"I just wanted to get us something nice. Paris wasn't much of a holiday with the family drama, this is a step up from that at least - no freedom at stake. You do what you have to do and then we can enjoy a nice dinner at the marina - you know - have a date night," Celeste explained, slightly apologetically, knowing Jess wasn't much for lavish accommodations, after they'd checked in to Marina Del Rey and were heading for their room.
"It's fine, thank you," Jess said, grateful for her thinking of the things he hadn't really had time to think about, having been preoccupied with work and trying to figure out how exactly to talk to Jimmy.
Jess had left the travel planning to Celeste, trying to do a few late nights at the office so he could actually use their trip for something other than working on the go. He was only somewhat surprised to see that Celeste had booked a first class flight and a five-star hotel. He might have said something, whined a little about splurging or said it was excessive just for a few nights, having just spent a fortune on the house, but he held his tongue. He just wanted her to do whatever made her comfortable - if it was more legroom, so be it. And he had to admit, they'd neglected dating as such a bit during the renovation process and there was nothing else he'd rather do that to enjoy her company.
"God, I'm tired - every muscle in my body aches," Celeste stretched herself out with a yawn. Sitting still for extended periods of time, on a plane or elsewhere, wasn't her favourite activity these days, but if she was going to travel, this was the time to do it. They'd just had her 12th week appointment a few days ago and gotten the green light. Everything looked by the book, even getting another visual confirmation on the gender. Going in for the second time had felt slightly less overwhelming for Jess, and after they'd heard the heartbeat again and saw her moving on the screen, hand and legs recognizable, he felt like he could finally breathe a little easier. This was really happening.
"You go lay down, I'll go get us some lunch from downstairs," he suggested, recalling seeing a deli. He knew that her go-to meal these days was salads, preferably something with beets.
Celeste kicked off her Toms, settling with a deep sigh onto the smooth bedspread. She hadn't been in L.A for years, the last time being for some work thing, flying quickly in and out without so much as seeing the beach. She propped herself up on some pillows, finding a comfortable position, the contents of her purse to keep her company. She picked her notebook instead of her phone again, continuing to draw. It had become her escape these past few weeks, random scribbles gaining more and more meaning, becoming a story of sorts.
Jess returned 15 minutes later, finding her drawing. He liked how focused she looked when she really got into something.
"I had them take away the goat cheese and replace it with Swiss," he said. Beet salads for some reason often game with goat cheese which she was not supposed to be eating.
"Thanks!" she said.
He settled down next to her, along with the salads. He took a fork himself, biting into his own chicken salad one handedly, while his other hand browsed what Celeste had been drawing. He knew she was fine with him looking at her things, but at the same time he knew she felt a little self conscious about them too.
"I like this character," he gestured towards the semi-abstract girl she'd incorporated into her drawings.
"She's a misfit who goes from situation to situation - getting more brave and independent. I'm not really sure what to draw next though so I just started with the background details, trying to catch the L.A feel," she explained, flipping through a few pages with her left hand. There was no secret than she drew the character off herself, though visually baring hardly any similarites.
"You have an interesting style, I haven't seen anything quite like it before. It's like a crossover between noir comics and childrens books or something," he commented. It was amazing how she still kept surprising him.
"So when are you seeing Jimmy?" she asked, getting on with more topical matters.
"I actually called him when I went downstairs," he said. "I thought we might all have dinner together tonight, as much as I'd love a date night, but I think I'd want them to meet you too," Jess suggested - surely it would've been plain weird to bring her along and now introduce them.
"Sure. Sounds fine. You want to tell them?" she asked, referring to her tiny bump.
"You don't want to?" Jess asked.
"No, it's fine, it's just that they'd be the first to know other than Rory," Celeste pondered. She knew it was probably nothing, but she couldn't help but to feel a little nervous nonetheless. Saying it out loud made it more real every time, and while she was long gone in hoping and dreaming, getting other people informed seemed somehow more serious.
"And then I'll maybe go see him alone tomorrow, though I still don't know what exactly to say to him," Jess added, taking another bite of salad.
"What is it that you want to ask from him exactly?" Celeste inquired, hoping to be helpful.
"I guess, whether now, when he's figured himself out - would he have done things differently? Whether what he did was inevitable?" Jess said.
She wanted to ask, what would happen if what he learned from Jimmy wasn't what he wanted to hear. While he'd assured her he wasn't going to bolt - she knew he wouldn't hurt her like that, but in the face of responsibility the thought of Jimmy bailing on him had left a mark of insecurity - how much of it was just Jimmy and how much of it was in their genes? She believed he wanted to do things right, better - but she just wanted him to believe in himself, see what she saw.
"We should tell Luke, Doula and your mom soon too," Celeste suggested, changing the subject.
"We can go to Stars Hollow next weekend, if you feel up to it. But we shouldn't tell mom that we came here, I bet she won't like it," he added.
"She still holds a grudge?" Celeste asked.
"I don't think it's not something you just get over, you know. Maybe it would've been the smart thing to forget and forgive, but I really don't always follow how her mind works," Jess explained.
It was five hours later, Celeste having taken a quick nap in between, when the two sat at a pub, waiting for Jimmy and Sasha, who were running a little late. Sure, the pub, Jimmy had suggested for the evening, served some burgers and pastas, but it hadn't quite been what Celeste had expected, leaving her feeling a little overdressed while a group of college students were playing beer-pong just a few tables away. Despite the strange surroundings, she really only had eyes for Jess, noting how nervous he was. She squeezed his hand in assurance, the corner of Jess' mouth curving upwards apprehensively.
"Jess, hi! Long time!" Sasha greeted him, approaching from behind him, patting his shoulders.
"Hey!" Jimmy added, taking a seat opposite Jess. The man looked a little scruffy, clearly coming straight from work. "You find the place alright?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah," Jess replied, nodding in greeting. "Jimmy, Sasha, this is Celeste," Jess introduced them, placing his hand on the small of Celeste's back making the association clear.
"Great to meet you," Sasha commented, shaking Celeste's hand.
"Likewise," Celeste replied.
"Great, I'm starving," Jimmy muttered, reading through the laminated menu. "So, uh, how have you been?" Jimmy asked, glancing up from the menu at the two briefly.
"Pretty good. Celeste and I just bought a home together, we just finished the renovations," Jess replied, feeling quite proud of it.
"Wow, that's...," Jimmy began, nodding approvingly but not quite finishing his thought. "In Philly?"
"Brooklyn," Jess replied, beginning to prepare to announce their second piece of news.
"Uhuh," Jimmy muttered, waving at the waiter to come and take their order.
It took a few minutes, the waiter taking their orders and a few exchanges of casual comments on the menu.
"We actually have some other news as well," Jess began with a deep inhale. It was strange how this moment felt a little unnerving.
"Well, let's hear it then," Jimmy said.
"We're expecting a baby girl in March," Celeste said, seeing Jess freeze up.
"That's great," Sasha exclaimed.
"Congrats," Jimmy said, not sounding overly enthusiastic, Jess definitely picking up that tone.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" Sasha asked, observing the awkward dynamic between the guys, thinking it would be only polite of her to try to help to carry on the conversation to the best of her abilities. "It's early of course but with Lily, the name just came to me. After I'd thought of it, there was no changing my mind," Sasha explained.
"Not yet," Celeste replied.
"And what about you guys? Still living in the old house?" Jess asked. With the impending conversation he was to have with Jimmy, all the baby stuff, the details, just felt too much for him.
"Actually no," Jimmy replied, adding, "It was a little big just for the two of us," he replied.
"We only have Chowder left. Remember, he was just a puppy when you lived here," Sasha explained.
"Sorry about that," Jess replied. "They used to have like ten dogs," he explained to Celeste.
"That must've been fun," Celeste commented.
"Most of the time it was just loud," Jimmy said with a chuckled grunt.
"So Jimmy said, you're in town for work?" Sasha asked, seeing that Jimmy wasn't exactly engaging at his best.
"Yeah, have a meeting tomorrow," Jess lied, glancing over to Celeste apologetically, making it even more clear to her how awkward the relationship was between the two.
"Well it's great you could find the time to combine things. When else are we going to see you, now with your beautiful partner and baby on the way. You can expect the next couple of years to be very hectic," Sasha commented.
Celeste and Sasha pretty soon took over the whole conversation leaving the guys sitting with some tension. Jess could feel that Jimmy was anticipating something, and he was right to. Thankfully the food came quickly, and while a bit too greasy for Celeste's tastes, it gave the guys something to do that explained their lack of communication.
They were about to leave, having just paid their check, when Jess realized he just wanted to get this over with. He was left alone momentarily with Jimmy in front of the pub, Celeste having excused herself bathroom, while Sasha was one the phone with someone.
"Hey Jimmy, I actually wanted to talk to you alone. Could we go talk tonight perhaps? Or tomorrow, if it's better for you?" Jess asked.
"What do you want to talk about?" Jimmy asked out right off the bat.
"I'd prefer if we didn't have to do it quite here," Jess grumbled, his hands tucked into his pockets. He wasn't getting any further in his thought process, and he just needed to do it - ask what he wanted to know.
When Jess returned to the hotel two hours later, Celeste could see he looked discouraged. She was unsure if she should ask even. By the looks of him, things hadn't improved.
Jess kicked off his shoes and ran cool water over his face and neck. He took a seat on the bed, letting out a deep sigh.
"He's just the same as he was when I first came here. It's like he doesn't have the words get forward from that place he was when he left," Jess sighed. "He keeps repeating the same things he's always said to me - he didn't have his life together, he wasn't ready, he was a terrible example. That I was better off the way things happened. He still doesn't think he could've done things any better," Jess explained. "Ugh... I don't even know why I came here. Was I really this stupid to expect anything other from him? I should know by now, shouldn't I?" he muttered, running his palm over his forehead and neck.
"Hey... you tried," she tried to sooth him, pulling her legs out from under her and scooting to sit next him.
"I hate putting this extra stress on you," Jess said.
"All I want is you to enjoy this - to believe in yourself in the same way I do, to see what I see," Celeste explained. "Maybe there is no way to have all the answers now, it's just something we both have to learn as we go. Hell - I know very little about the practical side of this as well, book smarts only go so far," she added.
"Yeah, but what I am like him - a terrible example, a lousy communicator, undependable," Jess listed.
"Well you may have some similarities in not getting your words out right, especially with him, but if I've seen anything other than that, you are very different from him. If anything you are lot more like Luke in fact. You care, and you show it in all these little things you don't even realize, you don't even seem to notice how good you are to me. I am so lucky to have you. All I want is for you to see it too. I trust you! I just know you are going to be the very best father, I just do!" Celeste assured.
He buried his face into the side of her neck. "I don't deserve you," he sighed in whisper.
"Stop this nonsense, okay? You've got to find that trust in me that I am not lying to you when I say that I believe in you!" Celeste tried to convince him.
He did trust her, more than anyone else. Maybe that was the way forward - trusting her faith in him to make him trust himself.