**
Monday, 27th May, 1996
Waking up, I smiled, as I was wrapped up in Draco's arms. I must be dreaming, because I knew that in a few hours, this was all me and Draco was ever going to be – a dream. We'll be back to being a forbidden, secret, incredible dream.
My blood iced in my veins, however, when I realised it wasn't just a dream! I must have fallen asleep in Draco's arms last night. It made sense, as I couldn't remember walking back to my common room.
My head was rested on Draco's chest, his arms were around my shoulders, and mine were around his torso. We were both still naked, our legs interlocked with each other's, and his emerald sheets strewn over us.
I leant up onto my elbow, and nudged Draco awake. I didn't want to wake him up, as he looked so peaceful, like an angel, but I was panicking big time.
"Draco!" I whispering, rocking his body gently.
He snorted in the most adorable way ever and held me even tighter. I looked back over to his door, and I could barely breathe.
"Draco, wake up!" I whispered again, this time with more urgency to my tone,
"Baby, baby, baby. I'm sleeping," Draco groaned in a very deep and raspy voice.
I had to ignore the flutters in my tummy at this precise moment and figure out a way to get back safely to my common room, a way in which we wouldn't get caught.
"Draco. I fell asleep here, please, wake up!" I nudged him again,
"Lay down, go back to sleep, love. I told you I'd get you back to your common room, and I will, okay? Now shh," Draco mumbled in his morning voice, and pulled me back down.
**
After another couple of hours of being in Draco's arm, shutting the rest of the world away, we both woke up, and I saw by the clock on the wall it had just gone past 8:00am, so people would be making their way to the Great Hall, getting ready to sit at the house tables for breakfast.
My heart skipped a beat as I looked over at Draco. His usually styled-to-perfection hair was slightly wavy and fluffy, his collarbone was more pronounced, and his Adam's apple seemed larger.
We peeled ourselves out of Draco's sheets and began getting dressed. My chest was sitting heavy, and I felt sick. Draco offered me something out of his little snack cabinet, but I said no, thank you. The thought of eating anything made me want to vomit.
I couldn't quite wrap my head around the idea that me and Draco were no longer going to be a thing. I knew this day was coming, and yet, I still didn't want to accept it.
We had been given today off our school studies as well, due to everyone returning home at roughly 10:00am. Professor McGonagall had told us both to meet her in the Entrance Hall to greet everybody.
"Let's get you back to your common room, shall we?" Draco said, spraying his each side of his neck with a spritz of his aftershave.
I nodded and hoisted myself from off Draco's mattress. He gave me a small smile and opened his dorm room door. Making sure the coast was clear, we walked out of the Slytherin common room, and I knew that would be the last time I was in there.
As we walked along the corridor, we kept exchanging lingering glances, and our hands were grazing. I couldn't even hide how I was feeling, my heart hurt, and I just wanted to scream. It almost as though we were thinking the same thing.
This is really it.
These eight weeks are at an end.
We're over.
**
All too quickly, we arrived at the portrait of the fruit bowl, I tapped on the green apple, and it swung open to let us both inside. There was no witch or wizard to look down disapprovingly at Draco, but it still seemed to swing a little slower.
"I'll wait for you here, Parsons," Draco said with a sharp nod, as he sat down on the mustard sofa.
Making my way up the stairs, I pushed open the door to my dorm and I felt my eyes fog up. The tears that were stinging them were desperate to fall, but I didn't want to let them. I took a deep breath, ran my fingers through my matted, knotty, hair, and walked over to my trunk.
I took off my yellow t-shirt and pinafore dress, dumping them in the laundry hamper, which the house elves collected once a week, and cleared my throat. I knew I wanted to look nice, but I knew I couldn't make too much of an effort.
I chose to wear a long-sleeved white t-shirt and a pink fitted plaid skirt, with a silver necklace that sat in the centre of my chest. I waved my wand over my hair and sleeked it out a bit, so it didn't look so dishevelled and disgusting.
I glanced over to my bedside table and remembered that there was still the box of Peppermint Toads in its cellophane, and the sterling silver serpent pin Draco gave me. I was still going to have those tokens of my time with the Slytherin boy, so perhaps that would help me get through these next few weeks.
Hopefully, in time, and especially after the summer holidays, I will be able to find it a little easier to not be in Draco's life like I have been. Maybe with the distraction of Hannah and the other girl's, I'll be able to deal with it better. At least I won't be sleeping alone tonight, I suppose.
I then sprayed myself with some perfume and hastily made my way back down to Draco, not wanting to waste a single moment that I could with him. As I walked through the entrance into the common room, I stood still, and just looked at him. He was sat with his leg crossed over the other, and an old copy of Witch Weekly in his lap, his brow arching, and lip quirked.
"There she is, come here, you," Draco muttered, throwing the magazine on the coffee table.
Draco stood up and encased me in his arms. As soon as I felt the familiarity of being in Draco's embrace, I felt the tears start to stream down my face. I tried to muffle my cries and conceal them, but I couldn't.
"Hey, look at me," Draco cooed, holding the side of my face, wiping my cheeks gently, "There's no need for those tears, darling,"
"I'm sorry, it's just- I don't- I don't want to-"
"I know, I know. Shh. That's it, let me hold you," Draco said soothingly, swaying gently together.
**
We seemed to be stood there forever, until the chime to tell us breakfast finishing rang. I looked up into Draco's eyes, he pulled his lips into a small line, and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
All of the other students will be making their way to first period, whereas for Draco and me, it just signified the fact we only had sixty crucial minutes left. Draco took my hand and walked us over to the sofa, and as we sat down, he immediately held out his arm for me to relax into.
Resting my head on his shoulder, feeling the way he gently stroked my ribcage, I felt my eyes cloud again. It was excruciating. I knew I was going to find it hard, but I never knew I was going to feel this emotional about it.
Wiping my hot cheeks with the back of my hand, Draco was caressing me softly, and the ticking of the clock on the wall felt deafening. It was like a constant reminder that all of the other fifth years were probably getting ready to either use the Floo Network, board the Knight Bus or Hogwarts Express, or use some other kind of transportation back to the castle.
I took a deep breath and nodded to myself, wanting to gather some composure, because I didn't want everyone to know I had been crying.
"Draco... how did we end up in your bedsheets? The last thing I knew we were leant up against your headboard, and the next, we woke up in a completely different position," I looked up and asked him,
"We must have fallen into a deep sleep after, you know, because around an hour later, I woke up to us still where we were. I was going to wake you up so I could take you back here, but you were sound asleep, you looked so content and peaceful, and I selfishly wanted you there. So, carefully, I shimmied us down and pulled my duvet over," Draco said,
"As much as I don't like the fact we broke the rules, it was nice waking up in your arms, especially seeing what today is," I said, realising how incredibly bittersweet it was,
"Yes, I agree, it was rather nice," Draco nodded,
"It's just shit knowing I'm the only Hufflepuff girl to have ever slept in a boy's dorm room, and I can't even tell anyone. I know that's really pathetic of me," I said with a forced exhale of breath,
"It's not pathetic, I know exactly what you mean. I can't brag to all the boys that I was the first to have a girl in our dorm," Draco shrugged slightly, "But at least we'll know, won't we?"
"I suppose, yeah," I said, smiling at him softly,
"That's better, seeing a smile on that beautiful face," Draco placed a hand on the base of my neck, and stroked my jawline with his thumb.
He bent down and pressed his lips onto mine. I lifted myself up and sat on his lap, wanting to be as close to him as I could. As my tongue slipped into his mouth, the clock ticking in the background alongside, I tried not to think of it.
My skirt had rolled up, so the material of my knickers were touching Draco's trousers. Draco must have felt because he ran his hands up and down the sides of my thighs and grunted as I shuffled on his legs.
Draco then grabbed a handful of my hair and deepened our kiss. It was needy, slow, and desperate. Our teeth were crashing, and we couldn't get closer even if we tried. I moaned into Draco's mouth, feeling the way his tongue grazed over mine made my stomach flip.
I put both of my hands on Draco's cheeks, my thumb found its way onto his sharp cheekbones, and I gasped as I felt him harden underneath me. I accidentally grinded slightly, forgetting for a second that shortly, we'd have to make our way down to the Entrance Hall.
"Oh, fuck, Parsons, don't do that... you know we don't have the time," Draco said with a low chuckle,
"I'm sorry, Draco," I said, planting a final gentle kiss on his lips.
I didn't move off his lap, however, as I wanted to stay there for as long as I could. Resting my head on his chest, I could hear his heartbeat, and how erratically it was beating.
**
"Draco... I think we need to make our way down to the Entrance Hall in a moment," I said quietly, gulping,
"I think so too," Draco nodded.
He got up from off the mustard sofa and held out his hand to me. I gladly took it, and he immediately enveloped me in his arms for one last embrace. I breathed deeply, taking in that intoxicating scent of his, getting one final fix of him.
"I guess this is goodbye, Draco," I said, feeling my lip quiver,
"Don't think of it as a goodbye, not forever anyway, just an... until next time," Draco said, pulling his lips into a tight line,
"Why does it feel like it's forever?" I said with a crack in my voice,
"Shh... come here," Draco pulled me into his arms and held me close, "You're so special, Madeline, don't ever forget that. Do you hear me?"
"I won't," I said quietly, "But Draco, will you promise me that things won't be weird between us? Because I don't know if I could handle it,"
"I promise, darling, I do," Draco said in a reassuring tone.
He bent down and gave me a soft kiss. His bottom lip fell in between mine and it took my breath away. I could feel my body shaking as I was clinging onto Draco. I didn't think I had ever held anyone as tight I was Draco.
**
As we made our way down to the Entrance Hall, the hallways were silent, and we weren't talking to each other, our fingers hooking over one another every so often. With each step, the knot in the pit of my stomach was growing tighter and tighter. It felt suffocating, like all of the air had been taken out of my lungs. It hurt. It physically hurt to know that it's over with Draco.
I couldn't help but curse myself for being so ridiculously, utterly, obtusely, fucking stupid. I was an idiot for thinking I could get close to Draco over these eight weeks and not get attached to him. He infected my brain enough before all of this, but now, he was certainly going to be a permanent resident in my head. Taking over every thought and every emotion, Draco Malfoy was going to be fitted in there somewhere.
Far too quickly, we arrived at the Entrance Hall, and we were met with Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore standing with the doors wide open. My heart was hammering, as I assumed that meant they were close, so we didn't even get a lot of time here.
"Ahh, there they both are, Miss. Parsons and Mr. Malfoy. How are you both feeling?" Professor McGonagall smiled at us,
"I'm okay, thank you," I said, lying to her face. The last thing I felt was okay,
"That's brilliant to hear. And yourself, Malfoy?" McGonagall turned to Draco,
"Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks," Draco said in an almost clipped tone.
He was standing a little too near to me, however, and when he spoke to the Transfiguration Professor, he edged a little closer.
"That does make me happy! I suppose you're both ecstatic for this moment, aren't you?" the Professor beamed at us,
"Yeah..." I said simply, forcing a smile at her, again lying. Well, half-lying, anyway,
"I think you've both shown exemplary maturity and I for one, am very impressed with how you've conducted yourselves. You should be very proud of yourselves, I know I am," Professor Dumbledore bowed to Draco and me, his tone filled with genuine pride,
"Thank you, sir. That makes me happy to know," I said truthfully this time.
Draco just nodded sharply at the Headmaster and shifted even closer towards me.
The Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress were both talking amongst themselves, whispering, and looking a little pensive, leaving Draco and I to stand alone. I wanted to say something to him, but it was as though my throat had swollen, and I couldn't speak.
My heart sank into my stomach. I saw the group of them all walking up the bridge towards the castle. I could hear the many conversations and bustling outside the castle. The footsteps were coming in closer and closer. I looked up at the Draco and he smiled at me softly.
"I can start to see them all clearer now, this is probably the last conversation we'll maybe ever have in this way. You're so incredible, Madeline, you've come to mean a lot to me," Draco whispered,
"I'm not ready, Draco. I'm not ready to let you go," I muttered,
"We knew this day was going to come, darling. We knew what we had wasn't going to last and what we were getting ourselves into. It's shit, but it is what it is," Draco pulled his lips into a tight line,
"I know. I just didn't think it would be this hard," I told him honestly,
"I didn't either, my love. I wasn't intending on caring about you the way I do, I wasn't expecting to like you this much. I'll never forget you, Madeline," Draco said, grazing my fingers with his, "Thank you for everything,"
"I'll never forget you either, Draco. I think- I just-"
I had to keep swallowing my words because I wanted to say three of them. Maybe I had fell for Draco because the urge to tell him was overwhelming.
How was I going to sit in lessons tomorrow and be okay? How was I going to sit with Hannah and other Hufflepuffs later for meals? How was I going to talk to my friends and not want to boast about the Slytherin I'd had the privilege of being with?
"You're so amazing, Draco. I'll wait for you if you want me to. I would gladly and happily wait a couple more years to be yours," I whispered,
"I do. I mean it, when we've left Hogwarts, we'll use my inheritance and run together. It'll be just you and me, okay? But for now, we'll just have to go back to pretending like we don't care about each other," Draco muttered, his tone was quiet, yet loud at the same time.
I looked up at Draco, and I felt my lip quiver once more. I wanted him to hold me, but I knew he couldn't. My eyes were glassy, and my skin was hot. It just didn't feel real.
"Please, don't cry, darling. It would fucking kill me to see you cry again. Especially as I won't be able to comfort you," Draco urged, looking down at me.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. Smoothing out my skirt and picking at the skin on my finger, I tipped my head to myself, using all the strength I could to not cry.
"You're right, I'm sorry," I said simply,
"Well, here we are. Thank you, Madeline," Draco whispered, standing up straighter,
"I'll miss you so much, Draco," I said quietly.
They had all walked through the front doors and all looked both tired and happy. The group looked so large; I forgot how many classmates I really had. I caught eyes immediately with Hannah, who after she'd got checked in with Professor McGonagall, ran straight up to me and flung her arms around me. The smile on her face was enormous.
"Oh, Maddie! Am I glad to see you again!" Hannah exclaimed.
I looked over Hannah's shoulders and saw Draco being patted on the back by all the Slytherin boys. Our eyes met and as soon as I was being embraced by Hannah, I just burst into tears again.
"Are you that upset to see me again?!" Hannah jibed, with a fake shock,
"No, I just- I missed you so much!" I cried into her arms, forcing a smile on my face.
Draco knew, however. He knew why I was really crying. I felt his eyes wander over to me as he spoke to all of the Slytherins. I then went around and hugged Megan, Leanne, and Susan, and greeted all of them.
Before long, I was being spoke to by a lot of other people. All of the voices talking over the top of one another was unbearable, especially when the only voice I could concentrate on was Draco's, who was stood almost beside me.
I forced an even bigger smile as I wiped my tears off my face, answering people as best as I could. It was overwhelming, and I hated it even more than I thought I would.
"We've got so much to catch up about, Mads!" Hannah beamed,
"I can't wait to hear all about it, Han," I told her honestly,
"Could you all quieten down and listen, please? Thank you!" Professor McGonagall shouted over all of the chattering,
"Welcome back, everybody. We're all delighted to welcome you back and welcome you home, truly. Now, I hear from Hagrid and all of the other supervisors that you've been very well behaved and had a brilliant time away, which is what I like to hear. I'm glad that you've all arrived home safely and that nothing worth noting happened whilst you were away. You are to take your belongings back to your dormitories and remain in your common rooms. I will see you all at lunchtime! Cheerio! Pip-pip!" Professor Dumbledore bellowed.
Hannah had hold of my arm and I was genuinely happy to have her back with me, as I was being honest when I said I missed her. I just wished having her back didn't mean giving up Draco in the meantime.
Draco and I locked eyes one last time as we were being pulled away by our respective houses. I felt my insides rip apart, as it was well and truly the end of Draco and me. Our gaze seemed to linger before the Slytherins tore Draco away from everyone else. I noticed the smile on his face, and I could see his was just as fake as mine.
"Did you want any help taking your things back to the dorm?" I asked all of the Hufflepuff girls,
"No, thank you, Maddie," they all replied in unison.
As we walked down the corridors, Hannah still had one of her arms interlocked with mine as she was carrying her things down to the kitchens. Of course, the only thing I could concentrate on was Draco and his bobbing head walking not too far in front of us. Luckily, Hannah didn't seem to notice I kept zoning out.
**
I hated how disappointed I felt that Draco didn't turn back to look at me before heading down to the dungeons. But I shook my head to try and focus on the girls. I'd hate to hurt their feelings by them thinking I wasn't interested in what they were saying.
We were all sat back in the dorm room, and it was as though no time had even passed. I sat on my mattress as they were settling back in. Megan was putting her skincare back on her bedside table, Susan was sorting through the books she'd taken with her, Leanne was chucking a load of snacks in the drawer of her bedside table, and Hannah was putting her moving photo frames back.
I found my eyes kept wandering to the drawer where I had Draco's things hidden. I wished there were a way I could sneak his jumper back with me, to keep something else of his secretly.
I sat up a little straighter as Hannah opened her bedside table drawer to put something into it, realising I had drunk two of her Contraceptive Concoctions. She looked straight to me, and I had to use everything inside me to not look as guilty as I suddenly felt.
"Mads... did you take a couple of my Contraceptive Concoctions? Have you fucked someone?!" Hannah asked me with widened eyes,
"No, don't be silly. My period was crazy whilst you were all away, must have been the stress or something. I'm sorry, I know it was wrong," I lied to her face,
"Oh, not to worry, babe. Just tell me next time, yeah?" Hannah grinned, playfully rolled her eyes.
My heartrate slowed a little as she seemed to believe me. Hannah then sighed deeply as she sat down on my bed with me, she was gazing up at the ceiling.
"I almost forgot what it looked like in here, you know. You were right, Mads, it is clean in here," Hannah said dreamily,
"I wonder how long it'll stay clean for," I said with a small smirk,
"I don't know what you're trying to say," Megan feigned being shocked as she laughed.
All of us were now squeezed onto my bed, it was tight, but we always seemed to make it work. Now that they were all settled and back here, I certainly felt a little more content and calm.
Anytime I wasn't speaking, my mind of course, was wandering over to Draco. Was he okay? How were the Slytherins treating him? Were they being nice to him? Were they all sat in their dorm room? Were they in the common room? Were they drinking? Were they asking about me?
"Did you get lonely, Maddie?" Leanne asked, smiling at me,
"At first, yes. But surprisingly, I've managed alright," I told them truthfully,
"Oh, that's nice to know. Who did you speak to? Merlin, I bet it was awful being Malfoy all that time, you poor thing," Megan said to me in a comforting manner. The hairs on my arm stood up at the mention of Draco,
"I spoke to a few people really, but mainly Draco, funnily enough. He even sat with me at our table for mealtimes," I said, trying to keep my tone as unassuming as I could,
"What?!" all four girls exclaimed,
"Yeah, he's been quite nice really. We've sort on got quite well over these weeks," I said with a small smile.
That's the understatement of the year...
"You really sat with Malfoy? At the Hufflepuff table?" Susan arched her eyebrows, sounding surprised,
"Honestly. He's rather- pleasant on his own," I said, feeling my heart race as I spoke about him,
"Who else did you speak to?" Megan asked,
"I became friends with Ginny Weasley and her little circle. Then there was Patrick Baldwin, the Prefect, and his best friend, Luke. I was never short of people to speak to," I said,
"Oh, we're so glad, babe. But we still wished you could have joined us. You'll never guess what! I've been dying to tell you," Hannah beamed,
"What?" I knitted my eyebrows, noticing all of the grins of the girl's faces,
"Me and Seamus are back together," Hannah looked like she could explode with excitement,
"Oh, I'm so happy for you, Han," I said to her honestly, "I had a feeling you'd get back together through your owls,"
"Hannah's not the only one to have news about their love life," Megan reported,
"Oh really?" I said, looking between the four girls,
"Me and Ernie have got together. Can you believe that?!" Megan was smiling from ear-to-ear,
"What? You're kidding?! How did that happen?" I gasped, trying to hide my bitter disappointment.
Whilst I was happy for her, I couldn't help but feel a flash of jealousy as I now had to watch two of my friends boast about their boyfriends. I was prepared to hear about Hannah and Seamus, but Megan and Ernie was like a kick to the gut.
"One night, around half-way through the eight weeks, we were up sitting around the fire in a forest near Devon, and we got to talking. Next thing, he kissed me, and we sort of just got together," Megan said,
"Oh, wow. I am so happy for you, Meg. Seems like I missed out on quite the trip," I said with a forced smile,
"You really did, Maddie. We even drank Firewhiskey a few of the nights. The Gryffindor girls managed to sneak some away with them. Fred and George gave them a couple of bottles," Leanne laughed.
**
We spent the rest of the day talking, laughing, and catching up. Mealtimes were harder than I thought they were going to be. Draco and I kept looking at each other and it was like we were thinking the same thing.
I'd rather be sitting with you.
It was nice to have them all back, it really was, but as I laid in bed looking up the ceiling, my heart was hammering in my chest, and my eyes fog up with tears again.
All of us ended the night gossiping and talking like no time had passed. For a few moments, I even managed to think of something other than Draco, but now I was back in the silence, only the heavy breathing of my sleeping friends could be heard, my thoughts were consumed with him again.
I turned and faced the wall, with my back facing away from Hannah, allowing a few tears to fall down my face, imagining that I was back in Draco's arms. I wished I were just returning from being with him up in the Astronomy Tower, kissing him, talking with him, being in his company.
A part of me was tempted to reach into my bedside table and retrieve my box of Peppermint Toads to just hold for a moment, but I decided against that... just in case Hannah or any of the other girls were to wake up and catch me.
I just had to accept the fact that this is how it was going to be from now on. I was no longer Draco's secret. I was no longer Draco's companion for dinner time. I was no longer Draco's. I felt a chill run down my spine, and I shivered in my duvet, as I was the coldest I had been for quite some time.