We returned to the house - our house, by the way - by mid-afternoon when the sun was just preparing to set. We left that little bar at a good time because by then, people would be getting out of work and heading to the bars to start their weekends off with a drink or two or three... or seven. We'd done what we needed to, so there was no reason to hang around there, anyway. After apologizing to the bar's owner, then having a quick bite to eat, we headed out.
So not only did we miss the crowds that were sure to pour in, but leaving at the time we had also left enough time for us to get ready for the company we'd be having tonight because I had, since I hadn't anticipated the trip taking long which it hadn't, invited the scouts to have dinner at our house tonight.
Goddesses, it was still so weird to be able to say that.
Levi hadn't exactly been thrilled to find out that I'd invited them all over, but I'd argued that well, what was the point in having a house if we couldn't show it off? After Hange and a few of the others had helped bring the furniture we'd bought in and set it roughly where they would remain and left, Levi and I had spent the afternoon and evening decorating, organizing, and finalizing where we wanted our furniture, among other things. We had our bedroom set up, the kitchen roughly sorted, and our bathroom almost entirely unpacked.
We'd fill it more with things for the baby with time and decorate it more as we went on. We certainly didn't have to do it all in one day, and besides, it was ours now, so we could take all the time we needed to.
...though I couldn't quite escape the rather maternal urge to set the baby's nursery up now, but my doctor had told me on our most recent visit that feelings like that would be normal and this instinct to build and reorganize my "nest" would only increase the closer we got to the child's delivery.
So, I had that to look forward to.
If they adhered to the plan they set, then after leaving our house yesterday, Hange would have met up with the rest of the scouts to get caught up on the daily chores and Hange at least would have helped pack the rest of our personal effects away. Our office at the base, only a short ride away, would remain our office, but most of the personal effects from our bedroom would be brought here.
Actually, interestingly enough, those that had helped Hange and Levi with the heavy lifting were Floch and Jean. Jean was a rather no-brainer for me, but Floch at least... Well, it was awkward considering the comments he'd made about Levi at the medal ceremony, but the boy was a black sheep among us, so I'd made sure to keep the boy involved.
I knew at the very least that he was trying his hardest for us, and I wanted to help him feel at home among the scouts. As the only living re-enlisted scout, a volunteer, I knew he felt like an outcast among the rest of us. I only wanted to make him feel more comfortable around us. If we were to be comrades moving forward, we would have to; and especially considering the fact that as commanding officers, the whole subordinate-officer relationship relied on a sense of trust, we had to start somewhere.
Right now, I was working on baking a set of pies for dessert, and Levi was preparing meat to roast - rather cheap, inexpensive cuts, but meat all the same. Together we worked in relative quiet, only offering hushed words when reaching around the other to get something.
When the meat was ready, Levi put it in to cook and stepped towards the sink to wash his hands. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbow, his bangs fell into his face as he bent over the sink, and he lathered his hands and arms with so much intensity and focus it was almost funny to think he was just washing his hands.
...and it was even funnier to think that I thought that he was incredibly attractive like this, with the sharp contours of his face basking in the sunlight streaming in through the window with his sleeves rolled just so and his steely eyes focused so intently...
I caught his eye from where I stood by the counter, laying the crust of one of the pies down. It was a rather mindless task, so I felt no shame in looking over at him. As he dried his hands, he turned his head to look at me, sunlight from the large windows above the sink dancing on his skin.
"What, brat?"
"Can't I just look at you?" I asked, my voice full of this faux sense of innocence as I set the first pie to the side to work on preparing the crust for another.
"What do you want?" I turned my attention back to what was in front of me briefly, smiling as I brought another pie closer to me, this one filled with apples.
"What do you mean?" I looked back at him, noting the mischief in his eyes as he approached. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter next to me.
"Whenever you want something," he spoke plainly, "you look at me like that." He said all of this in a rather confident manner, as if it was an obvious fact. At any other time, I'd be tempted to agree with him, but this time, I really wasn't looking for anything from him. "So," he prodded, "what is it?"
"Nothing," I said with a laugh that surely didn't help my case, but I couldn't help but find the situation amusing. "Nothing, honest!"
"I don't believe that for a damn second," he muttered.
"I'm allowed to look at you," I said, pausing in my work to give him all my attention.
"Who told you that?"
"I didn't need to be told," I explained playfully. "It's just an unwritten rule of being married." He kept looking at me skeptically, and I shook my head in disbelief. We just stood there quietly for a minute, just looking at each other, perhaps admiring, perhaps appreciating, or perhaps all three at the same time.
As his eyes surely started to wander, I found that my own eyes started drifting over his face slowly, and seemingly of their own accord. For someone who had spent his whole life fighting, he was still handsome, incredibly so. There were some scars littered on his face, but they were faint, made more so by the current lighting, and even otherwise, they were only visible if you were allowed to look at him as closely as I was.
So, ha ha, everyone else.
There was a visible scar on his cheek, another slicing a thin through one of his eyebrows, and another trailing up past his hairline, all made pale with time. There was a cut from when we fought in Trost on his left cheek, but it was healing nicely, and was barely there, now - and thankfully, it wouldn't scar. There was another cut, a small nick he'd gotten when shaving this morning that I'd teased him for that would heal in no time. I knew there was also a nasty bruise on his knee that he told me he'd gotten from a rough landing during that past mission after killing a Titan.
All of this, and I knew very well that if I didn't know what I was looking for, I'd never see them.
Something I'd heard a lot about Levi from other scouts and soldiers, those who weren't in our squad specifically, was about how unfair it was to fight as Levi did without ever getting an injury or battle scar to show for it. When they talked about Levi, they discussed him as though he was some untouchable god, a deity incapable of getting hurt.
The honest truth was that he got hurt all the time, and I mean all the damn time. He just knew how to fight through pain, to grit his teeth and bear it. He learned to work through the pain of such trivial pains like those from cuts, bruises, burns, even slices and the like. Something about growing up where we had deemed it necessary to pick yourself back up quickly, no matter how hard you were thrown down or hurt.
It was driven by instinct, yet spurred on too by our own desire to keep moving, to never get caught - for getting caught would mean the death of you, or worse.
Physical pain aside... Levi also knew how to work through the pain of his heart. The man cared too much for his own good. One good look into his eyes, and anyone could see that - if they learned to read him, of course.
The man had a bleeding heart, he was a sucker for helping people. He just hid it behind his snarky, serious attitude. It put off so many people that they figured he didn't care about much of anything except getting the job done. If only they knew how wrong they were. If only they knew.
He was just... too used to loss. How many people had we been forced to leave behind in battle without a proper send-off, a proper goodbye? How many people had we watched die, but could do nothing to help for it would mean more lives would be lost?
The game we played was a grave one, with awful consequences. And the prize...
Love, I suppose.
Is that not what it all boiled down to? Love for our comrades, the dreams we had, our futures... Futures we wanted with each other, dreams we wanted to help each other attain, comrades we wanted to escort to safe lives of their own. We had deaths we wished to prevent, deaths we desired to avenge, deaths we vowed never to forget - for the love of them all.
And Levi, he loved so deeply, so completely. He just hid his heart from people because he knew how cruel the world was. His heart wasn't hardened like people believed. He just kept it protected behind so many walls, knowing that if the world got a hold of it, it'd be crushed. How lucky was I, then, that he not only allowed me to see it, but trusted me enough to hold it?
Levi Ackerman entrusted his heart to me.
I entrusted my heart to him, and no one else. I could think of no safer place for it.
Without thinking about it, I reached out with one hand, trailing my fingers down his cheek. His hair was getting long, his bangs almost to the point of being unruly, and the buzzed section underneath looked almost fuzzy and puffy. The damn man still cut it himself, and never allowed me to help.
"I love you," I said without really thinking about it. I suppose my heart had taken hold of my voice and spoke what it wanted. I didn't mind, though.
Levi's eyes softened, and a loving sort of film covered his eyes. "I love y-"
I gasped suddenly, leaning closer to him and effectively cutting him off. "Levi," I said in a rush, "you've got a gray hair!"
He jerked his head away and I lost track of the silver strand. "I don't get gray hair," he said, as if him just saying it would change his genetic makeup so that he could no longer physically get them.
"The one I just found begs to differ," I said with a laugh.
"It just caught the light weird," he protested, stepping away when I reached out towards him again. I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing more at the sight of flour I'd accidentally streaked down his cheek just a moment ago. Guess I should've washed my hands first, hm?
"First off," I said, decidedly not bringing attention to the flour on his face, "I saw it on the side of your head that was not in the sun. Secondly, it doesn't take anything away from how handsome you are. You're certainly aging well. And thirdly... I may or may not have gotten flour all over your face, so go get cleaned up. Our guests will be here soon."
"You ass," he said, reaching up to touch his cheek. I laughed but bit my tongue when he glared at me. He looked around the counter and reached for the bag of flour. He dug his fingers into it and with terrifying speed, dusted it across my cheeks and bridge of my nose.
My eyes closed instinctively but when I opened them, Levi was preparing another handful, and I yanked the bag away from him, tucking my own hand into the bag. He flung the flour already in his hands toward me, and I did my best to dodge but it got all over my shirt. I leapt towards him, running one hand down his shirt and the other down his face.
He reached for the flour again, but I grabbed his arm, keeping him from getting more as a crooked smile found its way to his face. I began pushing him away from the counter but he reached over me with his free hand, trying to grab the bag but with a sudden push from me, he accidentally dragged it off the counter and it fell to the floor, a cloud of flour erupting up.
"You're cleaning that," I laughed, looking back at it as I pushed him out of the kitchen. He allowed me to, looking down at me with an amused expression.
"Oh, am I?"
"Yes," I pressed. "You're the one who dropped it!"
"But you started it," he said teasingly, sounding less like a grown man and more like a whiny child at this moment.
"That was an accident," I said with a roll of my eyes as I continued pushing him towards the closest bathroom.
"By your logic, then, are you going to clean the footprints you're trailing?"
"I- What?" I cut myself off, pausing in my step to look behind me, where sure enough, there were white footprints of flour that were definitely my own. "...I need to finish the pies. You do it."
"I thought you wanted me to set the table," he said, and I was starting to say that there was no reason he couldn't do both when there was a sudden knock on the door.
Levi and I looked up at each other, then towards the door. In unison, we spoke: "Shit."
"They're early," I huffed.
I stepped out of my shoes to avoid trailing more footprints through the house and walked as quickly as I could to the door, Levi following after me with a gentle hand pressed to my back. I opened the door to reveal Eren, Armin, and Mikasa on the front step. I smiled at them, and their smiles faded to looks of confusion as they took in our appearance.
"Did something... blow up in there?" Eren asked, his head tilted slightly, and I couldn't help but heave a breath of relief. Over the past few weeks, damn well since that medal ceremony, Eren had been... strange. Closed-off, somewhat reserved, and definitely quiet. For him to be back to himself, even just a bit... It was nice to see.
"Kind of," I finally answered him, stepping back to let them in. "Come on in!" They did so, the three of them looking curiously around the front room. "Oh, and excuse the mess," I said, walking back towards the kitchen. It really was a mess. Levi closed the door behind them and headed to the closet where all the cleaning supplies were.
"I'm not sure if I said it already," Armin said, "but it really is a nice house! Congrats to you both!"
"Thank you," I said genuinely, smiling at him. "Please, make yourselves at home."
"It smells good," Mikasa said, sitting down gently on the couch. Armin sat next to her, and Eren went to sit in the leather chair Levi had picked specially for himself, but Levi was quick to stop him.
"Not there, moron," Levi called out to him.
Eren stopped what he was doing, then moved and sat down on the loveseat. Mop and bucket in hand, Levi headed to the kitchen, but stopped in his step. His eyes were aimed at the floor, trialing towards the front door, then to Eren. His eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Eren," Levi said, getting the attention of the teen. "You tracked mud in."
"Did I...?" Eren looked, and sure enough, he'd trailed mud in. It was surprising he even could, considering it hadn't rained today. Where the hell did he find mud? "Ah, uh, I'm sorry-"
"Clean it," Levi said, handing off the broom and bucket. "I want it spotless before everyone else gets here."
—
The evening, surprisingly, went very well. I was more than expecting arguments to break out, furniture to break, tensions to rise, and tempers to flare - I'd downright anticipated all of this and more happening.
...But none of that happened.
Everyone played nice, and the kids were all well-behaved – well, as well-behaved as they could realistically be. Sasha and Connie pestered everyone, Levi was quick to tell anyone off for making jokes about me, no matter how funny (and I couldn't help but be incredibly grateful to have such a protective husband), and Eren and Jean bickered - and really, that was it.
Eren and Jean's argumentative sort of relationship seemed to reach a fever pitch when Jean had come in, Floch with him. I couldn't be sure what prompted it, but I had to guess that Eren could do nothing but tease Jean once he offered me the housewarming present he had prepared.
Really, Jean had prepared a lot; he'd visited home recently, and with permission from his mother, collected lots of his old toys and books that she'd saved since he was a little boy. It was extremely sweet of him to do so, considering Levi and I had nothing yet with regards to toys and the like for our child.
It hadn't slipped our minds, but we just hadn't gotten around to it yet with the move and all the other excitement. Jean brought with him rattles and soft plush toys, beginner books, and more, so much more. Eren had teased Jean, asking how his mom was and other such things to get him going - and it had worked, at least until I told them both to can it.
For the most part, everyone was civil and relaxed and had enjoyed the food that Levi and I had prepared. Sasha and Connie had brought more desserts than we could possibly finish, so they reluctantly agreed to take the leftovers with them. Hange had brought drinks, and had consequently drunk more than she could handle, and so at the end of the night had to be escorted back to the base by the kids, but they were all heading to the same place anyway, so it hadn't been too big of a problem for them.
They'd all stayed until late into the night, all gathered in the living room. Levi had settled onto his chair, the one meant only for his ass, with me next to Mikasa on the loveseat. Eren, Armin, and Sasha were on our couch, with Jean, Connie and Floch sitting on the floor lazily. Hange had been on the floor too, sprawled out, but whenever she told a story she leapt to her feet to tell it animatedly before falling down in a drunken heap once more.
Levi had to remind the kids not to put their feet up on the furniture more often than I'm sure he liked, but otherwise, it seemed that even he had a good time. And when at last he yawned, trying to hide it behind his hand as Armin told a story, I let Armin finish and then asked everyone to start heading back to the base.
When Connie groaned exaggeratedly and asked why, I told them that I was tired, and knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with the racket they all were making. Sasha promised that they could be quieter, but with a stern look from me and a far more stern look from Levi, they all sighed and began gathering their belongings, including leftovers to bring to the base.
I gave the kids and Hange hugs on their way out, Levi at my side, and we watched them as they headed out. "You didn't have to cut the night short," Levi said in protest once he closed the door - only, wasn't protesting now useless, considering they all had already left? Regardless, I shrugged as I went around the living room, picking up discarded napkins and other trash as I went.
With a grunt I knelt to pick up half of a cookie that'd fallen to the floor. I stood back up and swayed slightly, still not quite used to all the extra weight in front of me. I set a hand on my belly and bit back a sigh. Goodness, by the time I got used to this, I would have given birth already.
"Pretty soon," I began to say, "we won't have the leisure of being able to sleep all night. Not like we do it now, even when we do have the leisure." Levi was at my side then, and took the trash from me and brought it to the kitchen to throw away. I followed, but only after blowing out the candles in the living room as I went. "Shall I run a bath for you?"
"Only if you join me," he said, and the sweetness of his words had me smiling. I left him to his work in the kitchen as he wiped down the tables and counters, and I stepped into our bathroom to begin preparing a warm bath.
As the water filled the tub, I headed into the bedroom to prepare a set of pajamas. Once Levi passed the mop and bucket to Eren earlier, we'd changed out of the flour-covered clothes and washed our faces and hands. I got out a set of clothes for Levi as well, and by the time I headed back into the bathroom, Levi was there, a knee set to the edge of the tub and his fingers under the faucet to check the temperature of the bath.
When he noticed that I'd come in, he turned around and gestured to it. "That's not too hot, is it?"
Slowly leaning forward over the tub with my free hand still pressed to my stomach, I dipped my fingers into the water and shook my head. "No," I answered, "it's perfect."
I stood up straight and began stripping down, Levi as well, but when he pulled his shirt over his head and I began to gather the bottom of my shirt in my hands, he looked over at me with a strange look. I stalled in my movements, looking back at him curiously.
"Levi?"
He was looking at my stomach, and soundlessly, he knelt in front of me. Now level with my belly, he lifted my shirt only enough to see my stomach. He leaned close, pressing his ear to my bare skin. I smiled down at him, knowing exactly what he was doing.
I knew all too well that our baby was a kicker (because, obviously, the damn thing was kicking me all day), and when I noticed it for the first time a few weeks ago, the baby would always seem to stop just in time for Levi to try and feel it.
Honestly, I think he thought I was a liar, because so far, he hadn't been able to feel the baby kick, and it was something he was getting increasingly frustrated by. Levi clicked his tongue impatiently when he pulled away, obviously after having heard nothing but silence, and certainly nothing that sounded or felt like a kick. He looked up at me, his eyes narrow.
"Did the kid kick you today?"
"Yes," I answered. "Our little one has been very active today. I think the baby knew we had company, because he was very active during dinner."
"Damn it," he hissed, now looking back at my stomach. "You little asshole."
"Levi," I admonished playfully, "be nice to our baby."
"Why? The little shit's been avoiding me," Levi huffed, and I fought the urge to laugh.
He stood wordlessly and we continued to undress. Now that I was actually able to pull my shirt off over my head (with more than a little bit of struggle from my end, which Levi was wise enough not to comment on), Levi went ahead and stood behind me. Like a good husband, he undid my bra for me, knowing that my mobility these days was rather limited.
When at last we both were naked, we stepped into the bath and just... relaxed. He allowed me to sit between his legs and lean back against his chest, and oh, what a heavenly feeling it was. For one thing, being in the water alleviated some of the weight of my swollen belly, and the warmth of it all and being able to lean against Levi lifted some of the pain away from my back and shoulders.
I couldn't help but sigh wistfully at all the uniquely wonderful feelings, and all at once, and those feelings were only compounded with the way Levi dutifully tended to my sore muscles and to my stomach. With my head resting back against his shoulder and my eyes closed, I very well could have fallen asleep in here, if not for the desire I had to stay up. How could I waste something like this by sleeping through it? Moments as lovely as this, as sweet as this...
Of course, I had to ruin it by making a joke. "Levi," I began softly, hoping he wouldn't be able to hear the rising level of mischief in my voice, "you were right."
"Hm? About what?"
I let my bottom lip jut out in a pout, and I could feel the gentle movement of his head tilting my way so that he could look down at me. "I lost my abs."
I did what I could to hide my satisfaction when he chuckled softly. "You lost them a while ago, sweetheart."
I opened my eyes and looked toward the far corner of the room, watching the way the flickering candlelight danced along the walls and played with the shadows. "But I'm still pretty, right?"
"Mm-hm," he hummed in response, pressing a kiss to my temple. "You've never been prettier."
I smiled with more self-satisfaction than I'm sure was necessary, and once we finally decided to clean up and get out of the bath, it was extremely late into the night. When we stepped into the bedroom to get dressed, Levi was right back to complaining to me about the baby not kicking when he was around, and he made me promise to tell him whenever it was happening, no matter what he was doing or who he was with.
I went along with it, though I knew that if I dared interrupt an important meeting with, let's say Zackley for example, just to let him know that the baby was kicking, he'd probably kick my ass as soon as he was able. He didn't have to wait very long, though, because it was as soon as I settled under the covers, my back to the headboard, a book in my lap, that I felt the baby begin to kick. He had his back to me as he stretched his arms above his head, not having gotten under the covers just yet.
"Levi, Levi," I said, getting his attention, and perhaps it wasn't quite the right way to go about it, because he turned around quickly to look at me, his eyes wide and it was clear that he was suddenly incredibly concerned. So, whoops? But still, it got his attention, and so perhaps this level of urgency was warranted. I reached for his hand and he obliged. Not quite getting what I was playing at, he was rather stiff, only allowing me to maneuver his hand.
"What? What's wrong, Amaya?"
"Get over here," I said with a huff and a roll of my eyes.
Fortunately for him, he indulged me; he allowed me to pull him closer and until he was close enough for me to guide his hand to my belly. There was silence for a moment, but only for a moment as the baby paused, as though to tease its father, and we might all three have both held our breath for a moment.
I bit my lip, looking into his eyes as he waited, head bowed, for the baby to continue. With my hands over Levi's on my stomach, I could feel it when the baby began to kick again, and a wide smile made its way only my face at Levi's shaky intake of breath.
He glanced up at me, then looked back at my belly, as if he couldn't quite believe it. He leaned over, placing his ear to my stomach again, and he jerked it away almost immediately as the baby kicked again. Levi leaned back in and stayed where he was until the baby stopped, and only then did he sit back up. He was speechless.
"Well," I said, "how was it? Was it everything you dreamed?"
He chuckled and shook his head, leaning in to press a doting kiss to my forehead. "As soon as the kid's out," he said, starting to get under the covers, "we're gonna need to have a talk."
"Is that right? About what?"
"The little brat shouldn't be kicking you," he said, as if the baby was doing it on purpose. He set his back to the headboard, stretching his legs out under the blanket.
"Oh? But the kicking seems to make you so happy," I said, a sly smile on my face. "But you may as well get the baby used to hearing your voice, then."
I held the book towards him, a silent offer for him to read to us. He looked at me rather skeptically, but took the book rather forcefully.
"Fine," he decided. "But I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for her."
"Oh, sure," I said, leaning into his side. I set my head on his shoulder and he sighed, annoyed. He opened the book anyway, and I closed my eyes as he began to read.
—
Weeks Later:
"Come on, come on, come on," I insisted, tugging on Levi's hand and dragging him towards the bedroom door to leave the house. A steady stream of curses left him as he struggled to put his other shoe on. He was hopping along on one foot, pulling against me, and reaching back to fix his shoe all at once, but I continued to pull, resisting his resistance and laughing all the while.
"God damn it," he muttered, finally getting his shoe on, and putting his foot down. "What is so important?" He purposely walked at a slow pace, but in too good of a mood to argue, I dragged him along, smiling back at him. "Where are you taking me, you idiot woman?"
"It's a surprise," I told him, leaning more of my weight away from him. Hopefully, the threat of me falling the hell over would be enough for him to go willingly? "Our wagon is gonna leave without us if you don't hurry up!"
With a smirk Levi increased his pace, enough so that he was in front of me now, pulling me. "Hurry up, then," he said smoothly.
I huffed. He knew for a fact that I could only waddle so quickly with this big ass stomach of mine. He chuckled and stopped until I was at his side. Instead of continuing to walk from there, he set an arm to my back, the other swept under my legs, and he picked me up like a bride with a grunt.
"You're getting fat," he said, and I gasped.
I crossed my arms, looking at him defiantly as he started down the hall again, with me securely in his arms. "I'm only this heavy now because someone doesn't like wearing protection and someone doesn't like pulling out."
His eyes widened and he slowed in his step, but only for a moment as he got over his surprise. "Shut up," he hissed. I smiled, enjoying the fact that I could still get a rise out of him like that. He knew I was right, after all. Once outside, he put me down and I grabbed his hand, and we walked together to the wagon I'd called for. I couldn't exactly ride a horse while pregnant, and we sure as hell weren't going to walk all the way to Trost. "You know I don't like surprises."
I ignored him for now as the wagon driver waved to us and I waved to him. He got off the wagon, and opened the door for us to get in. Levi helped me up then got in himself, the driver closing the door behind us. The driver clarified with a call back to me that we were heading to Trost, and I confirmed our destination, thanking him again. As the wagon started to move, I finally regarded Levi's words.
"It's a good surprise," I told him. "You'll love it, I'm sure."
"You seem so sure," he muttered, looking out the window. I leaned forward in my seat to look outside too, taking in the beauty of the day. Sure, I'd woken up this morning feeling like absolute shit, and had spent the better half of the morning throwing up, but it really was a beautiful summer day.
"Have you gotten used to it yet, Levi?" I asked suddenly, my eyes still trained at the landscape. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him turn his head to look at me.
"Gotten used to what?"
"Everything, I guess," I said. Knowing that wasn't really an answer, I continued to prattle on. "Sometimes I wake up and expect to go outside and still be underground. And then I see the sky and honestly, even now, it still takes my breath away. I mean, there was a time not all that long ago that we had never seen the sun before, and now, we get to see it every single day."
"You too, huh," he said, and I looked at him. He was looking outside again, the sunlight dancing on his face. "It doesn't normally occur to me during the day, but at night. Cloudy nights, especially." I remembered him saying something like that, on one of our first nights up on the surface, when Farlan and Isabel had been with us - something about it seeming like another cave.
"It's been everything I wanted it to be," I said honestly, "but there's still so much more to see. I can't wait to see it all."
"When we kill all the Titans," he said quietly, "and the outside world is safe, will we still come back here?"
It was a strange hypothetical, and one that was likely rhetorical at that, but I spoke anyway. "Our work won't be over," I reminded him, "even when they're all dead. Titans aren't our only enemies. There's no guarantee that even once they're dead, that the outside world will be safe."
"That's true," he considered quietly.
"But when it is over," I added, "I think it would be fun to just travel around with you." I set a hand on my stomach. "Only once the kid is old enough." I looked outside again. "I understand what you're saying, though. I mean, even going back into the underground city is suffocating enough after being on the surface. Being able to freely leave the walls, without fear? I don't know if I'd want to come back... to be confined to walls once more."
"It was a stupid question," he said. "We won't know how we feel until we get to that point."
I set a hand on Levi's knee and leaned towards him. "It wasn't a stupid question. I think... it's a perfectly valid thing to think about." I leaned back, setting my hands on my stomach as the wagon went over a particularly bumpy section of road. "I think this will always be home to us, though. I want to see what the world has to offer, but... this is where we grew up, got married, and this is where our baby will be born. Our jobs are here, too, of course."
Levi was quiet, but he nodded, taking my words in. For the rest of the ride we were quiet, offering only passing remarks to each other as we approached Trost. Once there, the wagon driver relied on my instructions until finally, we came to a stop outside of the little tea shop I'd visited with Pixis while the scouts were off retaking Wall Maria. The coachman opened the door and helped me out, Levi stepping down right after me. I smiled up at the shop, offering the driver his payment and a nice tip.
"A tea shop," Levi observed, looking up at the sign. "We have tea at home. Why are we here?"
"You'll see," I said, taking his hand and leading him towards the door.
—
Several Weeks Later:
Warm summer days faded away almost as quickly as they came, the temperature dropping lower and lower as autumn swept in. As the years went on, I found that I quite enjoyed fall. It was a beautiful season. The trees surrounding the base faded from their bright greens to a vivid array of red, gold, and brown, a beautiful mess of color. I loved the crispness of the air, the coolness of the wind, and the satisfying crunching of leaves.
But this autumn was so incredibly special. With each passing day, it got closer to the day our baby would be born. It was getting so close now, nearing the end of the season, and I felt like a balloon about to pop - and according to Levi, I looked like one, too.
Right now, I am busy doing... nothing. Levi was doing paperwork in our office, but I was outside, appreciating the nice weather while we had it. It'd be winter all too soon, and I wouldn't be able to spend as much time outside, especially not with a newborn. I closed my eyes as a sudden wonderful breeze blew through, and I sighed contentedly.
More and more recently I'd taken to redoing the nursery, going through the clothes, toys, and blankets, making sure everything was in order. Levi had complained about it, claiming I was becoming almost manic about it, but I couldn't help it. He'd encouraged me to start spending my days at the HQ, because being here meant I couldn't redo the nursery a tenth time, and it meant I could still be nearby as he and the others worked.
It was nearing evening now, the sun dipping already below the tops of the walls. With a grunt I stood up, but suddenly swayed. I felt... nauseated, almost, and my stomach was struck with what felt like the same cramps that were normal for a woman of my... progression through the pregnancy. Those contractions were like cramps but far, far worse. But along with that sudden and intense pain, there was an odd pressure in my abdomen, and...
Oh.
Hm.
Interesting.
Standing alone in the gardens as I was, I felt no shame in lifting my skirt, leaning as far as I could to see and confirm that yes, it looked like I was pissing myself. But I definitely wasn't. or was I? Was pissing themselves something pregnant women did? Oh, wait.
Oh, fuck.
I shifted uncomfortably as my underwear soaked through, but I started walking inside, waddling as quickly as I could. I began racking my brain for the checklist the doctor had given me the last time I'd gone, but unfortunately my body was racked with painful contractions and I cried out suddenly, slapping a hand over my mouth to keep myself from yelling. And then they were gone.
The pain disappeared but the shock did not and I stayed where I was, a hand clasped over my mouth. What in the hell was that?
Then the pain returned, and I honestly couldn't tell if it was worse the first time or not. I managed to stifle my cry of pain by biting my knuckle, doing my absolute best to try to redirect the hot, fiery pain racking the rest of my body.
Suddenly I remembered something a midwife I'd spoken to had told me - if they were irregular, it wasn't time yet. For first time mothers, the irregular contractions could last anywhere from a couple of hours to days. And that was not a pleasant thought - I really did not want to be going through this pain for days on end. When the pain faded away, I counted the seconds before the next one, focusing on catching my breath as I did. But nothing came.
"Oh, for the love of..." I groaned exasperatedly, deciding that dealing with this in the gardens probably wasn't the best idea - and especially not alone. I pushed open the door to the base, finding myself in one of the hallways unfortunately far as hell from the medical wing. "Fuck me," I muttered. "Just what I needed today. I would pick the area furthest from where I need to be."
As luck would have it, it was a large base, and absolutely nobody was around. I continued down the hallway, meant for storage and equipment. There were no missions today, so of course, no one was here. I finally made my way into the front reception hall of the base, and as if on cue, the door to the mess hall opened and out stepped Sasha, an apple in hand.
"Hello, captain!"
"Sasha, holy shit, thank you," I said, waving for her to come to me. She did so quickly, now concerned and on high-alert, the apple surprisingly forgotten.
"Are you... um, is it time?"
"I think so," I said unsurely, hoping I still at least sounded like a commanding officer right now. "I don't really know; I've never done this before."
"Um, gotcha. Here, let me help you," she said, taking my arm in hers, leading me towards the medical wing.
"No, no," I said, protesting right away. "I need you to get my stupid, idiot, no-good husband."
"No good?"
"He left his pregnant wife alone," I muttered dryly, knowing damn well I'd chosen to go out there in the first place.
"Well, if we see someone else, they can go," she insisted. "I'm helping you there, first. Then I'll go get him, okay?"
I winced as another wave of contractions rolled through. I bit my tongue, holding back a string of bitter curses no one should have to hear. I didn't realize I'd slowed in my step until Sasha pulled on my arm.
"Come on," Sasha insisted. "Keep moving, captain." What felt like hours later but was really only a matter of a couple of minutes, we made it to the medical wing. "Good evening," Sasha called out. The one doctor in the room looked up from the book he was reading but stood upon our entrance.
For the past few months, we of course hadn't needed to supply and staff an entire hospital of practicing doctors and nurses, and today, only he was scheduled, apparently. Well, I sure hoped he knew how to deliver a baby.
"Follow, follow," the doctor said hurriedly, readying the closest medical bed. He hurried around, guessing already what was happening.
"Please, doctor," I said as Sasha escorted me to the bed, "it feels like this damn kid is ripping through me."
"I'm afraid I cannot speed the process up," he told me as he put gloves on, "but I will do my best to make it as comfortable as possible for you." The doctor handed me a hospital gown and as the doctor prepared whatever else he needed, Sasha helped me into the gown, doing her best to politely avert her eyes. As soon as I was in the gown and was sitting on the edge of the bed, I waved her away.
"Go, Sasha," I said, "please!"
"Yes, ma'am," she said, leaving the medical wing at a jog.
"How bad is the pain?" The doctor asked, slipping a pair of gloves on.
"Bad," was all I could get out, though I'm certain that the words awful, terrible, and agonizing were probably better.
"Alright, ma'am. Is this your first time giving birth?"
"Yes," I bit out painfully.
"How are the contractions?"
"Just the worst," I admitted honestly.
The doctor nearly smiled, damn him. "I mean timing-wise. Regular, irregular?"
"Irregular," I told him. "It's not..." I sighed as the pain went away. "Still early labor, I think. I'm not sure."
"Go ahead and lay back," he said. There were plenty of soft pillows to lay back on, but they did little to help comfort me. "Bend your legs, and let's see how everything's going, shall we?"
I barely registered what he was doing as the contractions continued to come and go. I tried to keep my eyes on the doorway to watch for Levi. But he was taking his sweet ass time. "Doctor," I said, lifting my head up. He looked at me, and I almost felt embarrassed to say what I was about to, but did anyway: "I'm not sure if this is normal or not, but, well, I really feel like I have to shit."
The doctor smiled. "That's perfectly normal," he said. "Don't worry, captain. I'm experienced in delivering children."
"Oh, good," I said dryly. "Great. I'm glad. Oh, holy shit, this hurts." I grabbed fistfuls of sheet at the next wave of pain but found that it absolutely did not offer any distraction from the pain I felt.
"Keep on breathing," the doctor encouraged. "Do you remember the breathing exercises? Any midwife would have gone over them with you."
I couldn't find words to answer him, so I began focusing on my breathing, just as I was taught by the doctor I'd met with previously and the midwives I'd seen at other appointments. Focusing on the air entering my lungs worked to distract me only somewhat, but the pain was just too excruciating, forcing itself to the forefront of my senses.
The doors slammed open then, and I reached towards Levi as he ran in. As soon as he was close enough, I took his hand, squeezing with as much force as I possibly could. It wasn't on purpose, it was just that as soon as I took his hand, another wave of contractions hit, and he was the unfortunate victim as my body reacted instinctively to the pain.
"Levi," I breathed out, my eyes squeezing shut. He hissed in pain but didn't dare pry his hand from mine. "Levi, Levi!"
"Amaya," he said, forcing his voice to remain even. Even so I could tell he was panicked, unsure of what to do.
"It hurts, Levi," I managed to say.
His brows were raised, eyes wide and nervous as he looked between me and the doctor. "What do you need from me? Can I help?"
"Just stay here," I said. "I... Ow, fuck!" I groaned and threw my head back into the pillow.
Levi looked at the doctor. "How long does the pain last?"
"Don't ask stupid questions," I demanded, opening my eyes to look at him.
Levi looked conflicted but relented, but unfortunately, the doctor decided to answer anyway. "Early labor for new mothers usually lasts several hours," the doctor said, and I wished I hadn't heard him. "But there are certainly exceptions. Amaya here is a strong girl, though. She'll be alright, just keep breathing."
"I want to help," he said. "Is there anything I can do to make this more comfortable?"
"If she's up to it," the doctor said, "she can try taking a walk." I glanced up at the doctor incredulously. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, how would walking help? "Some women find that it helps ease the pain."
"Amaya," Levi said, "do you want to try?"
"Yeah," I breathed out, trying to sit up. "Yeah, I guess."
Levi helped me with one hand in mine and the other behind my back. He helped ease me to my feet and steadied me at my side. I held my hands against my ballooned belly as one of his came around my waist to hold me.
"Uh, shit," Levi stammered, "how's that? Can you walk on your own or do you need me here?"
"Stay," I said, glancing at him. "Stay, please."
He nodded and he did exactly as I requested. For a while, the walking worked, but not for too long. And the other exercises and distractions we tried worked but only for a few minutes at a time. Time trailed by slowly and eventually it was morning. And then it faded into the afternoon, and evening again.
I was tired.
Levi was tired.
The doctor was tired.
Hange was tired of popping her head into the room only to be yelled at to leave by my husband.
The only positive development I could think of was the fact that with every painful, exhausting moment that passed, the closer we got to the birth of our child. "God, kid, you're killing me," I groaned.
I was back in the bed as the sun set, Levi still at the bedside. He'd been lost in his thoughts, an impatient bounce in his leg as he chewed on a fingernail. He was beating himself up for not being able to do more. This was one instance in which he was completely useless, and he didn't like it. At least, he thought he was useless. I don't think he realized just how much help he was just by being here. I don't know how I would've done this alone.
When he realized I'd talked, he perked up and lowered his hand from his lips. It'd been a sleepless night, for both of us. I had told him to go to sleep, even if it was just curling up on the next medical bed over from mine so he could get some rest, but he'd refused. Instead, he'd crawled into the one I was in and held me the entire night as the pain came and went.
This was just another thing to add to the already endless list of things I could never thank him enough for. Things I could never repay.
"How are you doing, brat?" Levi asked me, his voice soft and gentle.
I smiled at the fact that even now, as we waited for the arrival of our baby, that he couldn't help but use that childish nickname for me. I briefly entertained the idea that maybe he'd pass it to the baby, but perhaps it was more likely that he'd stick it on both of us.
"I'm doing alright," I said, hoping to alleviate his worries at least a bit. "I think they're finally starting to even out." And that, I knew, was a good sign. Once they evened out and became almost rhythmic, it was a sign that active labor would begin, finally.
"You look exhausted," he observed. "But you're doing well. You're strong."
"We're so close to meeting them," I said, reaching for his hand with a slightly strained smile. My other hand continued to rub my belly gently.
"We are," he affirmed, taking my hand in his. "So don't you dare give up now."
Knowing of his worry about me dying during the birth, I did all I could to smile reassuringly. He lifted my hand to his lips, pressing to it a gentle kiss. Despite the pain racking my body, the exhaustion settling in, the difficulty in finding the energy to keep my eyes open by now, my focus and senses all homed in on the wonderfully warm feeling of his lips against my skin.
It was a simple gesture, but it was reassurance, it was hope, and it was love.
"Thank you, Levi," I said quietly, "for being here."
It was a sentence with two meanings: one, a thank you to him for being here, physically, when I knew that he was exhausted - mind, soul, and body - and he could be upstairs sleeping, eating with the others, or doing anything to replenish his energy; the other, a thank you for him returning to me after all the fighting, for staying with me despite the time being apart.
Thankfully, he seemed to pick up on both.
"Don't be stupid," he muttered. "I wouldn't miss this for anything. Here." He used his free hand to lift a cup of water towards me. "Stay hydrated, love."
A few minutes later, the doctor came over to check on things. It was a good sign, it was; the fact that my contractions were evenly distanced now meant that active labor was beginning. The doctor had me lay back and checked in on things below. And then he was kind enough to let me know that I was so strong to make it through early labor, but now the hard work was beginning.
Because, you know, that's what I needed to hear.
To the doctor's credit though, it certainly didn't last several days, but it wasn't like I was in pain for only five minutes. Rather, it was almost three more hours sitting there before the doctor told me that I could push, the baby was on its way out. I wasn't sure exactly how long it took but eventually, the doctor called out that he could see the baby's head, and for me to continue pushing, as if he thought I'd been considering stopping now.
Levi stood from the chair at the bedside, tugging back the hospital gown so that he could peek. He immediately sat back down, holding his free hand over his mouth, wide-eyed and rendered silent by what he saw. He looked like he was going to be sick. After only a second, he stood up again, steeling his nerve to look again.
"Holy shit," he said, and I tugged him back over to me.
"You stupid man," I hissed, "is now the time?"
"Sorry," he said. "Um, what can I do to help?"
"Just stay-" I was cut off by my own pained scream.
"Amaya," Levi said uselessly, looking for something, anything he could do to help. He decided on taking out a handkerchief and wiping the sweat from my face and neck, slicking back my hair. "You're doing great, baby," he said, his glance darting between my face and what the doctor was doing.
Minutes more passed and there was a sudden release. The doctor had been encouraging me, telling me about how close I was, but it was as if I couldn't hear a damn thing over the pain and pressure settling over my entire body. But then... it was as if everything cleared.
There was a wail, a cry. All I could hear was the crying of my baby, my child -
My child.
My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head, even as the doctor complained about not having a midwife to help with another set of hands. Levi let go of me and offered his assistance, but when he was told to help deliver the placenta, he nearly backed off. I wasn't sure what Levi was doing but all I could see and hear was my baby. There was more pain, another release, but I could focus only on the passing glimpses of my baby as the doctor worked.
A smile grew on my face as the doctor wiped the child down, telling Levi to just leave it to him, mumbling something or other. Levi's eyes were on the baby anyway, and the doctor, once the baby was clean and the cord cut, stood at my side, smiling warmly as he handed me the child.
I hastily undid the gown, pulling it down so my chest was bare. I reached for my baby happily, taking the sweet little thing into my arms as gently as I could. The child was crying, screaming its little head off, but I hushed the child with soothing words, lowering the baby to lay on my chest.
"You have a beautiful little girl," the doctor said, stepping back to clean up the mess as I looked down at my daughter.
"A girl," I breathed out wistfully. "Hello, my dear," I said quietly, running a soft hand over her head to soothe her.
"It's a... a girl," Levi said, still standing awkwardly by the bed. I reached a hand towards him as she continued to cry.
"Come here," I whispered. He took my hand, fingers curling around mine slowly, carefully. I pulled him closer, and he lowered himself to perch on the bed next to me. "Look at her. Isn't she beautiful?"
He seemed transfixed, and I guided his hand to her back. At his touch, the baby seemed to calm down, hiccupping slightly. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, noting the fine, dark hairs. Goodness, she was so tiny.
"Yeah," he said, almost silently.
"Welcome to the world," I cooed. "It's so great to finally meet you."
I looked up at Levi, urging him with a nod of my head for him to talk to her. With a blink he seemed to come to his senses, and he smiled, letting out a quiet breath. "Hi," he said, and I let out a breath of a laugh at how nervous he was.
I lifted her and set her in the crook of my arm on her back. Her little eyes were closed, fists clenched to her chest. She was just so perfect. She had her father's pale skin, and dark hair to match. I could only hope she had my eyes. Maybe my nose.
"Emiko," he said quietly, looking into her face. He seemed to relax, growing more comfortable with the idea that she was here. Our precious little girl, our baby, she was here.
My heart was so full, I felt like it would burst.
"Our little Emi," I said, resting my head on Levi's shoulder. He set his cheek on my head and reached for her hand. Her hand was just so soft, so fragile, so tiny compared to his. A tear rolled down my cheek. "Look at what we made, Levi," I said.
"She's perfect," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
In that moment, I was sure that everything in my life had been worth it. Every heartbreak, every moment of grief, every time I cried, every injury, every life I took, every time I felt like giving up, giving in, letting myself fall into death's clutches...
Every memory I'd made with people I'd grown to love, every hug, every kiss I'd shared with Levi, every stolen moment of love I'd taken in this cruel world... It was all worth it. Every breath I'd taken.
It'd all led to this moment.
It'd led me here, to sitting on this bed next to Levi, the love of my life, holding in my arms the very culmination of our love, our beautiful little Emiko. It didn't matter what happened to me tomorrow, in a week from now, or five years in the future, because this moment made it all worth it.