Orion King
Three words, eight letters. Never in my twenty two years of living have I ever wanted to hear them. My mother never once said it to me, and neither did my father. My brothers don't say it, but she did.
It's hard to focus when all I can hear is her saying that she was in love with me, and then her saying to forget that she said it. How do I ever forget that?
"I'm in love with her," I confess, "So in love."
Atticus raises an eyebrow at me, "Uh?"
"Ruth, you idiot. I'm in love with her," I say it again, and feel like I can say it forever. I need to tell her. I should've told her right after she said it to me, but me being the idiot that I am, I just left.
"I know, but why are you tell this to me?" Atticus takes a sip of his drink, "I'm just here to talk about the shipments, but it seems like all you've done today is waste my time, and contribute nothing."
He's not wrong, at all. All I've done is think about her, and I have a feeling that she's all I'm going to think about until this is over. On one hand, I can leave and go tell her I love her back, but on the other hand, she's not going anywhere. Why rush?
She'll still be here by the time I'm done, and I can imagine her not wanting to talk to me anyways, although I can't help but still want to shout it from the rooftops for the world to hear, that I, Orion king, daughter of the one of the worlds most dangerous men, am pathetically in love, with the kindest soul on earth. I'm in love with her.
"Excuse me," I get up from my chair, and make it out my office before he can respond. Why wait?
I make it up to my room, hoping that she's still there, and she is. "I love you," I speak out, moving closer towards her to continue, "I love you, and it scares me, Ruth. It scares me that you love me back, because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your love, or your anything."
Ruth stares at me blankly, trying to take it in. "You didn't say it back when I said it. I thought you were having second thoughts about this—or that I said it too early. Don't ever feel like you don't deserve me, or my love. I love you, Ry, and it scares me too."
I finally make it to her, and waste no time smashing my lips against hers. This is the feeling I love, the feeling of feeling nothing when my lips are on her. I feel no pain, I don't feel my father's presence, or feel the need to be this monster.
All I feel is love.
Love for her, "I love you," I whisper it to her softly, cupping her face with my hands, "I'm in love with you, hopelessly, desperately, pathetically, you name it. I don't want to feel this for anyone else," And I never can. Nothing is worth it if it's not her.
"Don't ever feel this for anyone else," Ruth whispers back to me, "You're mine. My little devil."
I smile, "I like it when you're so possessive."
"Yeah, because you're mine," Ruth smiles back, and plants a small kiss on my lips, "All mine, till death do us part. Do you understand that, Mrs. King?"
"I understand it clearly, Mrs.King." I respond.
She kisses me once more, "Get back to Atticus."
"I want to stay here with you," I admit.
Ruth rolls her eyes at me, "I'll be right here when you finish, right in your bed where I belong, and right where I'll always be. You do realize that Atticus is just going to give me a lecture on how I shouldn't steal you away from him, right?"
"I can just slit his throat," I laugh, "That's a great, and highly effective solution right there."
Ruth nudges me, "I'm serious, go."
"Bye. I love you," I tell it to her as if it's the last time I'll ever get to say it, as if she can disappear from my life in an instant. I'll be damned if I don't say it to her more. The last thing I want is her gone.
• • •
"I'm convinced you're going to murder me,"
I grab ahold of her hand, "Never."
Atticus and I finished earlier than expected, so what else is there to do except spoil my wife?
"We're in the middle of nowhere," Ruth points out and speaks in a matter of factly tone, "This isn't romantic, Ry. This is creepy, and I'm scared."
I stop her from taking another step, "Do you really believe that I'd hurt you?" Sadness laces my voice at the thought of anything, or anyone hurting her.
I ruin everything I touch, I know this, but she's the one person I'd sacrifice my life to protect. "No."
"Then trust me, my love." I smile, and we both continue to walk. In all honesty, there's nothing out here. My father bought this land years ago, and never did anything with it. Unlike the cabin he also owns, there's no ponds, no cabin, just trees.
This used to be my place to think, nothing but trees out here, nothing but the comfort of nature, and my Ruth. "Have you given any thought to reading your mother's second journal?" I question her.
Ruth shakes her head, "I can't."
"You can," I counter, "I'll be there with you."
Ruth nods, "Maybe so, but the pain only affects me. It's my dead mother's words, not yours."
"Your pain is my pain," I reply honestly, "Isn't that how it is when you're in love with someone? You feel everything they feel, especially their sadness."
"So if I were to stab my hand, you'd feel it?"
I laugh at her, "I mean, obviously not. I'm not good with this shit, Rue." It's true, words aren't my thing. I have no clue what I'm trying to say, but all I know is that seeing her hurt, makes me want to brutally kill whoever, and whatever's hurting her.
"Have you ever thought about running away?"
Running is also not my thing. "My father raised me to be numb—he raised us all to be numb, and fearless. Running is a confession of pain. To run means you have to admit that you're scared, weak." I tell her truthfully, "But in this moment, I'd run away with you right now, if it meant I got to give you the life you deserve, a life away from it all."
And believe me, I would if I could. "I'm so weak for you," I continue, "No one's ever made me feel."
No one, and I think I'm way beyond this point where I don't want to feel anything, if it's not for her. I can't even imagine a life without her now, and what scares me most, is that I don't even care. All my life, this is what I've wanted. I wanted power, I wanted to lead. I wanted it all, and now that I have it, the only thing I truly desire is a life far away from here, with the woman that I'm so undeniably, and unapologetically in love with.
"That scares me," Ruth says, "It angers me as well, you being denied this kind of love your whole life."
I nod, "Yeah, but it led me to you."
"I would've been led to you in all the different lifetimes. Everyone has a person, someone that no matter how hard they try, they can't seem to escape. You're mine, and you'll always be mine."
I stop walking completely, taking a moment to drown in her words. Ruth stops as well, right in front of me, raising an eyebrow, questioning my sudden silence, but I just stand here, admiring her.
I lean in, cupping my hands on her cheeks. "You," I take a breath, and smile at her. It still amazes me how beautiful she is, even in simple pants, she's undeniably breathtaking. Undeniably perfect.
"You're my great destiny."