*EDITED*
Me and Caitlyn sat in the dining room with her family, this time it was dessert. I really didn't want to be here, but I decided to stay because of her. I don't want her to stay here alone with Zayn, she don't know anything about him. I know she don't know anything about me either, but I will open up to her.
I'm scared of Zayn to be alone with her. He's changed a lot since we were younger, and it's kind of my fault that he turned to this horrible person. I remember all the stuff I did and I know it wasn't right to do that. But Caitlyn don't have to know the stuff that happened between me and Zayn.
This problem will stay in the family.
.
.
"Hold on, I'm down in a second!"
My eyes turned to her angelic voice, her pearl white smile was blinding me, but her raven, black, curly hair was weighting it down. It looked like the sky at night, she was beautiful and she knew.
She started to jump up and down, probably her adrenaline pumping in her veins. She started to nod her head, until she ran and screamed in the air. The water splashed right next to me and I got a lot of water in my face, even though I already were drenched.
"That was beautiful sweetheart," Zayn said next to her as she came up from the water. I looked at her and she smiled at him and took her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
I could feel my heart ache, it pained me to see someone you like to kiss someone else. And it's harder to see that it is your damn of a brother she's kissing.
"I know." She grinned and I looked away, I sighed as I was swimming back towards my mum and dad. I walked up to them and sat down on my towel in the sand. I looked at Zayn and Maria in the water.
Yeah, her name was Maria.
Maria Collins.
"They're so happy together," Gemma said with a shriek, folding her hands and grinning like a fool. I looked at Zayn and Maria and grimaced.
I don't know how you would feel about someone you like, with someone else. But it's destroying me. It feels like my heart is breaking into millions of pieces. It's like you can't think straight anymore, you want to sit alone crying forever.
I hate to see the one I like with someone else.
"Yeah, I guess they are." I lied and looked away with a painful look when they kissed each other again.
Gemma looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and opened her mouth to say something, either it would be good or bad.
I guess bad.
"What's wrong Harry? You seem so off today." She asked me, looking at my face for any search of a reaction.
Bad. I bit my lip and turned my face away from her and looked at my hands.
"I'm fine, just tired and want to go home," I said low and sighed. I looked at my "mum" and "dad". I sighed as they probably talked about their perfect son, becaude they had smiles on their faces.
They were great though, great «parents»
But I really wanted to just lay in the trash naked, I wish Zayn wouldn't find me that day. I wish I would die, cause what's the meaning of life? I mean, it's nothing to do, and when you finally find something to live for. She or he doesn't care or never really knew who you were when you know everything about them.
"You're thinking." She said low and I formed my lips in a thin line.
She knew me too well.
"Are you thinking about the past, the trash?" She asked and I closed my eyes and looked at Maria and Zayn who walked towards us up from the water.
Yeah, that too.
"Yeah." I lied and looked at Maria's perfect body, and when she looked at me I looked away and down at my feet. I closed my eyes and hid my face in my lap.
I knew it would explode any time now, and I didn't know where to go.
I took deep breaths and I could feel Gemma's hand on my shoulder and I jumped on my feet and looked at her with dark eyes and my hair dripping.
"Don't touch me." I growled and she opened her mouth and my "mum" and "dad" went towards us as fast as they saw what happened.
"Harry, love. Calm down please, honey-"
"Look at me." My "mum" said to me and I looked at her and growled before I pushed her away and ran off. I pushed away grass and trees and could feel my body heating up. I didn't know what to do in this situation.
I walked on the other side of the beach and tried to calm down. Suddenly I started to cry, and I just couldn't help myself. My lips were shaking and I walked back and forth on the burning sand. I hit the tree in front of me and leaned my forehead against it, clenched my hands and pulled away from it. I turned fast around and jumped when I saw Maria standing in front of me, I looked terrible and she looked worried.
"Harry? Are you alright?" She asked me in a whisper, she slowly walked towards me and I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"What's wrong?" She asked me, she walked closer and I looked at her and laughed sarcastically and rolled my eyes. Why is she caring about me? I mean I'm not her boyfriend, she should go back to him. She shouldn't care about me!
"Why do you care? Just go back to Zayn." I growled and walked back and forth again. I ran my hand through my hair and took deep breaths. I could still see her in the corner of my eye, she looked. Hurt?
"Harry, you're like family. That's why I care about you." She said low, and I closed my eyes and looked at her. I really didn't want her to love me like a friend, because I'm in love with her and it's hard to know that she only loves you like a friend.
"Well, if you love me like a family then go! I want to be alone!" I yelled, and she looked surprised at me. I started to breathe faster and I bit my lip so I could taste blood. I think I started to get a panic attack.
"Harry, please calm down. You'll hurt yourself." She said as calm as possible to me, but she seemed worried and I couldn't stop it.
"Well, it's too late. I'm already hurt like fuck because my brother found someone I never can find and it hurts. It hurts so much!" I screamed at her, she widened and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She looked shocked, and that's what I thought.
I rolled my eyes and walked towards a tree, I punched it and sat down in the burning sand. I tried to calm down, I couldn't breathe and I tried to count to ten in my thoughts, but it didn't work.
"H-Harry?" She stuttered and I closed my eyes, trying to listen to her voice. I looked at her when she sat down in front of me. Her eyes looking directly into mine, she grabbed my cheeks and looked into my eyes while I tried to breathe.
"Look at me, and listen to my voice. Just listen to my voice, ok?" She said calmly, and I could see the panic in her eyes, also her trembling voice. Her lips shaking and her eyes glossy.
"Listen to me, you'll be fine ok! You have me here now, by yourself. Listen to my voice, and look at my face. What do you see? Think about it!" She said and ran her fingers In circles In my neck.
I tried to breathe, but I felt strangled, like something massive was blocking the air to come down my throat.
"Harry?" She yelled in realisation when she noticed my state, she looked around her in panic before she looked at me again.
I tried to give her some signs that I couldn't breathe anymore. Everything felt so painful, my chest felt so heavy. I grabbed my chest as I tried to do steady breaths. "Harry?" She asked me more calm. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She scooted in closer to me and grabbed my face to look at me.
I closed my eyes tiredly and started to cry, mostly because I was scared and hurt. My parents would mostly help me, but I ran away from them. Now I only had Maria. "Maria..." I said through deep breaths. She looked at me with teary eyes and nodded her head, she gave me a weak smile. "I can't... I can't breathe." I cried and grabbed my own throat.
She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. They were warm, and it made me hold my breath. The pain disappeared and I grabbed her cheeks too, and pressed my lips back on her's. She eventually pulled away and I could breathe normally, I looked at her with an open mouth and she blushed.
"Uhm, you had a panic attack. I've read that it helps to kiss the person because you hold your breath." She whispered, she seemed stressed and worried. Her hands kept creating patterns on my cheek. I took deep breaths and watched the tears fall down her face, but she only smiled. I heard some voices behind me and my mum and dad stood there with wide eyes, Gemma looked surprised herself but she smiled at me, and Zayn. Well, Zayn looked broken, but he smiled at me and Maria even if he knew what she did.
"Zayn, I-I-"
"It was the only thing you could do Maria, it's ok." He said low, and Maria swallowed and stood up. And then I was alone again, just the taste of her left on my lips.
.
.
So, it all started like that. She kissed me because I had a panic attack, and was pissed off because Zayn got her and not me. That was just the start though, it's a lot more behind the story than we know. Or that you guys know. Or Caitlyn don't know a shit about this, but it pisses me off to know that he kissed her before me. Just because of that stupid party she was on.
Yeah, Zayn. I know more than you know.
I sighed and looked at my mum and dad when we were going back inside. I turned to my mum and she looked at me with a smile on her lips.
"Thanks, honey for coming over for dinner." She said, I nodded and held what I wanted to say inside.
The reason why I came is Caitlyn, only her, no one else.
"Goodbye, Hazza." I looked at Gemma as she walked towards me, her arms open for a hug and I didn't have any choice before she hugged me tightly.
Maybe a little bit because of Gemma.
"Give mum a goodbye kiss on the cheek at least, like old days." She whispered in my ear, and I rolled my eyes. I pulled back and smiled weakly to her.
I walked to my mum and kissed her fast on the cheek as I grabbed Caitlyn's hand and walked out. I turned to look at my mum and she looked shocked. But she at least smiled, I sighed and looked at Caitlyn.
"I can drive you home if you'll like to?" I asked her and smiled weakly.
"So you can kidnap me again, forget it." She grinned jokingly at me. I rolled my eyes and walked towards my car. I opened the door for her and looked at her.
"I promise I'll bring you home safe," I said with a laugh. She gave me a teasing smile, her lips in a wide grin.
"Ok, then... Hazza!"