Lily
We are on our way back to Nitro's after a great time at the clubhouse. It wasn't anything like what I feared. It was actually the opposite, I felt comfortable being there. To know that I had been there before and that both Taz and Nitro were there, made me feel safe.
Not to mention, it was a wonderful escape from the harsh reality of my current situation. It was amazing to laugh and play pool again. I haven't felt that for months. To feel normal, and to not be scared.
To not have the sounds play over and over in my mind, as if my brain has one record, and it has a large scratch in it causing it to skip. But now, instead of just the sounds of my mother's murder – of her screaming and pleading for her life while the man yelled at her and the gunshot that killed her. I have added my gunshot, the screeching tires and the crunching of metal to the skipping record in my brain.
I've noticed, the only time the sounds stop, is when I'm near Nitro. He stops everything, except my desire for him. That only seems to increase with each minute I spend with him. Especially now, with him so close.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I feel my chest pressed against Nitro's back as we ride back to his cabin. My head is on his shoulder and my hands are wrapped around his waist. I am in heaven; I am calm and at peace. He helps me forget everything, but him.
My chest begins to flutter when I feel his hand on mine and I smile at how fucking good it feels to have him touch me. Having him around, feels good. The way he flirts with me. The way he looks at me, the way he teases me with his eyes and his words. The way he speaks to me with his low, deep voice. Fuck, I'm getting wet fucking thinking about him.
Fuck, what am I thinking? I can't do this. I'm involved with Steven. I don't want to be, but I am and until I find a way out of that – this thing with Nitro, can't happen. Not that Nitro's going to want it to happen anyway, after he finds out what a complete whore I am. All that's going to happen, is I'm going to get hurt. Me...not Nitro.
Nitro pulls into the driveway and parks the bike in the garage. I hop off in a hurry, scared of what I'm feeling for him. He's going to hurt me and if Steven does manage to get awarded protective custody, then he's going to be pissed if he finds out about Nitro. I would surely get punished for this. Either way, I get hurt. I pull off my helmet and place it on the shelf above me.
"Why don't you rest while I fix us some lunch." Nitro suggests as he pulls his helmet off and hangs it on the peg next to mine. I nod at him and turn to walk towards the house, but he stops me.
"Little one, are you ok?" his blue eyes are full of concern.
"Yes, I think I'm just tired from hanging out with everyone." I am tired, it isn't a complete lie, but it's mostly my embarrassment from letting Nitro affect me like this.
Now the sounds are coming back, again. Fuck. He leads me into the house, and I turn towards my room shutting the door behind me.
Once inside, I'm hit with an overwhelming feeling of dread from everything that has happened. I ease myself down to the floor, sliding my back against the door on my way down. Bending my knees to my chest, I rest my forehead on them and try to breath.
Fuck, what am I doing? I am fucked up from my mother's murder from eighteen years ago. I'm in protective custody because I witnessed the murder of four men, only days ago. I have murdered two men. I am involved with a man that I fucking hate because he is threatening me. And now, I am flirting with a man that I know, I can't have.
Whatever this is with Nitro is fucking amazing. Our chemistry, the things we have in common, the way we tease each other. I fucking love all of it but it's not going to last. I know I'm going to lose this. I can try like hell to find someway to deal with Steven and his threats but when Nitro finds out, he's not going to want me. Besides, I won't be in protective custody forever, and I'm sure Nitro wants to get back to his life.
The thought of not being with Nitro infuriates me and scares me. It's making the sounds come back. Fuck. I know I'm going into a panic. I know I need to calm myself.
Breath, I tell myself over and over again but it's of no help. I begin to softly hum to try to silence the sounds in my head. Please, why won't they just fucking stop.
"Little one?" I hear Nitro's deep voice on the other side of the door as he lightly taps on it.
"Yes" I whisper, lifting my head from my knees.
"Are you ok?" I can hear the concern in his voice, and I know he's not going to leave me alone until I open this door and answer him. So, I stand and slowly open the door to find him leaning against the door frame, shirtless. I look down at his chiseled chest and bite my lip only wanting to run my fingers over it to calm the noises, but I don't.
"Answer me." He demands in a gentle tone as I look back up into his blue eyes. The look he's giving me tells me, he isn't leaving until I do as he says.
"No" I whisper, gently shaking my head wanting desperately to touch him. I've had my hand on his chest with a shirt on, but his bare flesh, fuck, I wonder what that would feel like underneath my fingertips.
"What is it, Little One?" his voice is gentle, and his eyes are intense as I look into them, forcing myself not to look at his chest again.
"It's the sounds." I admit to him, feeling ashamed that I told him. How does he make me confess everything to him?
"What sounds, Little One?" He leans into me with a concerned look on his face. Fuck, he's going to think I'm crazy but I tell him anyway. He wants the truth, the truth is what he will have.
"Gunshots, my mother screaming, screeching tires. It's like a fucking broken record." I whisper confessing it all to him. Dad, Taz, and a few therapists I've had over the years, are the only ones that know about the sounds that torment me. I've never even trusted my best friends with that information, and I would die before I told Steven. Now, I've trusted Nitro with it.
"Fuck, Little One, I'm sorry." He instantly pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly to his chest. I close my eyes at the vibration of his chest against my cheek and the sound of his heartbeat... and nothing else. The noises are gone.
I place my hands flat against his muscular back as he holds me tightly to him with one arm wrapped around my waist and the other on my head, holding it against his chest. His body feels so good against mine and his cologne is intoxicating. I want to stay this close to him for as long as I can. In my Nitro cocoon.
"I'm here, Little One." He kisses my head and I feel a tear roll down my cheek. He made the noises stop again.
Leaning back in his arms, I find his mouth dangerously close to mine. My eyes instantly find his and I feel that pull between us again, the same one I feel whenever he's close.
"Thank you, for making the noises go away, Nitro." I whisper to him with his mouth still inches from mine.
He places his fingers on my jawline and softly rubs it causing my heart to beat fast in my chest. His blue eyes are pulling me in, and I just want to lose myself in them. I want to see the passion in them when he comes inside of me. Fuck, why do I have to feel this way towards him?
"About that question you owe me." he says referring to our bet from the pool game.
"Yes" I whisper and bite my lip hoping that he isn't about to ask me about Steven. Not now. Please don't let me lose this already because I won't be able to keep the truth from him when he asks.
I feel his thumb on my mouth as he gently pulls my lip down so I'm no longer biting it and he begins to rub his thumb gently across it. My chest begins to rise and fall harder with the fire that is pumping through my veins. Fuck, I want this man's lips on mine.
"Can I kiss you?" his breathing is heavy, and I see the desire burning behind his blue eyes just as much as it's burning in mine.
"Yes" I whisper and his lips crash into mine. He slides his fingers around to the back of my neck and pulls me closer to him. I slide my hand up his chest to his neck before resting my fingers on his jaw as I feel his tongue on my lips teasing me to open for him. He moans as I begin opening my mouth and just as his tongue begins to slip inside to find my tongue, his phone rings making him growl in anger.
I let out a soft laugh as he backs away and reaches for his phone in his back pocket. Reading who it is, he places his finger over my mouth to hush me. My heart stops at the feeling of his finger on my mouth and the hungry look in his eyes. He tears his eyes away from mine to finally answer his ringing phone.
"Hello" his voice is irritated as he removes his finger from my mouth and runs it along my jawline watching me as he listens to the person on the other end. I hear a man's voice that I can barely hear, but I believe it to be Taz.
"Yep, all that stuff in the corner of the office and Deb has some stuff for us too." Nitro says as he continues to trace my jawline with his finger.
"Just you." Nitro's fingers stop at this and then continues when Taz responds to him.
"See you then." He finishes and hangs up, placing the phone back into his pocket. I tense wondering what's happening.
"That was Pops. He'll be here at seven. He's bringing the supplies I had the prospects put together for us." The news makes me happy to see him again. To have another piece of normalcy back in my life.
"Really?" I smile up at him.
"Yeah, should I be jealous that my Pops makes you smile like that?" he runs his fingers over my jaw again and then settles them into my hair. I can't see this man getting jealous, especially over me.
"He's like a second father to me. I want to cook for him." I grin up at him, loving the way his fingers feel in my hair.
"Now, you want to cook for him too?" he leans his head back against the door frame as if he's seriously jealous.
"Don't be jealous. He loves when I cook for him, and it's been too long since I've done it." I smile at him as he looks back down into my eyes with that same look of hunger from only minutes ago.
"Whatever makes you happy, Little One." He leans into me, his lips inches from mine again. Fuck, I want him to kiss me again, but I place my hand on his chest and stop him before we start something, I know we can't finish.