friday
knights
51
☊ | track forty-one—hide
A FEW WEEKS HAD GONE by and trial finally approached, leading the bright sunny morning to nothing but dread and ominous feelings. Amira spent the night with Carter not once leaving his side, afraid that if she left him, that once ominous feeling would trail behind her like a demon shadow waiting to attack her soul. Not that Carter minded the company. The best part of his days started and ended with her in his arms. The morning of November Nineteenth, Amira had awoken just in time to watch the sunrise and cover the horizon, the colors blending beautifully. The view from Carter's office-sized window was the front of the house and the—she hated to admit, beauty of the rich neighborhood. It was calm and peaceful.
Two things she needed on her mind today. She loved it. Whilst she stayed in his arms witnessing the day begin, she had wished to lay with him until the horizon was no longer there and therefore, all of her worries that led to this specific day would vanish into non-existing dust particles.
Only did she realize until Carter reached over and kissed her head whilst rubbing reassurance over her arm, that she woke him up by hugging him harder than intended. "I got you," He'd whisper hoarsely against the shell of her ear, the deepness of his morning voice and voice, in general, placed a shiver down her spine but gave her a sense of security and comfort that gave her the strength she needed to get up.
"More than ever today."
Now at 8 am, Amira stood across the room getting dressed to go be with her parents before 12. Her back faced Carter who had been sitting and waiting patiently on his bed watching and studying her. Although it wasn't the time, he couldn't help but feel trapped in a love gaze watching her get ready in the simplest of clothing. His eyes blinked dazedly and brightened, his pupils practically forming into heart shapes.
"I love you."
Amira chuckled softly and smiled. Fixing her ponytail, she turned to face him. Her arms fell flat at her wide round hips as she strode leisurely toward him. Carter stared at her and manspread his long legs allowing her to fit perfectly in between them. She bent her knee out of his thigh, her other inner making her straddle his left lap without sitting.
Carter hummed softly, intoxicated by her fresh-scented body, and looped his middle fingers in the belt loops of her jeans as she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. "I love you too," He grinned boyishly, never getting tired of hearing those three words leave her lips. "And I appreciate you being here for me. Even before all of this happened. I hated you since the beginning, yet you loved me through it."
He looked up at her and wrapped an arm around her entire middle, hugging her closer. "You could burn the earth wherever you walk and I'd still follow. That's how much I love you and I'll never stop. Everything meant nothing until the day you bumped into me in that hall. It was like...you nudged a switch I didn't know I had in me," He nuzzled his nose into her neck and placed a kiss there. "You smell good."
"Mm, too good actually. You're dangerous to be around."
Amira smiled shyly and leaned her chin on top of his fluffy hair. Her eyes shifted to the right at the open blinds where sunlight beamed through, giving her a pretty view of the blue sky and whitening clouds overlapping each other like a painting on a canvas in all its glory.
"I wish this day was over already," She muttered with dread and fear of what was to come. Carter squeezed her protectively, his fingers in her belt loop tightening as he sucked in a breath. "I know baby," He removed his face from her neck and they looked each other in the eyes. "But," He smiled lovingly and full of hope, interlocking their fingers.
"You're going to win. I put my life on it."
"But I don't want to win, I don't want some reward. I just want him to pay for what he did to me but like they say...the past repeats itself so," She chortled anxiously, her lips turning into a slight frown. Carter stared at her sympathetically, concerned for her well-being as she tried distracting herself, playing with his hair and caressing his face. Her eyes roamed at a rapid pace. He could practically hear her heartbeat out her chest.
"You're everything, you know that? Have I ever told you that?" She chuckled, but the emotion didn't reach her eyes. Carter felt his heart skip and carefully, he wrapped all of his fingers around both of her wrists. "Amira," Her eyes finally reached his and that's when she finally broke.
"Y-Yes?"
Her smile was fake, he could see right through it.
"Hi, I love you, I'm sorry—"
"No," He shook his head and kissed her tears.
"That's not your job to say today. It's Parker's and it will still never be enough, I know that," Using his thumbs, he wiped her salty tears. "He will lose everything."
"Yeah," She exhaled calmly and Carter nodded, placing a kiss on the inside of both her wrists. "Positive thoughts today baby, okay?" She nodded and closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against his. "Y-Yeah, Positive thoughts."
"Keep it that way, yeah?" She nodded, blowing out a tired breath, "This is the opposite of what SZA meant," Carter's laugh vibrated her entire body. "But what's to expect? She's
a sexy lying bitch who made us wait so long for SOS."
Carter smiled in collective confusion.
"I'm rambling don't mind me."
"I can tell," He chuckled. "And you know part of Parker getting what he deserves means you have to win. That's the reward." Fluttering her eyes open, Amira grabbed his face.
"Man I love you," She pecked his lips and sighed. "And I know, I know. It's just...history repeating itself in my head. I never thought I'd be doing this—going to court again, and for the same situation. I know there's hard evidence this time but...fuck my life. Fuck it to the planet's orbit and let it explode into confetti cause why the fuck not huh?"
She scoffed.
"Because last time they dismissed it." She nodded and Carter creased her neck with both hands, his cold rings giving her goosebumps. "Can I ask, how long did it go on for?"
"Only if you're comfortable with talking about it."
She exhaled a breathy sigh, "Well...it went on for—um...a year, but it felt like I was trapped with him for more than that. I was only freshly seventeen and he was nineteen."
"Did you know him before then?"
She chuckled wryly. "He was CJ's closest friend, best friend even and they hung out all the time. It was basically a brother's best friend situation, but CJ trusted him and he trusted me. He knew that while he was away in college—besides our parents, that he would take care of me," She laughed. "Isn't it funny?"
Carter stared into her eyes, watching so much emotion pass through them in such little time, and shook his head.
"No, it's not. What he did to you will never be funny."
She pressed her lips together and smiled.
"I know that I just—it just helps to say so I won't..."
Carter wiped the single tear underneath her eye and kissed her jaw. "I know baby, I know," It's the simplest things she loved the most about Carter. She didn't even have to explain anything, he already knew. It made it easier.
"We don't have to keep talking about it you know."
"I know," She wrapped her finger around his chain.
Scratching her other fingers through the back of his hair as he tipped his head back just enough to look up at her. "But I like talking about it with you. You make it easier. You understand and understanding is what I need, not just right now but always. Because I need people to understand that I can't always be strong. You get that," She fully straddled his lap and sat down, Carter's eyes following now that they were at the same eye level. Holding his chiseled jaw in her warm hands, she forced him closer, her lips brushing against his as she stared him directly in the eyes and whispered.
"You get me."
Carter closed the little space between their lips and grunted before pulling away seconds later. He knew if they continued, he'd never stop and would lose control.
Taking a moment, Amira gathered her thoughts.
"He...he manipulated me because I was young. I wanted to fall in love. I know it's stupid because I was only seventeen. But I liked the way it looked in the movies you know. I liked how it looked for my parents and...I wanted the same. To be loved and never unloved again. I didn't want a hi and bye kind of love, I wanted something different. Something..."
"Meaningful."
Carter smiled softly, "You were looking for us."
She laughed with brittleness, brushing his hair with her fingers. "I was looking for you," She then cleared her throat. "He felt the need to keep me in my place and said that I would always need him. At the time...he was right."
"He used my love for him—the love I craved for, against me, threatened to kill me even, if I ever left him. It was the simplest things in an abusive relationship you know. Certain things I could never wear, certain people I couldn't talk to and if I even glanced at a guy...he'd blame me, say it was my fault that they were led on, then beat the shit outta me."
"While making me swear to him that I was only ever his."
Carter could tell how much it hurt recalling the traumatizing experience and he never held her so close as he did in the moment, their minty breaths colliding to the point where he could almost taste every word she muttered.
"I'm so sorry baby," His eyes fluttered closed and Amira watched the single tear slide down his cheek and water her thumb. Her heart sparked. She couldn't believe he cried for her. She felt his love in many different ways, but just that single tear colliding with her skin was enough to send butterflies and flutters burning up her entire body.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you."
Her thumb followed up the tear stain up until it fluttered his eyelashes softly which made him open his eyes to meet hers. "You know that's why I always got heated with you and Cato whenever you'd do something that made me feel like you were trying to control my life. It brought back those memories and I felt trapped all over again."
He squeezed his eyes shut again, full of regret.
"Baby I'm sorry fucking sorry—shit, I'm sorry. For the both of us. It was never right for us to do any of that in the first place and even then after CJ accidentally told me, I understood that my possessiveness trapped you and from then on, I hated myself for it." He ran a hand through his hair and Amira made him look at her. "It's okay, honey."
"You didn't know."
"But it still wasn't right. You're a human being and I tried controlling what guys you liked or dated just like him and—fuck, I'm so fucking sorry. I'll give you a bunch of sorry's each day of the two, almost three years I've known you if I have—" Shutting him up with a kiss was something she should've done a long time ago. But it just wasn't any kiss.
It was hot, slow, and deep and had his pants tightening. It felt like hours in the single minute before she had pulled away for air, leaving them both breathless with swollen lips.
"You are a dangerous, dangerous woman," He said out of breath, shifting in his seated position. His hands fell to her behind and squeezed roughly. "What—" He gulped.
"What were we just talking about?" He was flustered.
"I forgive you," She pecked his swollen lips. "Now shut up."
"It'll never be enough for me though. Every day."
"I mean it."
She rolled her eyes, "You're not saying sorry to me for two years straight every day especially when you have no reason. You actually start doing that and I'll break up with you."
"Hm, I know you're joking but don't give me a heart attack at twenty years old. Now let's make out baby," He slapped her ass, falling back on the bed with her still straddling him. "Make me lose my mind with just those pretty lips," Grabbing his chin as she leaned down, Amira chuckled, shook her head, and muttered, "Sì signore," before kissing him again. Carter clenched his jaw and grabbed her throat.
( "yes sir," )
"Stop giving me more reasons to fuck a baby into you."
"You know I like to tease," She smirked.
"And you know what your pussy does to me, stop testing my fucking patience beautiful," She pouted tauntingly and began kissing down his jaw to his neck. "I'm sorry Sir," Carter groaned and closed his eyes, "Stop calling me that unless you want to get fucked on the day of reckoning," She smiled, going further to the left side. "You know I like a challenge," Just as she sucked on his sweet spot and whispered the last word to her sentence, "Sir," Carter forced himself all inches deep inside her pussy until she couldn't function and had to change not just her pantries, but her entire outfit.
☊
AMIRA SAT WITH HER THIGHS and feet clasped together, her hands in her lap as she fidgeted with a bow Lola gave her, her good luck bow. It was bright pink and stood out with her black and rose gold color coordinate pantsuit. Her braids were pinned up in a claw clip high ponytail and her fitted high-waisted wide-legged dress pants were paired with a pretty blouse and blazer. Everyone from her parents to Tasha and her best friends who had come to support her was crowded across the courthouse hall discussing things. She wanted to have a few more moments to herself before the dreading moment those doors opened.
A figure bent down in front of her and grasped her hands making her flinch. "It's just me," CJ assured her and she sighed shakily. "Sorry. I'm a bit on edge."
"I get it, we all are."
Looking around, Amira noticed all the professionalism and seriousness looming about. Every woman was pampered and bold whilst the men were confident and brash. Every suit and pantsuit color-coordinated with the typical bland-colored expensive material. Yet it made them match the profession of the job. Compared to everyone else, Amira was the only cat that stood out of the bag.
Despite it being an anxious day, her mother being something of a fashion nut, made sure her daughter looked bold, confident, and beautiful. Three things she already was.
"I'm not ready to see him again." She whispered as if he were already around. CJ stood and sat beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her to his side. "Besides Mom, you for real the strongest woman that I know and I'm not saying this just to make you feel better. Mira from the moment Mom told Dad and me that she was pregnant with you, you was already a fighter," Amira chuckled as CJ smiled.
"No, I'm serious bruh. Your stubborn ass had boxing matches in the womb. You was beating mom's ass for nine months straight," Both siblings shared a heartfelt laugh grabbing attention to themselves. Amira covered the noise with her palm and buried her face against CJ's shoulder.
He shook her playfully.
"And from there on, I ain't never seen a six-month little girl be so into fighting and standing up for herself that when she cried being checked out by the doctors, she'd scratch their eye and throw up on em' every time—purposely too."
Her laughter erupted even more. CJ snorted and added an extra hand over hers that covered her mouth and looked around. "The law be looking at us backies assuming we finna lose," Amira's laughter was muffled yet conspicuous and CJ looked across the hall as their mother headed in their direction with raised suspicious brows.
CJ shrugged innocently, "Mama I ain't do it."
"Boy," She plucked his forehead and he flinched, letting go of his sister. Amira took deep breaths and hushed herself. Alexis pulled her body con skirt down a little before bending down in front of her. She brushed her daughter's hair to the side, smiling up at her. "It's good to see you smiling."
Amira pressed her lips together and nodded.
"I guess the only right thing you did when having CJ is giving him the funny gene," She said as if he weren't beside her. CJ playfully shoved her before leaving to give them some alone time to talk. "I'm proud of you, you know?" Amira shook her head slightly but stopped mid-shake. Carter's words echoed in her mind. So instead, she hugged her mother.
"Thanks, mama," She squeezed her, taking in all of her motherly love that she missed dearly every day. "You're going to do great. When you get up on the stand, I don't want you to do what any other person would most likely tell you." Pulling away, she held her mother's hands and tilted her head. "What's that?"
"To look away. To focus on anything other than the one who hurt you," Alexis scoffed out loud and rolled her eyes. "Bullshit okay? What I want you to do as my strong daughter, is to look him in the eyes throughout the entire time and show him that you're not afraid, that he can't scare you anymore."
Amira frowned but Alexis explained further.
"I know how it sounds but trust me."
"You go up on those stands and with each question, you look him dead in the eyes and answer. Because it shows you're not afraid of him anymore, shows him that he can't hurt you. Show him he's gonna lose. Have him on his toes when it's his turn on the stands and watch and let him crack."
"Ma—"
"Okay, okay I know. I know it's going to bring back some unwanted memories—" Amira shook her head.
"No I get what you're saying...and I'll try."
Alexis smiled softly, tipping her chin up.
"You do what makes you comfortable."
"I will. Thanks, mama," She hugged her again.
"Anytime babe, you know Mama got your back."
Just then, Carter and Cato alongside Tyler—which surprised her that he actually showed up instead of bailing, came strolling in and all of her worries suddenly faded. Her gaze focused solely on Carter dressed in not too flashy or fancy, but formal wear as his eyes roamed the courthouse for her. Saving him the time, she stood up, dodged everyone, and ran into his arms, hugging him by the torso.
Carter was caught by surprise but wasted no time embracing her back. His heart felt sunken for hours up until this very moment and he could finally breathe in relief. His fingers slid around the back of her neck and held as he kissed her forehead before tilting her head back. "Hi, baby."
"Hi, I missed you," She admitted, squeezing his forearms.
"Crazy you say because I had that exact same feeling," Amira smiled up at him and begged. "Kiss me please."
Without a word, his thumbs pressed down on the center of her throat and he leaned down, his chain brushing the middle of her chest giving her a chill. Letting go of his forearms, she carefully lifted the chain as they kissed. Sliding it off of his neck, the jewelry came between their kiss as she slid it around her neck, the chain falling in between her lips.
Carter smirked and pecked her bottom lip where part of
the chain was hooked onto. "I don't wanna be here," She whispered against his lips, looking up at him through anxious eyes. "I wanna be somewhere with you so you can be somewhere in me," She admitted boldly making Carter almost laugh out loud. "That's tempting," He chuckled and fixed the chain properly around her neck.
"But this is an important day."
"Now," He picked up the pendant. His lucky pendant.
"This chain is important to me because it's a part of you and you're important to me, so I trust you with it."
"I'll squeeze it whenever I need to feel you."
"I'll be in the room with you don't worry."
"Still not enough."
Carter smiled and pecked her lips one last time.
"You destroy his entire life in there."
Feeling somewhat confident, she smirked.
"I'll make him dig his own grave and bury himself alive."
"Atta girl," He grinned proudly, placing the pendant against her lips that didn't fault with its detailed similarities.
It made him want to go back to the jeweler and pay them extra for a job well done at replicating the perfect lips he's ever tasted. Looking at her, he kissed the pendant that was placed upon hers. "Tell me what you're gonna do again."
"Make him dig his own grave and bury himself alive."
"Poetic."