—Hans—
Kahit walang espesyal na okasyon ay umuwi ako sa bahay ng wala sa oras, it even surprised me that my parents are actually home already.
"Oh Hans!" gulat na sabi ni mama at tumayo para salubungin ako, nasa sala sila at nanonood ng news ni Papa.
"Kagagaling lang din ni Grace dito kahapon, di ba kayo nagkita?" tanong ni Papa.
"She came here?" tanong ko.
"Oo, may nilakad daw siyang papel sa isang Psychiatric center dito." sagot ni Papa.
"Napadalaw ka, mag ququit ka na ba?" biro ni Mama.
"May pagkain diyan, mag dinner ka na, tapos na kami." singit naman ni Papa.
"May binanggit ba si Grace sa inyo?" I asked instead, ignoring what they said.
"Like what? wala naman." nakakunot noong sabi ni Mama.
"Aside from she's planning to quit her job soon, ewan ko, gusto niya daw pumunta sa Hawaii at doon tumira. " sagot ni Papa.
"Hawaii?"
"Oo, okay narin 'yon para may tumira sa bahay natin doon. Siguro napagod na siya sa Cagayan."
"Grace is acting weird, alam mo namang sobrang devoted 'non sa trabaho niya tapos bigla bigla nalang niyang naisipang magquit. May nangyari ba?" tanong ni Papa.
Umiling lang ako."Akyat muna ako sa kwarto."
"Di ka ba mag di-dinner?" tanong ni mama.
"Tapos na po sa ospital kanina." I lied.
I was about to open my room's door, when I saw Grace room just after mine. I went there instead.
Dahan dahan kong binuksan ang kwarto niya, it's dark inside, the only light is coming from outside. Kinapa ko ang switch and the room lit up.
Sinara ko ang pinto. Sumandal ako doon at pinagmasdan ang kalooban ng kwarto. It reflects her, simple.
Lumapit ako sa desk niya, her things are well organized.
Kinuha ko ang picture frame na nakalapag, it was the first photo taken when we were still a child, before my parents got her, nasa orphanage pa siya noon, we are going there every December to give gifts to the children's.
Marami pang litratong nakadikit sa dingding. Mga litrato mula nung bata kami hanggang sa paglaki.
Pictures during our trip in Hawaii, in Vancouver, Disneyland in Hong Kong and many more places. Pictures during our birthdays, school recognition's, and graduations.
Indeed, we spend almost of our childhood together, and it hurts me that one of us right now might leave first, I don't want to think about it, but there's a possibility.
I lay on her bed and I can smell lavender, very Grace. It's her favorite fragrance.
I got my phone from my pocket and dialed her number, nakadalawang ring ito bago niya sinagot.
"Ano nanaman!?"
Sobrang gandang bungad.
My lips formed a small smile, kasabay ng pag-agos ng luha ko. Siguro mukha na akong baliw.
"Prank call ba 'to? sumagot ka nga!"
I cleared my throat to sound normal.
"Kumusta?" I know she's not okay.
"Buhay pa naman po ako."
I can already see her rolling her eyes. Funny how I can predict all her actions already.
"Road trip tayo sa weekend." I managed to say.
"Mahal ang gasolina Hansel."
Funny how I find my self smiling every time she calls me by my name.
"Sunduin kita diyan." I ended the call immediately after saying those because I might mishandle my emotions.
———
"Seriously, bakit biglaan kang nagyayaya ng roadtrip?" tanong sa akin ni Grace habang kinakabit at seatbelt niya.
But I didn't answer because I am busy looking at her, why didn't I notice that she got thinner? that her face becomes pale, those eye bags below her eyes?
"Hoy, ang aga aga. Nag iimagine ka ba?" she snapped at me. Doon lang ako natauhan.
"Sorry, tara na?" I tried to sound enthusiastic.
"Ikaw ba? kung may balak ka pang mag drive." inirapan niya pa ako.
Napailing nalang ako at nagsimulang mag drive. The weather is good, kaya maganda ang biyahe namin, we went out from the City until the buildings become tress and mountains.
Masaya naming sinasabayan ang kantang tumutugtog mula sa sasakyan at sabay na tumatawa kapag di namin alam iyong lyrics.
'Cause my darling You and I take over the world, one step at a time just You and I..."
Exactly 5:00 nang makarating kami sa may highest point nung lugar, ang ganda ng view dahil tanaw namin ang malawak na dagat mula sa baba, adding that the sun is already setting down.
Pinark ko ang sasakyan sa gilid ng highway at binuksan ko and likod, nilinis ko ito kahapon at nilagyan ng malinis na carpet at mga unan, may mga pagkain na rin doon. We sat there together while watching the scenery.
"Naks, prepared si Mayor." she teases me.
"Syempre ako pa." I tried to sound like my usual voice, happy and playful.
Ngumiti lang ito at ibinalik ang atensiyon sa harapan namin.
The color of the sunset is illuminating through her face.
I grab the guitar from my side and started strumming some random melody.
Bumalik ulit ang tingin nito sa akin. Bago tumingin ng deretso sa aking mga mata.
Then she look again at the view.
"May sasabihin ako sa'yo"
I stopped strumming to let her continue.
But nothing came out.
Rinig ko ang paghinga nito ng malalim, kita ko ang pagtaas ng balikat nito, hanggang sa pagtulo ng mga luha niya.
Nilapag ko ang hawak kong gitara para yakapin siya.
Rinig ko ang mahina niyang pag-hikbi.
"Mamamatay ba ako?" tanong niya habang umiiyak.
Umiling naman ako at hinaplos ang malambot niyang buhok."No, you're not going to die, not until I'm still breathing"
Humiwalay ito sa akin at pinunasan ang mga natitira niyang luha, bago ngumiti."May bucket list ako."
"Can you do it with me?"
I smiled and pinched her right cheek."Of course."
And then we planned it, we plan to eat variety of foods, we planned to travel in different places, and to do everything to prolong her life.
You only live once they say, so do everything you want until your time will come to an end, but I don't want that after we accomplish all of those things from her bucket list, it her time at the same time—no...this ain't a movie, it's not like those predictable plot from a novel, this is real life, and we'll find real solutions.
I don't want her gone, especially that I'm, honestly is starting to get confuse of my feelings towards her.
Questions starts popping up from my head out of nowhere...
Do I see her only as a sibling?
The answer to that is yet to be unveiled.
And I hope, when the answer to that question is ready, it's not yet too late.
—🖤