tw: anxiety, panic attacks and gore
-ˋˏ ༻✧༺ ˎˊ-
You hadn't heard a loud noise like that in a while, especially not up close, your whole body jolted and you grabbed onto Eren's shirt for stability.
Floch was immediately tackled by Jean and Connie as you were left with a strange ringing sound in your ears. You started to feel dizzy, like the room was spinning... and you fell to your knees.
Levi's face appeared before you—wide blue eyes and sweat across his skin. He was holding you by your shoulders and yelling something. Everything felt like slow motion, as if you were underwater.
"Levi... I can't... hear you... What are you saying?" You mumbled, your eyelids slowly dropping.
Your lower body felt numb, you looked down at yourself. You were on the ground, sundress stained in red near the torso. You looked back up at Levi, slowly realizing what had happened. "No..." You whispered.
Not like this.
Please.
"Please help me." The words left your lips in a drowsy whimper.
Your arms fell to your sides. Levi held you with one hand on your back and the other around your head. Your breathing started to accelerate as the reality of what had occurred, set in.
"Shh, it's okay, it's okay. Save your energy. Just breathe. It's okay, I'm gonna take care of you. You're gonna be fine." He reassured you.
"Eren damnit she was supposed to be behind you! Your wounds heal!" Levi exclaimed.
That's when Mikasa stepped forward... "I pulled him away sir." She whispered guiltily, looking down at her knitted hands.
Levi shut his eyes, this was something he'd do when he would get so overwhelmed. He would close his eyes for a moment, gather his thoughts, and try his best to remain level headed before opening them again.
He knew the girl had an undying devotion to Eren so it was no surprise to him that she'd do that. He just wished he would have calculated that sooner.
"Mikasa! You know I heal, that was the whole point of having me take the bullet!" Eren replied.
"I'm sorry." She mumurmed.
"That's not enough! Y/n's gonna die now! She's not like me, she's not a shifter!" The boy walked up to her face. "If she doesn't make it, her death is your burden to carry."
Levi quickly tried to contain the situation. "Eren, calm down. Go grab the aid supplies for me, they're under the bathroom sink. Hurry up. Mikasa, get some towels and clear the table. We'll put Y/n up there. Connie, Jean, I want you guys to keep that gun out of his hands. Hanji, Armin-."
"It's no use..." Floch interrupted, as his body was being held back by Jean and Connie. "This place is about to be overrun with scouts any minute."
"...What?" Levi grunted.
"While you idiots were all farming earlier. I took the pleasure of informing the rest of our remaining soldiers of the plan to take this place over. They should be here any minute. If she doesn't die from that gunshot, they'll certainly kill her."
Eren walked over and grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Why! Why would you do that!"
"Because it was the right call. None of you had the balls to do it. Someone had to and you know it. We weren't gonna survive in that makeshift hideout."
"You can't take away someone's home..." Eren said sternly, although there was something in his voice that felt a little broken... as if a flashback had just washed over his eyes.
"Yes you can, when the home in question belongs to filth."
"That was probably their exact same justification when they broke down Wall Maria. I was just a kid when those titans destroyed my home. I watched it burn, I watched my mother get fucking decapitated. So no... there is no justification for taking away someone's home."
"Maybe to you, but not to me. This one is justified, Jaeger."
The brunette felt a fire erupt in his chest, he lifted his fist and punched Floch in the face like it was a knee jerk reaction.
"I'm guessing I hit a nerve with that. You've always been so sensitive." Floch chuckled, blood leaking out of his nose. Eren was preparing for another punch when Hanji grabbed his shoulder.
"That won't solve anything, just go grab the aid supplies for y/n." She said, the boy took a deep breath and lowered his fist, walking away.
Armin stepped forward. "If soldiers are coming to raid this place, we need a plan."
"There's no time." Jean said.
"So we just let them take this place? We should communicate with them and work out a way around this-."
"That's not gonna work. Did you see everyone back at the hideout? Half of them were too sick to even move. The other half were starving and fucking traumatized. I don't think this is the type of group that's willing to negotiate."
"Then what the hell do we do?"
"We fight." Eren inserted, coming back with the first aid as Mikasa finished clearing the table.
Levi placed you on the surface, your mind was somewhere else. Eyes closed, lips parted, and blood dripping down your skin.
Levi ignored the aches in his own body to focus on you. He still wasn't healed yet, all that farming in the field earlier definitely did not help but he'd never say anything. He convinced himself that he was fine until now when the pain was really starting to hit him.
"Are you okay?" Hanji asked.
His reply was quick. "I'm fine."
His eye bags seemed worse than usual and his movements showed stiff fatigue. He unbuttoned the top of your dress to reveal where the bullet had lodged itself in your stomach.
"Get me a knife, quick!" He demanded, holding out his hand. Mikasa grabbed one from the kitchen and placed it in his palm. Levi gripped the small blade in a familiar embrace, there had been a time in his life where he would religiously carry a small knife on him. It was a kitchen blade, just like this.
He breathed through his nose with lofty inhales to calm himself down. He once again shut his eyes for a few seconds and opened them to find himself with better focus.
"Levi... You need to disinfect the wound and that blade before you cut into her." Hanji said, tapping his shoulder. It took a couple seconds for him to realize that there was someone talking to him.
"Yeah..." He mumbled, blinking to wake himself up. His hand was shaking as he poured a puddle of alcohol over your gash.
"Levi-."
"What!" He snapped, Hanji winced and pulled her hand away.
"Just... Let me do it, you're not okay right now I can tell. Your hands are shaking, you'll hurt her."
"I can do it." His anxiety was through the roof. All he could think about were the people he knew who had died following him, following his orders.
This is my fault.
This is my fault.
This is my fault.
"You think this is your fault don't you? You think that if she hadn't met you then this would never have happened. You feel responsible don't you." She said, analyzing him.
Levi stayed silent.
"You need to stop doing that Levi, taking responsibility for everyone's pain, every shitty thing that happens. It's going to wear you out!"
"Shut up!" He exclaimed, quickly feeling guilt for raising his voice at her like that, he knew she was just trying to help.
Hanji gritted her teeth and pulled out a chair, plopping herself right beside him. "I don't care what you say, I'm not going to let you carry this burden all by yourself. Give me that knife before you split open her small intestine."
Something in Levi just completely let go, he dropped the knife on the table and let Hanji take over. His eyelids drooped, it felt like he was fighting a battle just to keep them open.
Hanji glanced at him right before she wedged the blade into your body.
"Are you gonna pass out?" She asked, focusing her eyes on the task at hand.
Levi cleared his throat. "No, I'm fine... Just get that bullet out of her."
"Yes, that's what I'm doing." She said, slight irritation in her tone.
Hanji worked on popping the bullet from your body. The squad had gone outside to dispute with Floch and most likely defend the cottage if need be. No one had showed up yet, luckily.
Levi feverishly tapped his foot on the floor. His movements slightly shook the table. Hanji clicked her tongue and removed the knife from your skin.
"Levi, you're shaking the table. Take a deep breath or go outside."
He ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "I'm fine."
She gave him a deadpanned look. "I've known you for years, I know when you're having a panic attack... Even though you try to hide it."
He clenched his jaw. "Please help her, don't worry about me."
Hanji cleaned the knife once more and went back into her previous position. Eyes focused, lips tucked, and head perched in.
After a few minutes, the bullet popped out of your skin due to the knife's wedging. It rolled against the table and onto the floor. Your stomach was leaking blood and honestly the amount worried Levi.
She cleaned the wound again and used the aid supplies to wrap your waist. You were still unconscious, Levi checked your pulse to make sure you were breathing.
-ˋˏ ༻✧༺ ˎˊ-
Your eyes peaked open, lashes fluttering. Levi and Hanji sat before you as your back rested uncomfortably against the kitchen table. You looked around the room until you set your eyes on him.
The man immediately widened his gaze and gave you his full attention. He grabbed your hand and held it delicately in his own.
"Hey..." He said quietly.
You parted your lips to speak but quickly shut them when you realized you were too weak to even reply. You simply curved your mouth into a soft smile.
"She's okay?" Hanji asked, getting a good look at you.
You noticed the blood on her hands and assumed she was the one who removed the bullet. You silently mouthed the words thank you, hoping that she'd understand. To your surprise, she did and signaled you with a nod.
You started to hear the faint sound of some sort of argument coming from outside. You glanced at the front door with a raised eyebrow.
"They're talking to Floch." Hanji said.
"Talking isn't really the right word for it but yeah." Levi added.
You gave him a worried expression and he assumed what you were thinking. "It's okay, if anything happens we're all here. It's better that they didn't plan on attacking during a day you were alone." He said.
The arguing began to get louder and Hanji glanced at the two of you before standing up. "I think I'm gonna go check on that... I'll be back." She said with a tense grin.
You and Levi were left alone for the time being. As soon as the door closed he let out a sigh.
"Are you... okay?" You croaked, surprising yourself with the ability to finally speak, and Levi as well.
He squeezed your hand a bit. "Yeah, I'm fine. I should be the one asking you that. You just got fucking shot."
You let out a chuckle and spoke with sarcasm. "I did? Oh I didn't know, I was wondering why I was laying on the table with bandages around me."
"Smart ass."
Levi rubbed circles around the top of your hand with the pad of his thumb. "Seriously though. How are you feeling?"
"Aw, are you worried about me, Captain?"
He cracked a smile but quickly gathered himself again. "Hey, I'm not joking around."
The man lightly flicked your head.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." You giggled. "Well I'm as good as I can be right now."
"How's your body?"
"It hurts... It feels like my lower stomach is tearing open. I guess..." You clenched your jaw. "I'm trying my hardest to ignore the pain."
"Come here, let me get you in bed. This table makes for a shitty mattress." He said, lifting you up princess style. You wrapped your arms around his neck and completely let him take control.
The arguing outside sounded a bit quieter which gave you the impression that things may have been getting resolved.
Levi placed you in your bed and sat on the edge right beside you.
"Levi..." You murmured.
"Yeah?"
"Do you really think... they're gonna take my house?"
His eyes widened as he noticed the melancholy on your face. If he didn't already feel responsible before, he definitely felt it now like a ton of bricks on his shoulders.
"No... I won't let that happen. And it sounds like things are a little quieter outside anyways. It may have been resolved."
You cracked a weak smile but your face seemed unconvinced. "Yeah... let's hope so." Before you shut your eyes, you forced yourself to sit up on the bed.
"Oi, don't be stupid, lay back d-."
And before he could finish his sentence, you placed an innocent peck on his cheek. His heart was already beating like crazy from his anxiety and the touch of your lips did things to his chest that he'd forgotten were possible.
You laid back down with a faint smirk across your face.
"I hate when you do that." He grumbled.
"Is it because I make you nervous?"
"I think you can answer that question on your own."
You giggled behind your hand. "You're too afraid to say it huh."
"Shut up." He chuckled, tapping your arm. You slowly closed your eyes, feeling content with yourself. That kiss to Levi's cheek was your way of saying thank you... for everything. If this was the last time you'd shut your eyes... At least you'd know that you'd thanked him, and entrusted this cottage to him if things went to shit.
"Levi... I consider you a friend to me." You said quietly.
"Don't talk like that, you sound too fucking gloomy."
You chuckled. "Gloomy huh? You're one to talk, with that depressing mug on your face."
"Tch, so you want me to walk around smiling like an idiot?"
"Perhaps."
"I'll consider it." He said sarcastically.
"But really though, you've become a friend, I really like you Levi... If there wasn't a war going on, and we had the time... I'd wanna be more than just friends, and more than." You cracked a smirk. "Fuck buddies."
That last part made him giggle a little bit.
"So please... Come find me again, in another life." You whispered, and the man started to feel himself grow worried. Your words were scaring him.
You'd downplayed the effects of that gunshot. In reality, you knew you'd lost too much blood. Your head was spinning and it was a challenge just to remain awake and cognizant.
Levi furrowed his brows when he noticed the light leave your pupils, and your eyelids drop. All the expressions left your face, you looked dull, even limp.
Levi moved closer and tapped your cheek. "Y/n?"
No answer.
"...Y/n?"
No answer.
He placed a hand over your heart and tried desperately to feel for a vibration. But as he searched and searched, he found nothing.
The anxiety crept back up on him.
Did she just..?
"Y/n I'm serious. If you can hear me please say something. I'm not joking." He said, flicking your forehead.
He knew you weren't joking...
His voice grew softer, as if he was slowly starting to accept the truth. "Y/n..?"
Levi let out a deep and painfully long exhale. He'd gone through this way too many times to act oblivious.
That's when Eren barged through the door and glanced at you on the bed then drew his gaze at Levi. "Captain, we have a problem. Like a really... really big problem."
-ˋˏ ༻✧༺ ˎˊ-