WARNING
Mature content
Sexual assault and emotional abuse
He had agreed. He said he loved me. Yet, it didn't feel like it. It didn't feel like it at all.
I mean, I knew he loved me. But it didn't feel like we were okay again. He agreed, he said the words, but he didn't match his actions.
He still felt cold, distant, most of all unwilling.
And I understood that some people needed alone time. My therapist explained to me how people process things differently. So maybe he processes it by being alone. I get that but I feel like at this point his eating away at hisself, blaming himself not processing.
Just like everyday for the past week he's at 'work' right now. Whatever that meant. He'd been on edge all week. Any little noise, any sudden move would throw him off the edge. I can't lie and say that I felt any different.
I think maybe I was just handling it better. Which is odd because he tends to be the one that keeps it together while I fall apart. He's not technically falling apart, at least not on the outside but I can tell deep inside, he's at war.
So I decided to do something for him. For us, really. I'm making his favorite food, prepared his matcha latte and set us a nice little table to eat dinner. A date. We're gonna have a date.
"Your mama and dad are gonna have a date. A date, Rain! You excited baby." I push his head in the shirt. I got him this doggie shirt that says I love my mama.
Don't look at me. He's the one who wanted it. I'm just being a good mama.
"Okay, let's text him, yeah?" I mutter to Rain.
Hi, pretty boy. When will you be home?
Pretty boy 🐿: Just finishing up. Give me 20 minutes. You guys okay over there?
Yup. Nilo Buck and the three other men you sent are still here.
Pretty boy🐿: Okay, be careful. I love you.
Then I quickly get up, put on a white ruffled dress, spray some perfume on— yes, the same perfume he bought eight of. Such a weirdo.
Then I set the table, dim the lights and sit on the couch to surprise him. A few minute later the door is opened, Rain quickly running towards the door.
He walks in, his usual black pant and button up on clothing his figure. I suppose he doesn't see me because he stops at the kitchen counter, his elbows resting on it as he drops his head in his hands. He lets out an exasperated sigh, running his hand down his face.
Oh. He must be so tired. He shouldn't work this much, especially with his chemotherapy happening. He should be resting.
"Gio." I announce my presence to not scare him but turns out it does anyway. He flinches, his hands immediately going to his waist band as his eyes hurriedly travel the room. Once his eyes settle on me he relaxes slightly, heading towards me.
"Why're you sitting in the dark?" His hand lands on my face, his eyes taking me in as if he's checking for any harm.
Okay maybe I dimmed the lights a little too much.
"I'm okay. I'm okay, really." His eyes snap to me, his brows furrowed. "I wanted to surprise you for our date." I gesture towards the table I set.
His head snaps to it and his body relaxes. "Oh." He says.
"Come," I press a kiss on his lips before sitting him on the chair. "So I made..." I head to kitchen to plate our food, sneaking a little bite of kebab to Rain who follows me around.
"I made you Persian food." I set our plates on the table, sitting in front of him.
This will give us a chance to talk. More like force him to talk.
"Thanks." He gives me a tiny smile before digging in.
"So... how was work?" I ask him, putting a spoonful in my mouth.
"I like your dress." Okay, noted. No talking about work.
"Thanks. You know, squirrels have 34 teeth."
"Yeah?"
"No. I'm sorry, i don't know why I said that." What the frick?
He chuckles before dropping his fork. "I'm not very hungry."
Yeah I'm not either.
"Okay, let's talk."
He's face scrunches up in confusion, tension rolling off of his body. "What are you doing, Isabella?"
Frick, he's onto me. "Is it so bad that I want your attention?"
"My attention?" He raises his brows.
"Yes." I say.
"You always have my attention."
I shake my head. "I don't though. Not ever since that night. You do this every time, Gio. Every time something happens, you pull away from me."
He sighs, staying silent as he covers her face with his hands. He stays silent for so long I almost think he'll get up and leave.
He gets up, and I think, oh god he's gonna leave. But no, he lifts me up and starts to the room. He lays me on the bed, then lays right on top of me.
"I'm sorry." He speaks against my chest. Ale and Gio, haha.
I hug him tight. Oh so tight because he hasn't even hugged me since that night.
"I love you." His lips press to the exposed skin on my chest. "I fuckin' love you. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. It's okay, baby." I kiss his forehead, taking in his scent.
Smells so good.
Okay now it's hard to think innocently. Especially when he's so close to me, his lips on my chest, his legs tangled with mine, his thigh resting right on my aching core.
Stop! Like literally stop, bella.
He rests his weight on his arms then drags his face up to kiss me. "I'm sorry." His soft, warm lips press on mine. His tongue swiping against my lips, marking his territory, claiming me.
"I'm sorry, Fiore."
Shut up. Shut up and kiss me. I pull him back in, wanting nothing but to drown in his touch. His hand cups my cheek, his thumb resting on my bottom lip.
"I love you." He pulls away again, whispering the words quietly, pressing his thumb to my swollen red lips. "I fuckin' love you."
"Mhm. I love you. I-" I can't even speak because the aching is so intense, so urgent, so needy. I need him.
His hand moves to untie the little bow that keeps the front of my dress together. "This dress is so thin I can see your nipples poking out." His hoarse whisper sparks a fury of desire within me.
And the next thing I know, his mouth clamps down my nipple, his tongue twirling, his hand kneading the other one.
Oh my god.
"Yes. Gio..." As much I want him to touch me, I also want to touch him. I push him on his back, straddling his right thigh.
I bend down, kissing him as my hands work on unbuttoning his shirt.
Take it off. Take it all off.
I finally slide off the stupid freaking shirt and immediately place my lips on the neck. His collar bone. His chest. I just press soft, gentle kisses all over his skin. His hands drag down my back, a cold, rough yet gentle touch.
His fingers teasingly rub up and down the curve of my back before lowering down. His palm grasps my butt and when he squeezes I can't help but roll my hips on his thigh.
Hold on... that felt good. Like really good.
"Yeah? You liked that?" His amused chuckle snaps my head up to him, and by his smirk I can tell that I said that out loud.
Ugh. What the heck Isabella?
Frick it. Let's be bold.
I slide my hand under his pants, arching my back as I whisper in his ear, "Let's do something you'd like, mhm?" I unbutton his pants, zipping it down, feeling the quick movement of his chest against mine.
I slightly lower his boxers, wrapping my hands around him and he draws in a breath.
"Fuck," he groans.
Bolder. I definitely want to go bolder.
Then I'm lowering down, sitting in between his legs as I attempt to pull down his pants.
"What- god, what are you doing?"
I look up, pushing my hair to one side as I pull down his pants. "Can I?" I ask,
He looks at me intently, considering all the factors before he nods. And I'm pulling his pants down, throwing the balled up piece of fabric to the floor.
A nervousness stirred in my stomach, a confusing class of excitement sparking right next to it. "Just- just don't push my head." That would trigger me. I just know it.
His hands rise to go behind his head, resting on the headboard.
Okay, what do I do now? I don't really know how to do this.
"Stroke it. Do whatever you like, baby."
My eyes snap up to his darkened green ones and I do as he says. I wrap my hands around him, stroking him.
The muscles on his thigh tense and I take that as cue to start. Let's hope I'm good at this.
I drag my tongue from the bottom to the top, licking the top before I take him into my mouth.
Oh my god. My core aches at the feeling and as a response I press my thighs together.
"Fuck."
I look up to see his eyes already on me, his lips parted as he holds his hands behind his head. He seems to be liking it so I continue my movements, I bob my head up and down, stroking the part I can't take in with my hand.
Is it wrong that I'm enjoying this? I'm enjoying this so much, maybe too much?
"Fuck. Isabella." He groans, his core muscles tightening. "Oh god." He pants for air, his breathless voice ringing through my ear and all I can think of is... not god, baby, all me.
I pull away for a second, causing him to fall out of my mouth. "I love you." He bends slightly, tilting my head up, his thumb swiping against the corner of my lips, wiping the drool.
Then before I even realize it, his lips are placed on mine. He kisses me. Passionately. Softly. Possessively. Deeply, oh god so deep.
His lips against mine, his tongue tangled with mine and I enjoyed every single second of it. I took it in, really let it sink in, his feel, his taste, his presence.
Then I pull back. I pull back because I want to get back to making him feel good.
And god, the way he looks at me. His eyes hooded, his lips parted, a small smirk playing on his lips but the look in his eyes warms my heart. It's not lust. It's not necessarily love. I'm not sure what it is, but I never want him to stop.
Then I'm taking him back in my mouth, my lips wrap around his tip, my tongue twirling around it before I go lower.
"Mhm." He breathes out. "Just like that baby. Good girl."
Oh frick, say that more often.
I speed up, stroking the parts I can't taking with my hand, bobbing my head even faster at his praise.
His thighs slightly tremble, his heavy breaths becoming quicker as I drape my other hand on his inner thigh, slowly rubbing up and down.
"Fuck- oh- oh my god." His shaky breath tells me just what I need to know. He's about to... you know. "Cazzo- oh dio— Ah fuck, Isabella." Then he's gently pushing me off of him, falling out of my mouth as I look back at him confused.
"I didn't want to cum in your mouth."
I catch onto what he's saying and start stroking him with my hand, watching as he throws his head back, groans and moans escaping his lips.
"Ah- oh god." My name leaves his lips as he releases on his chest. I continue my movements, pulling my lip between my teeth as I watch him in his euphoric state.
He's so beautiful. A thin layer of sweat formed on his sculpted body, his muscles tightened, his lips parted as he pants and moans.
"Oh fuck- wait- ah." His hand lands on mine, stopping my movements. "You got an overstimulation kink?" He laughs as he wipes his chest with a tissue.
"What's that?" I let go of him as his hand comes down on my cheek, wiping my lips.
"When you enjoy pleasuring or stimulating someone excessively." Oh, frick. Did I hurt him? Oh my god. "Come here."
I lay on the bed next to him, watching as he pulls his boxers over his... you know. "You're fuckin' amazing, you know that?" He presses his lips to mine.
Really? "Was I good?"
"The best." He kisses me again before draping his hand to my dress. "My turn?"
I shake my head and he immediately removes his hand. "I... think I want to..." ugh, how do I say this? "If you want, I think I'm ready."
He looks at me silently for a moment before he says, "Fiore... I don't think you're rea-"
"I am." I interrupt him. "I want to." I get over him, my legs on either side of his hips, feeling him on my core.
"We can at least try, hm?" My arms loop around his neck, pressing his head to mine as I kiss him. "Let's try?" I ask in between kisses.
His little friend down south doesn't seem to disagree. Well not so little of a friend.
His hands play with the bottom of my dress before he lifts it off. Oh god it's happening. I slide my head through it as he throws it on the floor.
Then he sits there, his back against the headboard, his lips twitching into a small smile and he drapes his hand on my waist. His rough hands gently touch my waist, my thighs, my back and I swear I've never felt touch be so calming.
Touch has never been kind to me. Never gentle and calming but his was. His touch went against everything I knew.
His fingers trace my collar bones, my shoulders then he slowly slides off the straps of my light blue bralette.
I draw in a breathe as his touch moves to my back. "Can I?" he asks. I nod and he smoothly presses the clip open, my bra falling onto his chest which he also throws onto the floor.
The room slowly darkened as the sunset and frick if he wasn't the most amazing sight. The orange, red tint of the sun lit on his warm, tan skin, all his curves and indents highlighted.
His hand then moves to my neck, his thumb on my jawline, inching my face closer to his. My nose touches his. Tension builds, fogging the air around us. He breathes against my lips, I do the same against his.
"Dannazione se mai ti lascio." (Damn me if I ever leave you.) he whispers against my lips and then kisses me.
What does that mea-
When he flips me over, laying me on my back with his figure hovering on top of me everything else seems unimportant.
He presses his lips to mine once again, his body against mine as my hands carded through his hair.
His hand press on the band of my underwear, tugging it lower down my thighs. Hotness burns in my core, an aching in my lower abdomen, a fire of desire burning in my heart as I slide my underwear off my ankles.
He pulls away, resting his forehead against mine, pushing his underwear lower, letting it fall to the floor.
And in that moment, both of us completely bare I forget how to breathe. I forget how to breathe because not only have we bared our bodies, we've bared our souls.
I look up, getting lost in his emerald green eyes, feeling his hand drape to my core and when it slides against my wet folds I can't hold back the whimper of despair.
There were no words said. In that moment non needed to be. He spoke everything through the soft kisses pressed on my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. He spoke it through his soft gentle touch, his pleasuring touch as his finger entered me. As he curled his fingers in me.
I spoke everything through the moans and whimpers that fell past my lips. I spoke it with a whither as his thumb pressed on my sensitive spot. I spoke it through the hand tangled in his hair.
He pulls his finger back out, drags it against my wet core and then wraps his hand around himself as he lines himself up.
His eyes snap up to me, pausing his every move for my consent. And everything is perfect, it really is but then, "Say the word and I'll st" he says the words that take me back to the worst time of my life.
~Flashback~
"You're a useless, dumb whore. Say it." I shut my eyes at Nikolai's words, wishing somehow I could go deaf and not have to hear his words.
Was I? Was I really useless? Dumb? Just a thing to be used?
"Say the words and maybe I'll stop." Nikolai yells.
I shake my head, refusing to admit to the deep sense of humiliation I felt.
"Say it, god damn it!" His hand tangles in my hair, pulling it, drawing out a whimper from me. "Say I'm a useless, dumb slut that was created to be used by my master."
I can't say that. I can't- I just can't. Even if it may be true I just can't.
"No— No, please stop." I cry out, pulling on the ropes that restrained my sore wrists and ankles to the bed.
"You can't even do this one thing right." He huffs, pulling his hand out of my hair and walks away.
I should be happy. I really should but I know what's coming. Mainly 'cause it's my sixth day in this room. My sixth day doing this same exact torture.
I hear his foot steps near me and I know it, I'm expecting it yet when the burning hot metal presses against my rib cage I can't help but scream out in pain.
He presses it impossibly closer to my skin as I uselessly attempt on escaping the hot stamp. A stamp of his mafia. He was branding me. Labeling me like his property. As if I was nothing but his property.
~end of flashback~
"Isabella?" I feel someone shaking my body. "Hey, hey okay. It's okay." I keep my eyes shut, my breathing becoming heavier and faster, my body tense as a rock.
"Baby, you're safe." He presses me against his chest. His beating heart bringing me back. "You're okay. You're safe." I cling onto him. I cling on hoping he'd pull me out of this dark hole I've fallen in.
"I'm here, baby. I'm right here." A kiss is pressed onto my forehead, a hand going through my hair. Not pulling it. Just gently pushing it back.
"I love you. You're okay." Another kiss is pressed on my forehead. I don't see it. I don't see the safety. I'm still stuck fighting the painful memories of my past. I feel it though. As I lay my head on his chest, his arms holding me tightly, his lips on my forehead and I feel the safety.
——
I wake up to his hurried voice, the hurried curses that fall past his lips. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
My brows furrow, my forehead wrinkling as I open my eyes. My sight falls on the clock on the nightstand.
7:15 AM
What's happening?
"Gio?" I attempt to turn around but his hand lands on my shoulder, stopping me.
"Go to sleep baby." He presses a quick kiss to my shoulder. "I just gotta go to the washroom." The ruffling of the sheets ring through my ear and then the door to the bathroom shuts.
I look down, seeing a new pair of his boxers and his black button up clothing my body and I'm reminded of last night's events.
Ugh. Oh my god, I ruined it. Again. We we doing something and it was going great and I fricking ruined it again.
I sit up, seeing Rain sleeping on his bed. Alessio must've let him in after I fell asleep. I hear his muffled voice from the bathroom and kick the blankets away.
"Gio? You okay, pretty boy?" I say, knocking on his door.
If goes completely silent. Silent, silent, silent. Then he sighs, his voice ringing through the door. "Fuck."
Then the doors open but I'm not met with a smile, or a happy hint in his eyes. He looks right at me, his eyes pained and says, "My hair's falling out." His hand opens to show me a palm full of hair.
Oh god.
✧༺♥༻∞ ∞༺♥༻✧
Word count: 3521
Longer chapter to make up for the long wait.
I got called about an interview today so pray it goes well and I get the job.
I love you guys so much. I hope you're all doing alright. Be kind to yourselves, pretty souls.