⚠️(Trigger) Warning: mental issues and violence}
[When someone speaks English I'll type the parts bold.]
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Hello everyone,
thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement. 🙏❤❤❤
I'm sorry for I letting you wait. 🙇♂️
Unfortunately I can't make any promises how fast I can continue. I'll do my very best. Thank you so much that you are still here. 😘
Have fun. 😊 Let's go.
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Pete's POV
After I got dressed again Vegas let me go to my room to take a rest. He had also released me from my duties for today. I told him I would still be able to work, even with the bruises, but he flatly rejected that.
It made me uncomfortable that he was so caring. It annoyed me that he seemed to think I was so frail. I didn't wanted to be a nuisance to him. To anybody!
I took off my shirt (actually still Vegas' shirt) and looked in the mirror, checking my torso. The memory of how those scars were inflicted on my chest came to my mind. Vegas' behavior just now, his guilty expression would make sense if it was him who had done that to me.
If he regrets it.
But anyways, regret or not, I was pretty sure by now that it was him. I didn't know why I couldn't remember his face, but it was obvious. And now there were so many more questions on my mind.
Actually these wounds still didn't bother me much. But I wondered so hard why Vegas had done this. It wasn't about being mad or scared, but because this kind of torture seemed atypical to Vegas.
I thought back to the man from the casino he had tortured. It had been bloody and cruel. Little force for a lot of damage and suffering that had been caused. He had acted coolly and deliberately.
The way I was beaten seemed more emotional. A great deal of force was used and even though my skin was cut open, the actual intensity of the pain was relatively low compared to other torture methods. He had also spared my face.
Based on the number of wounds there can't have been many strokes. I wasn't able to count, the memory was to blurred for that, but as far as I remembered it was over quickly. Why did he stop so soon? And why a belt? So random. He could have used other tools to cause more pain and damage. If it was simply about causing pain. A flogger or a whip could have torn my chest open to the ribs, an iron bar could have break my bones. Needless to say, what his little case of shiny surgical tools could have done to me.
Even if I was lucky these ideas had not occurred to him. Or he didn't want to do it...
As often as I turned it back and forth, it seemed too lax for torture and too much damage was done for simple punishment. And I had no guess how I got into this situation at all.
What did I do to him to make him angry like that? Did he catch me spying? But he caught me before already and never used violence. Why was I still alive and how come that Khun Kinn sent me here and Vegas accepted it, if there had been an issue between us already? What was going on here?
I felt the lighting of pain in my head again and groaned from the intensity. It seemed like my mind didn't want to show me more memories than that.
I remembered Dr. Top's words when he bandaged my chest at the hospital.
"You didn't lose your memories from a head injury, Khun Pete. I therefore assume a psychological cause. That means that probably if you do remember something, you'll start with the 'easier' memories first, the ones that don't stress you too much emotionally."
That was true. It didn't stress me emotionally, except the fact the lack of information pissed me off to the core.
But if there was more like this, if there were more incidents between Vegas and me... worse like this... did I really want to know more? How could I find out how Vegas and I actually relate to each other?
I turned to see my bare back in the mirror. Without context, it looked brutal. Red welts stretched across it, bruises here and there and in two places Vegas had bandaged the cuts that had appeared.
Pain. Submission. I never thought I would be so into it.
No, that's not it. I never allowed myself to think about this possibility. But somehow Vegas had managed to break through my barricades. He had gained access to something even I didn't have the key to.
Thinking back now, the first thing that fascinated me about Vegas was the violence and brutality. Hidden behind professional and distant friendliness. And yet it always shone through and in his presence you instinctively perceived the danger.
Two different situations. Same man. Same tool.
But the feeling. The feeling was so different.
I liked Vegas. More than I possibly should. More than was normal, considering the short time we spent together. I couldn't help that he was becoming more important to me day by day. And yet, I couldn't tell his intentions about this affair we had.
Until now, I had assumed it was all about fun, nothing serious, at least for Vegas. In my mind, the possibility that Vegas could actually really like me for myself - really wanted me - was vanishingly small. I wasn't able to give that possibility a place in my heart.
If it was just sex I was okay with that, because it felt so incredibly good.
I resolutely pushed away the persistent thought in a dark corner of my mind that was asking if it was really okay.
I'd better be more careful from now on. The only problem was, how could I be careful when Vegas seemed to be able to look into my innermost being constantly?
The question that burned in my mind was: Was there any calculated reason for this affair? Coming close for what? Punishment? To take revenge? To influence me? Maybe a plan against the Main Family?
What would I do then? How would I feel?
I needed more information and until then I should try to trust my gut. Trust myself. My heart was pulling me towards Vegas for what reason ever. But I was often right when I trusted my intuition. It was prudent to wait and see.
I sighed. Most of all, I wanted to believe that Vegas cared about me. Even just a little bit. Even if it was just about sex.
My stomach pulled me out of my thoughts as it rumbled loudly.
It was noon already and obviously I had been so caught up by Vegas that I forgot to eat at all. I sighed again. I was lazy and tired, but I couldn't help it. I needed to grab something to eat or my stomach would digest itself.
But before I would go to the kitchen I needed to change the clothes. Especially the jeans. It was tight and pressed uncomfortably against my sore butt. I didn't mind feeling the marks Vegas had left on me, but everything had its time and now I needed a break.
I just shove it down my legs as the door opened. Startled, I yanked it up quickly before I noticed who the intruder was.
"Vegas!" I exclaimed surprised.
He closed the door, carrying a bowl from which emanated a pleasant scent of food. A bottle of water wedged under his arm.
"Go on, go on." He said challenging and smiled ambiguously with pleasure.
I shove it down again and took it off. After we fucked three times in less than twenty-four hours there was no space for embarrassment anymore.
Okay, maybe a little bit. I didn't dare to change my underwear (which was also still Vegas underwear) while he stared at me with interest. I tried hard to ignore his gaze.
"Why are you here, Vegas?"
I made a note in my head to lock the damn door next time. Not because of Vegas but it seemed to be like people entered my room above all when I was almost naked.
I took out a sleeveless shirt from the closet and put it on. Vegas lifted the bowl. "The cook told me you wasn't in the kitchen or canteen at all, so I thought you would be hungry."
His words made me pause for a moment as I was about to pull a pair of sweatpants out of the closet. Even after Vegas had been so caring about my bruises earlier, I was still surprised that he did things like this. I wasn't used to someone caring so much about me and in any case, I never expected that from someone like Vegas.
"Thank you." I said and hid my face turning my back to him while I put the sweatpants on. When someone did something nice for me for no reason, I instinctively became suspicious. I had always learned that nothing comes for free in this world and that in the end everything has to be paid for.
Vegas put the bowl and water bottle down on the table. After I got dressed I approached the table and was amazed to see what dish it was. Khua Kling and sweet Pork. I raised my eyebrows unintentionally.
"What's wrong, Pete? Don't you like it?"
"I do, but I'm surprised to see it in this house without the plastic packaging from a delivery service. Did you ask the cook to make this?"
"I made it myself." Vegas said casually and seated on a chair on the other side of the table, crossing one leg over the other. I considered briefly if he was kidding me.
"Will you eat it or not?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
But I couldn't let this go. This was... I couldn't believe it. "How do you know how to make southern food. I mean you don't even like to eat spicy."
"I-" Vegas hesitated, that was strange too. I wondered if he has had a stroke. Was his brain damaged? Should I call an ambulance?
"I learned it a while ago. It's not a big deal the internet is full of recipes. Do you think I'm incapable?"
"Why should you learn to cook something you don't even like to eat?" My mouth was faster than my brain. Someone wiser than me would have just shut up and said 'thank you', but I was just too intrigued... and confused.
"What do you want from me, Pete? Huh? I learned it because there was someone. I wanted to make them happy, at least I tried to. Stop bothering me! Sit down and eat." He adverted his gaze, pretending to looking around the room.
My jaw dropped, I couldn't help it. I never thought it would be possible to connect Vegas' name and that word, but actually this was so...
"Cute." I mumbled with a smile as I looked at the curry.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing!" I said hastily. Shia! I had to be more careful what I mumbled to myself. But the problem was I mostly didn't noticed it myself.
"Pete, I don't like to repeat myself." His voice suddenly deeper and firm. My heart skipped a beat.
"Yes, sir." I said out of habit without thinking.
He chuckled. I pulled back the chair across from where Vegas was sitting, but before I could sit down, he held out a cushion he had taken from the sofa.
I frowned. "That's not necessary." I was almost offended. It annoyed me that he seemed to think he had to handle me with kid gloves. Did he think I was that fragile? I'm a fucking head bodyguard of the Mafia!
Vegas sighed and rolled his eyes. "What am I going to do with you? It seems to me that I'm the only one you just can't manage to obey to without talking back."
He approached me and I had a hard time to stand still and stop myself from stepping backwards as he glared at me with dark eyes. Vegas walked past me and put the cushion on the chair behind me, before grabbing my shoulders to forcefully bring me down to sit. I whimpered from the impact.
His hands still on my shoulders Vegas moved his face closer, I grabbed my own wrist, my heartbeat increased and my skin tingled. His gaze took away all my strength and confidence at once. It was ridiculous how much power his mere gaze had over me.
"Psycho." I said lowly in a feeble attempt to hide my own insecurity and was surprised by my own incapacity to just shut up and follow what he says to avoid annoying him. But he didn't seem to be mad at me at all, instead he chuckled and moved his hands to cup my face. Vegas tilted his head a bit to move his lips so close to mine that they almost touched.
"It's also fine with me if you fight back. I don't care if it's not easy. I will teach you your place sooner or later." He whispered, it sounded like a threat and a promise. I shivered. Vegas didn't move and I got almost crazy from the tension, but I didn't dare to kiss him of my own accord. He moved his hands from my shoulders down my arms until he reached my thighs. He squeezed them with force. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together, but even then I wasn't able to suppress a soft whimper. Finally he brought our lips together. When he kissed me, my whole body felt electrified. I grabbed his shirt as I opened my lips willingly to let him kiss me deeper and felt his smile before he invaded my mouth with his tongue. Vegas shove his hands up over my thighs until his thumbs pressed in my groin area. I moaned in the kiss. I felt dizzy. I forgot everything else. My head was empty. Silence. There was only Vegas left.
But one part of my body didn't seem to be into it now - my stomach rumbled again. Vegas pulled away to look into my eyes, both of us gasping for air.
"I could do this all day, but it's not the time now. Will you obey and eat now?"
"Yes." I gasped in a daze, so off the hook I wasn't even ashamed of how docile my voice sounded.
"Good." Vegas took his hands off my thighs, but didn't adjust his position.
"So? Will you let go of me? It could be difficult to eat your food like this." I just recognized that I still held on his shirt. My face flushed. I released him immediately.
Vegas laughed and shook his head amused as he walked over to sit on the other side of the table. I scolded myself for being so easy to overpower by this man. How did he manage to subdue me so effortlessly?
I turned to look at the food and my mood lifted. Whatever.
I took the spoon and started eating. It was delicious.
Vegas seemed talented at a lot of things.
"I wish you would look at me like you look at your curry." Vegas laughed sarcastically.
"Are you laughing about me?" I asked getting irritated.
He ignored what I said and continued teasing me. "If the house was on fire, Pete. Would you save me or your food?" Vegas tilted his head.
This man was so... But this game can also be played by two.
"That's not fair." I said casually, ignoring his gaze and continued eating, not even bothering to swallow first before I went on. "The food can't walk itself."
"You seem to have your priorities bodyguard." He teased casually like a joke... but actually... did I notice a little frustration in his gaze? No it couldn't be, and yet...
"Fine. I will save you. But you have to buy new food for me or I have to eat you!"
"Who's the one getting eaten?" Vegas looked at me with a.meaningful gaze.
Oh damn it! I really had to be more considerate about what I was saying in front of this bunch of insatiability. But my body started to react to him. It was betraying me, as it had so many times over the past few days, and I turned my attention back to eating - real eating - trying to ignore the tingling and tugging sensation in my lower area.
Maybe Vegas thought I was annoyed, since his voice turned softer, less teasingly.
"Fine. I'll always buy you food. As long as I don't have to eat it."
"You should try it. Maybe you would be surprised." I pointed with the loaded spoon in his direction.
"Not in a hundred years, Pete. Spicy is not even a flavor. It is simply pain."
"Your loss. I can't believe you eat the food here either. Clean... international... where are we in Italy?" I mocked and quickly put the spoon in my mouth when I recognized I run my mouth again. Oh Pete... Think before you speak. Sex or not... he's still your boss.
"I hadn't expected you to be so picky about food."
"Mhm." I hummed, thinking it might be better to keep my mouth shut.
He snorted but smiled. "So you don't like the normal food here? Nothing of it?"
How is this normal food?! I snapped in my head – Be considerate Pete... calm down your temper.
"I'm sorry, Vegas. I didn't mean to offend you." Good one! Keep going.
"I'm not offended. I'm interested. I never met a person like you. Your stomach seems to be as stubborn as it's owner." I gave him a look but continued eating.
"So you don't like international food. What else?" It confused me that he was so interested. That he wanted to know unnecessary things like this. We never have had a conversation like this before... so casual... like friends or... whatever.
"I can eat it as well. It's okay. But it doesn't make me full mostly. What else? I only try to avoid raw vegetables... salad, something like that. It causes me stomach aches mostly."
Vegas raised an eyebrow. "So you can't tolerate salad?"
"Yes, mostly. But does it really matter?"
Vegas went silent. Did I upset him after all? Did I answered to harshly? He crossed is arms in front of his chest and crossed one leg over the other, as he looked thoughtfully at my bowl with furrowed eyebrows. He suddenly seemed to be in a bad mood.
"Vegas?" I asked carefully. "Is anything wrong? I'm sorry. I-"
"No. Go on. Eat up." He grumbled. Vegas clearly didn't want to continue talking.
I pursed my lips. I knew I pushed my luck, but I couldn't stand seeing him like this, so I thought about what to say to distract him from whatever was on his mind at the moment.
"Vegas?" He looked up at me, with dark eyes, as if he was ready to gag my mouth with anything he could find if I wouldn't stop bothering him.
"What is your favorite food?"
Vegas tilted his head, pinning me down with his gaze, but he replied in a normal tone. "Mine? I never really thought about it."
"You can think about it now." I said cheerfully with my mouth full. Relieved that he went along.
Vegas gazed in the distance and narrowed his eyes as he considered seriously. I watched him attentively. He suddenly looked younger and calmer. Distracted from the heavy thoughts, the heavy load on his shoulders. Maybe usually nobody asked Vegas things like this. What he likes or not.
"Can I choose two?"
I laughed. "It's your favorite. You can chose everything you want, Vegas."
"Mhm... I like sushi. I often eat it with Macau when we go out. He likes it too and we always have a good time eating it together."
I smiled. "This is great. Something special between your brother and you."
"And I like to eat a good steak."
I put my right elbow on the table and rested my head on my fist. "Yeah. Both dishes suit you. Expensive, raw and bloody." I laughed.
Vegas locked his eyes with mine, his gaze inscrutable. As I felt my heart beating faster I hurriedly looked down. Vegas caused that I was unable to anticipate my own feelings when he was around, a look, a touch or just when he approached made my emotions go crazy.
I was happy that he seemed to be better now. It was nice to talk to him so casual. I enjoyed his company, but suddenly I realized that he might would be stressed later, if he spend so much time with me instead of working. He would have an appointment with Khun Korn soon. I was sure there was a lot to prepare for this.
"You don't need to keep me company, Vegas. I think you have a lot of work to do."
"You kick me out?" He raised an eyebrow.
"No!... No, of course not. But... I mean... You shouldn't waste your time on me."
"It's not a waste of time." He said bluntly.
I looked down on the bowl to hide my face, afraid my eyes would reveal my feelings. I was embarrassed, but also happy.
"Pete?"
"Mhm?" I hummed and ate up.
"Are you afraid of me?"
I lifted my head up in amazement. I didn't understand where this question came from. But Vegas looked serious and worried.
"No." I shook my head. "Why do you think I would be afraid?"
He sighed and gazed in the distance. Trying to find the right words.
"I want you to know that you are always safe with me."
There was something. I couldn't tell what it was, but something was permanently on his mind. Something hurtful?
"I know that already." Vegas looked into my eyes again. His expression showed confusion as if he couldn't believe what I just said. But it was true. He made me nervous sometimes... okay often... unsettled me, but this wasn't real fear.
There was a pause in which neither of us said anything. Vegas seemed to be thinking about what he was going to say and I let him take his time to figure it out.
"I'm sorry that I vent my anger on you, Pete." I tilted my head lightly as I tried to understand what he was going at with that. I thought it was okay, after we talked in the bathroom. But maybe it wasn't clear enough to him, since I had been distracted from the memory I have had.
"Vegas. You didn't vent your anger on me at all. Don't be sorry."
"But, Pete. I-"
"Vegas do you think I can't see it? All the things you do to keep me safe?"
He frowned, but didn't say anything. I never thought he could be so sensitive. So concerned about a man he fucks. Did he think I was angry or hurt?
I smiled gently. "You really need me to say it, don't you?"
Vegas stayed silent. I sighed.
"Vegas. I noticed that you always take off your rings and bracelet before we have sex, because you don't want to hurt me uncontrollably with it when you beat or slap me. You didn't tie up my arms earlier, because you felt upset and wanted that I was able to push me up and escape if I got scared. You let slide the ruler over my back to give me a chance to refuse. I know you made sure not to cause deeper injuries and that my bruises were not too focused on one spot. If you really wanted to vent your anger on me, you wouldn't have taken care of me like that. You wouldn't have paid attention to all those little things. You would have only focus on your own needs and pleasure."
"Do you really believe that?" He asked, still full of self-doubts and self-rejection.
"No. I don't believe that, I know that. Stop thinking you are the worst person on the planet. I guess you will not even make it to the top 10."
"A lot of people would disagree with that, I guess."
"Maybe, but I will not ask for their opinion. I know what I'm seeing."
"What do you see?"
"You." I smiled. "Just you. I like what I see."
Vegas jumped up from his chair without a warning. "Whatever. You finished eating, so I will get the bowl and let you rest."
He didn't even waited for me to reply and rushed out of the room.
I shook my head. Seemingly he couldn't take a compliment like this. But this was okay. He would get used to it.
I went to the bathroom and then to bed. I needed to gather some strength to deal with everything tonight. I fell asleep slightly smiling, thinking about Vegas.
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A few hours later I woke up with a start. I tore open my eyes. I was panting, drenched in sweat and my body was shaking, my heart racing.
I have had a nightmare.
No. It wasn't a dream.
It was a memory.
It was like my body experienced again, the incident my mind just remembered. My temples were pounding and the blood rushed through my head.
It was so hard to breath. I needed to breath!
I got up and pushed my hands against the wall, letting my head hang down and did my best to control my breathing to calm myself down. This fucking memory had caught me off guard while I was asleep, so I couldn't suppress my emotions and my body freaked out. Fuck!
It took a while until my body calmed down. I removed my hands from the wall and straightened up again.
"What the fuck." I whispered hoarse.
I wasn't prepared to remember in this way. Not only pictures, but this pile of emotions. The more I regained my consciousness, the more I felt my muscles aching, since they tensed up so hard from the memory.
I had remembered I was in Vegas' dungeon.
I couldn't recall how I got there or what I did to get tortured, but in my sleep I had relived everything that had happened in the dungeon. All those awful feelings.
"It's over, Pete. It's over." I said to myself, massaging my temples, trying to pull me out of the feelings. I got the water bottle and sat on the floor with my back against the bed. I opened it with shaking hands and sipped.
The situation ran through my head again and again.
Vegas had been furious. He had looked like a grim reaper.
"How do you think a guy like you should be punished?"
This voice. Cold. Angry. Full of threat.
So different from what I was used to lately. He had electrocuted me. Had put the electric contacts directly to my cock. Not only once. But it wasn't like I didn't expect someone like Vegas to have his own unique methods of torture.
He had enjoyed it.
For my part, however, I had enjoyed the fact that he was obviously beside himself with rage. Because of me. Because I fucked him up. I had wondered if he had been aware that his eyes revealed his agitation.
I wouldn't say that there was no fear at all. I was scared indeed, but I was prepared for this. I was trained for this. I had tried to stay strong as long as I could. Tried to endure the pain until he would finally kill me.
I had been in the defendants position. He could do whatever he wanted with me and both of us knew it. But I wasn't willing to give him the satisfaction of breaking or subdue me. I knew it would drive him crazy. In the end, he would have no choice but to simply kill me. Unsatisfied.
He was upset and desperate that his stupid plan failed. It was funny how upset he was. Like an animal cornered and now desperately biting.
He beat me up, but whatever he would do to me, it wouldn't change the fact that he had fucked it up.
Who has the upper hand wasn't decided by who stood at the pillar, but who's mind was stronger. And I wouldn't give in to him. Never.
"At first I was going to kill you. But I changed my mind. Because when you suffer... you seem to be... more interesting."
The way he touched me had scared me. Fear rose in my heart I was afraid what he could do to me. Way beyond than every electric shock or blow. I tried to struggle, but there was no way out.
But the physical abuse or even the harassment wasn't the worst. He had decided to rip my heart out...
"I love you, grandma."
I slapped my hands on both sides of my head. The bottle fell to the ground and water spilled all over me. My ears were ringing.
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. The echo of the fear, of the agony was still in my body. Standing in Vegas' dungeon, half naked and abused. Vegas who touched me the way that made my heart throbbing with fear, knowing that I would never see her again. The fear he could harm her to punish me. It would be my fault if she got harmed.
I was praying that Vegas would just bluff. That he would spare her, when I would give up. Obey to whatever he wanted. Letting him do whatever he wanted.
I sobbed and bend my legs, hugging them.
"It's over." I repeated it over and over again. It calmed me down a bit and as soon as I was able to walk I ran to get my phone. I couldn't call her here. Not here! Not in this house! But I needed to know if my family was safe. I called Porsche.
"Ai'Pete. Are you ready for tonight. Tankhun is absolutely-"
"Ai'Porsche." I gasped, he stopped immediately.
"Ai'Pete?! Are you okay?" He asked worriedly. I tried to adjust my voice. I didn't want to answer any questions.
"Before I lost my memories. Did I... did I talk to my family lately? Do you know anything?"
"Ai'Pete." Porsche said with a calm and comforting voice. "What happened?"
"Answer!... Please." I suppressed my tears. I never cried in front of other people. Not even my friends. Not even Porsche.
"I know you talked to your grandma, maybe about three weeks ago. And she send you food. Oh! And she called while you was sleeping at the hospital. Tankhun talked to her, you know they are good with each other. But he didn't told her about your state, because we knew you wouldn't want to worry them. He told her you was on a mission."
I exhaled. The memory must been older. So my grandma was okay. My grandparents were safe.
"Okay."
"Ai'Pete? Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
"I'm fine. I was just... I thought I had something important about them forgotten. And I don't want to call them while I'm with the Minor Clan."
"Did you remember anything, Ai'Pete? Is anything wrong?"
"No. I'm fine."
There was a little pause, before Porsche continued.
"Are you with Vegas?"
"No. I'm alone. I'm in my room."
"..." Porsche turned silent.
"Ai'Porsche?"
"Ai'Pete. I want to tell you something. Dr. Top said I'm not supposed to, but you need... Don't ask anything? Just take it as I say it, okay?"
"Okay." I answered confused.
Porsche took a breath. "You don't need to tell me anything. You don't need to tell anything to anybody. It's up to you. But... when you... when you need someone, you can talk to Vegas. If you feel like you can't take it anymore, go to him. He will help you."
"Why Vegas?"
"Don't ask! Just keep it in mind in case you need help, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you."
"How are you now?"
"I'm fine. Is Arm anywhere near you? I wanted to talk to him about tonight. We need some more men to support us."
Porsche handed Arm the phone and I arranged anything for tonight.
After what Porsche said I knew what I needed tonight. And maybe it was the same Vegas needed.
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Thank you for reading. 🙏💙🔥 Thank you for your wait.
I know I thank a lot, but it's because really I'm so grateful. That I can write this, that people read it and (hopefully) like it. I appreciate this very much.
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*Abt the story: Regaining Pete's memories is supposed to cause suffering to VP, but I will do my best to sort things out soon. Don't worry.* 💔🤕
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I wasn't able to answer cmts lately. But thank you for commenting. I'm always happy to read it.
Thank you for beeing here, for sharing your opinion, comment or adress some kind words. 💙💙💙
Take care and best wishes for all of you. I hope to see you in the next chapter. 🙏😘
~ Jay