May 17, 2023
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know when things shifted for me, but I can't stop thinking about that tiny annoying brat that is around me 24/7. Was it when we hugged? Was it when we watched that movie and she fell asleep on me? Was it a week ago when she held me as we slept? I feel like everytime I'm around her now I'm going to explode into a million pieces and she's starting to realize something is up.
Two days ago was the last day of school before summer break and she asked if I wanted to go swimming in a lake at the edge of town and of course I said yes because I can't refuse her anything anymore. So we went and there was barely anyone around so Hanni was running around like a mad man and if it was anyone else acting like that I would have been embarrassed and agitated, but I wasn't. I genuinely enjoyed watching her have fun. Then the most embarrassing thing that ever happened in my life happened.
"Minji can you put sunscreen on my shoulders and back?" Huh? I look up from my chair placed on the rocky sand in front of the lake and see Hanni pull the shirt she was wearing over her head tossing it at her chair. I immediately directed my head towards the lake so I didn't have to see the half naked girl next to me. God damn it I should have thought about this. Of course she would wear a swimsuit—we are at a lake.
"Can't you do it yourself?" I try my best to keep my eyes on the calm serene water in front of me, but I can't help but to spare a couple glances in her direction. Next thing I know a bottle of sunscreen was being shoved in my face.
"If I could do it myself I wouldn't have asked." I can't do this. I can't touch her bare back. She continues to wave the bottle of sunscreen in my face. Jesus Christ she isn't going to stop. I yank the sunscreen out of her hands looking up at her. "Well?" She looks down at me with a smirk.
"What?"
"Well are you going to get up or should I sit on your lap for you to do it?" She cocked an eyebrow at me in a playful manner. Oh no definitely not the second option! I jumped out of the chair—I'm pretty sure this is the fastest I've ever moved. The smaller girl turned around signaling me to begin. It's okay Minji, it's just a back. You've seen backs before. I quickly pour some sunscreen on my hands, throwing the bottle somewhere behind me. I don't know where it went. I gently start rubbing into her shoulders, scared to put too much force into it.
"Does it hurt?" Hanni's shoulders shook a little bit then I heard giggles leave her mouth. What? Was it what I said?
"Minji you're putting sunscreen on my back, not performing surgery. You can just rub it in. You don't have to think that hard." I nod not replying because I don't think I'd be able to form words while looking at her smooth soft skin. I start to rub it more into her shoulders feeling how her shoulder blades flinch a bit every time I go over them. Eventually I start going lower to the dip of her back massaging it into her sides. Then finally I reached her lower back pressing into her hips probably more than I should have, but I couldn't help myself. I let my hands linger for a little while not wanting to take them off her soft skin—but alas Hanni turned around with a weird expression on her face.
"What's wrong? Are you sure it didn't hurt?" Hanni coughs weirdly looking away from me as she grabs the sunscreen and starts applying it on the rest of her body. "Hanni?" She looked over and gave me an awkward smile. What's her deal?
"No I uh it was fine. Thanks." I nod frowning while I plop down back in the chair. Maybe I should put sunscreen on as well. I reached for the bottle that Hanni placed on her bag and as soon as I did the smaller girl was reaching as well. Our hands touched briefly before she yanked hers away like she was struck by electricity. "I'm gonna well I think I—I'm going swimming bye." Hanni groans as she walks towards the lake, submerging herself under the water. Why is she acting like this?
Fuck she probably found out I like her. No—there is no way she found out I've been hiding it really well. God she probably hates me now or is disgusted by me. Ugh!
I never thought the girl would ever leave me alone, but she did. The last two days after our lake trip she hasn't called or visited me once. A while ago I would have been grateful for that, but now it just makes me upset. All I did was put fucking sunscreen on her and now it feels like the world is ending.
I hear a knock on the window and immediately get up yanking the curtains open and am met with the girl I just can't get off my mind. She opens the window and shimmies her way in with a huff.
"Where have you been?" I sigh sitting on my bed as Hanni gets on the ground taking her shoes off.
"I've just been busy." Busy. Busy? What a lame fucking excuse. She's busy now all of a sudden? She hasn't been busy for over a month and suddenly she is now?
"Well why didn't you call or text me?" Hanni looks up, shrugging her shoulders.
"You didn't call or text me either. It goes both ways." Touché. That's not the point, clearly something is wrong with the Vietnamese girl. After Hanni is done taking her shoes off she springs up walking over towards me looking at me oddly. I look over and realize it's one in the morning. Holy shit how did I not realize it was that late.
"Will you kiss me?" WHAT THE FUCK? Why is she asking me so nonchalantly? What is happening? What the fuck is happening?
"What?" I squeaked out, swallowing the saliva that was starting to get a little unbearable. Maybe I heard her incorrectly.
"Will you kiss me?" This time the smaller girl placed her hands on my shoulder leaning in closer. Oh my god. What am I supposed to do? Just as her lips were about to hit mine I put my hand in between both our mouths, her mouth instead connected with my palm.
"Hanni what are you doing?" The shorter girl groaned, throwing her head back as she backed slightly away from me.
"I'm trying to kiss you isn't that painfully obvious?" She looked me dead in the eye like I was the weird one here. She is the one that walked to my house, climbed in through my window and tried to kiss me at one in the morning. If anything she is the weird one.
"Yes I see that, but why?" I got up walking towards the girl who was standing by the bookshelf on the wall as she absentmindedly picked up books then put them back.
"Because Minji I think I like you, but I'm not sure so I just wanted to make sure." She turned to me with a frown on her face before she went back to picking up random books. Wait—she likes me?
"I'll do it." I step closer to her grabbing her arm and turn her around so she'll face me again. She seems surprised? Why is she surprised she wants this doesn't she?
"Really?" Hanni looks into my eyes and that funny feeling that I get in my stomach when she's around makes an appearance.
"Yeah really." I can see her visibly gulp making a tiny smile form on my face as I get closer to the girl backing her into the wall. As I was leaning in, Hanni placed her hand on my chest, keeping me from coming closer.
"Are you sure? Because I know I tend to boss you around so I don't want you to do this if you are uncomfortable or—"
"Shut up and let me kiss you." I lean again before the smaller girl could respond, pressing my mouth against hers. Oh my god, why are her lips so soft? As I was about to detach my lips from hers Hanni grabs the back of my neck keeping me in place as she deepened the kiss. My hands made their way down to her waist squeezing it causing a cute squeaky sound to escape the smaller girl's mouth giving me better access to her mouth, which I took advantage of. I slipped my tongue into her mouth, massaging it against hers. I don't know what came over me, but I let my lips wander down to her neck, leaving marks all over it as I pressed her harder into the wall.
"Minji." The smaller girl moaned out as she leaned her head back against the wall giving me better access to her neck as I began sucking an area right below her ear. Hanni grabbed my face pulling me back up pressing her mouth against mine. I felt her hands wander under my shirt—her nails running up and down my stomach. "Oh my fucking god!" Hanni pulled away suddenly. I open my eyes seeing a stressed looking Hanni.
"What's wrong? Was it not good?" She looked up at me absolutely flabbergasted.
"What the fuck are you going on about that was the best kiss I've ever had in my life!" Hanni groaned, shoving me to the side as she flung herself on my bed. Oh?
"You don't seem very happy about it?" I'm so confused right now.
"Well Jesus Christ Minji what did you expect? I like you and you are like forty! I like an old lady!!" She whines rolling around on the bed. Old lady?!? I am not old!
"I'm eighteen!" I yell—probably not the best idea since it's one in the morning. Hanni pops her head up, raising an eyebrow at me.
"I thought you were seventeen?"
"It was my birthday a couple days ago." I don't really celebrate birthdays—or I haven't in a really long time so I didn't think there was any reason to tell the Vietnamese girl about it.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She shot off the bed standing right in front of me with an adorable pout on her face.
"Well you were ignoring me. I'm sorry I just didn't think you would care, it's not a big deal." Hanni's jaw fell open as she looked at me with wide eyes.
"I do care. I care about you." Hanni says as she traps my face between her hands. I feel like someone is in my stomach doing cartwheels. Hanni reached up pulling me down slightly as she placed a slow soft kiss on my lips—not long after she pulled away.
"Wow." The moment became very unserious when Hanni wiggled her eyebrows at me.
"Just so you know we are never going to speak to each other again every time I see you my lips will be connected to yours." Oh my god.
-
May 15, 1998
It's almost like the conversation between Haerin and I never happened. On the outside no one could tell something weird was happening between us, but I know. I'm the one at the library everyday watching her research time travel and find different ways to get me back home. I wish she would stop trying so hard I know she means well, but it hurts. Does she really want me gone that bad?
It's the last day of school for them and I'm waiting by the gates like I usually do so we can all hang out. Haerin wants to go to the public library again today, but I just don't think I can. I can't continue to stand by and watch her slowly push me away.
"Hey girl!" I turn to the side and see Dani skipping over to me with a bright smile.
"Why are you in such a good mood?" I laugh as she high fives me randomly.
"It's the last day of school duh." She deadpans. Slowly the whole gang comes over mumbling and chatting with each other. Haerin comes up to me next and places a film camera in my hand.
"Will you take a picture of us?" I nod smiling at the cat-eyed girl. She slowly makes her way to her group of friends as they line up making random poses. I quickly took the photo and several more as they kept on doing more poses. "Thank you." Haerin skipped over with a bright smile on her face taking the camera back.
"Well losers Hyein, Dani, and I are gonna go yell at some kids at the skatepark if anyone would like to join." Hanbi says as she wraps her arm around Dani's shoulder.
"First off you are going to be the only one yelling, Hyein and I will be acting like civilized human beings." Dani huffs pulling Hanbi close to her side.
"No, I will be yelling." Hyein said nonchalantly as she popped a piece of candy in her mouth. The three of them started bickering and it didn't seem like it was going to let up anytime soon.
"Well Jungwon and I are gonna go get some celebratory ice cream if you two would like to join?" Heesoo walked up to Haerin and I with a small smile on her face.
"We are going to the library." Haerin said before I could even politely decline.
"Oh? But schools over what do you need from the library?" Heesoo furrowed her eyebrows looking at us confused. Shit.
"Minji still has work to do for her homeschooling." Holy shit that's so smart. God bless Kang Haerin. Heesoo seems to buy that because she just gives us a small smile and says goodbye walking away with Jungwon hand in hand. I guess they are together now. I turn towards Haerin who is already looking at me with her wide cat eyes.
"Kang Haerin, you're the smartest girl I know." Haerin just nods.
"I know. I'm ranked one in my class." Oh? I didn't mean literally, but I guess it's all the same anyway.
"Well smarty pants maybe we can do something else today?" I asked as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
"Like what?" Quite literally anything else honestly. Haerin wrapped her arm around my waist and was playing with one of the belt loops on my jeans. She's nervous. I've been able to pick up recently on her habits and she only starts to play with things when she is nervous.
"What's wrong?" She immediately stops moving my belt loop but keeps her hand around my waist. I knew it.
"I'm sorry I haven't been able to get you home yet." I stop walking, causing the shorter girl to stumble a bit.
"Don't be so worried about that, okay? It'll happen if it happens. Don't stress yourself out over it." I comb some of the hair that had fallen on her face behind her ears. Haerin nods, sighing a bit. I see and can feel her body de-stress at my words. I hate how much pressure she's been putting on herself lately to get me home.
"We can go get the pictures developed." I smile giving her a small nod as I reach for her hand continuing our journey.
"That sounds good to me."
-
We were in some store getting the pictures I took of everyone developed when I saw it. The man handed Haerin the pictures and she went through them thoroughly and handed me one. It's a picture I know quite well.
"This is my favorite one." She said with a smile on her face tapping the photo. It's the same one my mother had in her closet. Oh my god. She quickly took the photo from my hand pulling out a pen out of her school bag and began scribbling on the back. She handed it back to me and when I saw what she wrote it felt like my head was spinning.
Taken by my love x
The same thing written on the back of the one I have at home. Oh Jesus fucking Christ. It was me. I took the photo not my dad. Not some other random man. This doesn't make any fucking sense. I wasn't here then. I wasn't alive. I felt myself begin to get faint.
"Hey are you okay?" I can't bring myself to look at the girl who is looking directly at me in the photo in my hands, but I can hear the worry in her voice. How can this be? That would have to mean that I have been here before now. Has all of this already happened? I thought I was screwing with the timeline. How was I here before? Fuck.
-
May 15, 1998
Jungwon and I had our first kiss tonight! It's only taken three years, but it was worth the wait. I like him a lot. I know I do, but I can't help but feel like something is missing. I know that's dumb to say after hyping him up all the time and talking about how much I like him, but something's wrong. Maybe it'll change in the future. Hanbi is over right now ranting to me about the Backstreet Boys and how their discography is untouchable. I have never seen a person so opinionated on a group of teenage boys that sing and dance...I mean that's kind of silly isn't it? However she is my best friend and I love her so I will listen to what she has to say. Maybe one day she'll grow out of this phase.
Heesoo