The Missing Piece

By leodragonpublishing

322K 13.6K 4.9K

BTS POLY SOULMATE AU...... Ranked #2 in SOULMATE, #1 in FLUFFANDSMUT, ~#27 in BTS In a world where turning tw... More

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40

Chapter 34

7.5K 312 135
By leodragonpublishing

"Tell me why you haven't bonded with me yet."

Narae's words hit Namjoon like a ton of bricks. She was angrier than he'd expected her to be, and her reaction, which was still causing her to breathe shallowly and rapidly had come on so suddenly, it was like she hadn't known before. Hadn't she realised? Hadn't she felt it? Or rather, not felt it?

Namjoon, who's mouth was hanging open like a cod fish, was about to start speaking but they were all saved by Jimin's phone which started ringing insistently from his pocket. He, Jimin and Narae knew who it would be. There was a frisson of fear across all their bonds. Their other five mates would be calling to find out what was happening. Jimin picked up.

"It's okay. It's alright." Jimin said over and over to what sounded like a chorus of panicked partners. Narae and Namjoon kept their eyes locked on each other.

"No, you don't need to come back. It's all under control. I promise, I won't leave her unless she's alright."

Jimin continued to reassure them all while the doctor tried to give some quiet instruction to Narae and tentatively took her breathing mask from her to replace on the stand. Narae nodded every now and again but her eyes were tracking Namjoon across the room like a tiger watching their prey. He felt more than a little intimidated by her.

"He's okay, just looks like he's seen a ghost, but he'll be alright." Jimin was finishing, his tone more relaxed, his answers less quickfire.

The doctor crossed over to Namjoon and caught his eye, breaking him away from the intense glare of his mate.

"She'll be okay. Just a little relapse. She hadn't realised you weren't bonded yet. She must have felt it when you came in. We should have taken more care to be clear with her. It can be difficult when you're overloaded with new bonds to separate it all out. Not your fault, okay?"

Namjoon gulped. Easier for her to say than for him to accept. Still, he gave her a little nod. She was nice. She'd checked him over for any broken ribs after Seokjin had stopped beating on him the day of their bonding. She patted his shoulder gently and made her way out of the room. Jimin was rounding up the call, settling himself behind Narae so he could keep the contact between his chest and her back.

"How are you?" Jimin asked delicately once he'd hung up the call.

"I'm okay." She muttered, turning her head away, back towards Jimin to look at him properly. "Sorry, I didn't know that would happen again."

Jimin shook his head reassuringly. "It's okay, you have nothing to be sorry for. Let's just hope it's the last time, for your sake."

Narae nodded. Surprising both of the men in the room, she reached up and pulled Jimin into her for a deep kiss, which he granted her straight away.

As had been the case all week, Namjoon felt a rush of jealously when he saw Narae being so freely touched by the others when he still felt restrained. They both belonged to him, he should be over there with them.

Narae enjoyed a few seconds of revitalising kisses from her mate before pulling back and smiling at his bewildered face in spite of the sting in her throat.

"Thank you." She managed, her voice a little husky for the time being. "I'm okay now. But I need to speak to Namjoon."

Jimin smiled, nuzzling into her neck for a moment before he started to extract himself from behind her.

"I'm going to wait just outside okay. Just shout." He told her firmly as he climbed down from the side of the bed. "Listen to him okay, trust him. He loves you."

Jimin threw Namjoon a loving look, which buoyed him, in spite of how bad he felt.

As Jimin left the room, Namjoon looked up, back into Narae's piercing eyes and began to walk steadily forward, back into the light. As sick as she was, she looked both terrifying and beautiful.

"He's right you know. I do love you." Namjoon told her, fighting with himself not to leap to her side right this second. "I know I told you the other day, but neither of us were really thinking clearly, so I wanted to say it again."

Narae seemed to deflate a little. His words lifted the fight out of her.

"Then why haven't you bonded with me." She asked, letting vulnerability set in.

"For a couple of reasons, but I will, as soon as you tell me to. Right now, if that's what you want." He answered her truthfully.

She thought for a moment but wanted to know. "What are your reasons?"

Namjoon took a big breath in, happy that she'd let him explain at least before making up her mind that he was a worthless worm.

"After you'd bonded with Tae, and then Hobi, the doctors wanted to give you a rest. We all knew that was the end game anyway, that we'd all be bonded, and it was only a matter of time, so all the urgency had gone. I decided to wait during all of that, and the doctors said as long as they saw you improving, it would be safe for just one of us to hold off."

Narae blinked at him, determined not to give any feedback until she'd heard everything.

"I thought, after everything, it should be your choice to finish this off. To complete all of our bonding. So many choices were taken away from you. After all, we didn't know if this was what you truly wanted."

Narae rolled her eyes incredulously at his statement but kept her mouth shut.

"At least, I wasn't sure if you'd still want me. Thinking back to that last day, at yours, which I can hardly remember by the way; everything from then is really blurry. But thinking about it again, I could see what an idiot I was. I mean, there have been so many times over the last year when I've missed things, got things wrong, been callous or irresponsible. But that day, you literally told me goodbye, and I didn't see it. I don't know how clear the others have been with you but we came this close to losing you." He held up his thumb and index finger with the tiniest space between them.

"I saw you there, surrounded by us. On your TV, by the letters you'd written with your last strength, our clothes, and our scents. And I just thought over and over how much we'd let you down. How much I'd let you down. I still feel that way."

Narae bit her lip. The hard edge to her thoughts was fading fast and she was only restraining herself from going to him because she knew it would be cathartic to tell his story. He was in such a bad way.

"I just, it didn't feel right to take your consent away. Everyone agreed that it was fine to wait until you woke up. And we thought, if you did still want to, then you might want to wait until we got home, until we were all together and alone." He shrugged, feeling impotent in the wake of his explanations, but endlessly devoted to her.

"You're bonded with Seokjin, and Jimin though?" she asked tentatively, trying to remember if they'd explicitly said this earlier that day.

"Yes." He nodded, moving a step closer and biting the inside of his cheek before chuckling darkly. "It was the only thing I could do to stop Jin from hitting me!"

Narae grimaced at his words, pained again at the thought of her two loves hurting each other because of her.

"It felt good to be honest." Namjoon continued. "Felt like a tiny bit of fire I had to walk through to make up for what I'd done."

"Namjoon, don't. Don't say that. You know I never wanted you hurt."

Namjoon held her gaze, a little braver. "Alright then, not even for you. It wasn't just you who needed help in that moment. Jin needed it too. I let him down just as much as I let you down. He and Jimin were pretty sick by the end. I guess that's why he attacked me, obviously."

Narae thought back to the evidence she'd begun to rack up that all her soulmates were deteriorating; how it had been the deciding factor to remove herself and her troubles from the equation. She wanted to refute him, to tell him he was no more to blame than any of the rest of them. But he wasn't ready to hear that just yet.

"So it's just us left to go?" She clarified quietly, noticing how much closer to her bed he'd gotten while they'd been talking.

"Yes, it's just us left. But I can feel you through the others sometimes, like the faintest impression. Probably that's why you didn't notice we weren't bonded right away, because you have all these other bonds connected to me."

Narae thought about the way she could feel them all. If she concentrated, she could separate them out, feel each strand of attachment clearly enough, but it took effort. Mostly, they just spread out from her like a weighted blanked, permanently wrapped around her shoulders. It was hard to spot a gap without looking.

"Is that why you look so bad? Because you're still ill?" Narae realised and said it at the same time.

Namjoon nodded, sniffing and wiping at his nose with his jumper cuff.

"Yeah, but it's not so bad now. Just a bit of insomnia and some tough thoughts still buzzing around in my head. It's better now I have Jimin and Jin. But the doctors have told me I should be a lot better once I've settled with them and once we bond."

"I don't want you to be unwell, or unhappy Namjoon. Why wouldn't we just do it now?" she asked. But she wasn't trying to persuade him. He'd had his reasons so far and she wanted to understand them.

"Please, I just want to get you home. And until then, it won't hurt me too much to understand a little bit of what you went through. Of course, if you need me, I'll touch you in a second, but I'd at least like us all to be together when we do it."

Narae though, weighing the options, liking the feeling of empowerment he was giving back to her, even if it did come with a masochistic slant.

"Are you always this gloomy Namjoon? I always thought you were quite cute and cheerful but maybe I'm wrong. Hobi says you're the scariest one."

She narrowed her eyes playfully, hoping to snap Namjoon out of his self-loathing for a moment. He met her eye, stretching his bottom lip out into a knowing smile.

"Nah, Hobi's just easy to scare."

Narae snorted, and they both grinned to think of their beloved scaredy-cat mate.

After a moment, Narae decided. "Okay, I'd like us to all be together too. But soon okay. When can I get out of here?"

"I don't know, but absolutely not until we're all sure you won't need the doctors, or any of this stuff anymore. We'll ask them when everyone gets back from dinner.

"And the others don't mind?" She checked, still wary of upsetting anyone in the group.

"They're all very excited. Mostly everyone just wants to know where the marks will be. What we'll all look like."

"No one's got their marks?" Narae cried incredulously. She hadn't thought about it since she'd woken. For all she knew she could have had a giant tattoo across her face that nobody had mentioned.

Namjoon chuckled at her. He'd taken another step forward and was now bumping his waist against the foot of her bed.

"No. Not yet. Management are figuring out all sorts of strategies depending on where they are, and what we decide."

Narae paled when she thought of the managing team at HYBE, who she knew would be resenting her for the furthering of their bonds, and for taking the boys away from work for a third time. She'd have to face them, have to apologise, have to shrink away from them again.

"Hey, don't. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned them. They're completely fine, and anyway, that doesn't matter. You come first, remember. We all come before 'BTS', before anything else actually." He assured her and put his hand on one of her blanket-covered ankles.

Narae looked up, searching his eyes for any lies behind these words, but she found none.

"Narae, I swear, if any of us needed it, we'd all just pack up together and leave this life. We don't want to, because we like what we do, but it won't ever be more important to us than each other. Not after everything you went through."

He held her steely glare, trying to make her understand. She nodded. She felt the same as them after all.

"You shouldn't have to tiptoe around me. I don't want to be a burden to everyone. Even if it's not all my fault, I've caused you and the company such trouble this year, and I just want it to stop right now. I always just wanted to help you all, to make sure you were okay and looking after yourself. Not to cause you all this grief."

Narae finished, waving her hands in frustration and Namjoon knitted his eyebrows together at her words. He moved purposefully around the bed to her right and after glancing at her for permission, he settled down, perching next to her.

"Narae. Can't I just say to you, you didn't do anything wrong? Will you listen to me if I say that? What happened to you, out of the blue one day, wasn't something you could have ever prepared for. You are only twenty-one and you did the best you could. Can't I just absolve you of it all right here and now. It's not your fault that we are who we are, and that some of us are completely pig-headed. Or that our company forgets that other things are important. We cut you off from your whole support system, your whole world, and we didn't check on you once to make sure you were alright."

Narae closed her eyes, letting tears slip down her cheek. Everything he said was true, and yet she was still grieving, for the way it should have gone, for how disappointing she must have seemed to Seokjin and Jimin, for Jungkook's busted shoulder, for the sadness in Namjoon's eyes. All of it still hurt.

"Love, please. Please don't."

Namjoon reached for her hand, taking it firmly in his and squeezing. Narae gasped at the unexpected touch, and she instinctively pulled back, looking down at their hands.

"Oh, you're still wearing a suit?" She stuttered, her tears forgotten.

He nodded, reaching back to take the hand she'd just let go. He linked their fingers and ran his thumb across her palm.

"Why?" she asked, confused.

"So I can do this."

He reached his other hand up and cupped the side of her face.

Narae couldn't help it, she swooned a little at his touch. She wanted to be mad at him and angry at herself and everything that had conspired against them. But she was tired, and Namjoon represented everything she'd pined for all year. And it felt even better than the last time she'd seen him, when she thought she'd never see him again.

"I couldn't have lived without you, you know. I knew that as soon as I saw what you'd done to yourself. I'm so sorry I didn't realise sooner."

Narae nuzzled into his palm and squeezed his other hand tightly. "I only did it because I couldn't live without you anymore."

Namjoon let a few tears slip from his eyes and brushed his cheek against his shoulder. Narae couldn't wait to be able to catch his tears for him. Getting out of the hospital couldn't come soon enough now.

"This is a strange thing to say because we already know we can't be apart, but do you think we could start again. We've all got real first impressions to make." He ventured, letting an easy smile return to his face.

"Yes." Narae sniffed the last of her own sadness away and lifted his knuckles to her own mouth to kiss. "Yes, I'd like that. It would be good to show you all what I'm really like. And to get to know you from the start. If I can remember what I'm really like that is, I kind of forgot this year."

"We'll help you remember. I think we need to make better impressions with your family too. They're being very gracious but obviously this isn't what they wanted for you."

Narae smiled at him again, knowing that her mother's icy exterior would crack as soon as she saw the appeal of her seven sons-in-law.

"Don't worry. They'll come around just fine. It will all be easier in the future." She reassured him. He looked doubtful but smiled indulgently at her. "And the company, I need to make amends there. I don't have to be a stylist anymore, do I?"

Namjoon laughed, expelling the last of his sadness with it. "No baby, you don't have to do that. You were never very good anyway."

"Well, iIt's distracting standing between your legs." She pointed out flashing him her biggest eyes from below. He shuddered. "Maybe we can find something else for me to do."

"Anything you want. We'll make it work." He promised her, earnest and doting.

"But together." She confirmed with a shaky nod of his head.

"Yes, together." He agreed.

......................................................................................

Namjoon had been joined by Jimin a little after they'd moved onto cheerier subjects, and the three had sat together until she'd finished what she could of her replacement dinner and listened to their different accounts of bonding with each other. Her family had come back too and Narae was pleased to see that although her mother and sister remained a little cool with Jimin and Namjoon, it was nothing too different from how she might have expected them to behave to new and suspicious boyfriends. Both the young men were polite in the extreme and offered to assist them in getting back to their hotel that night. And it had warmed her to see Namjoon and her older brother discussing the book Tam had passed the time reading. It would take time to set their relationship right. But she had time.

After they'd been left alone for a while, Jimin looked up from his phone and told her that the others were returning. Narae had nearly hurt herself demanding that they all come to see her at once. The boys had chuckled and agreed that she was probably ready to see everyone together. In any case, having slept for half the day, she wasn't all that tired now and they'd all been sleeping together in this room.

There was a knock at the door, followed by a tentative "Hello." From Taehyung who opened it wider, and let the other four in behind him.

Narae visibly perked up again to see them all together again. The four who hadn't long been bonded with her surged forward, all of them anxious to get to her side and to touch her again. She sat cross legged in the bed, her happy watery eyes just tracking between them all as they held her hands and lent in to kiss her cheeks and breath in the smell of her hair and her skin. All eight of them in the same room again was such a pleasure. It hadn't been that way for her since that fateful day when Jungkook had accidentally bonded with Yoongi and BTS had been catapulted into another period of enforced isolation. How different things were now.

Seokjin hung back, smiling, and instead went to Namjoon's side, wrapping the taller man in his arms.

"Are you okay?" Seokjin asked Namjoon, quiet and loving as he stroked his face. Narae noticed, he'd seemed fine to her just a moment before, and he nodded at Seokjin, but trembling, he allowed himself to be held and cared for.

"Namjoon. Are you okay?" Narae cut through the other voices, worried for him. Seokjin could feel things from Namjoon and their shared bond that Narae couldn't.

Seokjin raised his head off Namjoon's shoulder and smiled at her. "He's alright beautiful, just needs a lot of love right now. Don't worry, we're looking after him.

Taehyung tugged her back insistently, holding her back against his chest while the others fawned over her. They asked her how she was, whether she'd recovered from her scare earlier and what it had all been about. They asked her what she ate, how much she'd been able to finish and whether she wanted any more. Their combined attention drowned her and after a while she was sloping back against Taehyung, humming little yes's or no's as they talked around her. Every now and again, she'd catch Namjoon's eye. Calmer, happier now, he was sat with his back against the wall and Jimin curled in his lap.

They all took slightly more appropriate seats when they were joined by their medical team, now including Professor Choi.

"You're looking better than this morning." The professor told Narae cheerfully, coming forward and offering her and her surrounding mates a small bow. She grinned at him, making sure to pay the new entrants proper respect while keeping attached to Yoongi's hand.

Everyone found their seats and the doctor patted her knees.

"So, you've all had a day to regroup and sort a few things out between yourselves, but we thought this might be a good time to go over a few things and answer any questions you still have for us."

Narae looked around at them all, not sure if they were going to speak or if she was.

"When can we take her home?" Asked Seokjin on behalf of them all.

"Depends on Narae really." The doctor answered, glancing her way. "Narae-ssi, how are you feeling after the day you've just had."

Narae brightened, thinking over everything. She definitely felt better than she had, although the coughing fit inspired by Namjoon had scared her, and she felt pretty attached to her regular pain medication.

"I feel okay. I don't know, I mean, I feel better than I did last week. How am I supposed to feel?"

"Well, last week you were close to death, so I'm happy to hear all our efforts haven't been in vain." The doctor chuckled.

Professor Choi raised a tentative hand, asking permission to speak and when he did, he asked the group.

"Can anyone tell me if they're still having thoughts about each other that they think might not be quite right? Anyone feeling panicked or paranoid?" He asked the room gently, looking at all eight of the young mates.

No one seemed to want to admit to anything.

"Narae." Jimin prompted her gently. She cast her eyes down, embarrassed.

"I guess so, just only from time to time. It's not like it was."

The professor, the doctor, everyone smiled at her kindly, encouraging her to speak up.

"I feel really happy, but sometimes I feel really scared that it will all kind of happen again. And sometimes I'm still a bit angry." She admitted, her voice getting lower and lower as she lost her nerve.

"Angry at who baby? Angry at us?" Yoongi coaxed. Narae could only give a little nod. All of them braced against the hurt and the weight of the comment. They wanted her to be angry, they knew she had every right to be, but it still stung.

The Professor leaned forward, his hands resting on his legs and talked calmly to them all.

"Feelings of anger are completely normal. But I think it would be helpful to frame that anger properly. Being angry at the circumstances, or the initial foolish decisions that led here, that's all very valid and it's good to talk about that. We all spoke about a lot of anger in the last few days, which I think you've all found to be helpful?"

Around the room all the boys nodded back at him. Narae wondered what they'd all been talking about while she was still out cold. She'd have to spend hours listening to them recount the details, hopefully holding her close the whole time. She smiled at the thought.

"But it's also important to remember that the symptoms of Hanahaki were effecting you all. And from what you've all told me, it's been this way for some months. It will have made you behave in ways which other people wouldn't have thought to be normal. Denying the natural impulse to bond with your soulmates isn't normal. Obviously, the initial decision was made based on practicalities and that's normal to a degree. But after any of you started feeling the obvious discomfort caused by the separation, it wasn't normal to continue to deny the bond."

"So, we were all sick? All along?" Narae checked.

"We think so yes." The doctor added in nodding. "At least to some degree. Some more than others, and a lot of that was based on compatibility."

"Compatibility?" Narae asked.

"Yes." The professor lifted off again. "It's very normal in soul groups that not everyone is equally compatible. It doesn't mean you're any less bonded, or that you love each other any less. But just like in a group, there are some dynamics which just work better on their own than others. It's only as an eightsome that you're complete, which is why you all needed to bond with each other, ultimately. Although you'll always be happier as a whole group, there'll be times when you might split off and spend time separately. Some soul groups even spend periods of time living not all together, it just depends on what works for you."

"And this compatibility affected us?" Narae checked.

He nodded back at her. "Now that we've been able to spend a bit of time with each of you, it looks like you were isolated with a very high compatibility couple."

Jimin and Seokjin were still camped out close to Namjoon and they both looked at her, their faces full of sorrow and apology.

"We think there are four high compatibility couples here." Professor Choi expanded consulting the notebook which was held open on his lap. "Namjoon, yourself, Jungkook and Taehyung were stranded away from your most compatible partners. And so it affected you all more than those who were luckily bonded at the start."

"But Namjoon was always as against bonding together as the others." Narae pointed out, disliking the idea that they'd simply been thwarted by fate. She'd chosen to put Jimin and Seokjin together, and apparently in doing so had sealed her own destiny.

Namjoon looked unhappily towards the doctors, hoping they had answers for why he'd behaved so stupidly.

"Compatibility isn't as straight forward as breaking you all up into equal chunks. You've all spent enough time together now to know these relationships for yourself. Narae, we know for example that you, Taehyung and Jungkook formed an attachment with each other very early on. Some dynamics are more open than others. Namjoon, your leadership of this group in other contexts seems to have carried through. You've got clear lines of communication with Yoongi, with Seokjin, with the younger members, and this will have carried you through for the first couple of months. Ultimately, setting yourself against Seokjin and visa versa will have caused the disease progression to speed up, as you both denied and experienced denied feelings for each other."

Seokjin and Namjoon looked at each other sadly. Yes, they'd been unforgivably stupid and it had hurt each other, and themselves and everyone they loved. What was the moral of that sorry story?

"Professor, it still feels wrong to just absolve all of us, any of us, for the mistakes that we made. I mean, no matter which way you cut it, Narae nearly died because of us." Hoseok held his knuckles against his mouth as he spoke, obviously nervous of emotion spilling over.

"Narae only nearly died because she chose not to talk to you all about it." Narae reminded him in the third person. "I could have spoken out. I don't know what I was thinking."

"The reality is that people do die from Hanahaki." The doctor interjected, sensing the rising emotion on the room. "Sometimes it's because of logistical problems. But sometimes, it's because it manipulates people's thinking in strange ways and the usual support systems don't catch it. In this case, you seven have been each other's support system for such a long time, so it's no wonder none of you picked up on it."

"The lack of input from your company, from your friends and family... we think it just goes to show how capable and independent you must be as individuals. Hanahaki is like any other mental health condition, it makes you duplicitous, makes you want to hide it, makes you feel ashamed of your feelings."

Narae and the others recognised the familiarity of these words well enough. She'd unthinkingly covered up her unhappiness, hidden it from her family and made excuses for the way she and her mates were behaving, all the while sinking deeper and deeper into a hole.

"I want to make it clear, that I think there was a point, and I think it was quite early on in your bonds, that you were in a situation that you couldn't have gotten yourselves out of. You needed help, and a lot of it, and you didn't get it. You did such a good job of pretending you were okay, even a group of medical professionals didn't see the problem when you came in here as a soul group, obviously suffering."

The group were all quiet, some of them close to tears. Everyone felt responsible. Everyone was angry at themselves and at each other. Everyone wanted to be forgiven for their actions and to receive some kind of retribution.

The doctors, the professor, everyone was smiling kindly. Everyone wanted to calm their frayed nerves, but it was hard. So many unsettled bonds in the room, so many thoughts still to unpack and process. Eight young people still suffering the aftershocks of Hanahaki and a near death experience.

"So..." Narae spoke up from her patch of the bed that she was now sharing with four anxious mates. "So, it's over now?"

Everyone looked round. She looked hopeful. Tentative and a little frightened of her own voice, but hopeful.

"Yes, it's over now. You're all on your way to a complete recovery."

"Just you two left to bond and a bit of outpatient treatment for Narae-ssi. We'll also recommend individual counselling for you all, just until all of the questions you have can be worked through. Hanahaki receeds as quickly as it comes on when it's dealt with properly. Your memories will outlive the symptoms by a long way. But that's it. It's over."

The doctor continued to speak, listing a bunch of different actions they'd be taking, a care plan laid out to see all the soulmates through the next weeks and months. But Narae was finding it hard to listen. All she knew was that they were all in a room, all holding hands and thinking about a future when they were all safe and well and together.

She relaxed against Taehyung again, squeezing and feeling the squeeze of Hoseok and Jungkook's hands. Saw Yoongi and Jimin exchanging longing looks. And she caught the eyes of Seokjin and Namjoon, still close together, both looking like they could use about ten year's sleep. She smiled at them and nodded.

"It's over now." 

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