lang ang may gustong bumuo ng pamilya kasama ako, Rico." Napasandal ako sa malamig na pader.
" Hanggang ngayon si Fred parin ang gusto mong makasama pero Ellie, matagal na siyang wala. Bakit ba hindi mo kayang mahalin si Ivy katulad ng pagmamahal mo kay Devien! Bakit?"
" Because she was a product of our mistake, Rico!"
I felt a million needles pointing my heart as I heard my Mom said. So that's why. I was only a mistake for her.
" Tangina, Ellie! Tinanggap ko ng buong-buo si Devien kahit anak siya ni Fred pero bakit hindi mo matanggap ang anak ko? Anak natin siya, Ellie! Kahit 'wag nalang ako ang mahalin mo, kahit ang anak nalang natin. Parang-awa mo na.." my dad cried again. Sinilip ko sila and I saw how my Dad bend his knees in front of my Mom while crying.
Fvck.
Sa mga nalaman ko ngayon nasagot na lahat ng tanong sa isip ko. Alam ko na. Hindi ko na kailangan pang itanong pa kay Mommy.
I can't suppressed my sobs kaya mabilis na tumakbo ako papuntang comfort room. Good thing ay walang tao.
I cried the painful truth I heard right now.
It was more heartbreaking knowing that your mother never see you as her daughter but a mistake. Damn. I was only a mistake for her.
Kaya pala...
Devien was the product of love and unforgettable moment together with her greatest love.
She felt like she cheated on him with her husband.
Mag-ama nga kami ni Dad. We're both begging for love to the same person.
Tangina mas masakit pa 'to kesa nang malaman kong niloko ako ng ex-boyfriend ko.
Nabalik ako sa ulirat when I felt someone's presence. I saw Miss Mariano looking at me. She was surprised to see me with this situation.
" U-uhm...here po." She handed her handkerchief but I didn't budge. I keep staring at her. She was contemplating with herself. She was biting her lower lip. She walk closer to me and pulled my wrist at nilagay ang panyo sa kamay ko and left me.
Napatitig nalang ako sa panyo na binigay niya. I composed myself and used the handkerchief that she gave me.
I considered it as birthday gift from a stranger.
______________________
Hiiii everyone. Nahihirapan talaga ako sa pov ni Daivynn kaya natagalan ako. Next chapter will be Daivynn's pov too. Manifest na makaka-ud ako next week or maybe after my exams.