Descent

By lucifer-in-my-head

23.3K 905 841

Ed has to put himself back together after being tortured for months on end by Envy, but how can he fix himsel... More

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Epilogue

Chapter Three

2.3K 59 29
By lucifer-in-my-head

The very next week, Edward was deemed fit to leave the hospital. He was ecstatic to leave the smell of antiseptic and death, which, for some disturbing reason, Edward had discovered recently it had an almost tangible smell to it. Death smelt like...death. It was difficult to explain, but it certainly was not a pleasant smell. It burned through your nose and down your throat and into your lungs, and it made you feel like you were about to die yourself. Edward was not going to miss it. But, the fact that he had three days to leave was going to prove to be a nuisance. He was no longer part of the military, so he couldn't stay in the dorms, and the military hotel was hardly a place for permanent residence. Besides, it was much too expensive. The reason this was a problem was because the doctors had said that, for the next few months, they wanted to keep him close, just in case something went wrong and one of the more serious wounds reopened. But Edward knew the real reason. They knew he was weak. They thought he couldn't make it on his own. They thought that he would break if the wind was strong enough, or if he bumped a table or became lost in his thoughts for too long. Well...they were right on the last part, but Edward would never, ever admit that! He knew very well that when his thoughts wondered off too far, his eyes would close of their own volition, and then the flashbacks would begin. His senses would twist what was around him and turn them into reminders of everything at that damned barn. He would think he was back there, and it was difficult to get him out of the trance. So far, the only person able to do it was Hawkeye. She was the only person who could break into his hallucinations and pull him out of them.

It was confusing. He -and everyone else- thought it would have been Alphonse or Winry who would be able to break him out of his waking nightmares, but no. It was Colonel Riza Hawkeye. Permanent personal assistant to General Roy Mustang, the blind man. Perhaps that was why. She had personal experience in helping Mustang organize what was real and what was not, so she would know how to do the same for Ed. Or maybe it was because she had been the one to save him from the barn in the first place. She had been his first real comfort in months. So maybe he had formed some sort of bond with her. He hoped it didn't bother Winry too much. But it probably would. He was, after all, her fiance, and surely it would upset her that she wasn't able to comfort him as well as another woman could. Edward knew that if their positions were reversed, and it was Mustang who was the only person who new how to comfort Winry, he would not be anything close to happy about it. But, he also knew, their positions weren't reversed. It was he who had lost an important part of himself, not Winry, and it was he who needed the only person who knew how to pull him back. And at least it wasn't some total stranger. That would be pretty odd. He liked Riza. She was nice, and she'd always known how to handle any situation without allowing anything to blow out of proportions. She was always the calm one. Out of him, Mustang, even Alphonse. She had always kept her cool. Only once was she ever known to have let her guard slip. And that was when she had believed that Lust had killed Mustang. Everyone knew that they loved each other, in their own silent, not-so-secret way, and Edward had never blamed her for allowing everything to slip just that once. He would have done exactly the same thing. As much as he fought with Mustang, he had always felt a certain sense of loyalty and friendship with the older man.

As he had the thought, Mustang walked through the door, his unseeing gaze locked in Edward's general direction. Edward knew Mustang had learned to count his steps and listen to the sounds around him to determine where he was going at any one time, but it had to be extremely hard. He was just lucky that he was still in the Military, really. Although, Grumman made an excellent Fuhrer. He was kind and actually cared about the well-being of his people. And he was always generous to Mustang, who he had been close friends with for several years. He had personally spent several thousand dollars to pay for everything Mustang needed to learn to live with his blindness and recuperate from all his injuries from the Promise Day. As he watched the blind man make his way to the chair Edward had been reading in, he realized that his lips were moving, and he shook his head to clear it, and asked Mustang sheepishly to repeat what he had said.

"I said," The General laughed, "That we need to figure out where you're going to stay. The doctors won't let you out of Central, and you don't have enough money to buy your own place. Winry already checked for you." Edward was about to make a suggestion -screw the doctors- when Hawkeye waltzed in, looking a little bit annoyed.

"General, with all due respect, we've been over this already. I have a solution." She said, her voice sounding a little harsher than it normally was.

"And I've already said no. I won't allow it." Mustang snapped. Ed sank a little into his chair. He didn't like this. It was just plain wrong. Mustang and Hawkeye never fought like this, at least not that he could recall. He wondered what they'd been talking about.

"How about we run it by Edward before making decisions for him?" She spat back, and again, Edward sank a little lower into his chair, the book he'd been reading long forgotten. Her head turned to him, and he gulped.

"Wh-what is this...uh...solution you have?" He mumbled, just loud enough for them to hear.

"Edward, I know you may not like this, for more reasons than one, but I think it would be best if you stayed in my apartment for a while." She said. Edward was rather too stunned at the suggestion to respond, so she continued. "Alphonse and Mai had to leave Xing abruptly and they both have business to return to there. And your fiancee, Winry, has quite a few customers at Resembool who need repairs, so she needs to get back as well. And then there is...I'm afraid there is just no other way to put it, Ed, your hallucinations." Edward cringed, because he knew she had raised several good points. "We both know that, for whatever reason, I am the only one who can pull you out of them, so perhaps it would be best if we were close by. Since you left for Creta, I have purchased an apartment that is quite larger than my previous one, so there is plenty of room for you. And Winry, when she visits. Well, Ed, what do you think?"

It took Ed several moments to respond. "I...I guess you're right. About everything. But...I don't want to inconvenience you, Colonel."

She just smiled. "It wouldn't be any inconvenience at all, Ed. With my particular set of military duties, I am quite able to work at home. And I'm hardly going to grow broke feeding you. You'd be surprised how much a Colonel's paycheck exceeds a Lieutenants'. She laughed at that, and Edward had o crack his own smile.

"It would be nice, I guess. But...I'm not sure what Winry would think..." He trailed off, not needing any further explanation.

"Miss Winry has already told me that she thinks it's a good idea. Don't worry Ed, she knows nothing will happen. Unlike a certain General I know." She muttered that last part under her breath, and Edward was only just able to hear it. So that was why they were fighting.

"Okay, Colonel, I think I'll take you up on your offer." He said.

"No. As your superior officer, I forbid it, Colonel Hawkeye." Mustang spat. Hawkeye glared at him, furious.

"General Mustang." She said stiffly, through her teeth, "I am afraid I cannot obey that order. There is absolutely no reason for you to refuse the idea, and if you can suggest a better one, go ahead."

Mustang hesitated.

"That's what I thought. Edward, if you're ready, we can leave now." She said, her voice softening when she spoke to him. He looked from her to Mustang, hesitated, then nodded, standing up from his chair and returning the book to it's correct place on the shelf. It took him a few moments, because, he'd become bored earlier that day and arranged the entire shelf in alphabetical order of titles, so when he located the 'T' section, he slid it in and turned back to his bed, picked up his small little rucksack of things (new clothes {bought by Winry} and toothbrush {Bought by Alphonse}) and followed the Colonel out of the room. Just as he went through the door, he felt someone fist up the back of his shirt, and he turned to see Mustang glaring down at him. Despite being blind, his gaze was absolutely spot on, and Ed felt a shiver run down his spine at the cold look in his eyes. He didn't understand why Mustang was so objecting to this idea, but he knew he wasn't about to find out any time soon. His thoughts quickly returned to the cold black eyes, and he shoved Mustang's hand away.

"Yes?" He asked quietly.

"I'm warning you, Fullmetal." Mustang growled, low under his breath. He new that Edward had specifically requested that no one call him that anymore, because he felt he could never live up to it anymore, which was why Ed knew Mustang had used it. He tensed and waited for him to continue. "If anything happens to my Colonel, I'll kill you. Understood?"

"I'm not gonna touch her...Flame." He added as an afterthought. He knew that would piss Mustang off because he couldn't use flame alchemy anymore now that he was blind. Mustang growled again, but shoved past Edward and headed down the hall, in the opposite direction to where the Colonel had gone. Edward hurried to catch up with her. She was waiting behind the next corner, and Edward noticed, but didn't mention, that she was putting a handgun back into it's holster. He hoped with all his heart that she'd been doing nothing more than inspecting it. They walked together out of the hospital, and Riza held the door open for Ed in a gesture that was kind, but only succeeded in making Ed feel like they all thought he was too weak to even open a door by himself. He thanked her nonetheless, and forced a smile to go with it. He stepped outside and froze. The air was freezing. It was winter, and the snow was swirling around lazily, flakes catching in his hair. A violent shiver went through him, and involuntarily his eyes closed for a moment.

The barn was always cold, he knew, but it seemed extra cold today. Envy must have left the barn's door open when he'd left him here to die, because Edward could feel the snow rushing in and prickling on his face and exposed skin. He shuddered and tried to wrap his arms around his chest to preserve warmth, but he was too weak from cold and hunger and pain and he couldn't lift his arms. He let out a strangled sob because he was too weak to even try to warm himself up, and felt a warm hand place itself on his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut behind the blindfold and tensed, waiting for the pain that was inevitable when he was touched. Envy must have tricked him. He must have come back to hurt him some more. Another sob escaped him and he waited for the punch or the hit or the kick that Envy would plant on his burning skin just because he could. He heard Envy whisper his name, and he realized something was wrong. Envy never called him by his name. It was always Pipsqueak or Runt or Pathetic or Weakling, but never Edward. But who else could it be? Mustang had given up on him, knowing he wasn't worth the energy to save surely. Alphonse had better things to do. And he had Mai. Why would he need his miserable gibbering heap of a brother when he had that beautiful girl that could do more for him than Ed could now? And Winry. She was beautiful. She was far too good for Edward. He didn't deserve her. Maybe, in his past, in the time where he existed as a man worthy of her, but not now. How could he ever be worthy of her now? He was a mess. A wrecked, pathetic mess. She would find someone else. She would find a man worthy of her beauty and ingenuity and her brilliance. He knew she would.

He heard his name again and knew something definitely wasn't right. Who could it possibly be? Who was saying his name? Who was speaking to him? The voice was soft, and kind, and so unlike Envy's. It was feminine, but it wasn't Winry. Maybe a soldier had found him? But they would soon see. They would see that he was weak and pathetic and a mess and they would leave him there. They probably wouldn't even bother reporting the find to Mustang. He wasn't worth it anymore. They may as well just leave him here. He wasn't worth the time or the money or the energy saving. What was the point?

"Edward!" The voice was harsher now, and Ed felt a sudden burning need to know who it was. He knew, deep inside his heart, that when he opened his eyes he would see nothing but the pitch black Hell that his blindfold provided for him. He would see darkness. This burning need would go forever unsatisfied, but he had to try. Because it would be yet another wound to his already destroyed alchemic curiosity if he didn't. So he struggled against the blindfold, and his eyes fluttered open.

And he remembered where he was.

He wasn't in the barn. He was in Central. He was standing just outside the hospital, with Colonel Hawkeye, and she had just pulled him, yet again, out of another hallucination. He felt his cheeks go a deep shade of crimson, and, ashamed, he found something suddenly fascinating on his shoe that required intent studying. "Sorry, Colonel." He muttered, knowing that he would appear snobby if he didn't either thank her or apologize. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her smile a little at him. Not mocking him, as Envy had always done. And not pity, as he had come to expect recently. It was affection. He could see it. He wondered how she could possibly hold such an emotion for such a lowly human that he was, but then, she had always been such a kind woman. To his knowledge, she had never relished anyone's pain, or encouraged slaughter or mock or even unnecessarily harmed anyone ever. She had never been cruel to him, or anyone, and he knew she never would be. She had a kind heart.

"Please, Ed." She said. "If we're going to be roommates, you might as well call me Riza."

He lifted his head and smiled at her, nodding. He forced back the residual fear the hallucination had left him and they headed towards a waiting car. They climbed in and sat in the comfortable leather seats. Riza gave the driver her address and he put the car in gear and they drove off. It was warm in the car. A little too much so. It made him feel drowsy, and the temptation to close his eyes and fall asleep was heavy. But he resisted. He didn't want to fall into the nightmare of his past and think he was still there. He was safe, he knew he was. But when his eyes closed the part of his brain that should know that important fact scurried off, and suddenly he was back in the barn. The dark made him think he still had the blindfold on, made him think he was blind to the world around him. And when he was blind he couldn't tell the difference between past and present. He feared sleep now. Avoided it like the plague at night. He would stay awake for hours, for as long as he could, keeping his eyes wide open. The hospital had caught on to this and supplied his room with a night-light. That had helped him avoid the nightmares even when awake, because even with his eyes open, the pitch black of night sent him back to the barn, and it terrified him. But, eventually, his body would reject his determination and force his exhausted body into sleep, and the nightmares would begin. But, in the morning, Riza was always there to wake him up.

The car stopped outside a large apartment complex and Riza nudged him out. He shook his head to clear away the foggy edges that had appeared while he'd been lost in thought, and shuffled himself out into the cold. He shuddered, but forced his eyes to stay wide open. Riza led him into the building and up three sets of stairs, and then took out a key and opened up her door. She walked in first and held it open for him to follow, and when he was in she shut it and locked it. He looked around. The foyer was plain, just tiles and white walls, with a few pictures of who Ed knew to be Riza's father, and one of someone who must be her mother. Her mother was rather pretty, with blonde hair the exact same shade as Riza's, and the same sherry-coloured eyes. Their facial structure was remarkably similar, and she was looking nice in a periwinkle dress. Riza allowed Ed a few more moments of observation before leading him on into the rest of the apartment. She was right, this was certainly bigger than he last, which had been nothing more than a conjoined living room and kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. This was huge. The living room was twice the size of her previous, with a set of comfortable looking couches and chairs. There was a wide table in the center of the room, sitting in front of the main couch, and underneath Edward could see several board games. There was a chess set still sitting atop the table, with pieces scattered across it as though someone had left halfway through a game. She had a radio perched on top of a little bedside table, and it was currently not plugged into the power socket on the wall underneath. She had several vases of flowers scattered around the room, all of them looking fresh. There were roses, petunias, lilies, blossoms and lilacs.

"Roy gave them all to me." Riza said, apparently noticing the look of curiosity he knew had to be plastered on his face. "He's been coming around a lot," she continued. "He visits whenever he has the time. He even spends the night occasionally, which is why I bought a bigger apartment, so he wouldn't have to sleep on the couch anymore."

Edward wasn't really surprised to hear it, but he still had to ask, for the sake of curiosity. "Mustang spends nights here?"

Riza nodded. "Yeah. He gets a lot of nightmares about his time in Ishval, and more than ever since you went missing. He doesn't like to admit it, but he hates being alone. He used to call and ask if he could come around. Now it's gotten to the point where occasionally I'll wake up and cook breakfast for myself, and he'll appear out of the guest room and ask if I could make him some too." She glanced down at Edward, who was feeling like he was hearing something too personal. "Don't worry Ed, it's not complete secret. His immediate subordinates know about it," she, of course, meant Havoc, Breda, Fuery and Falman, "but, please don't go around telling people. He doesn't need things like that reaching the general public."

"Of course not. My lips are sealed." He promised. "But I think it's nice that you two have reached that level of trust, if you don't mind me saying" He added.

"Not at all. I agree." She said. "Now, how about I show you where you'll be sleeping and then I'll make dinner, okay?"

Edward nodded enthusiastically. He was eager to see the rest of the apartment, and food sounded wonderful. She led him down a narrow corridor and opened the second door to the left. She showed him in. It was a plain room, with nothing but a bed and a bedside table with a lamp on it, and a set of drawers for clothes. "this is your room, Ed." Hawkeye told him. "You can put whatever you want in here, posters, books, anything you like. I don't mind. The room across from this one is mine, and the first door, the one we passed, is the guest room where Roy sometimes sleeps." They left the room and she gestured to the door at the end of the corridor. "That's the bathroom." They walked back into the living room and through another gap where a door aught to be, and came out into the kitchen. "I'll start making dinner. Feel free to unpack your things and wander around the house." And with that, she pulled out a bunch of ingredients and set to work.

Ed did as she suggested and emptied out his clothes into the drawers, and put his toothbrush in the bathroom. He decided that after however long it had been, he needed a shower, and helped himself to the hot water. She wouldn't mind, he thought. He stripped his clothes and stepped into the shower, which was just a square room with blurry glass walls and a shower curtain on the outside. He turned on the 'hot' tap and instantly burning hot water sprayed from the shower jets. It was painful at first, but after a minute or so it cooled down ever so slightly, so it was hot enough to sooth his stiff muscles but not too hot to burn him. There was a bottle of shampoo on a rack and he washed his hair, and a bar of soap, which he rubbed onto a clean cloth and washed his skin with. He stayed in the shower for a few minutes, enjoying the hot water running down his face and his back, but he didn't want to waste all of it just in case Riza wanted a shower too, so he turned off the tap and stepped out.

After drying his hair, skin and thoroughly drying his auto-mail -damn, it was nice to have Winry's model back on instead of that lousy Drachman crap he'd had to deal with- he wrapped the towel around his waste and tiptoed to his room, where he put on fresh clothes. He left his hair loose around his shoulders and strode back to the kitchen, where Riza was dividing the now cooked food onto two separate plates and setting them on the table. He thanked her for cooking for him and dug in. "Enjoy the shower?" She asked, showing just the barest hint of a smile.

"Yeah. Hope you don't mind." He replied.

"Not at all." She said. "You can't live here and not shower."

"Thanks." He said, and they both were quiet, neither knowing what to say. After dinner, Riza went to bed, and so did Edward. He didn't let himself sleep that night, though. He had had a wonderful night, and he didn't want to ruin it with nightmares. The shower, the dinner, talking with Hawkeye, it all felt so nice, and he never wanted the nice to end. He wasn't sure exactly what tomorrow would bring, but he felt, deep inside, that it would be good. It had to be. He had a home, and company, and it made him glow inside. So he stayed awake all through the night, with the lamp on, smiling the whole time. The next morning, he waited until he could he could hear Riza walking through the house before getting up himself. He was tired, but he felt great. Everything that was happening to him right now was wonderful, and he hoped everything would stay this way.

Okay, so, first of all, don't get your hopes up *cough* Brenne *cough*. Ed's happiness ain't gonna last much longer, trust me, I'm too evil to allow that to happen.

But seriously though. I'm gonna try hard to make these chapters a lot longer than they have been recently, so they will probably take a bit longer to upload. Love you all, and see you next chapter!

P.S, the signiture at the end is a combo of this ffn account and my Wattpad name, so that when I upload this on Wattpad (when it stops being a shithead) those who didn't read the notice will not be too confused as to the whole name thing.

~KalaJayde~

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