Chapter 13:
The background noise from the television, coming from the series F.R.I.E.N.D.S, have kept the movie room free of my messy thinking along with the eerie feeling being in the dark, lost in your own thoughts and while distracted, you can't really tell what's lurking in the shadows.
The pendant in my hand feels light, it's gem sparkling when light from the TV hits it in certain spots. Creating this beautiful rainbow light streak that I have been staring at for the past couple of hours.
Cuddled up in the corner of the couch, afraid to face them. Afraid of the heavy burden of reality. Afraid of everything.
It seems so believable, so real. But how could you believe something that's supposed to be a myth- a fantasy world were humans could get lost to, reading and watching.
I scoffed. That's exactly how it feels right now. Lost. In a world full of mystery and bullshit no one prepared me for.
They called me crazy, delusional, insane, witch, cursed, bad luck, and so much more just for the simple things that makes me different. Signs and clues that implies I'm not normal.
But what is normal?
Since I was young, I have been able to dream of things that could happen. Dreams of certain people dying. Been able to see different auras around people, navigate through places that I have no recollection of.
And now, that finally there are people who can do crazier things compared to what I did, have showed up and acknowledged my so called abilities, why does it feel wrong? Why does it feel like a lie?
I fiddled the pendant a few more times before stopping. There's no point in this. A sigh of frustration was released.
Started staring at the wall, which got me thinking, if this is the world I now live in, then I have to do what it takes to survive. Even if it means completely being out of my comfort zone.
Always survive. I must.
I must outlive the times where I am completely scared and helpless.
I must be strong. Stronger than I have ever been before. Mind, body, and soul.
I have to do more. Be more! Become the person I need to be to survive in this never ending Hunger Games reality edition they call life.
Reassuring myself made me feel better. A new found determination blossomed in my chest and mind. Determination to better my life. Because if I won't, who will do it for me?
Slowly, confidence coursed my nerves.
I smiled triumphly. If I need Fel to tell me how to be this Lycan werewolf person they said I am, then I will be that. After all, there's nothing wrong with being different.
Let them haters talk. Let them people talk. They despise you, because you are different. Because they don't know how to control you. And that's what I will be, untamable.
All this positive self-talk makes me feel good about myself. Isn't it that's what motivational speakers say, "it starts with you. With your mindset."
Though there's one question that needs an answer: where, how, and when do I start?
"Jesus Christ!" I muttered. Nope. There goes my confidence.
I laid down instead. The pendant dangling in my hand. Stared hard at it for a good few seconds.
"You know what, might as well put you on" talking to myself, I wore the necklace around my neck. I mean, logically speaking, where else should I place it onto?
A light knock sounded from the door behind. I raised my head just above the backrest of the black leather couch.
"Hey" she said, in a low cautious whisper, almost inaudible.
Using the remote, I paused the movie that I'm not even watching. There goes the electric bill.
"Hey, what's up?" I said, sitting down. Waiting for her to take a seat. Which she did, beside me.
"Are you alright?" She touched my hand and gave it a light squeeze before releasing it. "Jason said Matt told you... everything"
I sighed. "So it's true."
"I'm sorry Renée we dropped it like that. We should have taken it slow, but we are running out of time."
"Time for what?"
"Felomina is getting old. She retired from Luna duties the moment your dad took his role as Alpha. After he died, she had to take the role of an alpha until a worthy leader can take over."
No one spoke after that. I don't know what to say.
"What happend? To my dad I mean. They didn't specify how he... died"
"It's not my place to say, I'm sorry." Sincerity was evident in her eyes but there's another thing showing as well. Which now, I'm sick and tired of looking at the same thing over and over again. Pity. All I have been receiving for the longest I can remember is pity. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just that it's all what I see in people's faces every.single.time. What is so pitiful about me?
"Are you ok?" She asked.
"I guess so."
"Uhm, do you have questions about your werewolf side?"
I was about to ask more about my Lycan side, however Matt's voice rang in my head you must keep this quiet. The only people who knows about this are your parents, me, Christina, and Dr. Joe.
"Farty mentioned I stopped shifting midway, why is that?"
"We think it's because your body needs to adjust more." She vaguely replied.
"Oh."
"Yeah. Although, anytime you can start shifting again since you're 18, now."
Right. It's my birthday.
"Will it hurt? Shifting?"
"Yes. It does. And it will. Eventually, the more you shift, it won't lessen the pain but you'll get used to it"
"Have you shifted?"
"Mm-hmm. I have. Although I'm newly shifted, well at least compared to my brothers. Once you'll get used to it, it'll be just like stretching after a nap."
"Oh right. You're two years older than me."
"Are you sure you are ok?"
"I don't know. But I'd like to think so." She hugged me and sighed. I hugged her back. I didn't know how emotional a hug could get, as tears started rolling down my cheeks again.
"Shh. It's ok. It'll be ok."
I hope so. Because I don't know what to do if it won't be.
I'm scared to disappoint people, to disappoint her. They sound so hopeful about telling me my real heritage. They make it sound so good, to belong somewhere. To be someone.
I don't want to let anybody down. If I'm Fel's biological granddaughter, that means I'll take over everything specially when she deems me worthy.
So that's what she meant. 'the company and so much more'
It is a lot to take in. All the responsibilities, the people who will depend on you. God, I can't even depend on myself. How awesome is that?
"It'll be alright. It'll be ok. You'll see." Sab said trying her best to reassure me.
I let go, and sat properly. Wiped my tears and snot.
"I can do this. I have to." I muttered in between sobs.
"And we will help. Until you can stand on your own. Ok?" Sab placed a hand on my shoulder. She smiles like a sister, comforts like a mom.
"Do you mind if I go first to my room?"
"No not at all. I need to look for Will anyway. We have to return to New York later tonight. Our pack needs us."
"Your pack?"
"Yes. Will is the Alpha." Her face lit with so much joy and pride. Obviously proud of her mate.
"Which makes you.... the LUNA! Omg! Congratulations!" I said and hugged her.
"For what?" She hugged me back, chuckling at what I have said.
"Being a Luna!"
"It is a perk in all of the responsibilities that comes along with the title. Like you, you'll be an Alpha yourself."
"Can we not talk about that for now, please"
She mimicked zipping up her mouth. Placed the invisible key in her pocket.
"Thank you. Wait, isn't New York too crowded? Like how do you blend in?"
She chuckled, "Well, my dear, it'll only be suspicious if you make it suspicious. Other than that, no one will know."
That does make sense.
I nodded as I internalise what she have said, gave a quick last hug, "Have a safe trip later. "
With that, we parted. Originally, I planned to go to my room and sleep, however I need to talk to someone first.
~~~~~~~
"Alpha! They're here!" A frantic Matt entered the Alpha's home office. Anxiousness and subtle panic washed over the old Alpha's being. How could they come so early and out of notice? She thought. Their agreement was they'd come a month later, not a month early.
A knock sounded from the door. Both Alpha and Beta-in-training gathered back their professionalism and resolve. Composed themselves as they should.
A second later, the door opened, revealing a tensed Jason, leading the 3 council members towards Felomina. Behind the current young Beta followed three cloaked man, their features covered by their cloak. No skin was in sight.
"Marius. To what do we owe the unexpected visit?" The female Alpha acknowledged the leader of the council, as she gave a small bow. All three of them wearing a maroon cloak, with a hood big enough to cover their eyes and create a shadow over the rest of their face. Sleeves wide enough as a wizard's cloak. The cloak's length reaching down to the floor, covering their feet and shoes.
"Don't play coy, Felomina" the man named Marius spat, "We know of your recent scheme. Housing an abomination!!! To which you have given us no choice but to settle this matter ourselves!!!" The booming voice of Marius, leader of the Werewolf council, shaking the foundations of the four-corner room. Clearly displeased with the female Alpha.
"With all due respect, sire, she is not an abomination. She is my granddaughter" she humbly explained
"A burdensome child such as her is not one of us, someone of impure, tainted blood."
"She is my late son's daughter, sire. She is my heir."
"Another reason as to the council's interjection. She cannot be an Alpha of a werewolf pack due to her lineage. She is a disgrace." He removed his hood too aggressively. Revealing his vibrant yellow eyes shining brightly as his emotions shows forth. Anger.
The Beta brothers could not do any more than their Alpha could. Standing in the corner like the guards of a royal palace, stationary like statues.
"But, sire, she is only part Lycan. And she hasn't shifted yet."
Caius, the second in command, placed a hand in Marius' arm, stepping forward before speaking ever so calmly, "Which is why, we have come to collect her. She is unfit to rule over your pack. And is a disgrace to the werewolf society. You know the rules. We wish not for history to repeat itself, don't we?" It did not go unnoticed to the Alpha the taunt and mockery in the Council Elder's tone.
A memory not too long ago replayed in Felomina's mind. Fueling the pain she had been suffering from day to day eversince it happened. A mix of multiple emotions almost broke her down in front of them. Almost. The longing as well as grief became tenfold as she remembered so vividly her son. Mental anguish, as she remembered what the council did.
Zerius, the third member of the council spoke in turn, "These rules that has been established for the past four hundred and ninety two years."
"Please. There must be another way." Felomina pleaded.
"It is decided. We will collect her right now" they all spoke in unison.The conflicted Alpha will not, in any circumstance allow the Council to 'collect' her granddaughter. Not now, not ever. Not after all the years they've been separated. Not now that she just got her back.
When the council says 'collect' it does not mean to gather, but rather to be hanged in the Lasio Castle, in display to the public from the front gates. Letting them bleed til dry causing a slow and painful, tiring death.
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•Lasio Castle (read as Las-yo) - a castle fortress built somewhere in Spain, house of the Council of Werewolves, and the 'courtroom' for rogues and werewolf alike to be judged.
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"There must be another way where we can prove she's not a threat. Please. " She pleaded one more time. Hopeful to earn their better judgement.
"DO YOU THINK THE COUNCIL IS INTIMATED BY A CHILD?!" Marius let go all of his cool demeanor he just regained a few seconds prior, as he yelled right in the face of the pleading Alpha.
"That is not what I meant, sire. Forgive me. I just want to protect my granddaughter."
"Perhaps there is." Statement of Cauis, earning a hopeful glances from the Beta brothers as they looked at each other and back to the council members, anticipating the next words.
"If she shows a true Alpha's quality before the upcoming Winter's Ball, then we shall give her a fair trial. If not, there will be no trail."
A loud gasp escaped the younger Beta. The Winter's Ball is only less than two months away. An Alpha's training takes 1 to 2 years. Much more now that Renée is actually a Lycan Elder. Concern evident in his face. Three of them thought of the same thing. How will she prove her innocence in less than two months?
After the proposition of Caius, the three council members left, leaving the three of them dumbfounded. Felomina sat back down on her chair, removed her glasses and rubbed her temples.
Matt just laid on the tiled floor, arms and legs widespread as he thinks about what his friend would face. If she will even accept to do this.
Jason is in his own world, contemplating the possible alternatives, solutions, and methods they could try to speed up the young Alpha's development.
No one spoke. Lost and consumed by their own thoughts. A few sighs could be heard a few minutes apart as well as grunts of frustration. The visit of the Council had been unexpected and unwelcome. In the thoughts of Felomina, it seems as if the Council only ever brings bad luck to her family. No matter how many times she tries to see the bigger picture, deep in her core it feels unfair.... unjust.
Jason spoke first among the three of them, gaining the attention of his superior and brother to him, "How did she take the news?"
"Meh. Not so well as we'd hope but that was a given. This is a big responsibility and change for her." Matt answered. He got up and sat on the leather chair facing his brother.
"Any changes? Improvements? Signs?" Jason asked
"Nothing."
Felomina kept silent as the two brothers asked questions back and forth about Renée's possible abilities, development, and soon trials. She knows inside she is running out of option, more than ever specially since the Council is keeping a close watch to her family and pack.
As bitter as bile, she knew she have to swallow her pride and ask one favor once more to an old friend she wish not to speak with for at least another decade or so. It's her only shot, the only shot her granddaughter have.
Jason noticed how odd his Alpha stares at the telephone on her desk. It seems as if she is contemplating something she dares not to do. Debating with her inner self.
As he spoke, he noticed the small jerk of her body, "Alpha, are you alright?."
"Huh?"
"You're staring at that telephone with such concentration. Should we be worried?"
"I was just thinking... What if..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile
Upon entering the kitchen, it is quite obvious no one is here except for the empty pots and pans. I tried checking the front yard, but it is entirely covered in snow, not a green plant to be seen. Just lumps of more snow. The good thing is, it stopped snowing, for now.
Other place where she could be is the backyard. Covered in snow no less that it is at the front. In the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of movement from the green house. Hmm.
This green house is like no any other. Despite the cold threat of the winter season, plants inside is as radiant as it would be during the summer. Snow covered it's dome shaped building structure, but inside is as warm as being near a fire place. Like winter is not currently happening.
I saw Marge tending to her plants. Watering them ... while singing? Who would've thought that she has a soft side? Beforehand, she'd been so formal and distant. We'd have small talks about what to eat but even so she's still so cold. Eventually, we warmed up to each other. Which is a good thing.
I cleared my throat loud enough for her to hear. "Hi."
"Why, hello dear. What are doing out here?"
"Ah, you know, having my winter walk"
"Uh-huh." She said with her eyebrow raised.
"I came looking for you, actually"
"Are you hungry?"
"No, no, I'm good."
"Do you need something?" She put down the watering can she was holding, wiping her hands on her garden clothes.
"No. I mean yes! It's just that..." Now that I'm here, I don't really know what to say and how to say it. The words are on the tip of my tongue, it's just hard to spit it out.
"Here, how about we water the plants while you talk and I listen?" She suggested.
I accepted the watering can she was handing me, followed her to where she gets a refill. Here goes something.
"Matt and Fel told me...somethings."
"Ah, yes." She whispered, nodding as she understood what I meant.
"And I don't know what to feel about it. It just sounds too good to be true, you know."
"How so?"
"Well... That's the thing... You can't really explain it"
"Is that why you're in a conflicted state?"
"No. Not really." I said, "I don't normally do this, but just tell me to stop if you're not interested ok?" I looked at her eyes, she smiled before watering another potted plant.
"Well.. go on."
"Not 7 months ago, I ran away from my foster home" I said slowly, "Been homeless for 3 months, going state to state finding a place where I could settle. 3 months ago, I had a job and was able to rent out my own place. Had plans of going to college to get the degree I want." A quick pause to see her expression and reaction, whether should I continue or not. She looked at me and gave a subtle nod, a cue for continuing. Another deep sigh I released. Mentally face palmed myself.
"Not 2 months ago, I stumbled upon Fel, honestly at first I thought she was Julie Andrews' clone" we both did a small laugh. She urged me to go beside her, I haven't noticed she is 6 pots away from me while I repeatedly watered the same two plants.
"And then?" She asked, indirectly telling me to continue.
"And then, here I am, learning all this fighting skills and techniques, manners and etiquette, speech and literature. Then later on, I was involved in the business world. Oh Fel said I did good during the meeting." I smiled, remembering that specific moment, and so did Marge. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining... it's just hard trying to fit in when you barely know what you are doing. If it's the right thing, if you're supposed to say something and whatnot."
"Oh, sweetie." She looked at me, her eyes softened with the care she feels.
"Then, she tells me I'm not who I think I am, and it so happens I'm not human!!! Could you believe that?
"Yes, because I'm not one either." She smiled to herself like she made an inside joke in her head.
"See. That's the thing" at this point, I know I'm getting riled up.
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's that everytime I thought I could finally fit in, finally get settled with something, being able to handle what life throws at me, everytime I thought 'I am now stable' apparently that's not the case because later on something does happen that tips me off. And it's getting frustrating. Not being able to be consistent with something. Not being able to achieve something. "
"Sweetie, don't you think you're not giving yourself enough credit?" she cupped me cheek and I leaned closer to it.
"Maybe because I don't deserve the credit" I whispered. She slapped my arm
"Now why would you think that?" Her brows furrowed and I shrugged."If your mother were here she would be furious if you say something like that."
"My mother?" She sighed. Her eyes were clouded by sadness. Sorrow filled her expression. Whatever happend to my biological parents is not something to be taken lightly.
"Yes. She'd say you're being to harsh on yourself." We remained silent for a few good seconds.
"What should I do, Marge? I feel...lost"
"Then find your way back. Just like how you did when you left your foster home. You figured out how to be independent. How to feed yourself without depending on charity. You did it once. You can do it again."
"It's not the same anymore."
"Sure is, the only difference is that right now, you don't want to accept that you're not really human. It is hard for your morals to accept that there's actually other beings and creatures out there that lives with humans, it's hard to grasp that there's other worlds out there other than the world you currently live in and you're afraid to walk this road because of the uncertainty that lies ahead. Before, there was a plan that guided you. Run, find a place to stay, get a job. Then slowly from there, gradually you constructed a new plan fit for your current situation. So, why not do the same right now?."
I didn't answer right away. I had to think first.
"Because if I really am what they say I am, who I am, then clearly I've missed out. A lot."
"That you have."
"Ugh! This is so complicated" Gripping my hair and leaning to my arm as I frustratingly grunted. All of this is confusing. You grew up human then next thing you're not human. You're poor now you're rich.
Marge held my hand, eased the grip on my hair, slowly she spoke, "What's the biggest issue here? Unable to fit in or being kept in the dark?"
"I don't know. They're the same, I guess." She shook her head. I guessed again "The being kept in the dark thingy."
"Why?"
"Because if you know something about the society you wish to fit in, it'll be as easy as breathing."
"Sure. But what if you have asthma?" It took a few second before understanding what she meant.
"Marge." I whined. She chuckled.
"Kidding. But on the more serious note, what will you do to un-complicate things?"
"Gather information some intel? Learn the ways? Observe? I don't know. There's a lot of work that needs to be done before I even get half way where I want to be?" She nodded.
And do it with passion, my dear. There's a lot of work that needs immediate attention, but that doesn't invalidate the fact that you've done a lot and gone through shit to be here. One percent beats zero. Always remember that." she said as she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
Internalising what has been said would take some time there's much thoughts and ideas to ponder. However at the moment one thing bugs me. Staring straight to be eyes, I boldly asked in a low whisper, "Do you know my mother?"
She stopped, frozen in place. Perhaps she wasn't expecting me to address the idea and fact that she mentioned my mother. There's a lot of things I don't know about my birth parents, now that Fel said I'm her granddaughter, it gives a little spark of hope in my chest knowing that I could somehow know something about them. Even the smallest detail, just to fill in some blanks. She sat properly now, composing herself. Clasp her hands together.
"She was my best friend. Your mother helped me cope up with my difficulty to control my new found ability and its cons. Elaine made it sure that I was accepted into this pack, through your father of course, but I also did have to work to remain in this pack."
"Your what now? What do you mean my father? You knew my father? How was that even possible? I thought my dad had his mate so what happened to my mom?"
She smiled, "One question at a time, sweetie."
"Oh right! Let's start with the first one"
Her expression became more serious, gone is the smiling face of her. "I'm not entirely a werewolf, dear."
"Oh, wait what?!"
Well, shit.