Days have passed.
And the Surrogacy really stressed me since they already started the procedure. Doctors harvested my egg and collected Forest's sperm. Then soon will be transferred to our Surrogate, Rare.
I play hide and seek with Rare the whole time and I'm so tired avoiding her. Why did i do that? because the sight of her might change my mind to not pursue the Surrogacy.
Kaya as much as possible ay hindi kami magkikita o magpapang-abot sa Clinic. I even promised myself na I will distance myself from Rare——I'm not doing this for Forest though or sa ambagan na sinasabi nya but for myself.
Respeto narin kay Rare at sa narardaman nya. Mas iisipin ko nalang muna ang baby.
"Scarlett."
Bumalik ako sa tamang pag-iisip at napatingin kay Monique na nakaupo sa harapan ko habang kumakain kami ng lunch sa office nya para maiba naman. "Mm what is it again?"
Monique eyeing me suspiciously but she's very updated of what's happening in my life. "We have a seminar tomorrow in Tagaytay."
"Really?" Nalito ako.
"Yes." Nagpahid si Monique ng tissue sa bibig bago sumandal sa kinauupuan nya at tinitigan ako. More like reading me. "Any update?"
I know what she meant. " Itatransfer na mamaya ang embryo kay.." Even her name kind hurts my throat. "Rare."
"Will you be there?"
Umiling ako. Never. "Hell no." Nawalan akong gumana kumain. "It will hurt to see her."
"Scarlett." Huminga ng malalim si Monique. "Trust me i understand what you are feeling. But you are the biological mother of the baby. Rare really need you——"
"Tell me how Monique. Tell me how will i face her? Tell her to take care of my child?" I just cover my face with my hands, gusto ko sana itago ang namumula kong mata. I become really emotional when it comes to Rare. "Coming from someone who betrayed her?"
"My goodness." Natawa na may kasamang frustration si Monique. "I will pretend not to have this conversation with you." Then her eyes squints at me. "Please don't let that love will ruin Rare even more especially the baby." Nagtitigan kami ni Monique. "All you need is to show up there and support the possible pregnancy."
I'm speechless.
But deep inside i know she's correct. Si Rare ang magsasakripisyon sa set up na to and I'm just too selfish para isipin na this is only about me——at sa nararamdaman ko.
Rare is going to carry my child for 9 months and give it away?
"Everything that's happening now is about the baby not your affair with Rare." Pagtuloy ni Monique at hinaplos ang kamay nya sakin "You are better than this Scarlett."
Am i really better than this? I even asked myself because I'm not sure anymore.
"You should see her." Pagkunbinsi nya sakin.
With a second thought, i nod. "Alright."
Ngumiti si Monique as if her mood brighten up. "Don't be scared okay?"
"Who's say I'm scared?" I questioned with my raised eyebrow.
Natawa sya. "If you only see yourself Scarlett every time you talk about Rare. Your beautiful face represents the..." Tumingin sya sa kawalan as if she imagining things. "Takotsubo syndrome."
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes at her saka ako tumayo. "I don't have broken heart syndrome."
"Wait." Nataranta si Monique. "San ka pupunta?"
Kinuha ko ang bag ko sa table nya. "I guess i will take your advice."
Tumayo din sya. "Eh hindi pa tayo tapos kumain."
"I'm finished."
"Eh hindi ka pa nga umiinom ng tubig."
Natawa ako. "I will." Inabot ko ang water bottle sabay kindat kay Monique. "Mother."
"Psh." Naiiling na bumuga ng hangin si Monique. "Buy the girl a flower."
Lumakad ako papunta sa pintuan. "Of course."
I'm not sure if Rare likes flowers but okay, I'll buy her a bouquet. Maybe the beautiful tulips will make her feel a bit better with my presence.
Medyo kabado ako habang naglalakad sa hallway ng Clinic. It's been weeks since the last time i spoke with Rare and I'm pretty sure she will be surprised to see me.
"Scarlett?" Nagulat si Forest at tumayo para yakapin ako nang pumasok ako sa kwarto kung saan manantili si Rare after the procedure. "I thought you aren't coming."
I tap his back gently. "Can't i change my mind?"
Natawaa sya. "Of course and I'm so glad you are here." Inakay nya akong maupo sa sofa. "Nag-umpisa na bà?"
"Yes Love, kanina pa." Sumulyap sya sa suot nyang yelo. "Baka patapos narin sila." Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Forest sa kamay ko at pinisil. "Thank you for being here Shi."
I didn't say anything tho.
"Maybe we should eat something fancy after this?" Forest offered.
"Sure." Matipid ko na sagot.
"And once the Surrogacy is successful, maybe we should buy baby's clothes, things that...."
"Forest." Pag-awat ko sa kanya. We look at each other though and i honestly couldn't find the same feelings i had for him before. "Wag muna. If successful, let's buy things he or she needs at 5-6 months."
Nag-isip naman si Forest saglit. "Speaking of he or she. What gender do you prefer?"
Ako naman ang nag-isip. Actually wala namang issues sakin kung babae o lalaki kasi anak ko parin yan. "Kahit ano, basta healthy."
"I agreed." Masayang sabi ni Forest. This is actually the first time again na nakita ko syang masaya. He really wants this baby. "Ang tagal——"
At syang pagbukas ng pintuan.
Napatayo agad kami ni Forest.
Pumasok Ang doctor at si Rare na nakaupo sa wheelchair na tulak ng nurse.
I feel my heart skip a beat the moment our eyes met, but it's Rare that first avoided.
And trust me, it hurts.
"How is the procedure Doc. Natividad?" Mangangamusta ni Forest. He didn't even ask about Rare.
I feel bad kaya ako na ang lumapit sa kanya. Regardless of what's reaction she would have. "How are you feeling?"
"Good." Matipid nyang sagot. Tumayo sya nang dahan dahan at hahawakan ko sana sya but she immediately stopped me. "Kaya ko."
Cold treatment? Well, i deserved that.
Abala sina Forest at ang doctor sa pag-uusap.
At naupo ako sa bangkuan sa tabi ng hinihigaan ni Rare. "Do you need anything? Are you hungry or..."
"No, thank you." She didn't even look at me.
"Rare, I'm..."
This time she turns to me with the coldest look on her face. "Please stop, Scarlett."
It feels like we are stranger again. Those memories we had disappeared just like that.
"Thank you Doc." Narinig ko na sabi ni Forest bago sya lumapit samin ni Rare na may pinakamalaking ngiti sa kanyang labi. "Kamusta ang pakiramdam mo Rare?"
Rare put everything in her power to smile to Forest. "Okay naman."
"Sana maging successful agad ang first embryo."
Tumango si Rare. "Hopefully." Sabay hawak sa puson nya.
There, for second i feel this warm feeling on my chest by that simple gesture.
"Basta kung may kailangan ka, anything—call me anytime." Paalala ni Forest kay Rare.
"Thank you."
Hinawakan ni Forest ang bewang ko. "Gutom ka na ba? Tara kain tayo."
I look at Forest in surprised.
"Nako hindi na po." Pagtanggi ni Rare. "May kailangan parin kasi akong daanan sa school."
"Saan ba ang school mo para maihatid ka namin." Pag-ooffer ni Forest. "Pasyensya ka na Rare, nag-iingat lang ako at ayaw kong may mangyari sayo you know what i mean."
Tumango si Rare. "Naiintindihan ko po but i can assure you na I'm okay, i still have school and i need to finish my thesis."
"I think she will be alright." Pagsabat ko. I don't want Rare to feel pressured.
Forest though a little hesitant but agreed with me. Nauna na syang lumabas ng kwarto at naalala ko ang bulaklak na binili ko. Kaya kinuha ko ito at maingat na inilagay sa tabi ni Rare. Ni hindi nga nya ako tinignan even the flowers. "For you." I stood there really out of words. Marami akong gustong sabihin sa kanya but i know she's not interested in anything that has to do with me. "Call me if you need anything." Tahimik lang sya. "I'm really sorry Rare."
At lumabas na ako sa kwarto ni Rare. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko, gustong gusto kong umiyak pero hindi ko ginawa.
Kung ganito ang nararamdaman ko, paano pa kaya si Rare.
I hate this...
"Hey are you alright?" Nag-aaalalang tanong ni Forest sakin when he noticed my expression. "What happened? "But without saying anything, niyakap ko si Forest and cried to him. I know he's confused but he held me. "Sshh, it's okay Shi, I'm here."
At nang medyo nahimasmasan ay kumalma narin ako.
"What's wrong?" Hinahaplos ni Forest ang pisngi ko. "Tell me Scarlett."
Umiling ako. "Nothing is wrong." Pagsisinungaling ko. He's just doing his duty as a husband. Paano nalang kapag nalaman nyang ibang tao ang iniiyakan ko. "Masaya lang kasi baka magkababy na tayo."
I'm really happy about the baby. But I'm crying because if Rare.
"Sigurado ka?" Pagdududa ni Forest.
"Of course."
Forest kisses my forehead as he accompany me in the car. Like we have agreed ay nagdinner kami sa restaurant. Masaya si Forest like a mini celebration for successful procedure today.
I just hope for the best para matapos na.
Pag-uwi palang ay sobrang touchy ni Forest. We are married but i feel violated.
"Forest." I protested and slightly pushes him away from me.
"Mm.." He tried kissing me on my shoulder. " Can we?"
Ewan ko ba but it sent shivers down my spine. "I'm tired Forest." At tumalikod na ako sa kanya sa pagkakahiga. Hindi ko lang talaga kaya. I know we are going to fix things but not with sex.
He didn't say anything at all.
The room filled with silence until i fall asleep.
I woke up early, only at 3am.
"Hey, it's early." Medyo inaantok na tanong ni Forest nang maramdaman nya ang pagkilos ko sa kwarto. I have to pack up some clothes kahit na one day lang ang seminar——you know, in case of emergency. "Where are you going?"
"May seminar kami sa tagaytay mamaya." Sagot ko habang sinasara ang dadlhin kong maliit na maleta. "Will you be okay here?"
Naupo si Forest sa kama. "Ah yes. Do you want me to take you there——"
Umiling ako. "Just rest. Susunduin ako ni Monique at uuwi din ako in the evening."
Maya maya pa ay nagbusina si Monique kaya ngmamadali akong bumaba. Si Forest na amg nagbitbit ng maleta ko.
"Ingat kayo." Paalala nya kay Monique. "Please take care of Scarlett for me Monica."
"Wag mo akong badtripin ke aga aga Forest." Pabirong sabi ni Monique sa asawa ko.
Ngumiti lang si Forest at kumaway nang paandarin na ni Monique ang sasakyan. Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog sa buong byahe. Pagkarating sa Tagaytay ay dumaretso kami sa hotel then nagbreakfast since maaga ang seminar.
Like we expected seminar took 4 hours.
Nakakapagod pero sulit naman. Marami kaming nagtutunan, naishare and so on.
Kaya susulitin nalang namin ni Monique ang natutirang oras bago umuwi. Namasyal kami sa Sky Ranch at nag-ikot ikot. Nakakarelax.
"Napakaganda talaga ng Tagaytay ano?" Sobrang amazed ko na sabi.
"Mas maganda ka parin." I totally ignored Monique's remarks. "Kamusta nga pala ang pagkikita nyo ni Jennifer Lawrence?"
"Jennifer Lawrence?" Medyo nalito ako.
Natawa sya. "Si Rare. May hawig sya kay Jennifer Lawrence, Pinay version lang."
This time i roll my eyes at her. "It was okay."
"Did she get upset nang makita ka nya?"
"No." Umiling ako. "Worst than that." Monique let a chuckle laugh. Napatigil ako sa pagkain and stare at my best friend. "It's not funny."
She cleans her lips before speaking. "Love hate relationship are we?"
I shrugs. "Ayaw ko munang isipin yan, like you said the Surrogacy isn't about me, or her. Gusto ko lang magwork agad ang first try, pregnancy, give birth and everything will go back to normal."
"And how sure are you na matatapos ang lahat after manganak ni Rare?" Tanong ni Monique.
And that question lingered in my head the whole day.
Matatapos nga ba ang lahat sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Rare after nya manganak?
I don't know.
"See you tomorrow." Paalam ni Monique pagkababa ko ng sasakyan nya.
"Mag-iingat ka sa pagdrive." I reminded her dahil may pagkakaskasera pa naman si Monique.
Nakaalis na si Monique at pumasok narin ako sa loob ng bahay. Sobrang tahimik at lamig. Believe me or not, i prefer this kind of environment——full of peace of mind. At least narerelax ang utak ko away from work and Rare.
Since maaga aga pa naman ay naisipan ko nang magluto ng dinner for Forest. Pang bawi sa pagtanggi ko sa kanya kagabi. Hindi ko lang talaga kaya.
I cooked his favorite steak with gravy and potatoes. Of course red wine too.
Matutuwa sigurado si Forest.
Habang naghihintay sa pag-uwi nya ay nanuod muna ako sa Netflix but i couldn't find something interesting, something new. Kaya napadpad ako sa YouTube, scroll and scroll until i found this Thailand TV Series about this girl Mon, a newly graduated student from university, starts working as an intern in a big company because she admires Sam, the super rich chairwoman since young age.
This show is strangely good to me. I thought of Rare from time to time especially kapag inches apart nalang ang mga labi nila. Same feelings, same scenario with Rare.
I'm in the middle of Episode 5 nang biglang may mag doorbell.
I forgot to pause it.
I'm pretty sure it's not Forest dahil hindi naman kailangang kumatok sya. Wala din naman akong ineexpect na bisita or even package delivery.
Confused man ay binuksan ko ang pintuan at sinalubong ako nang malamig na hangin sa sobrang lakas ng ulan.
First I thought walang tao, pero nang tumingin ako sa gilid ay may aninong nakatayo.
And i don't know if my eyes are playing tricks on me or even hallucinating but i can't be wrong that it's her.
Kaya binuksan ko ang ilaw sa patio to make sure.
Basang basa sya at nanginginig sa lamig.
"Oh my God, Rare." Gulat na gulat ko na sabi.
Tumayo sya ng daretso at hinarap ako. I feel my heart drop by the sight of how vulnerable she is. Rare gives me a weak smile. "Scarlett."
I'm so confused.
Anong ginagawa nya dito?
How did she find me?
But before i could say anything ay nabuwal sya and my reflexes is on time to catch her.
Sobrang init nya.
"Help me." She whisperes very weakly.