ISAAC
I walk into the dark house and figure that dad is asleep.
I throw my keys on the table and sit in the chair. I'm fucked up.
I didn't even get a chance to explain what happened. I ran my hands down my face and groaned. My hand reached out to vase and I threw it against the wall.
"Fuck, fuck fuck." I shouted and took a deep breath in. I can't anymore. This isn't what was suppose to happen.
My hands become sticky to the objects around me and my tears race down my cheeks. I have no idea what I'm touching but I feel disgusted with myself. She touched me and I have a girlfriend. She held me, kissed me but I have a girlfriend.
I can't fucking focus. My mind is running through a field of thoughts, many are about her.
"Isaac." Dad called out in a groggy voice but suddenly my breathing labored. "What's wrong with you?"
I couldn't breath, my voice stuck at my throat. I tried to teared my shirt in attempt to get a breath, it didn't work. I tried to sit on the chair but my panicked hands pushed it away.
"Hey, buddy, you're okay." Dad tries to come near me. My nails dig into my skin and draw blood. It still doesn't compare to the hurt in my heart.
My heart breaks. The reality settles in and that's when I finally get a breath. Hailey drugged me. Hailey wanted this to happen. I can't let Hailey win. Brianna probably has already broken up with me.
"She's going to leave me." I mutter and dad tries to protest but I'm not hearing him. "She's done with my bullshit."
"No Isaac, talk to her maybe-"
"She won't talk to me!" I snap and bury my head in my hands. "She won't...talk to me."
I wipe my tears and control my breathing.
In
-hold
Out
In
-hold
Out
In
-hold
Out
I feel light headed. I feel hot. I feel constricted. I feel overwhelmed. I remove my top and use it to wipe my face.
"Have you tried talking to her and she just listens?"
"What would I say? I love you? I've already said that too many fucking times." I claw at the roots of my hair. "She doesn't trust me, she doesn't believe me...what the fuck am I suppose to do?"
"Talk." He's irritating me with that word.
"Can you not fucking hear-"
"About your feelings. Express to her in any other way besides gifts and touch."
I groaned in frustration. How am I suppose to do that? It was difficult to tell her so I just dropped a bouquet of flowers and a note. Best I could do in that moment. I can't pretend anymore.
"Go see her and don't let anyone stop you from just telling her because she needs more than just kisses and hugs. She needs words. Words that come out of your mouth."
I'll do just that. But first...
☾︎•༄𖦹♡︎𖦹༆•☽︎
I walk onto Haileys front yard and match to her door. I knock onto it continuously until she opens the door.
Her parents aren't here...
"I want you to explain what the fuck happened that night of the video?" I demand and walk right into her house.
"Isaac, you saw the-"
"And don't fucking lie to me." I point a threatening finger at her and clench my jaw.
"You came over because I called you, saying I had family problems." Her voice was meek and shy. I've never heard her speak like this. "When you got here you told me about your problems with Brianna and we had a drink. We got drunk and-"
"Hailey," I warn. "I know what I drank. Two fucking bottles. I'm not a lightweight. Tell me the truth." I couldn't look at her. I know the truth but I just want her to say it.
"We um- well you just- Isaac please-"
"Hailey!" I shout and she flinched at my tone.
"Isaac please, I didn't know what I was doing. I can't explain why but please forgive me." She begged. Her eyes held sorrow and tears. Her body was trembling in fear.
"You're fucking dead to me." I chuckle and although I have a smile on my face, I'm serious. I pushed past her and she tried to grab my arm. "Don't fucking touch me."
She was hysterical. Tears were flowing out of her eyes and into her nose and mouth. Her face had a shade of red I've seen during panic attacks.
"I'm so sorry Isaac." She sobbed and tried to get the last of my empathy but I was honestly angry that she would do that.
"I don't need an apology, I'm use to it. Jackson needs an apology, you owe it to her. I hope, for your sake, she forgives you. If she forgives you, I'll tolerate you. If she doesn't, then that's it." I shrug and walk away. She calls my name out but I pretend not to hear her. I jump into the car and speed off.
Brianna's house.
I ring the bell outside and wait for a few seconds. I'm trying my luck, thinking that she'll even want to see me.
The gates open and I drive up the drive way. As soon as my car is in park, I exit it.
Her mother comes out dressed in an all black outfit. A glare set on her face and the wind blows her straightened hair in all different directions.
"Can I please speak to Jackson?"
"You are speaking to her." She sarcastically attested.
"I meant Brianna, can I please speak to Brianna?" I sigh and she looks at me, the clocks in her mind working to say something.
"Why?"
"I need her to listen to me."
"Why?"
"I haven't been the most trustworthy boyfriend because of the people I surround myself with. I've been turning a blind eye because I thought I knew better. Last night was a real eye opener. I also realized that I haven't been honest about my feelings with her, which causes her to doubt me sometimes but I just want the chance to talk to her."
She seems to ponder on it, her face held a somber expression. She takes a deep breath and finally shakes her head.
"She doesn't want to speak to you."
I glance to the windows infront of the house and nod my head. "Thanks anyways."
☾︎•༄𖦹♡︎𖦹༆•☽︎
I haven't stopped. For the past four days, I'd go and profess my love. Each time, I get turned down.
She doesn't want to speak to me
She can't speak to me
She isn't well
You can't see her, sorry
She left.
What? She left.
"What do you mean "she left" ?"
"She went on a plane and left the states. She's in Oxford now." Words. That's all I'm hearing, words. Plane. Oxford. States. Left.
"Did she just leave?" She nods and I feel my world crashing down.
She left to do what I told her was better. But why does it feel so much worse?
She left without a goodbye. I didn't get to see her or speak to her for four days straight. She didn't want to speak to me. She knew that she didn't want to see me before she left. This was intentional.
She left me.
"I love you, Isaac."
It all feels like lies. It feels like she did it because she was forced to. She didn't mean it.
"She left me." I half sobbed. My cries were dry and light. I was crazy in love, too crazy to see the signs.
"I may have a proposition for you."
"What is it?" I reply eagerly.
"Write a letter to her. Say everything you want in this letter. I'm going for a work trip in England two days from now. You have two days to compose a letter for her. I'll give it to her personally."
I've been writing letters and they help convey what I want to say because I'm not pressured to say it. I love letters because they are a form of communication and by far the best for me.
"A love letter?" The question rings through the air and we share a look before Mrs Jackson nods.
"Love letter, goodbye letter, see you later letter, whatever you want to call it." I nod quietly and thank her.
"I hope I'm not making a mistake." She warns.
"I assure you ma'am, I love her with my entire being and I would do anything to make things right." My pleadings were sincere and I promised her that I wasn't going to lose her. I promised forever and always. I promised to love her and I will do just that.
And more.
"Kids." She mutters with a chuckle and I smile before heading into my car. I drive out and wave at her. I speed through the road to my house because I'm eager to start this letter.
Eager to start pouring my heart out into words on processed wood.
☾︎•༄𖦹♡︎𖦹༆•☽︎
I get home and quickly park. I step into the house and dad has over a bunch of men dressed in suits, sitting at the dining room table.
"Well?" He asks expectantly.
"Work in progress." I flash a smile and greet the men. I jog upstairs and get to my room. I pull up a white sheet of paper and a pen. I begin my letter.
☾︎•༄𖦹♡︎𖦹༆•☽︎
It's been 6 hours. The letter is writing itself and the words aren't displaying on the page.
It's been 8 hours and my mind has so much to say but my hand doesn't want to write it out.
It's been 10 hours and I can't keep my eyes open.
It's been 12 hours and the page has two words written, Dear Jackson.
The birds chirp and the morning sun rises. The fall of soft snow begins to evaporate and the day begins. I stare at the blank page infront of me and begin to just write. I let my hand glide on the page and soon, I've filled a whole page.
My hand glides even more and soon the next page is filled. I let it rest before skating the pen on the smooth paper.
Six whole fucking pages of how I feel. 14 hours. I haven't looked back just incase I end up hating it. I fold the pages and put them into an envelope that I found in dad's office. I write on the front;
To: Jackson, my one and only love.
I rest for the day and at night, I drive myself to Jackson household. I hand the letter to her and she looks taken aback. She weighs the envelope and asks me how many pages.
"6." I reply and both her and Malcolm's eyes widen.
I feel good about this.
A U T H O R ' S N O T E
I'm going to make you guys happy with the epilogue. I promise.
Thoughts on the chapter >>>>
Stay safe and stay smart <3