>> author's note: I know it's been a long time since I posted anything, but I been dealing with really bad mental health! Forgive me for the long break but I am back!
You see, life is never as it seems.
One day I want to live it to the fullest and the other day I just want to keep on pressing skip.
Over and over.
Because...
Even when I am smiling, I would feel heavy,
And when I am crying, I find myself the most relaxed.
I don't understand it... and maybe I don't have to.
Life is the unknown that was never meant for humans to know.
It was offered to us without us wanting it.
One day we just woke up
And there it was.
I wonder if it was actually given to us...
Or if it was forced upon us... like a curse.
Either way, it was never an option:
A life leading us to death.
I just wanted to understand what was so special about it.
Was it the nature, the memories, the people, the experiences or was it just me?
But I didn't have to...
I never thought of life as something special... but meeting him was special.
Whether it was life's doing or not... it was me that held onto him.
Life just gave me a chance to meet someone better and stronger than it could ever be.
Someone that made me worthy of life itself.
He was someone that brought me comfort and peace... something that life could have never done. Without him I would have met another fate... life would have made me meet death sooner, even when I wasn't ready.
Him.
Him...
He brought me time... time to live.
More time before we meet our final destiny.
Not now.
There is time.
Time with life.
A life with him.
Cherry's pov:
For the first time in a week, I felt warmth. I slowly opened my eyes and there he was, my love, my miracle, my light, my happiness, Ko... my life. He laid naked beside me. His skin perfectly tanned like caramel. His smell covered the entire room, and his embrace was heavenly.
Perfection.
I looked around the room, nothing was misplaced. Everything was the same as last night... too real to be this perfect.
And I wondered...
When will this dream end?
I wondered If I would wake up any second and find myself in the same bed, cold and alone.
I wondered if he will ever want me again.
I waited and waited convincing myself that this is not real. That everything that happened yesterday was just a dream.
I was fated to be alone. Whether it was eight years ago or now or even later... my fate remains the same. That was how it always was.
"What are you thinking of?" A voice vibrated inside my bones. It felt like electricity. My heart started to beat faster than ever, as if I was hearing a ghost. 'Maybe he was a ghost' I asked myself 'what if I finally became crazy?'.
Withing the silence of my thoughts, a hand grabbed my face and turned it to the side. He was still there – the dream. How come can I feel him? How crazy must I be to be able to feel him?
"Baby?" he muttered while he caressed my cheek.
and with this, tears overflowed my eyes.
I knew.
"You are here" I smiled.
"Yes, I am here..." he smiled back, softly "now and forever"
There was no dream, no illusion... he was here.
He approached me slowly until our lips were sealed together. "Good morning" he whispered between my lips, sending shivers down my body.
"Good morning, Ko" I answered back with another kiss.
I was finally free from the chains of the past. Nothing could break us apart anymore. I was ready to tell him everything:
How I fell in love with him.
How I dated Adam because I was stupid and reckless.
How I met Haru and where I used to go after school.
What happened to me after Adam showed up at the bar.
How I wanted to disappear.
How I have given up on everything.
How Haru helped me.
You may also ask yourself why I decided to date Kojiro in the first place, even after everything that has happened to me. Why did I decided to give our love a chance? Well, the answer is easy: I never had faith in this love. No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much I didn't want to let go, I knew one day I would have to. I always believed I was not good for him, and I always made myself believe that he deserved someone better... but I was just afraid of the future. I was afraid that he would leave me one day and I would be left alone. I was afraid of being abandoned.
Everyone told me that I will be fine and that as much as it will hurt, I will eventually be fine. They told me that people will always come and go. That I would find lots of fish in the sea.
What if I didn't want to go through this process, from the very beginning. What if I wanted to protect myself... is it wrong?
Being gay in this society is already a burden. Falling in love with you best friend is another pain in the ass. Going through traumatic events is shit and... fearing abandonment, honestly, was the most human I have ever been.
This is what made me human. It was a simple fear.
For the first time I understood what it feels like to be human. To be afraid of little things we consider important.
Everyone is afraid of something, and those fears makes us behave in ways we least expect.
I told everything to Kojiro.
Well, expect one thing. I looked him in his eyes and silently waited. He understood.
"Thank you, Kaoru."
I smiled.
Maybe you understood me like he did. Maybe you didn't. It doesn't matter.
The silence that I spoke echoed in the room. For once I was able to breath. I didn't have to explain anything because everything was clear.
"I love you"
"I love you too"
You see... I told you.
Life is never as it seems.
You can call it a dream, a nightmare, an illusion... you can call it whatever you want.
While we dig for answers about this so-called life,
Life would have already predicted our next move.
It remains unknown no matter how much you think you learned about it.
Life is life. Nothing more to it. Just a fraction before the big finale.
We should stop wasting time understanding what we could never understand.
Live life until you reach the real deal... death.
Just wait. You will be fine.
The end.
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STAY TUNED! For the side stories to clarify missing information:)
🌸Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! It was different then what I usually write. It is more poetic but I felt it was needed. I didn't intent to write it that way. The words just came to me!🌸
Don't forget that you can suggests ideas if you want to! 🍵