I needed to win Oceana back. But I fucking didn't know how. Instead of negotiating with the New York famiglia, I'm here fixing the things I did wrong. I didn't even know if it was a good idea, the way her uncle looked at me. Or the way how I was here after I agreed that I should give her a week before I find her. It hasn't been a week, either.
It was like hhe didn't want me here.
Fuck, I wouldn't want myself here, too.
Never in my life did I want anyone's blessings, or any fucking thing. But for some reason, I wanted theirs. May looked at me like I was her son, but there was also another emotion, like she didn't want me taking Oceana away from her. I wasn't going to do that.
I sighed, rubbing my hands together.
What the hell was I doing? Knocking on their door at four in the morning. Oceana was the reason, of course. Always her.
"Why'd you marry my daughter?" A voice almost made me jump. It was Rodriguez, Oceana's uncle. In my forty-three years being alive, no one has scared me most except for her uncle. Maybe it was because of how his eyes are like knives, or the way he'd judge me when I'm not looking.
He leaned on the wall, no emotions written. Just like me.
I couldn't say the word yet, because I didn't know if it was true. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
He scoffed, "D'you marry her for fun, boy?"
I shook my head, barely exhaling. Talk, you dumbass.
"Then what?"
Because she makes me feel things I don't understand, and I want to understand.
"I don't trust you. Man to man, what you did was stupid, but I can't do anything about it. She loves you, and that's what I want for her." She loves me. Rodriguez threw a pair of pants and a shirt that I caught. "Wear that, then we set sail."
I nodded, then he left.
Something stuck out to me the most. She loves me.
I chuckled softly, how could someone love me? That's just... stupid and immature. Does she not realize that loving me can end her? Did she not think of the consequences of loving a man, no, a monster.
Maybe she was joking, because no one would ever.
"So Oceana was the first one to win?" I asked, a grin forming my mouth. It was weird how this family spends time together, but I wanted to do it, too. May nodded.
"She'd catch the fish, and then let it go back to its home." May bragged, nodding at Oceana and Rocco— who were laughing at something. "They're partners in everything, while I just watch them."
May had adoration in her eyes, the support and love. It was all there, I could see all of it. And I wanted that too. I've been wanting a lot of things today, and fucking hell, it wasn't good.
I swirled my wine, almost empty but I didn't want to ask for more. I felt shy... and a burden. Which, someone like me should never feel. I own the goddamn state, what was there to get shy for?
May and I got into deep conversations, stealing glances from Oceana was easy and quick, knowing her, she'd probably glanced at me once or twice. Not gonna lie, me sitting my ass down here was a lot of work, I wanted to fucking talk to her.
It was already two, and we were still in the middle of the sea. May had already gone back inside, Oceana behind her. Rodriguez and I were left behind, a beer in his hand while he sat at a chair near me. The only sound you could hear was waves and seagulls.
This was their life; peaceful, nice, full of sunshine. So normal and plain.
"I don't like you around." Rodriguez distracted me, I gave him a quick glance.
He didn't look old, maybe near his sixties? I sat up straight, I needed this man's blessing. Fucking hell, I wanted him to see me better, to know I am better.
I cleared my throat, "Why is that?"
He took a quick sip of his beer, placing it down. "How old are you, Noah?"
Noah is not my name.
"Nicolas. And forty-three?" I spoke, questioning myself a little. Fuck, I was old.
He raised a brow, "You're older than her."
I nodded, what did that have to do with our relationship? I didn't want to sound disrespectful, but I wanted to know.
"Why?"
He shrugged, "I want what's best for her."
Me too.
"Rod— can I call you Rocco?" I asked, before continuing our small discussion. He nodded. "I want what's best for her, too. That's why I'm here, I wanted to apologize, to be better for her. And I am trying."
I don't think I've ever told anyone about my feelings except for my brother and best friend, Valerio. But outside my family? No.
"You're forty-three. You know what you want, how you want it. If you think Oceana is some game, then you should think twice. Our ages are not that apart, Noah. So you better make up your mind, or live without her. D'you understand?!" he spoke, drinking his beer.
I nodded, looking away from him. I didn't know what to say, I was silenced by someone, and that should go on the top ten list. If someone found out that a person got me to shut my fucking mouth, they could've laughed and shot me to death.
"Is she ignoring you?" he asked out of nowhere. Another nod from me. He chuckled, shaking his head. "That's normal. She gets really moody."
"This is normal?" I asked, relieved. But I still needed to apologize.
He nodded, crossing his arms and looking far away. "She overthinks about things. Assure her every time. She's learning."
She's still learning...
I am, too.
I hide my smile, knowing damn well that I wanted to learn whatever this was... with her. I sink back into my chair, already planning on what to say. But destiny had another thing planned.
"You are not going to do anything until I am back, Valerio!" I spoke through the phone, almost shouting the command out. I released a sigh. Valerio and I decided to hunt the people who did things to Oceana. I told Valerio to keep them close and on a leash, they might find out that we are on their tails. So, to be safe and hidden; Valerio paid someone to do the spying.
"When are you going to be back?!" He asked, a little rough for me to hear. He must be annoyed at this. It'll take me more than a day, with Rocco's information, it'll be tough to break my wife's shell.
I rubbed my eyes. So much fucking problems, but I needed her beside me. "Soon." I said before I ended the call.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
First, the woman spy, and then the men, now Oceana. I needed Oceana the most, I didn't care about the others.
"Everything okay?" A voice filled my head— Oceana's. I looked around, she wore a light blue dress, a flower crown all over her beautiful hair. God, she looked heavenly.
I gave her a nod, but it surely didn't work because of the way she's looking at me right now.
"Just business." she whispered, looking down on the floor.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. She had a towel wrapped around her arm, she extended it, giving it to me. I took it, but my eyes were still on her.
"Oceana, can we talk?" I asked. Unsure why.
She raised a brow, "Why are you here, Nicolas?"
She's been asking me that question since I got here. I breathed. Raising my hands in defeat.
"I don't know, baby. I fucking wish I knew. But everything leads me back to you." She glances at me, but for only a second. I groaned. Was I that fucking monstrous to look at? "Can you look at me? Am I that hideous to look at? Are you that mad?!"
She shook her head, but she was barely looking at me.
I didn't know why my heart was aching, nor why there was a lump in my throat. All I wanted was an answer.
Why can't she look at me the way I look at her? Why was it so hard for her to do it?
We stood there in silence, no one speaking nor making a move. Fucking Christ, am I doing this all wrong?
"Oceana, I want to know how I can fix this."
I needed to know. She is the only one I have right now, and I didn't want to lose her.
I didn't want to know the outcome if I do lose her.
Sighing, I walked to her, taking her hand with mine, kissing her back palm.
"Please tell me how." I whispered, another kiss on her back palm. Her scent was addictive, she herself is.
I felt her shudder to my touch, my heart smiled.
I still have her.
She looked at our hands, a tear falling down her cheeks. Fuck. She was crying. What the fuck do I do now?
Caressing her cheeks, I try to think. What do you do at a time like this, Nicolas?
I don't fucking know; kill myself?
"Why are you crying? You know damn well I don't know how to comfort anyone."
Oceana laughed softly, making me smile. She laughed. Laughed about whatever the fuck I just said. I wiped her tears away.
This was going to be the last time a tear falls down on her beautiful cheeks. Last fucking time.
"I'm going to promise you something." I said.
She looked up, her eyes sparkling. My Oceana.
"Promises are meant to be broken, Nicolas."
I shook my head, a bigger smile forming on my face. We already talked about this on our vacation, she must have forgotten.
"I know, piccolina. But not ours, remember?"
She nodded, this time, she wiped her own tears.
"What's your promise, then?" She asked.
Ah. "Well... I promise to never make you cry. And we will be honest with each other... starting now."
She giggled. "The first one is so corny, but you promise?" she held out her pinky, I smirked. Ah, this was the pinky promise; something to lock our promises with.
I nodded, locking our pinkies together.
No matter how childish my wife was, it was the best thing about her.
"Are you going home soon?" She asked.
I raised a brow, we were going home.
"You're not coming with me?" I spoke. I already knew the answer. She was definitely coming home with me.
I didn't mind staying for a few days, this home doesn't feel like any others. And I wanted to explore more.
I grabbed her by her hips, a giggle leaving her mouth again.
"God, I love that sound." I breathed.
She raised a brow, "What sound?"
I shrugged. Another sound that I admire about her. "That." I said.
So much things to admire when it came to her. Little ones, or big ones. They were all mine.
"I want to stay, but... your business?" She spoke, looking down while her hands rested on my chest. Fuck the mob.
I kissed her forehead, "I'm sure they can live without me for a few days."
A few days was enough for us to enjoy ourselves a little longer. Us, and her parents. Plus, I'd get to know them a little bit more. Everything will work out fine the way I planned them to. As long as I have her, everything will be fine.
-
r we shore.
sophiaeth.