A.N: This is the final chapter thank you for keeping up with this story I know it was depressing.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Nanon's P.O.V:
I walked into P'Milk's office.
She was reading a book when I walked in.
"Oh...Ai Non...What brings you here? Is everything ok?" She asked.
I sat down in front of her and nodded.
"You know what I want to talk about" I said.
She put the book aside and looked at me.
"I'm listening" She said.
"I heard you talking to P'Jimmy...I thought about it for a while...But I still don't know what to say...What to do" I said.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Mon died trying to protect me...I'm to blame aren't I?" I asked.
She took my hand.
"He made his choice...You shouldn't feel guilty...You should use this chance to make him happy" She said.
Then patted my hand.
"From what you told me about your friend...He was a good person...Think of yourself ok? Give yourself time to forget and move on" She said.
I stood up and gave her a hug.
"Thank you" I said.
She started patting my back.
I pulled away and sat back down.
"Do you...Want to talk to me about him?" She asked.
I nodded.
"He wasn't a lazy student even though he was so damn smart...His parents always expected so much from him so...They did everything they could to make sure he doesn't go astray...I was his only friend...He was so close with Prim...She broke down in tears and refused to eat for days when he died...He was trapped...No matter what me and his sister did...He still hated his life...He hated everything but didn't want to show it...Do you know what it feels like to be controlled all your life to the point of wishing for death in order to escape?" I asked.
"I've seen that before...Many times" She said.
I chuckled and shook my head.
"You're a therapist after all" I said.
"How does that make you feel now? His death?" She asked.
"I'll be honest then...At first I felt empty...Alone and guilty and...For the past four years I couldn't think straight...I mean...Deep down I knew the truth all along I just didn't want to accept it...So I guess that's how he showed up in front of me again...Sometimes he feigned happiness like he always did and sometimes he disappeared on me for days which made me feel lonelier then before...Sometimes he tormented me just by being there...But now I know that it was only me and that's what hurts the most" I said.
Then sighed heavily and brushed my hair back.
"I really thought that it'll be ok if I kept going like that...That along with the flashes I had of the accident...Made me cling onto life...He died so I could live didn't he? So I shouldn't die that easily...Everything scared me...My mind played tricks on me and I started picturing the worse case scenario in every situation...Heights are terrible because I was scared of falling to death...Water and drowning...Sickness and illness so I turned to medical addiction to avoid getting sick...Pain reminded me of that night so I took everything I could get my hands on...I started thinking like him I tried to make his dream come true so I gave up on mine" I said.
Then wiped away my tears.
"I didn't realise how wrong I was to do that until recently when I almost lost everything...But I still chose to run away instead of fighting because I'm not confident...I felt bad because Ohm was doing his best for me when I felt that there was no hope left so I chose to sleep over staying with him and trying to be good enough" I said.
Then looked at her and smiled.
"I needed to rest...But now that I'm awake...I really wish I can get out of here and see him again" I said.
"What was your dream then? You never talked to me about that" She said.
"I wanted to be an architect" I said smiling.
"Try to remember that time then...When you and Chimon talked about your dreams...Try to recall that happiness and recreate it if possible...Do your best from now on ok?" She asked.
I leaned my head back then closed my eyes in thought.
(Flashback six years ago)
At that time me and Mon were still in highschool...
He was over at my house.
I sat down on my bed and he traced my guitar with his fingertips.
"Why is it so dusty? You should take better care of it" Chimon said.
"Oh come on...It's not like I want to become a musician" I said whining.
"You're talented...You should stick with that as a hobby" He said.
Then sat down next to me and put my guitar on my lap.
"Play something for me" He said.
I smacked his shoulder.
"Am I your slave or something?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
He smacked my head in return.
"You always copy my homework so yes you're a slave" He said.
I shook my head and put the guitar aside.
"No I won't I'm lazy" I said.
He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.
"Fine whatever" He said.
"Are you sulking?" I asked.
"No" He said.
We fell silent for a few minutes and I layed down on the bed.
I patted the spot next to me asking him to lay down too.
He did and we both looked at the ceiling.
"Do you have a dream?" He asked suddenly.
"Of course I do" I said.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Well...Since I was ten...I always wanted to be a well known architect like my father" I said.
"It must be nice" He said.
Then closed his eyes.
"What about you?" I asked.
He didn't say anything at first that I thought he fell asleep so I rolled my eyes.
"A programmer" He said suddenly.
"Huh?" I asked.
Then sat up.
"You have the potential to go into politics...Wouldn't your parents be disappointed?" I asked frowning in confusion.
He opened his eyes then sat up and chuckled as he shook his head then patted my shoulder.
"Dreams are called dreams for a reason Ai Non" He said.
I pursed my lips into a thin line and looked at the floor.
"It's just wishful thinking...For someone like me...Even my death might be planned already" He said.
"Stop talking in that depressing way you'll be fine...I change my mind maybe I should play you a song after all" I said.
Then grabbed my guitar and started playing.
(End of flashback)
"I didn't know at that time that he felt that way...He might have felt even more scared and lonelier then me now...I just hope that staying by his side in death made him feel less lonely" I said.
P'Milk didn't say anything so I continued.
"We made plans to go to the same college...I was on rehab from my addiction so I postponed my second year of college" I said chuckling.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
"If I don't laugh I'll go crazy" I said.
She sighed heavily and nodded.
"I was lucky though...The first day I walked into the classroom I met Ohm...I guess what attracted me to him at first was his anger...He was so similar to Mon yet so different...In a way...They were both desperate to be recognised for who they really are...When I got to know him better I hoped that helping him will make me feel better about Mon...I didn't know when my feelings for him started to change...I hated it at first and denied it because I thought I didn't deserve happiness but I was wrong to do that...I led Ohm on and abandoned him when he begged me to stay with him" I said.
Then took a deep breath and nodded to myself.
"I want to do my best...I want to meet my friends and my family and Ohm...So I want you and P'Jimmy to help me" I said.
P'Milk smiled and nodded.
(Two years later)
Ohm's P.O.V:
I went back to Thailand to celebrate Christmas with my parents.
Bright and Tu said that they weren't coming because they had field training on that day.
But I knew better...Bright had a fight with his parents and Tu didn't want to leave him alone so she decided to stay with him.
It was the first time for me to come back here after that day I didn't tell anyone I was coming because I didn't plan on staying for long anyway.
I dragged my bag behind me then took a taxi.
I got off and paid when I arrived at my first stop and went inside the shop.
I bought flowers and took another taxi.
After some time I stopped in front of the gravestone I came to see.
P'Pluem and P'Gigie and Prim came over when I was done with my prayer.
"P'Ohm?" Prim asked.
I smiled slightly and nodded.
"Don't tell anyone that I came here ok?" I asked.
They didn't say anything so I left.
I stayed at a hotel that night and took a flight back to the states the next day.
(The next day)
Nanon's P.O.V:
I went back home after classes were over.
My father was back home for Christmas so we sat down to have a nice family dinner.
"It's been long since we had such a nice time" My mother said smiling.
The doorbell rang and my sister went to open.
P'Milk and P'Jimmy and P'Pluem and Prim came in.
There was another guy with P'Jimmy.
"P'Sea?" I asked curiously.
The guy smiled and nodded.
"Sawadee krap" He said smiling.
"I hope you don't mind us imposing" P'Milk said to my parents.
"Not at all nong" My father said smiling.
Then they sat down.
Prim and my sister went back to being best friends once again.
P'Milk found herself a girlfriend who was a junior surgeon.
P'Pluem still didn't get over Mon but he's happy.
"I have news for you Ai Non" P'Milk said.
I looked at her curiously.
"Your mental and physical health improved so you have no reason to come for check ups anymore" P'Milk said smiling.
"That's great news thank you" I said smiling.
They started congratulating me.
Finally I did it.
But...
I wish Ohm was here right now.
"Where did he go?" I asked.